Once Upon a Time: Return of the Recaps

I know, I know. The show ended almost seven years ago. But I never finished my recaps for Season 7. I got behind when it was airing live and then I struggled watching it on Hulu in the days before I got my Roku. So I never really got back to my recaps.

And I really do want to finish them.

I also have been meaning to do a rewatch for some time now, especially since I’m writing a fanfiction series that plays with how different things could’ve been if Robin Hood had been present in the series from the beginning. So I need to remind myself of what really happened so I can then figure out my next plot points.

But I wanted to finish the show first, get the recaps finished before I went back and recapped the seasons I hadn’t done.

However, I was looking for something that happened in an episode in Season 6 for another reason. So I figured I would just check out my recap of the episode…and realized I didn’t have one.

I never finished my recaps for Season 6.

“One Royal Holiday”: A Bit of a Flip on a Classic Hallmark Trope

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Yes – Hallmark is all Christmas, all the time until 2021! We all make fun of them but let’s face it, these movies are like comfort food to us. So much so that not only did Hallmark quickly arranged a weekend marathon when we were all huddled in our houses trying to flatten the curve but I’ve seen plenty of people on my timeline watching the movies as breaks from following the craziness that is the 2020 Presidential Election.

I know I did. And I really wanted to see Laura Osnes’ movie because I absolutely love her.

And I was also excited because this movie included Broadway alums Aaron Tveit and Victoria Clark, who starred in Cinderella with Osnes on Broadway. I got to see the two of them and knew they would be fabulous together in this as well.

So were they? Let’s find out!

And this song of mine/In three-quarter time/Wishes you and yours/SPOILERS!

The Glee Project 2

Yes, I started watching "The Glee Project" last year because of Damian McGinty--who went on to win. And while I've contemplated starting a drinking game revolved around Damian's appearances in Glee (one sip if you see him, two if he gets a line, down it if he gets a song), I've decided to watch the second season of "The Glee Project." And yes, I'm going to recap it. What else is there for the summer after all? 


So, let's see who's going to win the chance to grace McKinley High School in Season 4. 

Recap Updates!

With the countdown on for the Fall 2011 TV schedule, I have been thinking of what shows I will be adding to my recap schedule:

Returning shows: “Body of Proof”—ABC, Tuesdays @ 10 PM
New shows: “Once Upon a Time”—ABC, Sundays @ 8PM

I am a little nervous to start recapping “Once Upon a Time.” On one hand, it looks good. On the other hand, it could end up being awful. We’ll just have to see.

Enjoy the preview after the jump!

Three Year Anniversary!

Three years already? Sometimes it feels like it. Other times, I’m surprised when I scroll to find an old post.

So, what I am doing to mark the third anniversary? I’m announcing my summer recaps!

I will continue to do the Doctor Who recaps (though I would like to note that Jacob is no longer recapping the show over at Television Without Pity). However, the last new episode airs this Saturday, June 11th. This season has been split in two and the last six episodes will air in the fall.  I will start to recap sister series Torchwood when the series resumes on July 8th.

I have a few Samantha Browns sitting on my DVR that my parents are starting to wonder if I’ll ever watch. I should catch up on them. Also, Samantha Brown filmed some new Disney things—and you know I love Disney!

I have seen some of the promos for the new summer shows on ABC Family. I haven’t watched any of their original programming since “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” lost my interest. I have heard “Pretty Little Liars” is good, but I never got into the promos. However, I have seen promos for “Switched at Birth.” While the premise sounds like something from a soap opera and the girls look nothing like their families, so why didn’t anyone question this before aside, I am intrigued by the fact that one of the main characters is deaf and played by a hearing-impaired actress.

I know I said I would continue recapping Glee. Yeah…here’s the deal with that. When I started recapping, I would watch the show and recap as the show aired. My pause button got a lot of use. And there were times I was just not interested in doing that while watching the shows. Then I got sick and recapped “How I Met Your Mother.” I liked that style a lot better for scripted shows. But by then, Glee was so advanced that I decided not to go back.

Maybe next season.

But this summer, Oxygen is bringing us a new reality series—The Glee Project! I wasn’t going to recap it—wasn’t even sure I’d watch it. Then the contestants were announced. One of the contests is 18-years-old Damian McGinty from Derry, North Ireland. Yes—that would be the same Damian McGinty who I’ve seen go from high-pitched teenager to deep-voiced young adult with Celtic Thunder. Turns out he’s a Gleek! So…now I’m watching.

Don’t worry though. I will try to remain as objective as possible. I promise.

“The Glee Project” begins airing on June 12th…which is the same day as the Tony Awards. Damn. Okay, my first recap might be a bit late.

For now, here’s the finalists first video, “Firework.” Enjoy!

Nostalgia Nook: Faery Tale Theater

Confession time! Part deux! I think I’ve done more confession here than at my church. Anyway, have you ever gone to the website That Guy With the Glasses? If not, click the link and check it out! Two main presenters are the Nostalgia Critic and his distaff counterpart, the Nostalgia Chick. They review and rip apart TV shows and movies of our youth. While I don’t want to step on their toes, I have my own nostalgic things that I do not think they will cover. So, once a month, I will do my own nostalgic review. Look for it on the fifth of each month!

SPOILERS abound if you’ve never heard of these fairy tales!

Big Top Samantha!

Sam tells us that she’s going back to her childhood and waits for her ride. And it’s a truck? A circus truck? She’s spending her weekend with a traveling circus. Okay.

Can a normal person actually do this?

Anyway, she’s in San Jose with the Circus Vargas, a family circus traveling around California. Sam asks if there was a time he didn’t want to be in the circus and he says “no.” They will be staying in a mall parking lot, where the Big Top will be set up. They let Sam drive the truck before breaking out the forklifts and hard hats. She hits the “go” button and the tent rises like dough. She is informed the tent is from Italy. One of the people helping Sam is also a trapeze artists and he shows off his muscles. Sam meets Nelson, the circus owner, as she continues to finish setting up the tent. Nelson reveals the construction crew, like the trapeze artist, are all in the circus. And all seem to be related to him either by blood or by marriage. Sam commiserates about having to live with the people she works with and asks to borrow the sledgehammer. You know there’s a tech somewhere off camera shaking his of her head.

It’s Saturday and the tent is finally set up. She goes to get dolled up for a circus parade at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. Sam kicks out the camera crew before emerging dressed for a parade. Santa Cruz is a top surfing spot and is one of the oldest Boardwalk amusement park in Cali. So the circus performers go out, get people hula-hooping. She finds the trapeze artist, watching and eating ice cream. But it’s not all work and no play as the performers hit some rides.

Next: She flies through the air with the greatest of ease, the high-flying Sam on the flying trapeze…

Saturday afternoon in San Jose. Sam begins her training with the Lyra. The performer, Danielle, says you can use your dancing skills with this act. She herself is a former dancer who has been performing with the circus for years. She teaches Sam some moves on the Lyra. Sam isn’t so graceful when she tries to right herself from the pose. She trains how to fall properly with Nelson. He tells her to land on her back for safety but she doesn’t need to practice. It’s only falling. He gets her in a harness for the trapeze. Tense music plays as Sam tries to get out of doing it. She even offers to buy everyone beer. That’s our Sam! The others refuse, saying they don’t drink. Sam knows she’ll need one. But she takes the leap and swings through the air, lets go and lands on her stomach. She knows that isn’t how she was supposed to land.

Next: Sam the Swami meets Sam the Chicken.

Saturday evening. Sam decides to get down with (funny) business with Circus Vargas’ head clown. She gets the makeup on as the clown says he really feels it when the nose comes on. They stick a red nose on her and reveal what she looks like while it sounds like “76 Trombones” from “The Music Man” plays. She asks for a cream pie and they love that she’s in character. “No, I’m just hungry” she says. The crowds arrive and the MC welcomes them to the Circus Vargas. We see Danielle and the Lyra as Sam prepares to enter with the clowns. They entertain the crowds, pulling some victims from the audience. She manages to get applause.

Sunday morning. Sam practices the trapeze again, but she won’t have a safety rope that night. Louis helps her out of the harness as Sam gets some tips. She prepares to jump off the platforms and has a panic attack. She talcs up her hands, getting a pep talk. She leaves the platform and flies, this time remembering to land on her back. You know, I have to give her credit. I couldn’t never do that. I’m too scared of heights to even get up on the platform, let alone to fly the trapeze.

Coming up: The final performance!

Sunday evening. It is Circus Vargas’ final performance in San Jose. As the family performs, Sam worries she may not be able to do the trapeze. She gets dressed in her costume as we see Danielle one last time on the Lyra. Sam reminds herself to smile, to show the audience she is having fun. The MC introduces the flying trapeze artists, who perform stunts that elicit gasps of delight from the crowd. Sam stands on the platform, looking pretty until her turn. She grabs the trapeze and flies. After a few swings, se lands with a bounce in the net. She takes a bow with the others as the evening draws to a close. The family tells her the next time, she’ll do some somersaults in the air. She agrees.

The episode ends with Sam flying in the Lyra, voicing over how she was glad to live out her dreams of running away with the circus.

But the question begs to be asked: Can a normal person looking for a weekend getaway just book a trip with a local traveling circus? Do they allow the average Joe to perform with them? One of the things I like about Sam’s show is that while she is granting special privileges because she has a camera crew, she goes places and does things that anyone can do in a weekend. While watching Sam perform with the circus was fun, I would’ve rather her take me around San Jose, show what the city has to offer.

Quote of the Episode
“I’m just hoping the nose gives me powers I need to make people smile.”—Sam, before her circus debut.

Hook, Line and Sinker

Oh lord, they let CSI: Miami do the intro to comedy Mondays?

Future!Ted says that he’s usually a romantic in his stories, but this time he’s a jerk. We got to the MacLaren’s, where Ted says he bringing some girl named Tiffany up to his apartment to show her his antique camera collection. Barney says it is a bait—a lure up to the apartment that’ll keep their attention for a few minutes before they get physical. Barney tells about his quest for the perfect bait. In the end, it is a teapot pig. Ted is surprised it works—until he sees Robin, Lily and Marshall cooing over it. Barney lets Ted borrow the teapot pig. The teapot pig works wonders on…Is that Carrie Underwood? Anyway, they coo over the pig before Carrie reveals she has a boyfriend.

CREDITS!

Ted is thrown off by the fact she has a boyfriend. Kinda. Sorta. Robin says that Ted is being baited. Marshall tells of his bait story—where Jason Segel plays 14 years-old Marshall being baited by a girl who wants him to do her homework. He realized it wouldn’t work when he went to confess his love for her (Gang: Ooh) in song (Gang: Ohh). She wasn’t home, but he waited. He waited so long, he feel asleep. When he woke up, he realized she walked over him. Literally, she walked over him to get into her house.

Anyway, Ted says that’s not what he has with Carrie. I’d watch out, Ted. You’ve no doubt heard “Before He Cheats” so you know she doesn’t handle it well if a relationship goes south. Anyway, Lily remembers her childhood stalker, Scooter. Remember, the guy who showed up to her wedding and almost ruined it? Before Marshall almost ruined it by cutting his hair? Before they ended up having the totally awesome outdoor wedding officiated by Barney, witnessed by Ted and Robin with Marshall wearing Bob Saget’s fedora? Anyway, turns out Scooter works as a lunch lady (lunch man?) in Lily’s school. This is news to Marshall. Lily swears she told him…and she did. Marshall just thought “Lunch Lady Scooter” was an ACTUAL scooter the lunch ladies used to get around the cafeteria. That would be cool. But alas, the lunch ladies have to walk and Scooter is trying to get Lily to run away with him. Awkward. Marshall is not happy. Lily agrees to end it…after Tijuana Tuesday.

Barney and Ted wait at MacLaren’s and Barney tells Ted to stop looking at the door because Carrie “might” stop by. Ted says that Carrie is wonderful (Future!Ted: She’s the devil) and that things are going to work out (Future!Ted: No, they’re not, dumbass!). Barney tries to convince Ted to cut Carrie out of his life. But then she shows up with her equally hot coworkers, who sadly are not former American Idol contestants. Barney pleads with him to never let her go.

Barney asks if Carrie is a pharmeucitical sales rep. She is. Barney freaks. “What, it’s just a job?” Barney flips out and starts at cavemen time. We see Cavemen!Barney and Cavemen!Carrie. They go through history with Barney as patient and Carrie as the hot!nurse. Except for a blip where Carrie is hot!stewardess. And now they’ve evolved into a pharmecutical sales rep. Carrie comes over and Ted asks if she’s dumped the boyfriend yet. She hasn’t. Barney still won’t let Ted go.

Lily comes home and Marshall brings out the teapot pig. It’s an exercise to help her deal with Scooter. She tries to tell the pig she can’t be with him…Right now. “Oh, come on, grow a pair.” Lily cuddles the pig and Marshall feels jealous.

Barney sings a bit and continues to work the room of Carrie’s friends. Ted tells the gang Carrie broke up with her boyfriend and tells them about their night. They cuddled (more like Ted cuddled), they ate chocolate cake (Ted fed Carrie), and Ted gave Carrie a food rub. And it ended there. They try to convince Ted that Carrie has him on the hook like he has the university librarian Henrietta on the hook. They hung out (Henrietta cuddled), they ate chocolate cake (Henrietta fed him cake), and Henrietta gave him a foot rub. Ted accuses Robin of doing the same with her cameraman, Mike. He asks Robin if they can advance their relationship. Robin snags free laundry. To prove that Henrietta doesn’t love him, that they are friends, he calls to hang out with her. He goes to her place where she has a spread waiting for him. Ted still can’t see the flashing neon sign Henrietta’s practically wearing saying “I LOVE YOU TED MOSEBY!” He takes a call from Carrie, who invites him as her date to her cousin’s wedding. He agrees, leaving Henrietta (Future!Ted: JERK!). She’s despondent as her parents even doubt Ted’s existence.

I really, really want to go back to Colonial Williamsburg now.

Ted pours champagne for Carrie. She walks in and is like, “Ooh, I accidentally on purpose forgot to call you.” She introduces Ted to the Best Man, who is her ex…now former ex. They’ve gotten back together. “He’s in a band,” she swoons. Meanwhile, Lily finally gets up the cajones to break it off with the teapot pig. And Ted gets the message loud and clear. He tells Carrie they aren’t going to work, realizing he is on her hook as much as she’s on Best Man’s hook. Just as much as Henrietta was on his hook and some guy was on her hook. He stands up to her and leaves. She can just sing about it later, Ted.

And Barney is introduced to the new sales rep, Gladys. She’s older and not hot, so Barney’s era is over.

Lily finally stands up to Scooter, but Marshall caves. She’s surprised. Meanwhile, Ted goes to let Henrietta off his hook and after he knocks, something falls out of his jacket. It’s a diamond ring—Ted realizes he took the wrong jacket back at the wedding. He took Best Man’s! He’s down on one knee, holding a ring…if you did NOT see this coming from a mile away, go get your sitcom-setup vision checked. Henrietta, of course, opens the door and, of course, says “Yes.” Robin laughs but Ted reveals that while he considered marrying her out of embarrassment, he eventually manned up and broke her heart. Robin still refuses to do the same with Mike.

Tag: Barney’s lost it. He goes on about how there is a future hot career just waiting for him to discover. Robin and Ted are surprised until Barney reveals he took some purple pills he found in his couch cushion.

Exchange of the Episode:

“I saw you have seventh period free. So do I. Want to run away together?”

“Let me be clear, Scotter, there is is no way you and I can ever be together.” *Scooter pulls a sad face complete with music* Right now.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow—it’s Tijuana Tuesday!”

--Lily and Scooter

I must say, Carrie Underwood is much better than Britney. And the teapot pig was so adorable. Overall, a solid episode if not a gut-buster.

It’s good to be back to new episodes.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame…

The year 2030: Future!Ted talks about how people deal with nerves. Barney imagines he’s being interviewed by famed sportscaster Jim Nance about his sport—seduction. This leads into Barney randomly pointing at a woman and running away as Robin walks in. Her date didn’t go so well, particularly since he’s obsessed with the Smurfs. Ted notes Barney’s already done. The next night, Barney goes after conquest #2 while Robin asks how she should deal with her date calling back. Ted says that as long as she doesn’t embarrass the guy in front of 26 students and 1 TA. Cut to: Ted’s first day of the new semester, where he is taking roll. He tells the class that they need to get some creativity as that their fake name is lame: Cook Poo. A young Oriental girl says “here” and continues to do so while Ted lectures about classic fake names. She eventually leaves in tears while Ted realizes it’s a real name. Back at MacLaren’s, the gang laughs.

Barney also imagines that when he’s not around, this is what the gang says:

Robin: “He was the best sex I ever had.”

Ted: “He’s the best friend I ever had.”

Lily: “He’s what I wish Marshall was.”

Marshall: “He’s what I wish I was.”

On the third night, Barney goes in for his kill while the others stay behind and watch. Lily and Marshall talk about how they are looking for another couple to date since they lost Barney and Robin. And Ted and STella. And Ted and Robin. And Ted and Victoria (who could still totally be the mom, right?). Which leads to our Exchange of the Episode (see below). Anyway, Lily and Marshall thought they had found the perfect couple when, after a story about the wife’s toothbrush, Marshall says the same thing happened to “our toothbrush.” Ted, Robin, and the couple are aghast to learn that they use the same toothbrush. I have to add: Eww.

Barney leaves, three for three. Ted notes that he’s on his way toward something…Marshall shushes him…Jim asks what that was. Barney replies, “I was heading for a perfect week.”

CREDITS!

Jim and Barney go over how perfect weeks end: Partner drops the ball (Ted spilling wine). A wrong suggestion. And distraction. On Day Four, Robin is still freaking out about not getting called back by her Gargamel-hating date. Ted is still upset that Cook didn’t return. The gang makes fun of her name again. Ted and Robin mock Lily and Marshall’s usage of one toothbrush. And they reveal they’ve been using one toothbrush since living with Ted. Ted is shocked, saying there was always just one toothbrush in the bathroom—his. He comes to the realization quickly and tries to clean his mouth with a napkin. I repeat: Eww.

On Day Five, they play the sports music while Ted munches on a hot dog and beer. Robin, Lily and Marshall join them. Marshall reveals that a big merger Barney was responsible for fell through and he was reamed out by the boss that day. Marshall reveals that Barney’s job is on the line and there was a big vote at the end of the week. Lily wants to go confront Barney about this but Ted blocks her. He goes in and helps Barney pick a girl to be Number 5. At the apartment, we learn that Day Six, he eventually picked up a hairdresser at a Staten Island’s Chili’s. I might know the one they’re talking about…Lily tells Barney that they know about his job. She then shouts “Perfect week” over and over until Barney leaves, hissing. Ted reveals that Cook is never coming back to class, Robin wishes her Smurf-loving date would call and Marshall is just reeling.

Jim interrupts to ask if Barney has ever used performance enhancing drugs. He says “no,” but has been offered. By poor Marshall who needed to run to the hospital.

On the Last Day, Lily cursed Barney. Just as he was about to close the deal, a member of the 2009 World Champion New York Yankees walks into MacLaren’s.

The gang is amazed that Nick Swisher walked into MacLaren’s. Robin doesn’t understand the appeal until Lily puts him into context using the Vancouver Canucks. “Barney’s screwed.” They comfort Barney before realizing that Barney’s perfect week was distracting them, Lily decides to go help Barney. Lily trips, intercepting Number Seven. Another girl though offers to get ice. So Marshall, Ted and Robin jump into Swisher’s booth and offer that Lily and Marshall share a toothbrush. Swisher finds that sweet, validating Marshall and Lily. I still think it’s gross. Robin pretends to understand baseball till Swisher admits he loves hockey. She offers: “I live right upstairs.”

Meanwhile, Barney scores Number Seven and everyone celebrates. The next day, Jim and Barney argue before Barney finds out that his job is safe. The gang celebrates at MacLaren’s, complete with hats that read “Seven in Seven Down.” Ted says that he’ll even tell his children about how Uncle Barney slept with seven women in seven days in a row. We cut to 2030: “I’m a bad dad, aren’t I?” I’m surprised the kids didn’t nod.

Tag: WENDY! Where have you been? Anyway, Wendy says there’s an order for Cook Poo while Ted is over the joke. He mocks the name and says it over. Poor Cook Poo is standing by the bar, ready to cry again.

Overall a good episode. I liked the sports analogies and was impressed they actually got a Yankee on the show. Too bad it wasn’t Texeira. I have his shirt!

Exchange of the Episode:

“Geez, Ted, when are you going to get your act together?”

“How did we end up here?”

--Marshall and Ted.

Hold Your Breath...

Last week on America’s Next Top Model: I was sick and came home from work, plopped down on my bed and passed out. But apparently, Tyra evicted the girls just to send them to Hawaii, put them in blackface for a photo shoot that stunned everybody, and then Brittany was sent home for being too formulaic. Because the brainy girls? Never win. So, Nicole, you’re my only favorite. Bring it on home, girl! Who will be eliminated tonight? Let’s find out!

Wanna be on top?

HAWAII! The final five celebrate in the car while Erin is glad she wasn’t eliminated. Sundai is boggled by that.

The girls go home and Nicole is missing Brittany. She and Jennifer talk about how well Brittany had done and then she’s just gone. Jennifer flips out in competition.

TYRA MAIL! “You never know what could come to shore. You better look appropriate.” Someone guesses sea turtles. I was guessing men. Nicole sits on Sundai’s bed and says that she can tell that Sundai had a rough life but is still happy. Sundai reveals she was adopted and promises to tell her story if she gets to the final four. Tyra’s salivating.

The next day is Laura’s birthday. Everyone celebrates. The girls make her breakfast. They hit the beach. They see a canoe come in, bearing someone. The girls freak out when they realize it’s Victoria’s Secret Angel Marissa Miller. Laura is especially ecstatic. She reveals all she’s done as a model—and she’s only 5’8! The girls all strip down to bikinis and she teaches them to pose. She shows the difference between men’s pictures and women’s pictures. And she teaches them the “Barbie toe”—how to look like you’re always wearing heels. She sends the girls to take a dunk in the ocean and then they are ordered to roll in the sand. Time for a shower—and they have to pose in the shower. Laura goes first. She tells the girls to keep moving. Jennifer is next and aces the Barbie toe. Sundai is called “too cute.” And not in a good way. Erin is next and seems to do well. Nicole is last and gets applause for minding her hips.

Marissa leads the girls from the beach to some cliffs. The girls think “Oh no, photoshoot!” But Nigel turns to reveal a girl jumping from the cliff. The girls freak out and do so more when Nigel reveals that that is their challenge. Jennifer, appropriately, worries about getting injured.

The challenge for today is that each girl will jump off the cliff and have her picture taken. The one who is the sexiest and most graceful wins. Laura volunteers to go first and seems to think she’s back in Cycle 6’s falling fairy tale shoot. Erin follows but isn’t so graceful. Nicole braves it next, turning to the side. This worries Marissa. Jennifer follows behind her and Sundai jumps last. When she hits the water, she hits her mouth but is okay. The challenge winner is Nicole! She wins a piece from Island Pearl and extra frames. She picks Sundai to also get extra frames. Sundai picks Laura to get extra frames. Laura picks Jennifer to get extra frames. And the cheese—Erin—stands alone. She vows to show up the girls and do spectacularly without the extra frames. Nicole says no one picked Erin because she can be a brat.

Nicole gets a necklace then returns home for Laura’s party. The girls decorate a room and Erin ices cupcakes and cakes. She begs people to compliment her cupcakes and then freaks out at everyone. Laura is genuinely touched by everyone’s kindness. Nicole excuses herself to go to bed, wanting to look her best at the photoshoot.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you will pose with some natives.” (Or there about). Someone really loves sea turtles.

The girls meet Mr. Jay, who channels the spirit of Ann Curry (“Good morning, good morning…”). He is standing beside a boat and introduces their photographer, who reveals the shoot will be underwater. The girls head out to sea, where they find out that they will pose underwater without a regulator, but will have it nearby if they need air. They will come back to the surface to get critique from Mr. Jay and then head back down for more shots. Except Erin.

The girls get their hair and make up done. Sundai worries about her asthma. Laura is first in the water and reveals she has a fear of suffocating/drowning. So do I! Of course, I’ve had pseudo-asthma attacks as a child, so I know how scary it is not to be able to breathe. She dives in and panics. They talk her through it and she eventually relaxes to get phenomenal pictures. Even Mr. Jay, nice and dry on the boat, praises her work. Jennifer is next. She hangs too close to the surface and on her second go, dives deeper. She does better. Nicole is third and is just awesome. Mr. Jay tells her to have more fun on her second go. She does. Mr. Jay loves it. Sundai is fourth and complains about everything—her head hurts, her ear hurts, she’s afraid of her asthma. The photographer is like, “Shut up and take the picture.” Mr. Jay calls her on her asthma fear, saying that many divers have asthma. Erin finishes up and fails to perform. Except she doesn’t get a second chance. Mr. Jay calls it a wrap.

TYRA MAIL! Someone’s going home. The girls wish the elimination was that night so they didn’t have to deal with the anxiety.

PANEL! Tyra greets the girls. I like the panel room. There are prizes, there are judges, there are balloons Ms. J is calling “sleeves,” and the guest judge is Marissa Miller. Sundai is the first one up and Tyra also calls her for her excuses. Her picture isn’t so great—her body is good, but her face is lost. Jennifer is next and the panel is torn. Nigel loves her photo, but Marissa doesn’t like how straight Jennifer’s pose is. Jennifer reveals she doesn’t really breathe during panel, so Tyra makes her do breathing exercises. Laura goes and is wearing a jacket that the panel guesses was made by her grandmother. It was and they make her take it off. It’s nice, just doesn’t go with her outfit. They tell her to remember to always find the light, but praise her for the fact that her fear doesn’t show on her face. Nicole is next and everyone loves her photo, even the Mick Jagger pout. But she got a little crooked with the feet and is reminded about the Barbie toe. Erin is last and the panel just doesn’t really like it, especially since they can’t tell it’s her.

Top Models in Action! This week is Fatima from Cycle 10. She made it to the top 3 and managed to survive elimination despite missing the photoshoot (never done before). She’s now working in Europe.

The judges deliberate. Nothing too spectacular, just them reiterating things from judging. We learn Nigel has a foot fetish. Which leads to Tyra putting her feet in his face. Marissa follows suit, saying she had hoped she could show off her shoes. And of course, Ms. J gets in on the fun. Nigel now has six feet in his face and deadpans, “We have reached a decision.” ELIMINATION! The first name called is…Jennifer, who has to go through her breathing exercises. Nicole and Laura follow. That leaves Erin and Sundai in the bottom two. Sundai: Had a million excuses and it showed. Erin: Had less frames and it showed. She’s also been getting weaker, but Tyra decides to jerk her around for another week. Yes, Erin stays and Sundai goes. Tyra tells Erin she is hanging by a hair. As Erin joins the other girls—who are shocked—Tyra hugs Sundai. She calls her an inspiration to kids in the foster care system everywhere.

Sundai leaves and thanks Tyra for the opportunity.

America’s Next Top Model:

Ashley
Sundai
Bianca
Rae
Brittany
Rachel
Courtney
Nicole
Erin
Lulu
Jennifer
Lisa
Kara
Laura

Next week: Hula meets hip hop! And Top Model will break with format—two girls will be eliminated, meaning no top three.

I don’t really feel sorry for Erin. She’s floundering and Tyra needs to cut her loose. I don’t think she’ll make the final two. I calling Nicole and Jennifer for final two. You?

New Meaning to Ghosting

Last time on "How I Met Your Mother": Ted had a rough start to his teaching career while Lily locked Robin and Barney in a room to determine their relationship.

Future!Ted tells us about two blind dates—one in 2009 and one in 2002. We see clean-shaven Ted in 2009 and goateed Ted in 2002. He goes to meet his date—and it’s the same girl. Played by Lindsay Sloan, who played Val on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. But neither remembers the other.

Credits.

At MacLaren’s, Barney says he has tickets to the Origins of Chewbacca exhibit. Robin and Lily decline but Marshall is like a dog on a car ride. However, Barney tells him the exhibit is somewhere else and it is revealed he did the same thing to Ted. Barney takes Marshall to a strip joint to tell Marshall his relationship is completely controlled by Lily.

At Ted’s date, he and Val have similar awkward conversations seven years apart. At the strip joint, Marshall tells Barney his lengthy fantasy about the busty blonde delivery girl that involves Lily dying from some rare but totally medically relevant hiccupping disease and telling him to move on (in an appropriate number of years) with said busty blonde delivery girl. Barney’s likewise depressed. He tells Marshall to forget Lily but the next stripper looks exactly like Lily. Marshall and Barney flip out. Ted wants a picture.

At that point, Ted reuses a joke from 2002. At that point, Val and Ted realize they are on the same date.

Val and Ted decide to remember their last date so they can avoid the same first date mistakes.

Barney and Marshall go back to MacLaren’s to say they found the third doppelganger. They found Lesbian Robin and Mustache Marshall. Future!Ted says they will find the final two doppelgangers the following summer. Robin is skived that the men went to a strip joint while Lily is excited to find out about her doppelganger. She is not excited that Marshall kills her in his fantasies, even after a sappily sweet talk where he admits he even feels like he is cheating on her even in his dreams.

After Ted learns to avoid coming off as a snob and Val learns to tone down the cat talk, they end up at MacLaren’s. They slowly learn that they enjoy each other’s company. After a flash back to Mustache Marshall, the two finish on the rooftop. Val reveals why it went south back then: Ted promises to call her in 2002. 2009? “I’ve been really busy,” he excuses. She’s upset.

Lily drags everyone back to the strip joint. She’s excited to see her doppelganger. Robin can’t believe she’s in there. They learn Barney is a regular at the joint—the waitress knows him by name and brings over his usual. The announcer even stops his introduction to say hi to Barney. He’s sufficiently embarrassed to being caught by Robin. Doppelganger Lily comes out and Lily enjoys every minute of it! Barney goes on about how wonderful it is that they are at a strip joint and Robin doesn’t care. She keeps shouting that she does. Marshall and Lily book Doppelganger Lily in the backroom.

On the rooftop, Ted apologizes to Val. But they realize they shouldn’t change but wait for the person who will accept their idiosyncrasies. Val agrees. Future!Ted tells his children that when he met their mother and told her one of his bad jokes, she laughed. And he was pretty certainly only 30% of it was pity.

Tag: Marshall talks to Lily, who suddenly has a Russian accent, while Doppelganger Lily struggles on the pole. Marshall realizes real Lily is on the pole and goes to help his wife after she falls off the pole.

Quote of the Episode: “What about Catwoman?”
“Yeah, that would make sense.”—Lily and Val (2002) talking about Val’s cats.

So, what did you think of the premise? How did you enjoy seeing 2002 Ted and Val as 2009 them learned from their mistakes? Wish you could do the same? And what do you think Doppelganger Ted and Doppelganger Barney look like?

The Superbowl Shuffle

“Single Ladies” play while Kurt dances with back up dancers. He imitates Beyonce’s music video. He has a sequined glove. Mike O’Malley is his dad? Awesome. He asks what his son is playing and Kurt lies that it is what the jocks wear to practice. Tina and…Britt…lie that he is on the football team. The kicker. Dad buys it. And asks to get a ticket.

Will helps Terri through Lamaze. Kendra, her sister, berates him. Calls him too nice. Terri tries to avoid Will touching her stomach and pretends to have a craving. She confesses to her sister that she’s not pregnant. Kendra convinces her sister to remain deceptive. It’ll help the marriage, she claims.

Will spots Emma and Coach eating together, tries to avoid them but they are the best option in the teacher’s room. Emma talks about the evening news. We zoom to the news where they introduce Jane, who has her own segment. She talks about how caning works. She wants to bring it back. Will is surprised that she got her own segment. Jane says it’s because she’s a local celebrity. And says the overnights were through the roof about her segment. She insults Emma, Coach and Will before leaving for an interview.

Glee time! Will surprises Rachel by giving “Tonight” to Tina. She reminds him that she claimed anything from “West Side Story” at the age of one, talking about Natalie Wood. Umm, Rachel, you do know that Natalie Wood didn’t sing Maria in the movie right? That it was Marni Nixon, singing voice to the famous? When Will says that others need their time to shine and that Tina is keeping the role, Rachel storms out. Glee is apparently used to her diva tantrums.

Meanwhile, Kurt asks Finn for help.

Football practice. Finn gets Kurt a try out. Jock mocks Finn. Coach yells at his kicker and demotes him to water boy. Ouch. Kurt runs up and says that he is “audition for the part of kicker.” Coach allows him and Kurt dances on the field to “Single Ladies.” He kicks and scores. Everyone is surprised. Coach is thrilled. Meanwhile, Jane gets hate mail about her pro-littering stance. The station manager reminds Sue she is famous because she’s a champion. And he’s heard that her cheerleaders are defecting to show choir. Jane needs to win another championship to keep her status.

In other news, Prissy is pregnant. Apparently, Finn’s driving trauma isn’t working on calming little Finn down. He learns this in Prissy’s hot tub, even as she yells, “Think of the mail! Think of the mail!” And apparently, she’s now pregnant. And Finn’s stupid enough to believe he could impregnate her in the hot tub. He probably also believes you can get herpes from a public toilet.

Jane goes to visit Sandy, who has a doll collection. Creepy. He serves her tea and bemoans his life. Jane offers him control of the arts program. Turns out, she has blackmail on Principal Figgins. They focus on Glee and Rachel. They tempt her with Cabaret and Celine Dion. She performs “Taking Chances” and Sandy gives her Sally. She’s excited. Rachel, you do know that Sally is supposed to be a B-rate singer, right?

Will flips out and goes to tell Rachel he needs her. She thinks Will hates her. He tells her he is trying to make everyone work as hard as her. It’s Sandy v. Will while Rachel asks why he hurts her to make other feel good. He asks her to come to Glee rehearsal before she leaves.

Tina sings “Tonight.” She’s very good. Tina needed a spotlight song. Tina critiques herself but Will gives her a pep talk. She offers the song to Rachel. Finn cries into Will’s shoulder. They go for food and discuss Prissy’s pregnancy. He doesn’t like the future he sees now. Finn says he needs a football scholarship. But the team sucks. So he wants Will to teach the football team how to dance. It’ll help the team win while recruiting new guys to Glee.

Will tells Terri about Prissy. She gets an idea. You know where this is going if you’ve ever watched a soap opera.

Nigel Barker in a camera commercial with Peyton Manning and Justin Timberlake!

Jock is not happy with learning how to dance. Coach supports it. Pride was lost when they lost to the school for the deaf. Will and Kurt lead the guys through the choreography. Coach ends practice. When Jock says Finn is in love with Kurt, Finn spills about Prissy. Turns out Prissy and Jock slept together. Still can’t believe Finn believed the “I got pregnant because of your sperm in the hot tub” myth. Prissy runs crying in the rain to her car, where Terri is waiting. She gives Prissy neo-natal vitamins. Prissy is confused.

Football game. Emma cleans a seat before Will takes it. The school needs a new version of the National Anthem. Jock uses “gay” a lot and the team is unsure of the dancing. They get creamed. Mike O’Malley shows up. Kurt’s excited. Fourth quarter. Finn calls a time out. He tells the team to do the dancing. Jock agrees after silencing a heckler from the opposing team with the information he had sex with the player’s mother. “Single Ladies” plays, throwing off the defense. Offense starts to dance. Mike can’t believe what he’s seeing. Finn makes his play. Touchdown! Emma and Will have a Moment. Game is tied, Kurt needs to kick the conversion to win. The crowd is hushed. He dances, he kicks and scores! Go Kurt! He’s a hero. Prissy kisses Finn while Jock looks downtrodden.

Mike tells Kurt he’s proud of him. Looks like Mom is dead. Poor Kurt. Kurt comes out to his father, who says he’s known since Kurt was three. And yay, supportive dad. That’s refreshing and sweet.

At school, Finn gives Prissy his old baby blanket. He promises to be a good father. Jock mocks Prissy’s weight, Finn stands up for her and Jock backs down. Three football players (including Jock) join Glee. Will lets Tina keep “Tonight.” Rachel quits Glee for Cabaret full time. Jane tells everyone to act like they are being cheered.

Next week: CHENO!

Quote of the episode: “If I was out to get you, I’d have you pickled in a mason jar on my shelf by now.” –Jane to Will

Enjoy the Kurt/football/dancing storyline? Seeing how the Terri/Prissy’s pregnancy storyline will play out already?

One for the Money, Two for the Show

Last week on “Any Dream Will Do”: Everyone but Rob was praised. Guess who got sent home? Also, John taught the boys how to portray the different sides of Joseph.

Let the (not-so) live shows continue!

Graham outfit watch: Gold suit and green shirt. Those are my parish colors. The final six Josephs do “Go, Go Joseph” again. Come on, Joseph is entirely sung through. You couldn’t find a new song to do? Each Joseph gets some face time in front of the camera. The boys race off the stage as Graham reenters. He reminds us of the prize—a leading role on a West End musical. Graham tells us that someone will be sent home by Andrew Lloyd Webber until the semi-final, when it’s the people’s call. He introduces the panel (Zoe Tyler, Bill Kenwright, Denise van Outen and John Barrowman) and of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber himself. Graham asks if he has any idea who could be Joseph. He says four of them.

Graham names the other eleven brothers, even remembering Prancer and that other outcast, Rudolph. The boys will be performing singing solo numbers and group numbers. Keith is up first. He talks about his girlfriend. Aww. They met in their grocery store jobs. Cue the Carpenters! Good job, show. She shows Graham her cell phone, showing she’s ready to vote for her man. Webber says to make their songs their own. Keith sings “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Clap along! Keith gets a Josephine to dance with but manages to keep the attention on him. Webber sings along as Keith rocks this performance.

Hey, there’s Johndeep in the audience!

Graham asks who the other Josephs think Keith looks like. He says, “Liza Minelli.” That gets a catcall from the audience and a side by side comparison. It’s a bit scary. John gets to start off the comments. He thinks Keith is a contender. The sad thing is, no one says it a la Brando. John goes back to diction. Zoe thinks diction was good but he missed chances to show off his vocal ability. Webber thinks Keith could really be Joseph but needs to show off vocals.

Coming Up: Zoe gets booed. Again.

Graham introduces Lewis’ package. He talks about being in the bottom two. He thought he did well, but realizes it’s up to the public. He wants to impress them. Singing “The Rose,” Lewis takes the stage. Now all I can think of is the Family Guy episode where they forget Stewie. The Griffin family sings this as a road trip song. Great harmonies. It is a beautiful ballad. It shows off Lewis’ vocal beautifully as well.

Graham asks Lewis about being a milkman which segues into…embarrassing childhood home video! Zoe gets the first comment on Lewis. She finds Lewis loses his personality when he steps on stage. She pretty much calls him brainless and gets booed. Bill disagrees with Zoe and think that Lewis was “sensational.” Denise agrees with Zoe, but telling him to make what he feels bigger. She and Bill get into an argument, causing Graham to break out his referee whistle. He goes to Webber, who compliments Lewis’ hair. Webber thinks that Lewis told the story but needs some more work.

Coming Up: Denise hits on Ben.

Ben is up next. He talks about his rough journey on Joseph but is happy to get such good reviews last week. He goes to visit his hometown and his community theater. He gets mauled by schoolmates. He signs autographs and I have no idea what they just yelled. Ben gets to sing “Blue Suede Shoes.” Well it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready…Go, Ben, go! He almost sounds like Elvis. They even gave him blue suede shoes. Wow, boy can dance. Ben is emerging a real showman.

Graham reads off Webber’s achievements. Ben clarifies that he does know Webber knows what he’s talking about and apologizes for his previous comments. Denise thinks that Ben is a fighter and a star. She calls him “sexy.” Bill thinks he’s got charm and charisma. But he wants to see Ben be vulnerable. John agrees that Ben needs a ballad but Ben is his Joseph. Webber thinks that Ben captured Elvis and was terrific.

Coming Up: Ben trashes someone…Can’t tell if it’s Lewis or Keith.

We have the first trio—Keith, Lewis and Ben. Lewis isn’t thrilled with his trio. Ahh, Ben trashes Keith’s ability to harmonize. Ben and Lewis try to help him. Why is Lewis TP-ing the room? They know they have to work together to impress them. Webber wants them to be like the Rat Pack and be friends…Or at least fake it. Keith, Lewis and Ben sing “That’s Life.” Keith starts off. Ben takes over and sounds like he could work a Vegas lounge. Lewis takes the next bit. He could join Ben in that lounge act. Looks like the work they put in with Keith seems to have paid off. The boys sound amazing, though Lewis sounds a bit behind them.

Webber says the three were fantastic. He thought they were talented and worked well together.

Craig is next up for solo performance. Coming off last week’s good number, he really works on his performance. The coaches don’t like it so much. He has Michael Jackson’s “Black or White.” I will refrain from the obvious MJ jokes. He has a very poppy voice, which I know Webber is looking for…but I can see him on MTV, not the West End. I’d buy his records, so would my sister. It’s a great song and a good performance.

Craig starts dancing and Graham stops him. Zoe agrees that Craig deserves to be there, but she doesn’t know if Craig goes alone if he will go back to Cabaret. Bill loves Craig, we know that. And he reinforces that. He says Craig has a big heart, something that can’t be taught. Denise agrees that he gave a fantastic performance. Graham stops a fight before it starts and Denise isn’t sure if he’s a leading man. Graham quickly goes to Webber. He thinks Craig is getting better but if he has the charisma. He thinks there might be enough time to ready him for the West End. Everyone starts fighting again as Craig asks for a chance.

Coming Up: Daniel doesn’t get praise from John.

Daniel is up after the commercial break. He’s proud of his performance from last week. So how does he celebrate? He goes back to his old job to finish his filing. No one is surprised at work. They miss him but he feels he’s filed his old life away. He sings “Evergreen.” What’s with the reverb? Dammit, I love all these guys’ voices. I’m glad I was in England in 2006 and not 2007 or else I would’ve felt compelled to vote, but wouldn’t know who to support! (Okay, I’ll be honest…It would probably be Lee). Daniel, I think, really delivers. Though he goes a bit south on the ending.

Graham is surprised that Daniel actually went back to finish up some work. John loved Daniel’s vocal as well. Yay, Daniel! He then calls Daniel “beige.” Graham notes that Zoe didn’t get the memo and chose Daniel, not Rob, as her “Not Joseph.” And she got death threats. She says she thinks that Daniel goes to a safe, boring place but liked his vocal. Denise notes she hasn’t always been his biggest fan, but loves his smile. She does want to see more emotion. Webber doesn’t know if people would want to hear Daniel sing for two hours. I would.

Coming Up: The boys complain about living with Lee. Denise, take note!

Lee finishes the solo act. The guys talk about living with Lee. Ben shows us Lee’s onions that he sleeps with next to his bed. Garlic keeps the vampire away, Lee. Garlic. We see food bearing Lee’s name courtesy of Keith. Ben shows us Lee’s prized possession: his Joseph CD. Daniel talks about his push ups. I don’t care, just more shots of him shirtless please? Anyway, Lee sings “Paint it Black.” Appropriate, considering this guy is always in black. I was surprised to see him in colors in that package. He’s just magnificent. I have more to say to good-naturedly mock him in the package like the boys but he’s a talented man. This is way this competition is too difficult. It’s not like Top Model where I can’t figure out why Aminat is in the final three.

Graham asks about the onions. He keeps them there because he likes cooking. Graham is amused. Bill says that Lee was in another league. John says he would give Lee his leading man shoes. He thinks Lee should be Joseph. Webber says he doesn’t do push-ups before the show but does think that Lee was magnificent.

Coming Up: Lee and Denise’s first date doesn’t go too well.

Our next trio is up. Zoe hopes that Craig will get a lift from Daniel and Lee. They work hard at all times and Craig’s hard work impresses the other two. The get “Funny Girl” song “Don’t Rain on my Parade” and Webber makes a shout out to “Maria” winner Connie Fisher. Lee starts the song. Craig follows, with more cheer than Lee. Daniel joins the two. I hate to say it, I think Daniel is the weak link in this act. Craig and Lee outshine him, but the harmonizing is wonderful. Until the end. Ow, boys, ow.

Webber loved all three and is prompted to praise the boys. He says that they showed them why he loves musicals. Graham throws it to Denise, asking specifically about Craig. She thinks he got lost and chose Lee as her Joseph. Bill still supports Craig. Does someone have a man crush? John thinks Craig stood out.

JOSEPH MISSION! To practice being seduced by Mrs. Potiphar, they send in Denise to seduce the boys. The guys put on their tuxedos and race to Denise. They get to watch each other. Keith pops the champagne, sending the cork and bottle flying. Ben enjoys the performance. Denise doesn’t think him as a man. Ben is nervous. Will Lee work his magic on his future wife? Not really as they burst out laughing. Craig does a magic kiss but does get a kiss out of Denise. Daniel really nails the mission. Lewis does as well. And gets a kiss. Denise says she was surprised by Lee and Ben. There’s always next time, Denise. She wonders if they were holding back because they have girlfriends. Ben was also unwell.

Coming Up: Elimination!

Graham reads off the results in no particular order. Craig is safe. His contingency in the audience celebrates. Lee is also safe. Duh. Daniel is in the sing-off. Keith is safe as well. He joins Lee and Craig for a group hug. Ben and Lewis come down off the stairs. Ben’s thinking “Not again.” Lewis has a good poker face. He ends up in the bottom two while Ben is safe. Lewis and Daniel sing “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables. Oh, that’s mean producers. I mean, ever hear Forbidden Broadway’s version? “This song’s too high/Pity me/Change the key.” I find Daniel the stronger of the two. Hey, John, there is Daniel’s ballad. And he knocks it out of the park. Wait, someone didn’t sing the right line there…I’m not sure which one it was.

Nana Jean looks ready to cry. The two go before Webber as Graham says the six Josephs have given the performances of their lives. He turns it over to Webber, though goofs and nearly says “Craig.” Webber isn’t thrilled to make the decision. He saves Lewis. Nana Jean jumps up and down as her grandson hugs Daniel. I must say this is the first elimination I don’t agree with. I found him stronger than Lewis. Explain yourself, Webber! He doesn’t think Daniel could be a West End star while Lewis had a spark. Daniel thanks everybody for his incredible experience.

The other five Josephs sing good-bye to Daniel. He launches into “Close Every Door.” Lewis is crying harder than Chris B. He and Ben take off Daniel’s coat. Denise is crying as well.

Could Still be Joseph:

 

Rob

Lee

Chris B

Daniel

Craig

Keith

Seamus

Antony

Lewis

Johndeep

Ben

Chris C

Next week: Josh Groban!

As I said, this is the one elimination I disagree with. I thought Daniel deserved to stay around another week at least. And I’ve agreed when my favorites (Rob and Johndeep) went home! What do you think?

Once again, thanks to Chrissi and to those who link my blog! 

Jaeda--Part II

Last week: Thirteen model-wannabes stormed Manhattan while Sandra revealed herself to be the bitch early. Thank you, Sandra. After a runway and a childhood themed photoshoot, Isabella was sent home. Who will go home tonight?

Wanna be on top?

NEW YORK! The girls come home to see Allison’s photo on display. In her interview, you can tell they were trying to hide her makeover. Fo feels she did well while Aminat is sad Isabella went home over Sandra. The two have it out in the kitchen but Sandra reinforces her self-centeredness. Meanwhile, Jessica decides to predict her future--she thinks she will kick ass. Oh, foreshadowing. 

TYRA MAIL! “Whether it is on the streets or the sidewalk, you’ll be turning heads.” Once again, the model wannabes don’t have a clue. But they do have a pink…plaid…stretch…limo…I’ll borrow a model’s phrase: It’ll be the Barbie Top Model Bus from now on.

Tyra, Ms. J and Mr. Jay go all “James Bond” as she tells them to do makeovers. She shows Jaeda “Oh god they cut my hair!” from Cycle 6 and her predecessor Cassandra from Cycle 5. Hope none of these girls gave Tyra free range to cut their hair. The girls are excited to hear it is makeover day. Bring on the meltdowns!

Jessica: Goes shot, wavy and red. Likes it.

Sandra: Goes short and blonde. Actually looks good. Damn it.

Allison: Wants to pop the eyes. She gets long blonde hair. She says she feels like a mermaid. Holy crap, who does she look like now? She looks like someone…

Nijah: Hair gets plumped up with a new weave.

Fo: Wanted extensions. Tyra gave her a short hair a la Cage Girl. Admits she needs time.

Celia: She starts crying as they cut her hair short. I think curls would’ve been better.

Aminat: They make fun of her ‘fro…Did Tyra actually utter the name Naomi Campbell? Ms. J promenades with the fro while Aminat gets beautiful long hair.

Kortnie: Goes red to match the tan.

London: Goes short and platinum blonde. Someone has to go that color every year, don’t they?

Natalie (Part I): Has a panic attack. Sweet. She says “no” and “wait” and the hairdresser walks off. Dramatic music to commercials…

Natalie (Part II): But it was a fake-out, Tyra thinks she’s fine. They just want her to trust the people she works with.

Teyana: Gets long wavy hair as well.

Tahlia: Gets a blonde weave. Was Natalie the meltdown? Oh, there’s Fo. She thinks everyone else looks better than she. Sandra has no pity.

Tyra Mail! “Not seeing eye to eye? Tomorrow it’s time to make-up?” Ahh, make-up challenge. And Fo is still crying. She thinks she’s ugly and has to hide her hair. Good lord, I wanted a meltdown, not Jaeda "My Hair!" Redux. Jessica likes hers at least.

The girls get introduced to Elyssa, Cover Girl representative. They reminded them of last cycle’s Wal-Mart challenge. But, there’s no Wal-Mart in New York City. We don’t have land. Okay, maybe here on Staten Island, but we don’t want them. They break up into groups and something about eye colors, blah blah blah. Get on with it! Team 1: Sandra, Aminat, Celia. Team 2: Fo, Kortnie, Teyana. Team 3: Jessica, Tahlia, London. Team 4: Allison, Nijah, Natalie. They get 20 minutes and Aminat is okay with being with Sandra. The girls grab girls off the street to bring back to the “store.” Team 1: Gets praised, except for “quiet” Sandra. Team 3: Good makeup, but not make-up artists. Team 4: Made girl feel confident but didn’t explain walk. Team 2: All over the place. Not coordinated. And the winners are: Sandra, Aminat and Celia. They get a Cover Girl shoot.

Barbie Top Model Bus! They go to an African Queen place for dinner. Aminat, legally able to drink in NYC, orders a drink and Sandra makes it like she’s a drunk. She’s having one drink, bitch.

McKey helps a Make-a-Wish participant feel like a Cover Girl. Aww. But SPEAK UP MCKEY! PLEASE!

TYRA MAIL. “How many models does it take to screw in a light bulb? I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.” The girls just know it is a photoshoot. Hey, how many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they use candles!

The girls go to see Mr. Jay standing in the dark. Then Tyra said, let there be light. He says the shoot will be about finding the light, so the girls will be self-guiding their shoot. And their photographer? Noted fashion photographer and drop-dead sexy judge Nigel Barker. The theme is rock and roll. It is a group shoot. Nigel shows them their lights and reminds them it is fashion.

Tahlia: Worries about falling.

Allison: Works both but needs to find the camera.

Nijah: Nigel is disappointed. It’s the eyes.

Jessica: Really heard her accent. Mr. Jay accuses her of ghoul lighting.

Aminat: Nigel wants her to take risks. She wants to stand out. Celia steals the show. Who tripped behind Mr. Jay? Sandra is enjoying this.

Celia: Mr. Jay tells her to bring the things from Aminat’s photoshoot to her own. And she does. Nigel likes her.

Sandra: Wants to step it up from bottom two. Nigel asks her the deadly question: What are you thinking about? Mr. Jay says she looks bored.

Kortnie: Nigel wasn’t inspired and Mr. Jay worries about her.

London: Nigel calls her beautiful.

Teyana: Impresses Mr. Jay and gets good critique.

Fo: Nigel can tell she doesn’t like her makeover. Mr. Jay decides to confront her about it. She calls herself butch. Nigel and Mr. Jay aren’t sympathetic.

Natalie: Does good and it’s a wrap!

Tyra Mail! Someone’s going home. I call Fo in bottom two. And she’s sensing it too. She’s Jaeda, Jr.

Who is that kid with Tyra? Seriously! Anyway, panel! There are prizes, there are judges, Ms. Jay is doing the bow tie thing this cycle, and guest judge is a blast from the past—Nolé Marin! (Cycles 3 and 4). Fo’s on the chopping block first. Tyra praises her makeover. But she liked Jaeda’s hairstyle as well, but Fo fakes it better than Jaeda. Nigel tells her to get over her makeover. Tyra questions her willingness to be a model. Kortnie is next: Paulina doesn’t like the light. She wasn’t in the moment. Nijah: Is mocked for her shirt choice. And Tyra mentions smiling with your eyes! London: Energy and movement is good. Nigel is impressed she was willing to go there. Allison is next, gets the broke-down comment. Nolé loves her. Sandra: She’s dull and has no tension. And she’s the house bitch. Celia comes up next and is praised. Jessica plumps up her hair as she walks out. But the judges don’t like her picture. Tahlia does look good in panel, like a drag queen in the picture. The judges aren’t impressed. Nolé wonders if the girls looked in the mirror as Natalie steps forward. Can we bring Nolé back? He’s funny. She gets praised by the judges, including Paulina. Let the woman speak, Tyra! Tyra wants to change Teyana’s hair and warns her not the rest on good critiques. And Teyana’s picture is a game of “Where’s Waldo?”

LADY LIBERTY! The judges deliberate. Tyra admits that Allison is her poster child for weird and freaky can equal beautiful. Whatever, I love Allison anyway. Her, London, and Celia. Still out on Teyana and Natalie. The first name is Teyana. And she gets a new hair-do. She is followed by: Celia, Allison, Natalie, London, Nijah (who promises a better outfit), Tahlia, Sandra, Kortnie, and Aminat. Jessica and Fo are in the bottom two. Jessica is already crying. Fo: Okay to cry over hair, but not on set! Does she have the diversity to model? Jessica: Is pretty. Well, that’s the kiss of death. Pretty doesn’t translate to photos either. Fo gets to stay and has to promise me now that she won’t be Jaeda—The Sequel. Tyra hugs Jessica and tells her it is not about just being pretty. GROUP HUG!

Jessica isn’t used to hearing “pretty” as a bad thing and thinks she’s pretty than some of the girls still in the running.

Still in the running:

Celia

Aminat

Tahlia

Kortnie

Isabella

Nijah

Allison

London

Sandra

Natalie

Fo

Jessica

Teyona

Next week: Ms. J gets the girls for a runway lesson. Truth or dare. Never good.

So, I’ve admitted my faves. Who are yours? 

Ricky v Amy v Ben v Grace v Adrian v Her Dad v...

Last week on Secret Life of the American Teenager: Ricky’s dad Bryan Callen made everyone uncomfortable. Ricky broke up with Grace to protect her but John Schneider was cool with Ricky’s past. Jack started to mentor Duncan while Amy learned her baby is a boy. And Bryan Callen was sent back to jail.

Grace is doodling in her notebook. She decides to call Adrian, telling her that Ricky broke it off with her. Adrian tells her that Bryan Callen went back to jail, covering the fact that Ricky is in bed with her. Grace is all happy to hear that she can go out with Ricky again but he isn’t. Adrian figures that Ricky thinks love=sex but he squashes that by saying he isn’t in love with Adrian but had sex with her. Grace calls and tries to make a date with Ricky. He shoots her down, saying he has a meeting with Amy about the baby. Adrian finally kicks him out of her bed for good, though Ricky doesn’t believe it. I hope Adrian sticks too it.

CREDITS!

Adrian tries to seduce Jack, but he turns her down. Says he’s hanging out with Duncan. Jack wonders if Amy and Ricky are getting back together, which is worrying Ben. Grace confirms it and walks off as Amy comes up. Ben asks her about the meeting and she says it’s been set for a few days. He storms off as Amy calls out his immaturity. Mr. Molina lets Ben into his office and asks about Amy and Ricky. Mr. Molina reminds Ben that the baby is Ricky and of Ben’s not!marriage to Amy. Ben asks Mr. Molina for an intervention. He turns it down and then starts unloading on Ben. He was a cop but the wife thought it interfered with their relationship.

Mr. Molina eventually agrees and it pisses off Amy. She storms off as Ricky tells Ben there is nothing to talk about it. He invites Ben to come to the meeting that night to be with Amy.

A phone rings and Adrian picks up. Ricky says he plans to be free after ten while Adrian reminds him he’s been kicked out of her bed. Adrian says a guy is coming over and Ricky gets jealous. He asks if it’s Jack but she reminds him of the mentoring. She opens the door to see someone she addresses as Max there. He tells her he’s there about her dad leaving his mom. Ouch. And Adrian will sleep with him, you can tell.

Ricky calls Grace, asking her for prayers. And then if he can come over. She says yes—she’ll make cookies. I feel so bad for her. Meanwhile, Jack is waiting for Duncan with Shauna. He’s late coming back from his job, bagging something. Turns out he has to work late so Jack hangs out with Shauna. He says “Entertain me” and she gets an Adrian-esque look in her eyes.

Ashley comes in as Amy goes through her closet. She wonders if her sister is dressing up for Ricky, but Amy insists she’s just trying to find something comfortable. Ashley warns her not to make the same mistake but Amy insists this is just to get Ricky’s permission to go through the adoption. Ashley tells her sister to stop feeling sorry for herself while Amy continues to say she is trying to be responsible. It gets so bad, Amy attacks her sister. They calm down.

Amy’s Dad asks Molly Ringwald why she’s all dressed up. She says she’s going out while Ricky is with Amy. Amy’s Dad isn’t too thrilled and says he’ll be out too. Molly doesn’t believe it. Amy’s Dad presses for more information and is surprised to hear Molly is meeting Rev. Stone. He storms out as Ashley comes down, praying her mother isn’t dressed up for Ricky. Ashley doesn’t support the adoption and Molly tells her to support it. Ben shows up and pleads with Amy to let him stay as Ricky comes. He gets to the point: No adoption. So Amy retorts: “Fine, then it’s yours.”

Atta girl!

Ricky wonders how he could take care of the baby, particularly since he won’t drop out of school. Ben asks Amy if she’s thought it through. Oh, wait, she was serious? She says no it was just an idea but she says it’s good as she and Ben could be normal teenagers. She leaves Ricky and Ben to argue it out. Back at Adrian’s, she talks to Max about her father. She calms his mother’s concerns saying her parents are thinking of getting back together. Adrian tries to come on to him while he continues to remind her that they are step-siblings. But it doesn’t last long as he kisses her. She tells him to work for it. Oh Adrian.

Amy’s Dad goes over a gay couple’s house for dinner. Amy’s Dad loves the food and praises the gays then checks to make sure “Leon” is out. He replies he is and after offering more food and a boxing match, Amy’s Dad wants to move in. Molly talks with Rev. Stone about some prospective parents that are right in his own church. He talks about an older couple who spent their youth traveling and are ready to settle down. The husband has tickets to seats on the third base line! He then talks about the Buckners who are young—27—and married in college. He was a professional wrestler. Molly can tell Rev. Stone isn’t 100% behind them. He confesses his promise to Ashley to counsel her parents. Molly insists she’s getting a divorce and Rev. Stone promises to help her find a couple.

Ricky and Ben argue over the baby. Ricky insists the burden of responsibility for the baby is on Amy as Ben correctly tries to remind him of his legal responsibility to the baby. Ricky asks if Ben will raise the baby but Ben bemoans their not!marriage. Ben argues for Amy because he considers her feelings despite the fact he showed up against her wishes. Ben admits to being jealous of Ricky, who responds he’s jealous of Ben. Ben has no real responsibility to the baby. Ricky then tells Ben that Amy invited him over to talk and out to coffee six months ago at band camp.

Amy comes down to find Ben just sitting there. Ben tells Amy that it’s something she has to decide with Ricky. He talks about Ricky and Amy’s bond through the baby and he has no right to decide anything about the baby. He maturely removes himself from the situation and gives Amy some room. He says he still wants to be with her, but he wants her to be honest with him. Amy is shaken as Ben leaves. Oh, the return of the Chords of Meaningfulness.

Ricky talks with Grace about the baby. She tries to be supportive. He’s excited that it’s a boy but still not excited about adoption. Grace asks if he’s addressing this in therapy. He replies he hasn’t been seeing Lauren’s Dad AKA Ernie Hudson as it is too much work. He says Grace has been helping him though he can’t see them married. Grace says she can and Ricky kisses her goodbye.

Adrian is all cuddled up with Max. Her father walks in, saying he promised to check up on her because her mother couldn’t reach it. Adrian tries to bluff that Ricky is hiding under the covers but Adrian’s Dad is smarter than that. He pulls the covers and is surprised to see his step-son under there. They promise nothing happened and Max was sent over by his mother to scope out the situation. Adrian’s Dad accurately tells her that she has a problem. They argue and he tells her to start respecting him. He storms out.

Duncan interrupts his mentor and his sister. He realizes they weren’t just “talking” and leaves them alone. Shauna tells Jack that Duncan just needs to get out more—he’s already a good kid. Jack says he’s attracted to Shauna and is a monogamous type of guy. Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend and was just having “fun” with a high school guy. He leaves.

Molly finds Ashley moping in the kitchen. She tells Molly about the fighting. Everyone is moping around the Jurgens household. Molly calls Ashley out on the wish to get her parents back together. She finally calls out Ashley’s attitude, saying she knows her daughter is in pain. She tells Ashley that the entire family is in pain—Molly and Amy’s Dad are divorcing and Amy is having a baby at 15. Ashley says she is hurting, but not as much as the rest of her family. “The three of you are idiots,” she says. Molly agrees, hugging her youngest.

Amy’s Dad is absolutely happy over his night with Leon and his boyfriend. They talk about their financial security and their desire to be parents. They ask Amy’s Dad if Amy will let them adopt the baby. Amy’s Dad is floored.

Grace receives a phone call…from Jack. He’s at her door. He tells her she is the only nice girl he knows. He tells her to not wear her heart on her sleeve because someone (Ricky) will tear it out and stomp on it. Grace starts to protest but Jack finally tells her that her boyfriend is sleeping with her best friend.

Amy’s Dad comes home and talks to Amy about letting Leon and his partner adopt the baby. Amy’s a little surprised as Amy’s Dad tells her they have to lead Molly to the idea. Meanwhile, Grace busts Adrian and Ricky (oh, Adrian) but the idiot tells Adrian that Ricky will come back to her once he works out his issues by sleeping with her. Amy calls Ricky and tells him to let the baby be adopted. She admitted to inviting him over to see if they could raise the baby together—as friends. But she realized she was wrong and the baby will be better adopted. She’s acting grown up and asks him to agree with her. He does.

And the Chords of Meaningfulness play us out.

And we’re back to the original PSA.

Next week: Grace and Adrian go at it. Ricky admits feelings for Amy, hugging her. And Amy confesses her love for someone. I think it’s bad news for Ben, Adrian and Grace.

Quote of the Episode:  

“Marriage sucks, huh?”—Mr. Molina