Hold Your Breath...

Last week on America’s Next Top Model: I was sick and came home from work, plopped down on my bed and passed out. But apparently, Tyra evicted the girls just to send them to Hawaii, put them in blackface for a photo shoot that stunned everybody, and then Brittany was sent home for being too formulaic. Because the brainy girls? Never win. So, Nicole, you’re my only favorite. Bring it on home, girl! Who will be eliminated tonight? Let’s find out!

Wanna be on top?

HAWAII! The final five celebrate in the car while Erin is glad she wasn’t eliminated. Sundai is boggled by that.

The girls go home and Nicole is missing Brittany. She and Jennifer talk about how well Brittany had done and then she’s just gone. Jennifer flips out in competition.

TYRA MAIL! “You never know what could come to shore. You better look appropriate.” Someone guesses sea turtles. I was guessing men. Nicole sits on Sundai’s bed and says that she can tell that Sundai had a rough life but is still happy. Sundai reveals she was adopted and promises to tell her story if she gets to the final four. Tyra’s salivating.

The next day is Laura’s birthday. Everyone celebrates. The girls make her breakfast. They hit the beach. They see a canoe come in, bearing someone. The girls freak out when they realize it’s Victoria’s Secret Angel Marissa Miller. Laura is especially ecstatic. She reveals all she’s done as a model—and she’s only 5’8! The girls all strip down to bikinis and she teaches them to pose. She shows the difference between men’s pictures and women’s pictures. And she teaches them the “Barbie toe”—how to look like you’re always wearing heels. She sends the girls to take a dunk in the ocean and then they are ordered to roll in the sand. Time for a shower—and they have to pose in the shower. Laura goes first. She tells the girls to keep moving. Jennifer is next and aces the Barbie toe. Sundai is called “too cute.” And not in a good way. Erin is next and seems to do well. Nicole is last and gets applause for minding her hips.

Marissa leads the girls from the beach to some cliffs. The girls think “Oh no, photoshoot!” But Nigel turns to reveal a girl jumping from the cliff. The girls freak out and do so more when Nigel reveals that that is their challenge. Jennifer, appropriately, worries about getting injured.

The challenge for today is that each girl will jump off the cliff and have her picture taken. The one who is the sexiest and most graceful wins. Laura volunteers to go first and seems to think she’s back in Cycle 6’s falling fairy tale shoot. Erin follows but isn’t so graceful. Nicole braves it next, turning to the side. This worries Marissa. Jennifer follows behind her and Sundai jumps last. When she hits the water, she hits her mouth but is okay. The challenge winner is Nicole! She wins a piece from Island Pearl and extra frames. She picks Sundai to also get extra frames. Sundai picks Laura to get extra frames. Laura picks Jennifer to get extra frames. And the cheese—Erin—stands alone. She vows to show up the girls and do spectacularly without the extra frames. Nicole says no one picked Erin because she can be a brat.

Nicole gets a necklace then returns home for Laura’s party. The girls decorate a room and Erin ices cupcakes and cakes. She begs people to compliment her cupcakes and then freaks out at everyone. Laura is genuinely touched by everyone’s kindness. Nicole excuses herself to go to bed, wanting to look her best at the photoshoot.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you will pose with some natives.” (Or there about). Someone really loves sea turtles.

The girls meet Mr. Jay, who channels the spirit of Ann Curry (“Good morning, good morning…”). He is standing beside a boat and introduces their photographer, who reveals the shoot will be underwater. The girls head out to sea, where they find out that they will pose underwater without a regulator, but will have it nearby if they need air. They will come back to the surface to get critique from Mr. Jay and then head back down for more shots. Except Erin.

The girls get their hair and make up done. Sundai worries about her asthma. Laura is first in the water and reveals she has a fear of suffocating/drowning. So do I! Of course, I’ve had pseudo-asthma attacks as a child, so I know how scary it is not to be able to breathe. She dives in and panics. They talk her through it and she eventually relaxes to get phenomenal pictures. Even Mr. Jay, nice and dry on the boat, praises her work. Jennifer is next. She hangs too close to the surface and on her second go, dives deeper. She does better. Nicole is third and is just awesome. Mr. Jay tells her to have more fun on her second go. She does. Mr. Jay loves it. Sundai is fourth and complains about everything—her head hurts, her ear hurts, she’s afraid of her asthma. The photographer is like, “Shut up and take the picture.” Mr. Jay calls her on her asthma fear, saying that many divers have asthma. Erin finishes up and fails to perform. Except she doesn’t get a second chance. Mr. Jay calls it a wrap.

TYRA MAIL! Someone’s going home. The girls wish the elimination was that night so they didn’t have to deal with the anxiety.

PANEL! Tyra greets the girls. I like the panel room. There are prizes, there are judges, there are balloons Ms. J is calling “sleeves,” and the guest judge is Marissa Miller. Sundai is the first one up and Tyra also calls her for her excuses. Her picture isn’t so great—her body is good, but her face is lost. Jennifer is next and the panel is torn. Nigel loves her photo, but Marissa doesn’t like how straight Jennifer’s pose is. Jennifer reveals she doesn’t really breathe during panel, so Tyra makes her do breathing exercises. Laura goes and is wearing a jacket that the panel guesses was made by her grandmother. It was and they make her take it off. It’s nice, just doesn’t go with her outfit. They tell her to remember to always find the light, but praise her for the fact that her fear doesn’t show on her face. Nicole is next and everyone loves her photo, even the Mick Jagger pout. But she got a little crooked with the feet and is reminded about the Barbie toe. Erin is last and the panel just doesn’t really like it, especially since they can’t tell it’s her.

Top Models in Action! This week is Fatima from Cycle 10. She made it to the top 3 and managed to survive elimination despite missing the photoshoot (never done before). She’s now working in Europe.

The judges deliberate. Nothing too spectacular, just them reiterating things from judging. We learn Nigel has a foot fetish. Which leads to Tyra putting her feet in his face. Marissa follows suit, saying she had hoped she could show off her shoes. And of course, Ms. J gets in on the fun. Nigel now has six feet in his face and deadpans, “We have reached a decision.” ELIMINATION! The first name called is…Jennifer, who has to go through her breathing exercises. Nicole and Laura follow. That leaves Erin and Sundai in the bottom two. Sundai: Had a million excuses and it showed. Erin: Had less frames and it showed. She’s also been getting weaker, but Tyra decides to jerk her around for another week. Yes, Erin stays and Sundai goes. Tyra tells Erin she is hanging by a hair. As Erin joins the other girls—who are shocked—Tyra hugs Sundai. She calls her an inspiration to kids in the foster care system everywhere.

Sundai leaves and thanks Tyra for the opportunity.

America’s Next Top Model:

Ashley
Sundai
Bianca
Rae
Brittany
Rachel
Courtney
Nicole
Erin
Lulu
Jennifer
Lisa
Kara
Laura

Next week: Hula meets hip hop! And Top Model will break with format—two girls will be eliminated, meaning no top three.

I don’t really feel sorry for Erin. She’s floundering and Tyra needs to cut her loose. I don’t think she’ll make the final two. I calling Nicole and Jennifer for final two. You?