The Great Monkey Mugging

I missed the cold open but from the summary, I get that Marshall got mugged.

I came in when Lily wanted to get a gun, especially since wants a holster that matches these new shoes she bought. By the way, her new credit card works. Oh, Lily. Marshall, ignoring the credit card comment, ix-nays that idea, mainly because he tends to accidentally injure Lily. We see him pop a cork into her, spin her a little too hard, punch her when she wears a scary costume, etc. Lily agrees that they are a bit accident prone but she doesn’t want anything to happen to Marshall. So he tells her the mugging didn’t happen exactly as he said. Barney takes this to mean the robber WAS wearing a black knit skull cap. Marshall shoots this down. He says the mugger wasn’t wearing ANYTHING. This doesn’t calm Lily down. So he tells them that as he went home via Central Park, he stopped at the zoo. We see a zookeeper tell Marshall to stay away from the monkey but Marshall waves him off. Then the monkey attacks, stealing his wallet. Ted, Barney and Lily laugh when they realized Marshall was mugged by a monkey.

We come back and the gang continues to make jokes about the mugging. Robin comes back and they tell her the story. Barney tells it, complete with a banana and vaudeville. Marshall keeps exclaiming that there wasn’t a banana but Robin doesn’t believe the monkey part. Marshall informs her that part was true. Robin wants to interview him for her show. Ted thought his model was going to be on the show. Robin says no, she wasn’t going to have someone who plays with dolls on her show. Especially after that last guy, but he was on just so the FBI could search his house. Marshall agrees to do the show, so long as it isn’t treated as a joke.

At the apartment, Barney comes in and explains what happened at MacLaren’s: He was using Marshall’s mugging story (sans monkey) to pick up a girl when a blonde comes up calling him Neil. Thinking the show was about to break the fourth wall and wink at the audience, I keep going until the blonde says his name is Neil Armstrong. “Like the cyclist?” the brunette asks. Blonde wants to know why he wasn’t in space. Brunette wants to know if he really was mugged. Barney does a fine tap dance saying he was mugged on his way to the launch pad and the mugger stole the space shuttle keys. He then asks for a three-way and is granted it. Ted doubts this as Barney smells like two gin and tonics were thrown at him. Marshall even finds a lime. Barney says his story’s ending is better.

Robin then enters and tells Marshall her producer loved the monkey mugging story. As she leaves, Marshall confesses something to Ted and Barney: he wasn’t mugged by a monkey. They’re shocked. Really? A monkey mugged me was a pretty lame story.

We go back to MacLaren’s as Barney and Ted digest the news that Marshall wasn’t mugged by a monkey. They think that now he’s telling a lie to cover his embarrassing escapade. Marshall insists it didn’t happen and he isn’t going to lie on national television. And he is confiding in his best friends. Ted is called upon to decide if Marshall is lying. He is inconclusive as Marshall smells great. Ted says Marshall can’t go on TV and lie. People hate being lied to. Barney argues that people don’t like finding out they were lied to. “A lie is a great story ruined by the truth—Barney Stinson” Nice. He reveals that the threesome story had a different ending—the girls threw their drinks on him. He goes to apologize to Sara (the blonde), who admits she isn’t really 28. She’s 31. Barney says that’s why people need the lie. And he stands up, revealing the threesome belt. Lily comes in and gives him three high fives. She then says she didn’t get a gun now that Marshall was mugged by a monkey. Marshall agrees.

Now Ted realizes that Marshall maybe lying. He tries to sniff it out again but only wonders about Marshall’s cologne.

The next night on the set of Robin’s show, Ted brings his model of the Empire State Building in case Marshall decides not to go through with the interview. Robin reveals that to make the story interesting, they brought Captain Bobo, the mugger, for Marshall to face. The zookeeper reveals that Bobo will be sent to live in a wildlife reserve, separated forever from his mate Milly. Marshall’s heartstrings are tugged. On the air, Marshall tells Robin he can’t tell her the story as he wants to know what’s under the sheet. Robin goes to commercial. Marshall says he wasn’t mugged by a monkey. Lily says she’s going to buy a gun. Marshall retracts his statement as the zookeeper say that Bobo and Milly will be separated. Marshall is so torn with everyone demanding to know the truth. He finally says he’s going back to bed and walks off the step. The gang never learned the truth.

Robin gives in and tells Ted he’s on with his model as the doll guy keeps brushing their hair. FBI’s taking their sweet time going through his house. Ted and Barney talk about changing endings. Barney promises Ted that one day when he retells this story, he will change the ending. Future!Ted then tells his children that the most amazing thing happened next. Bobo got out of his cage and took one of the dolls. Bobo climbs the Empire State Building as Mike starts shooting paper airplanes at the monkey, who swipes at them. Robin and Ted watch in astonishment as this unfolds. “Is this really happening?” Ted asks. Barney says, “Sure, it is, Ted.” And Future!Ted swears by it.

Pretty cute episode, though I wonder why the gang would readily believe Marshall was mugged by a monkey.

Quote of the Episode:

“Monkeys are mugging people now? It really is a jungle out there.”—Ted, upon hearing about the mugging.