Even I Know Storm Troopers Aren't Robots. Please.

Now that he’s in a committed relationship, Barney bequeaths his porn collection to Ted. Marshall tries to rifle through it but Ted decides to get rid of it. But Future!Ted tells his children that something unfortunate happened. He just so happened to trip and the container just so happened to open. One tape just so happened to fall out, fly around the room and ended up in his VCR. And the box just so happened to hit the play button and Ted just so happened to fall on to his couch, all the while saying, “Oh no” in a deadpan. The porno he just so happened to end up watching? “ArchiSexTure.” I’m still disappointed in the lack of “Ted Mosby, Porn Star” references. But instead of porn, Ted sees Barney. Barney says he figured Ted would go for this particular tape. And if Ted is watching it, then either Barney is dead or in a committed relationship. If he’s dead, he wants Ted to take his body and recreate “Weekend at Bernie’s”. If he’s in a committed relationship, he pleas with Ted to get him out of it.

Credits!

Now Marshall and Lily watch the video with Ted, which Barney seems prepared for. He tells them he is most likely miserable and it is Ted’s duty as his best friend to bail him out. But the three refuse to believe that Barney isn’t happy with Robin. But Future!Ted tells his children that he started to actually watch Robin and Barney. Barney was constantly eating and Robin couldn’t stand listening to him anymore. Neil Patrick Harris donned a fat suit and Robin looks like she hasn’t seen her brush or her make up in years. Ted is determined to follow Porn!Tape!Barney’s wishes, but is outvoted by Lily and Marshall—who believe Robin and Barney are happy.

However, Marshall spends sometime with the new Barney. He watches in disgust as Barney devours ribs and goes on about how delicious they are suddenly. He also tells Marshall how his sex drive has died. Marshall returns to Ted’s and agrees to help break up Robin and Barney. They decide to unleash the Kraken—also known as Lily, who has broken up several of Ted’s relationships. But she refuses, saying she is a matchmaker now. She turns down Ted’s request to set him up though. So Marshall and Ted set about to break up Barney and Robin by themselves.

Ted recalls an episode from season 2, when he and Robin were dating. It was when they were out at a restaurant and Robin freaked because she thought Ted was proposing after finding a ring in her champagne. Except that it was totally meant for another couple at another table who got engaged—for reals! Wonder how that couple is doing today? Ted and Marshall decide to make Robin think that Barney is proposing. They are the two most commitment phobic people on the face of the earth—it’ll freak them out and they’ll break up. Except that it backfires. Robin and Barney are already committed and living together, so they decide to make it official in the least romantic engagement ever.

Lily wants to kill the two of them. She gladly accepts Robin’s offer to be her maid of honor before planning to break the couple up. She decides to recreate the couple’s four biggest fights—the dirty dishes, Barney’s sexual past, America vs Canada and the Star Wars fight. We see Robin mocking the giant Storm Trooper in Barney’s apartment, calling it a robot. She decides to call in Alan Thicke, a Canadian himself and part of Robin’s “Sandcastles in the Sand” video, to “run into” Robin and Barney. Then Crazy Meg would show up to remind Robin of Barney’s past. At the same time, a Storm Trooper would go by. When Robin and Barney are ready to kill each other—a busboy with dirty dishes would happen to stroll by. Good bye, Barney and Robin. Marshall and Ted are in awe.

Marshall, though, is not thrilled about doing their stakeout work from a station wagon. Ted argues that a van cost too much. And the plan continues to unravel. Alan Thicke shows up early. The pizza won’t fit in the station wagon. Alan Thicke’s dialogue is just him reminding us he’s Alan Thicke. They didn’t have any Storm Troopers, so Lily got the robot from “Lost in Space”—she also thinks Storm Troopers are robots. She gets upset when she realizes that they blew up the Death Star with real people on board. Crazy Meg shows up. Finally, they fear that the couple has spotted them. Marshall and Ted want to abort but Lily is determined to go through with this. She sends in the artillery, but in the end, Robin and Barney part with a kiss.

The gang realizes that the two really love each other and toast that at MacLaren’s, with Alan Thicke. Robin shows up and looks like her usual groomed self. She reveals that Barney and she broke up. Turns out that when the stakeout crew thought they were made, Barney and Robin just saw their reflections in the window. They admitted they weren’t happy anymore. They reasoned they were just too awesome to be a couple. Barney is afraid that they’ll have the awkward aftermath where they can’t be friends anymore, though it’s worked out for Robin and Ted. They agree, though, to being friends again and we see Lily’s plan awkwardly fail. Barney and Robin part with a good-bye kiss. The others are impressed with the break up. They get a shiver and we see all the girls turn toward the door as a slimmed down, freshly suited-up Barney returns to MacLaren’s in all his glory. He’s back.

Tag: Alan Thicke and Robin hug. Barney mentions “Sandcastles in the Sand” and Alan Thicke mentions a failed variety show. Barney waits a few seconds before running out of the bar to go find it. Can’t wait to see it!

I’m torn. I really, really liked Barney and Robin together but the show did seem to make them miserable in their relationship. And you know what, I blame Lily. She forced Robin and Barney to define their relationship and you can’t do that with these two. I think they’re relationship couldn’t be so inclusive, so defined. They needed to just be together but not a couple-couple, like Lily and Marshall. Barney and Robin like that was too unnatural for them.

Quote of the Episode:

“Let’s not think of it as a break-up, but two friends getting back together.”—Robin, about their break-up.