Galavant: Hark! It is John Stamos!

ABC has made the decision to air “Galavant” back to back to fill an hour. Not entirely sure why, but hey—time for more Galavant!

We open with Galavant being reunited with Magdalena. Except not as King Richard soon appears. Galavant tries to fight him but he’s not wearing any pants. Everyone starts to laugh and Galavant starts screaming.

It’s at that point he wakes up. Isabelle and Sid are glad—he’s been screaming for a while. They break camp and head out to continue their quest. And they sing about it as well. It’s not as catchy as the title song, but it’s good. Isabella even slips in that she’s working for the king and Galavant thinks he hears her but she keeps singing that he didn’t hear anything.

(A nightmare as old as time)

When the song ends, Galavant then curses and doubles over, trying to catch his breath. No, really. Galavant curses. On a Disney show. During the 8 PM hour, which is considered more friendly family because the young’uns are still up. I mean, ABC censors bleeped him AND pixelated his mouth but still. I heard it was going to push the boundaries, but I thought the show would stay within FCC regulations.

Our heroes realize that they are going to need money on their quest. Good thing there’s an advertisement for a joust under a sign post that includes the directions to Winterfell (Game of Thrones reference) and Hell (which is an arrow pointing down). They decide to enter Galavant, using the jewel as collateral.
Galavant then runs into an old enemy—Sir Jean Hamm, played by the first of many promised guest stars, John Stamos. He starts to berate Galavant, who is so over it. Especially once Hamm starts busting out “yo Momma” jokes. Galavant says those are old in 1256 and moves on. Hamm tries to hit on Isabella but she shuts him down.

(Sir Uncle Jesse)

She then realizes that Galavant may not be ready for this joust. He struggles to put on his armor and is still winded. Worried they could lose her jewel, Isabella takes matters into her own hands. She tries to make a speech about how great Galavant is but can hardly get through it. Thankfully, the judges agree to let Galavant go straight to the final round on merit alone. It gives Isabella time to train our out of shape hero.

Meanwhile, at King Richard’s court, Magdalena is still annoyed by everything her husband does. Especially since he gets fed by his chef like a toddler. Gareth tries to gently suggest the king eat like a grown-ass man but no one gets it. Richard is more than happy to be fed. Until he gets a piece with fat, which he demands be taken out. Disgusted, Magdalena excuses herself and storms out.

Richard sighs, wondering what he needs to do to impress Magdalena. Gareth suggests manning up but Richard insists he is man enough…until he bemoans the fact he got gravy on his “tummy flowers.” He realizes Gareth is right and begs him for help in the manhood department. Gareth agrees.

(The king becomes a student)

Gareth takes the king to his rooms and tells him that he needs to be more manly. So with the help of the chef, the two give Richard some lessons.

Also getting lessons? Galavant. Isabella trains him for the joust, explaining she’s the only child of a man’s man, so she’s been trained in the same areas a son would be. She has to wipe Galavant into shape, which is weird. Everyone’s made comments about how Galavant has gotten fat but Joshua Sasse, who plays him, is toned as hell. They didn’t even attempt to put padding on him. This seems to be a visual example of “telling, not showing.” Or, given the tone of the show, it’s just another joke.

There’s a song and I think it’s supposed to be reminiscent of “Eye of the Tiger.” I’m sure you could put that song over the montage and everything will fit there too. Isabella wipes Galavant into shape and is impressed with what she sees. Me too.

(I made the same face, Princess)

But while Galavant’s been training, Sir Jean Hamm has been winning round after round. He’s made it to the final against Galavant and Isabella is worried. Remembering how he came on to her earlier, Isabelle goes to his tent and gets him drunk on Absinthe.

(Drink up, Sir Uncle Jesse)

The next day, Galavant looks like a dashing knight. There is just one problem—he can’t move. Isabella is flabbergasted—turns out her training program was a bit too intense. She asks him how he got on the horse. He slept on it. But thankfully, Sir Jean Hamm is still hammered from the Absinthe. He and Galavant do their best but ultimately, the Absinthe wins. Which then allows Galavant to win. The Jewel of Valencia, the money and a rooster are theirs! Sid goes to cook the rooster as Isabella helps Galavant up.

In Richard’s palace, he and Magdalena are going to have dinner. He shows off how manly he is now. He’s even drinking beer straight from the bottle! For a few moments, Magdalena even seems impressed. She and Richard even share a civil conversation, though it does contain a story about how she had to kill her pet goat Jenny because her family was poor and needed the food. Richard counters with a story about a lonely childhood made only less so by a servant named Pearl. They seem to be having a touching moment.

This leads to a song about how she’s not so repulsed by the king and it seems to be a love song in the vein of “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face”—not really what one would expect from a Broadway style love ballad. Across the countryside, Isabella and Galavant sing their own verses of the song. Everyone agrees that they may not be as disgusted with each other as originally thought.

(A profession of...not pure hatred)

Magdalena and Richard end the song as Richard wonders if he’s going to get lucky tonight. But Magdalena shuts him down. She insults him and then takes it one step beyond: Pearl only hung out with him because his parents paid her to. She then stalks out of the room, leaving a devastated Richard behind.

There we end this episode: Galavant’s back in fighting form, Isabella is no longer as disgusted by him as she once was, and there’s been a brief thawing between Richard and Magdalena. Who knows what the future will bring? I’m hoping still for either Eric Idle or John Cleese.

See you all next week!

Screen caps from here.