Okay, it’s my choice.
But still!
Wanna be on top?
We start with Tyra in her PJs and pigtails wandering the Top Model house as if sleep walking. She says that her inner child is trying to tell her something. We then see her as a child sitting in the judging room dishing negative comments to crying contestants of yore. (I miss Victoria’s special brand of crazy, don’t you?) Anyway, then this little boy with a really whack wig comes in and, in Miss J’s recognizable voice, tells Kid!Tyra that he can walk and that she’s sitting in his chair. Adult!Tyra wakes up and says something is missing.
We all know Miss J’s coming back. If you wanted it to be a surprise, y’all shouldn’t have shouted it from the rooftops. Jeez.
Anyway, Tyra says that they have plenty of men again. Yep, the guys are back! But don’t worry, there are girls too! And there’s a guy named Danny from my hometown of Staten Island. You all know I’m obligated to root for anyone from Staten Island, right? We also meet Denzel from Texas. Matthew, meanwhile, wonders where the girls are.
They’re coming down the street. Why is Raelia getting subtitles? Meanwhile, Chantelle says she’s been unsure about her modeling career due to her skin condition. Anyway, the girls are on the other side of the curtain from the boys.
CORY’S BACK! I missed you too, Cory. Please tell me you’re doing color commentary. Please. Please. Please. Ivy’s as thrilled as me to see Cory. He tells them they will be walking in an electronic dance music (EDM) themed runway show. He even makes the untz sound. Will’s introduction is our quote of the episode and I like him. Meanwhile, Denzel says he wants to see an alpha male win.
Cory says they will be taking selfies and giving themselves a hashtag. Shei’s not too sure about this. Anyway, Cory sends them to hair and makeup. We go to…
COMMERCIALS!
LA! The girls hit hair and makeup. Someone paints them and Shei says her hashtag as to with the fact she’s a go-go dancer. One girl says she likes Tyson Beckford and then one of the guys says another guy looks like Tyson. Looks like the editors brought their “A” game this cycle! So who is Tyson’s hopefully not evil doppelganger? It’s Keith, who was a NY Giant until he suffered a career ending injury. Sorry, Keith. So he’s modeling now. Oh, wait, guys—Danny was from last cycle! Romeo thinks Danny thinks he’s superior to them. Romeo is a witch.
Cory challenges the guys to a walk off. And the girls can see the guys through a two-way mirror. The girls are enjoying the show and Keith says the guys realize they can see. Will talks about usually not taking off his shirt. He seems comfortable to me. And then the boys get to see the girls. Ben is enjoying the girls. Especially Kari. She catches several eyes. Matthew calls Chantelle “unique” and I think that was complimentary.
As a red moon rises, the crowd files in for the runway. Cory welcomes them. The contestants file in before Cory starts to introduce someone who is coming in through the ceiling. It’s Tyra. Okay, I’m impressed. Denzel says he needs one of those nets in his room. Tyra talks about Cory and how far he’s come. She then talks about originality and what is she doing with her enuciation? Just bring out Miss J. “I’m back,” he announces. Will’s about swoon.
COMMERCIALS!
Miss J says he’s come back home. We’re glad to have you back. Now let’s start this runway! Keith and Kari go first, taking their selfies. Miss J’s trying to get Kari to close her mouth. Lenox and Ben are next. Cory likes Lenox. Uniqua and Will go next. Miss J hopes that Will can also be masculine. He talks about coming out to his family and being who he wants to be. Shei and Denzel strut the runway, followed by Mirjana and Danny, who takes a while to take his selfie. Raelia and Romeo go next, followed by Ivy and King. Brandon talks about being sarcastic. Chantelle and Matthew strike a pose. Adam brags about his walk as he walks with Myra. Why is he growling? Cory’s facepalm says it all.
He congratulates them and they applaud. Cory tells them to personalize their selfie using the Line app. So they have fun and try to stand out to the judges. Keith is in love with Kari. Cory says his goodbyes but everyone is already in “I’m not here to make friends” mode.
Tyra welcomes Miss J and Kelly Cutrone to casting. Adam is first to stand before the judges. He says he’s a party boy but he’s a math geek. Tyra likes his energy, not his mouth. Kelly hopes her daughter never comes home with a guy like him. Chantelle is next and Tyra reveals she found her on social media. She likes how symmetrical her skin condition is. Tyra asks her about the bullying. Chantelle says she dropped out of high school. Tyra says she will be just as harsh on her. Tyra’s not a fan of her picture.
Ben comes in and admits he got his eyebrows threaded. He’s a “quadruple” threat—model, actor, dancer and singer. He sings a song called “Big Booty.” Ben flashes his guns as a proof about the benefits of being corn fed. He mentions that he served Tyra at a party and admits he checked Tyra out. Kelly lays into him for being unprofessional and trying to pick up Tyra. Ben crawls out.
Backstage, Romeo can’t stand Danny. And he may or may not being using voodoo to send Danny home.
Homeboy better watch out.
COMMERCIALS!
LA! Lenox is next. She says she has a large forehead. Tyra takes to her and they touch foreheads. Lenox reveals her father died a few weeks prior. He had left due to his own demons and she feels that he didn’t think she loved him. Tyra tells her not to feel so guilty. She’s not thrilled about the picture. Josh, meanwhile, has a liver disease that ended his sports career. Danny, homeboy, is back. This time, Tyra thinks his hair is too styled. Tyra thinks he looks fantastic in his selfie. She wonders if Danny is holding back.
Backstage, everyone asks about what it was like to go home. He talks about knowing it wasn’t the end of his modeling career. Danny confesses he wants everyone to do well and considers himself humble. Romeo doesn’t and tells it to his face. And then Romeo gets confrontational. Dude, stand up and walk away. And I’m not protecting Danny cause he’s from Staten Island. I’d say this if he was picking a fight with anyone else—walk away. Danny was talking to to you. You could just stand up and go somewhere else.
Romeo goes to stand before the judges and Kelly reveals she’s familiar with the Wiccan religion. His family was not thrilled with his religious choice. Kari is next. She says it’s amazing that the guys like her. Tyra loves Kari’s picture. Tyson’s doppelganger, Keith, follows Kari. Tyra pretends to be a quarterback and we get to see Keith’s touchdown. They like what Keith did with his selfie. Shei is next and Tyra asks about moving around a lot. She was raised by a single mom who kept things positive, even when they were sleeping in the car.
Backstage, a blonde comes in and introduces herself as Jamie Rae. She reveals she missed her flight. Adam predicts the girls aren’t going to like her. Mirjana doesn’t think Jamie Rae’s going to make it.
COMMERCIALS!
We come back to Denzel entering the judging panel. He quotes a Denzel movie and Tyra asks about his own company. Tyra doesn’t think he looks model-y in his shot. Backstage, Denzel realizes Will is wearing high heels. And he walks into panel with them. He’s a dance teacher and he wants to inspire his students. He teaches Tyra how to twerk, leading into a dancing montage featuring twerk. Finishing with Raelia, who is surprised to learn she has a booty. Tyra makes her wash off her makeup and Tyra says she looks so beautiful au naturel. Raelia is proud to be a virgin.
Tyra calls Jamie Rae a real-life Barbie. Wait, did Tyra just make a Life Size reference? Jamie Rae reveals she missed her flight but she kept her makeup. Kelly is surprised she’s a nanny. Tyra is not thrilled with her shot. She makes Jamie Rae wash her hair and her makeup. She freaks out and a producer has to give her pep talk. Jamie Rae is willing to give up this competition over her makeup.
That might be the stupidest reason anyone on this show has walked out over. I mean, I understand Cassandra’s freak out because in my opinion, her hair looked god awful. That hairstyle did not compliment her at all.
Anyway, COMMERCIALS!
Tyra summons Jamie Rae to the panel room. She asks her why she broke down over the makeup and Kelly thinks it’s about vulnerability. Tyra asks her if she wants to stay. Jamie Rae says she does. Tyra says she now looks like a model. Brandon starts with his foot in his mouth from his audition tape saying he doesn’t like dark-skinned girl. Tyra is upset that his photo looks good. Tyra likes Matthew but Kelly says he’s boring them. We zoom through a few guys before ending at Mirjana. She says she was from Serbia and had a rough life. Daddy issues, abusive boyfriend, sleeping in a bus station. Yep, she’s had a rough life. Everyone likes her shot. Tyra calls her “marijuana” and Mirjana corrects her immediately.
Time to cut the group down! At a bowling alley. Okay. Kelly says it’s not an ordinary ball. Miss J says they will roll the ball and if “yay” pops up, they get to stay. If it’s a sad bear, it’s a no. Everyone is nervous as we go to…
COMMERCIALS!
Kari goes first. She’s in! So’s Keith but Uniqua is not in. Brandon doesn’t make it but Ben does. Shei is in and so is Will. Denzel makes it along with Chantelle and Mirjana. Mark’s in and so is Raelia. Jamie Rae grandma bowls but makes it in. She hugs Kelly. Adam makes it, to Lenox’s surprise. She makes it too as does Romeo. Danny’s the last person to bowl. Does he make it? Sorry, Romeo, he does.
Kelly says the game is not over because they have one more week until they are finalists.
Wait, I have another casting episode? Damn you, Tyra. Damn. You.
So far, my favorite girls are Kari, Chantelle, Lenox and Mirjana. On the guys side, I’m preferring Denzel, Keith, Will and Danny. We’ll see what happens next week!
And seriously, welcome back, Miss J. You were sorely missed.
Next week: Subway! Fights! Group shot! Fourteen finalists!
Quote of the Episode
“I’m the six-foot-six gay Catholic dancer from Texas.”—Will, introducing himself.
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