Hello, Little John

Last time on Secret Life: Amy goes into labor and is quite irritable. She demands Dairy Shack burgers as all the regulars gravitate toward the hospital. Everybody flashes back to eight months and two weeks prior when Ricky entered Amy’s life.

The family watches Amy sleep. They start to bicker but Molly is called out when her phone vibrates. Amy’s Dad and Ashley talk about what would’ve happened 50 years ago as Ben comes in to talk to Amy. She’s not coherent and Ben says he obviously can’t be in the room for the birth (see: Him fainting during a contraction last week). Ben offers the camera to a family member and Amy asks Ashley to take it. She refuses, saying no one wants to see the birth. The doctor comes in as Amy is much calmer this time around, after the epidural. She says it’ll be soon and Amy worries about the pain. Molly tells her to focus on the baby.

Hospital! The Blabbermouth Duo sit in the waiting room, with Madison asking for coffee. Lauren tells her to run on adrenaline like the night they found out Amy was pregnant. But Madison convinces her to go for a coffee run. They end up getting a small group while Tammy and Tom consider getting a hotel room. Grace ix-nays the idea as she, Jack and Adrian join Alice and Henry in joining the Blabbermouth Duo on a coffee run. Alice admits to Lauren she is getting Henry back. I don’t know, he’s pretty smitten with Ashley.

Ben comes out to meet Ricky, who has no clue what is exactly going on in there. Ben notices he still has the camera and shoves it at Ashley. She refuses but a nurse says Amy wants to see Ashley—with the camera. Amy’s Dad tries to talk to Ricky, asking him if he wants to call anyone. Ashley comes back out a little woozy, which causes Ben to collapse. Ricky helps him to a seat. Ben admits he can’t hear about Amy in pain while Ricky feels guilty. He looks guilty. Ricky says he should get a vasectomy. Even Ben thinks that’s going a bit too far. Ricky has a great moment as he realizes all that he’s done. But he’s still having doubts about being a father but Ben gives him a pep talk. And he offers to be Ricky’s friend. Ricky resists and wonders about his role in his son’s life. Ben pleads down to a truce. Ricky agrees as we go to commercials. That was a sweet scene.

Hospital! The group returns from their coffee run. Adrian gives Ricky a coffee, saying she has one for Ben and another for Amy’s Dad. She asks how Ricky is doing but he turns it back to her. Adrian admits that she’ll be jealous when she sees Ricky hold the baby, but she does care for him. She tells him she is there for him. And she tells him to be there for his son. He hugs her as Grace comes up to say they will be leaving. It’s getting late. Grace tries to convince Ricky that he’s in love with Adrian and vice versa. She tells him she might be getting back with Jack while Ricky thinks she can do better. I think so as well. I think she and Jack are better as friends.

The Sausage King has arrived! He tells Ben he is proud and Ben admits he’s been irresponsible. That’s why the Sausage King is proud. He also knows that Ben loves Amy, as much as the Sausage King loved the Sausage Queen. Ben encourages his dad to date again but dad is happy as he is. He realizes Ben’s mom was his One and feels Amy is his son’s One.

Henry and Alice got back together? They wonder why sex could be so bad while they enjoy making out. Tom complains about going to the hospital but Grace reminds him that he wanted go. She asks Tom to leave so she can talk to Jack. He tells her that he loves her and she repeats it. They kiss…Where’s John Schneider? His face would probably be priceless. Grace reaffirms that she is still waiting till marriage but not necessarily till after medical school. Well, instead of a John Schneider face, we get Tom singing “My Girl.”

Molly comes out to update Amy’s Dad. She says they are almost there while he wonders if it ever took that long. She says it did as the doctor comes out to say that Amy is ready to push. She says Amy even wants Dad in there. Molly convinces him to go in and calling her “Grandma,” he agrees.

Hospital! Ben and Ricky wait outside as “Stand by Me” plays. Amy’s Dad comes out and motions. Ben signals that Ricky can go inside. Amy’s Dad rejoins Ashley and Molly at Amy’s bedside, where she is holding her baby. Ricky looks ready to cry. He refuses to hold his son though and almost cries again. And that convinces him to hold the boy. Ben and the Sausage King are next. He kisses Amy after a moment seeing Ricky holding the baby. Ben holds the baby, who cries even though he was giggling in Ricky’s arms. Wow, show. The baby stops crying in the Sausage King’s arms, maybe because he’s bouncing the baby. Babies like to be bounced. Ben goes back to cameraman, taping the special moment. We see Amy, baby, Dad, Molly, and Ashley asleep. Grace, Jack, Tom and Tammy show up to see the baby…wow, this is a really long version of “Stand by Me”…and Adrian comes. And now it’s the Blabbermouth Duo, giggling with their best friend. Henry and Alice follow behind with Leon and Donovan…good lord, show, is everybody ever on this show going to be on?

The montage follows with Ricky holding his baby as Amy sleeps and we go to commercials.

Moving van! Molly says they have to get cleaned up and return to the hospital. Amy’s Dad says his stuff and Ashley’s are in the van and they are going to start their new life. They say good-bye and leave. Molly follows them outside, saying she’ll miss her youngest daughter. Ashley tells her mom she loves her. Molly cries as they pull away. Then the van pulls into the house next door. Huh, I was expecting him to have bought the house. Molly is thrilled. Ashley and Amy’s Dad are scared.

Adrian’s Dad comes over for a visit. They talk about Max and Adrian worries that dad’s there to get her back for him. Dad says he’s there to tell her he left his wife because he has an unresolved issue named Adrian. He offers to take her out for some food, trying to be a father. It’s good not to see them fighting.

Amy tries to send Ben home for some rest. Ben offers to do her homework and she says he’s done too much already. She thanks him for being there for her. Ben says good-bye but asks about the baby’s name. Amy doesn’t know. Ashley comes in and hugs Ben before sending him home. Amy lets Ashley name him and says “John.” The girls start singing “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.” The parents walk in, worrying about what their daughter and her baby’s name. They are happy to hear it is “John.” Molly says Amy and John are going home tomorrow.

Amy is sleeping standing up as the microwave beeps. Molly tries to help her daughter prepare a bottle as the doctor who will help her breastfed will be by later the day. Amy’s hormonal. Molly offers to make John’s bottle for her daughter. Amy’s Dad is making Ashley go to school but lets her go see John. They see Molly’s new employer come in with a giant teddy bear. Amy’s Dad is jealous and says he wants to get a motorcycle. Ashley asks for a dog. He agrees. Molly’s employer is just there to check on her. Molly admits she would like another child again, with someone who isn’t Amy’s Dad. Apparently, Molly is serious (Molly Ringwald is also pregnant in real life. This is probably the set up).

Amy feeds John and bonds.

We go back to high school as Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” plays. The Blabbermouth Duo high five Alice, Henry and Ben. Grace and Jack walk in hand-in-hand. Alice and Henry kiss. Adrian walks the halls and watches Grace take a pill. She’s really looking for Ricky. Ben updates Mr. Molina about Amy and asks about his wife. Mr. Molina is surprised at how mature Ben is from the wide-eyed boy who entered his office at the beginning of the year.

We get a shot of the sleeping mother and infant. Ricky comes by to visit his son. Aww.

And that’s season one…two…good lord, I hate cable seasons! I’m sticking to Summer Season and Winter Season. Summer 09 season starts in June. What do you think is coming? Molly’s pregnancy? Ashley and Dad waging war against Molly? Grace and Jack round two? Ben v Ricky? More John Schneider?

Quote of the Episode:

Ben: Did you talk to Amy about this stuff?

Ricky: No, why?

Ben: Because I was just trying to cheer you up.

See you in June! Remember, I still recap “America’s Next Top Model,” “CSI: NY” and “Eleventh Hour.” 

This One Time at Band Camp...

Sorry for the delay, but as I explained in an earlier recap, work got busy and I got backlogged. So, I’m skipping the last two “Secret Life” episodes and go straight to last Monday’s (3/16) episode.

Last week: Grace got fed up trying to plan a baby shower for Amy with Adrian. Of course, while I find Adrian one of the most 3-dimensional characters on this show, I wouldn’t trust her to water my planets let alone plan a baby shower. Especially since she has problems with her step-brother. Random Hallway Kid, Joe, blackmails people into going so a whole interesting slue of characters show up, including Mr. Molina’s pregnant (!) wife. Meanwhile, Amy’s Dad prepares to move out—and Ashley is going with him. Jack breaks it off with Shawna and Ricky gets serious about becoming a daddy. And at the end, Amy goes into labor as Ben shows up to support her—even suggesting she call Ricky.

We open with Band Camp 2008. Amy, carrying her French Horn, gets distracted when she sees Ricky in the stands. He’s interested too. We flash to him standing in Amy’s hospital room, watching her sleep.

Credits!

Eight months and two weeks ago…(Thank you title card) Ricky and Amy meet. We get to hear Amy’s thoughts as well as Ricky sits down with her. They talk about boyfriends. Oh hey, John Schneider will be showing up! Sorry, sorry, back to the flashback. A girl comes up to say to Ricky and reminds him her name is Gail. She’s upset…Oh, I think she’s one of Ricky’s flames. He says he remembers her, kissing her but finding out she had a boyfriend. He says that was why he was asking about boyfriends and then asks her out. She says she will be the freshman soloist that night. A girl comes up to warn Amy about Ricky. Warning not heeded, Blonde Girl.

Amy calls Madison and Lauren as they go to orientation. They coo over Jack as he approaches Grace. He congratulates her on making cheerleading. She says she’s happy to be on the bottom. Aww, it’s the start of their relationship. They are adorable as he tries to ask her to go steady. She’s worried about her parents and doesn’t want to go steady yet either. Jack doesn’t want her to go out with any other guys and she flirts that she may. Oh, Grace. Our friend the noisy secretary comes to direct the Blabbermouth Duo back to their room.

Henry and Alice blog or play tetris or something as Ben wants his braces off. I understand Ben’s wish to get them off. Oh, that was a happy day. Ben complains about how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. The Sausage King comes in and tells Ben there will be a delay until he reveals it is all a big goof on his son. He brings Henry and Alice along, even though Henry asks if they could stay behind by themselves. Alice, Sausage King and Ben all respond “No.”

Adrian is home reading a book as her mom comes home. She gives her the third degree about her recent lingerie purchases, asking who it is this time. She bugs mom for a car, who says they’ll go tonight and then tells her daughter to mind her own business about what she has to do that afternoon.

We flashback as Amy wakes up. Molly Ringwald comes in with food but Amy wants a burger and shake from the Dairy Shack. Ricky offers to go for her and Amy sends him away coldly. Molly coaches her through a contraction as Amy regrets not going to birthing class earlier and demands drugs. Molly reminds her she can’t eat after the epidural, so she complains about being hungry and in pain. Molly distracts Amy by asking what she will call her son, who has not thought about it at all. For some reason, she thinks since she is a minor she can’t name a baby. Doesn’t work like that sweetie. She panics.

We go back to Band Camp, where Amy practices as Ricky enters. Amy’s getting nervous around Ricky, who gives her the old “picture the audience naked” advice. Trust me, it doesn’t work. Just look over their heads at a spot on the wall. Amy says her lips are dry and Ricky kisses her, and then offers her water.

Tom asks Grace if there is any news about the baby. She says no. Tom offers her her promise ring back, confusing Grace. Tom and Tammy are still together, but he thinks his sister needs her ring back. Tom asks Grace if she was seeing Jack. She denies it as Tom says that the ring is so she doesn’t have anything to tell him. He’s a great big brother.

Grace flashes back to her dad telling her that she’s not going out with Jack nor going steady with just one guy. Grace stuns her dad with the news no one else is asking and that she knows he told Rev. Stone to tell Jack to ask her out. John Schneider says Rev. Stone approached him and asks if they have kissed. Sounds like Daddy Dearest didn’t like Jack at all. We comes back as Grace puts the ring on. Ben calls Grace to give her an update that the baby will be awhile. Grace tells Ben to tell Amy she’s praying for her, but then backtracks. Ben assures her that Amy wants Grace to pray for her. As he hangs up, his driver reminds him he is outside and that the Sausage King will come when Amy’s Dad calls. That’ll be forever, knowing Amy’s Dad. Alice and Henry are there, IM-ing each other while sitting next to each other. Ben figures they are talking about him and leaves, but a nurse stops him.

We flashback to Alice and Henry eight months and two weeks ago, with Alice saying no to sex with Henry. He says he doesn’t want to be a virgin at 30. Ben just marvels at his teeth. I know the feeling, buddy. Ben is looking forward to high school. Am I the only one who thought episode 1 was also Ben’s first day of school and that it was already about a few weeks in?

Ben offers Amy food, but she still demands Dairy Shack. She then has a contraction, which floors Ben. Literally, he isn’t ready for Amy in labor. Molly runs in to help, trying to coax an irritable Amy into doing something. Amy asks when her contractions will stop as Mom duhs when the baby comes.

At the hospital, Amy’s Dad enjoys the burger Ben brought as Ashley watches. Amy finally got her Dairy Shack, but she’s still irritable. She complains about the pain but Amy’s Dad and Ashley can’t cheer her up. Amy wants a frip but can’t get anyone to work with her. Amy’s Dad holds Amy’s hand during a contraction, surprised at his daughter’s strength. He comforts a crying Amy, he does soothing dad well. Ashley finds Molly talking to Mimsy, who is at her boyfriend’s house. Ashley tells her the relationship with Thomas is over and swears off guys for a while. As Molly runs away to help Amy, Ashley flashes to…

Ashley used to dance? Amy’s Dad is vindicated to see she is still dancing. He knew the “drinking coffee with my friends” was a rouse because Ashley doesn’t have any friends. He says he’ll pick her up later, he has to help a woman with her furniture. Ashley realizes then that Dad’s cheating and I’d say he did it with the dance instructor, judging by their banter.

Ricky sits down to Ashley, asking her some questions. Ashley responds meanly and Ricky pleads to be her friend. He needs her as everyone else will hate him. Ashley wonders if Ricky can be friends as we go back to…

Band Camp 2008. Ricky coaches Amy through her piece. She wonders if he wants to be friends, but he tells her he wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She rejoices as Ricky offers to walk her to her cabin. He even carries her French horn and holds her hand. Aww. She mentally reminds herself to “Be cool.”

Tom comes back to Grace for a baby update. Same as last time, Tommy boy. Tom says he’ll call Adrian, which Grace says will make Tammy jealous. Tom says he knows and that jealousy will spice up the relationship. Okay…Grace calls Adrian, who is waiting for news. She still pines for Ricky and goes on about her afternoon. She also tries to find out about Grace’s feelings for Jack. She changes the subject and says Adrian should drive them to the hospital to be there for Amy. They’ve already been there for her through so much already, Grace argues. Adrian correctly points out that Grace has been the one there for Amy.

We flashback to Adrian’s mom trying to convince her daughter to come downstairs. Adrian says she doesn’t want to meet her mother’s new boyfriend and Adrian’s mom threatens to return the car. That gets her daughter moving. Adrian’s Mom thanks Amy’s Dad for helping her to pick out the car and dealing with the salesman. He says he hopes she likes him and she reminds Amy’s Dad he’s married. Adrian comes down to see the car. She rejoices and hugs her mom.

Back in the present, Adrian leaves. Tom calls Jack, who flat out says that Jack kissed Grace. Tom tells Jack that the girls are going to the hospital and asks for a ride. At the hospital, the Blabbermouth Duo come for a visit. Molly leaves to go update Dad and Ashley as Amy reveals she is still irritable. She’s also too far along to go home but not far along enough to get the drugs. Madison updates Amy about who is waiting for her. The Blabbermouth Duo try to comfort their friend as she gives them a PSA about sex. Madison and Lauren need the awkward turtle right now. What do you say when you’re fifteen and your best friend is in labor.

Molly flashes to eight months and two weeks ago…Ashley comes home and is her usual self. Molly wishes Amy were there so she could talk to someone. Amy’s Dad says they could talk and Molly doesn’t respond. He tells her that’s the problem and leaves. We return to Molly and Amy’s Dad looking sad in the waiting room.

The doctor assures Amy she’ll give her the epidural when the time is right. She encourages Amy to let go off her anger, it’ll help the process. Amy curses her mom, the class and Ricky.

Ricky brings her to the closed mess hall, offering her coffee and hamburgers. Ricky praises her performance at the concert and assures Amy that they will not get into trouble. Be prepared to eat your own words, Ricky. Amy gets the scoop on her new teachers from Ricky, who in turn tries to get information about Amy’s life outside band. She tells him about the Blabbermouth Duo, Dad, Molly and Ashley. He deflects the question about his family and asks to move to the couch, more comfortable. Amy wants to go back but he convinces her to stay. So, they move to the couch and continue talking. And by talking, they mean kissing. I can’t tell if Ricky is being sincere or if he’s just trying to get into her pants at this point. Amy says she should go. Go, Amy, go. But Ricky convinces her to stay for a few more minutes.

Amy returns to the present and realizes that she should’ve left. She says “Crap,” but assures her baby it is not about him but her.

Quote of the Episode:

Amy: How do we even know I have a birth canal? *Anne looks on incredulous* What? I don’t know anything about anything besides the French horn!

Can anyone explain Twilight’s popularity to me? Because I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

Next week: The entrance of Ricky and Amy’s baby!

So, did you enjoy the flashback to the past? Enjoy band camp? Any ideas what Amy will name the baby?

Ricky v Amy v Ben v Grace v Adrian v Her Dad v...

Last week on Secret Life of the American Teenager: Ricky’s dad Bryan Callen made everyone uncomfortable. Ricky broke up with Grace to protect her but John Schneider was cool with Ricky’s past. Jack started to mentor Duncan while Amy learned her baby is a boy. And Bryan Callen was sent back to jail.

Grace is doodling in her notebook. She decides to call Adrian, telling her that Ricky broke it off with her. Adrian tells her that Bryan Callen went back to jail, covering the fact that Ricky is in bed with her. Grace is all happy to hear that she can go out with Ricky again but he isn’t. Adrian figures that Ricky thinks love=sex but he squashes that by saying he isn’t in love with Adrian but had sex with her. Grace calls and tries to make a date with Ricky. He shoots her down, saying he has a meeting with Amy about the baby. Adrian finally kicks him out of her bed for good, though Ricky doesn’t believe it. I hope Adrian sticks too it.

CREDITS!

Adrian tries to seduce Jack, but he turns her down. Says he’s hanging out with Duncan. Jack wonders if Amy and Ricky are getting back together, which is worrying Ben. Grace confirms it and walks off as Amy comes up. Ben asks her about the meeting and she says it’s been set for a few days. He storms off as Amy calls out his immaturity. Mr. Molina lets Ben into his office and asks about Amy and Ricky. Mr. Molina reminds Ben that the baby is Ricky and of Ben’s not!marriage to Amy. Ben asks Mr. Molina for an intervention. He turns it down and then starts unloading on Ben. He was a cop but the wife thought it interfered with their relationship.

Mr. Molina eventually agrees and it pisses off Amy. She storms off as Ricky tells Ben there is nothing to talk about it. He invites Ben to come to the meeting that night to be with Amy.

A phone rings and Adrian picks up. Ricky says he plans to be free after ten while Adrian reminds him he’s been kicked out of her bed. Adrian says a guy is coming over and Ricky gets jealous. He asks if it’s Jack but she reminds him of the mentoring. She opens the door to see someone she addresses as Max there. He tells her he’s there about her dad leaving his mom. Ouch. And Adrian will sleep with him, you can tell.

Ricky calls Grace, asking her for prayers. And then if he can come over. She says yes—she’ll make cookies. I feel so bad for her. Meanwhile, Jack is waiting for Duncan with Shauna. He’s late coming back from his job, bagging something. Turns out he has to work late so Jack hangs out with Shauna. He says “Entertain me” and she gets an Adrian-esque look in her eyes.

Ashley comes in as Amy goes through her closet. She wonders if her sister is dressing up for Ricky, but Amy insists she’s just trying to find something comfortable. Ashley warns her not to make the same mistake but Amy insists this is just to get Ricky’s permission to go through the adoption. Ashley tells her sister to stop feeling sorry for herself while Amy continues to say she is trying to be responsible. It gets so bad, Amy attacks her sister. They calm down.

Amy’s Dad asks Molly Ringwald why she’s all dressed up. She says she’s going out while Ricky is with Amy. Amy’s Dad isn’t too thrilled and says he’ll be out too. Molly doesn’t believe it. Amy’s Dad presses for more information and is surprised to hear Molly is meeting Rev. Stone. He storms out as Ashley comes down, praying her mother isn’t dressed up for Ricky. Ashley doesn’t support the adoption and Molly tells her to support it. Ben shows up and pleads with Amy to let him stay as Ricky comes. He gets to the point: No adoption. So Amy retorts: “Fine, then it’s yours.”

Atta girl!

Ricky wonders how he could take care of the baby, particularly since he won’t drop out of school. Ben asks Amy if she’s thought it through. Oh, wait, she was serious? She says no it was just an idea but she says it’s good as she and Ben could be normal teenagers. She leaves Ricky and Ben to argue it out. Back at Adrian’s, she talks to Max about her father. She calms his mother’s concerns saying her parents are thinking of getting back together. Adrian tries to come on to him while he continues to remind her that they are step-siblings. But it doesn’t last long as he kisses her. She tells him to work for it. Oh Adrian.

Amy’s Dad goes over a gay couple’s house for dinner. Amy’s Dad loves the food and praises the gays then checks to make sure “Leon” is out. He replies he is and after offering more food and a boxing match, Amy’s Dad wants to move in. Molly talks with Rev. Stone about some prospective parents that are right in his own church. He talks about an older couple who spent their youth traveling and are ready to settle down. The husband has tickets to seats on the third base line! He then talks about the Buckners who are young—27—and married in college. He was a professional wrestler. Molly can tell Rev. Stone isn’t 100% behind them. He confesses his promise to Ashley to counsel her parents. Molly insists she’s getting a divorce and Rev. Stone promises to help her find a couple.

Ricky and Ben argue over the baby. Ricky insists the burden of responsibility for the baby is on Amy as Ben correctly tries to remind him of his legal responsibility to the baby. Ricky asks if Ben will raise the baby but Ben bemoans their not!marriage. Ben argues for Amy because he considers her feelings despite the fact he showed up against her wishes. Ben admits to being jealous of Ricky, who responds he’s jealous of Ben. Ben has no real responsibility to the baby. Ricky then tells Ben that Amy invited him over to talk and out to coffee six months ago at band camp.

Amy comes down to find Ben just sitting there. Ben tells Amy that it’s something she has to decide with Ricky. He talks about Ricky and Amy’s bond through the baby and he has no right to decide anything about the baby. He maturely removes himself from the situation and gives Amy some room. He says he still wants to be with her, but he wants her to be honest with him. Amy is shaken as Ben leaves. Oh, the return of the Chords of Meaningfulness.

Ricky talks with Grace about the baby. She tries to be supportive. He’s excited that it’s a boy but still not excited about adoption. Grace asks if he’s addressing this in therapy. He replies he hasn’t been seeing Lauren’s Dad AKA Ernie Hudson as it is too much work. He says Grace has been helping him though he can’t see them married. Grace says she can and Ricky kisses her goodbye.

Adrian is all cuddled up with Max. Her father walks in, saying he promised to check up on her because her mother couldn’t reach it. Adrian tries to bluff that Ricky is hiding under the covers but Adrian’s Dad is smarter than that. He pulls the covers and is surprised to see his step-son under there. They promise nothing happened and Max was sent over by his mother to scope out the situation. Adrian’s Dad accurately tells her that she has a problem. They argue and he tells her to start respecting him. He storms out.

Duncan interrupts his mentor and his sister. He realizes they weren’t just “talking” and leaves them alone. Shauna tells Jack that Duncan just needs to get out more—he’s already a good kid. Jack says he’s attracted to Shauna and is a monogamous type of guy. Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend and was just having “fun” with a high school guy. He leaves.

Molly finds Ashley moping in the kitchen. She tells Molly about the fighting. Everyone is moping around the Jurgens household. Molly calls Ashley out on the wish to get her parents back together. She finally calls out Ashley’s attitude, saying she knows her daughter is in pain. She tells Ashley that the entire family is in pain—Molly and Amy’s Dad are divorcing and Amy is having a baby at 15. Ashley says she is hurting, but not as much as the rest of her family. “The three of you are idiots,” she says. Molly agrees, hugging her youngest.

Amy’s Dad is absolutely happy over his night with Leon and his boyfriend. They talk about their financial security and their desire to be parents. They ask Amy’s Dad if Amy will let them adopt the baby. Amy’s Dad is floored.

Grace receives a phone call…from Jack. He’s at her door. He tells her she is the only nice girl he knows. He tells her to not wear her heart on her sleeve because someone (Ricky) will tear it out and stomp on it. Grace starts to protest but Jack finally tells her that her boyfriend is sleeping with her best friend.

Amy’s Dad comes home and talks to Amy about letting Leon and his partner adopt the baby. Amy’s a little surprised as Amy’s Dad tells her they have to lead Molly to the idea. Meanwhile, Grace busts Adrian and Ricky (oh, Adrian) but the idiot tells Adrian that Ricky will come back to her once he works out his issues by sleeping with her. Amy calls Ricky and tells him to let the baby be adopted. She admitted to inviting him over to see if they could raise the baby together—as friends. But she realized she was wrong and the baby will be better adopted. She’s acting grown up and asks him to agree with her. He does.

And the Chords of Meaningfulness play us out.

And we’re back to the original PSA.

Next week: Grace and Adrian go at it. Ricky admits feelings for Amy, hugging her. And Amy confesses her love for someone. I think it’s bad news for Ben, Adrian and Grace.

Quote of the Episode:  

“Marriage sucks, huh?”—Mr. Molina

Did You Know Possessing a Fake ID was Illegal?

Last week on Secret Life of the American Teenager: Amy and Ben decide to get married in a very anti-climatic scene in which no one said “STOP THIS WEDDING!” or “I OBJECT” or “I don’t.”  Since it was supposed to be a secret, naturally the entire school knows and all the teenage principles show up for the wedding. They all then needed fake IDs so Random Hallway Kid is in the money. Molly Ringwald kicked Amy’s Dad out of the house, he moved into the garage and they fought over it in scenes more appropriate for a sitcom than a teen drama. John Schneider was on a “golf trip” after learning Josie Bisset cheated on Amy’s Dad and not vice versa but Josie let Grace and Tom go out (with Ricky and new girl Tammy), Adrian plotted to get her parents back together and Mr. Molina was still missing.

Onwards! Grace is trying to talk Tom and Tammy out of their impromptu decision to get married. Grace notices her discarded promise ring on Tammy’s finger and wants it back. She refuses and thinks Grace is nuts. Ricky tries to talk some sense into the two but it fails. Grace calls Josie. Josie thinks it’s cute until she realizes her daughter is serious. She asks Tom to wait and calls John Schneider? No, Amy’s Dad. She breaks the news about Amy’s wedding to him so he calls the Sausage King.

CREDITS! Oh, so that’s what they looked like. If you remember, I had a screwed up TV for most of the summer run.

Okay, everyone, you know this song! “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!” The reception is really rocking out as the Sausage King and Amy’s Dad come to be killjoys. On a side note, why is John Schneider still just a “special guest star”? The Dads don’t look happy to see Amy’s ring.

The party over, Adrian returns home to find her father there. Her mother had to go to work and he gets to interrogate Adrian. She tells him about the wedding and DA Daddy realizes it isn’t legal. Adrian is happy because Amy’s marriage makes the baby Ben’s and it is still clear she likes Ricky, despite her denying it. Dad works out they all had fake IDs and makes her hand it over. She says no and he lays out the legal ramifications. Did you know in New York a fake ID can lead to jail time? She hands over the ID and asks him not to track down where she got it. He says Adrian might spend the summer with him, she says he could just move in with her and Mom, he reminds her he’s married but I don’t think Adrian cares.

The Sausage King gives his son a lecture, saying he knows Ben knows what is right. And he tells his son the marriage is invalid. Sausage King is upset with his son, who hasn’t got past the “not married” part. He takes Ben home. Henry leaves the bathroom, grabs a burger and get out. Meanwhile, Amy’s Dad is examining Ashley’s and Amy’s fake IDs. They all wish they were in Nevada. Now, it’s Amy’s turn to be told she isn’t married. No one wants to tell Molly.

 Amy and Ashley stonewall Molly, who tries to get them to eat pancakes with her. They say they need sleep as we cut to the Bowman household. It’s John Schneider! He’s back. Tom rats out Grace’s fake ID and they argue. Josie and John try to convince Tom not to marry Tammy and John takes his phone. He then takes Grace’s ID and scolds Josie and Grace for taking this too lightly. This somehow ends up about Josie’s infidelity with Amy’s Dad and she leaves. Grace tells her dad about Ricky and he isn’t too happy. He notes her ring is gone, she says it’s with Tammy and John says he should get it back so he can give it to Josie. He’s acting like she cheated on him!

 Adrian gets a visit from Ricky. Okay, dude, make up your mind. Grace or Adrian?

 Amy’s Dad looks divine in a pink bathrobe with red and white dots. Molly really wants pancakes if she’s willing to share ‘em with Amy’s Dad. She wants to talk which naturally segues to the two of them having sex. Which was apparently great. But Molly insists she isn’t taking Amy’s Dad back and then implies she had an affair. He gets upset but she reveals it was a lie. She leaves the garage and tells him to move out. He says he won’t.

 Molly wants to drive the girls to school and argues with Amy’s Dad over it. Ashley would rather walk. Molly and Amy talk about finding a job again. Amy debates telling her mom. And now Ricky looks all happy with Grace, skipping down the hallway gushing over each other. Thankfully, Adrian comes to end it. She drops some hints and then reminds her about Jack. Adrian then says Mr. Molina is back. FINALLY! Ricky and Grace walk away as Jack comes up to talk to Adrian. He tells her he wants to do some volunteer work. Jack then goes to talk to Alice, who is with Henry. They ask each other if they had sex and both deny. Alice asks him to try again and Henry says no.

 Ben comes up followed by Amy. She apologizes, he apologizes. She tells Ben not to tell Molly. Random Hallway Kid comes up to ask about the wedding. Once again, we are told the ramifications of having a fake ID, blah blah blah. Calling the Department of Redundancy Department! Random Hallway Kid says they’d have to catch him and then the principal makes an announcement that all students with fake IDs should report to Mr. Molina’s office. Okay, show, think logically. If a student HAS a fake ID, do you really think they are going to walk into their guidance counselor’s office and admit it? Especially since you said the police will be there? You’d have better luck searching them for it. Then the principal amends it and asks for “Joe Hampton”—Random Hallway Kid. Ben and Amy swear they didn’t rat them out so Random Hallway Kid puts money on the Blabbermouth Duo (Lauren and Madison).

 Adrian sees her dad. I smell the rat.

 Jack goes around collecting everyone’s fake IDs. He stops outside Mr. Molina’s office.

 And we’re back. Hi, Mr. Molina! I missed you! A police officer interrogates Random Hallway Kid. Jack comes in and confesses to it all, throwing away the torn up IDs. His last name is “Pappas”? He’s a good Greek boy who isn’t Greek Orthodox. Jack leaves with the officer though Molina knows he’s taking the rap for Random Hallway Kid. Ben comes to chat with his BFF who thinks Ben has gone off the deep end. Amy overhears Ben saying that he thought the wedding with fake IDs was a bad idea but he went along with it. But then he says he does want to marry Amy. Mr. Molina repeats that it is a bad idea but Ben notes Molina’s wedding ring. AWW! Ben says that he’s surprised due to what Molina told him and the Sausage King about his girlfriend. I would love to see more of those three. They are great together.

 Though, how long did Mr. Molina take off to get married and go on a honeymoon? It was made clear that the summer episodes took place within a short period of time, about a month or two. Last week, we were told Amy is in her sixth month of pregnancy and Mr. Molina’s been missing the entire time. That’s a long time for a school to go without a counselor. Molina was also new and so tenure would not save his job.

 We cut to Molly waiting at a family lawyer. She rambles on about fruit and her daughters to the receptionist, saying she is close to Amy and Ashley. The receptionist offers the number to a therapist so Molly could talk to someone, she replies she talks to Amy and Ashley. Enter John Schneider. He introduces himself to Molly and awkward conversation follows. Fear not, John and Josie fans! John is there to ask legal advice about Tom’s desire to marry Tammy. In the process, he spills the beans about Amy’s secret not-marriage. Molly is shocked but asks John to thank Grace for what she did for Amy. The receptionist takes the cake: “She didn’t tell you?” My sister said it would’ve been better if she held up the therapist’s number.

 Jack returns with community service and no charges. He reminds Adrian that it was her father. She asks him if her dad asked him about her. He says no and they part. Ricky talks to Adrian, asking what she’s doing that night. Ricky though says he loves Grace and might marry her. Adrian tells him she is happy being the woman he cheats with and then makes sure Ricky doesn’t have a record.

 Ben tells Amy about Mr. Molina’s girlfriend. Apparently, she got so jealous he went out with another woman (though he doesn’t say if it was a romantic “going out” or not) she broke down the woman’s door. Okay, if he was cheating on her, I don’t necessarily blame her. Ben says they need to figure out their relationship and hopes they can make their marriage legal someday. Molly stops by to confront the two about the wedding. They argue about jobs and school and thinking and doing the right thing and raising children and Ricky. Molly is trying to force realism on this show. Give it up, show. Molly’s rant is interrupted by Amy thinking she’s in labor. However, it’s just the baby kicking. Amy cries and admits she’s scared.

 Quote of the Episode:

Grace: “Am I old enough to hear this?”

John: “You’re twenty-seven in the state of Nevada, you’re old enough to hear anything.”

Josie: “Your father will not let you forget this.”

Next week: Ricky’s dad comes to town. 

Nothing Remains Secret in High School

And “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” is back! In case you forgot: Amy is pregnant by manwhore Ricky, who is trying to win over good girl cheerleader Grace, who dumped Jack because he cheated on her with Adrian who had an on again-off again relationship with Ricky, Amy’s parents are in marital strife, Amy falls for Ben who proposes, Ashley wants out of her family, Adrian is being transferred by her dad, Grace learns George didn’t cheat on her mother, it was the other way around, and we still don’t know where Mr. Medina went. Phew. One sentence!

Molly Ringwald and Amy share a “good morning” as Amy orders a delicious breakfast. Molly says it sounds good and says Amy could make it. She uses the “I’m pregnant” excuse which Molly turns around to explain Amy will have to take care of the baby. Apparently, Amy hasn’t really thought about how the baby will throw a monkey-wrench into her life. Molly says she needs to get a job as Amy’s Dad comes in asking for food for “Grandpa.” Amy says he’ll have to get it himself and stalks off.

Meanwhile, Molly and Amy’s Dad talks about finances. Molly kicks him out, reiterates she wants a divorce and corrects him that she didn’t complete a bachelor’s in philosophy but women’s studies.

CREDITS!

Amy goes out for breakfast, which is where Ben meets her. We must’ve done a time jump because now Amy is sixth months along and not really showing. Amy asks Ben to marry her and now it is Ben who is the voice of reason. Amy says they have to elope using fake IDs. Ben wants his dad there but Amy shoots that down. Amy says they should get married tonight. And Ben goes back to his idealistic, romantic self and agrees. Unfortunately, neither knows where to get a fake ID.

Tom is begging Grace to call Adrian. She says no and they talk for a bit about Ricky, their parents and Jennifer Coolidge. Josie Bisset shoots him down over Jennifer Coolidge and then asks to talk to Grace. She sets Grace right, saying that she didn’t cheat on Amy’s Dad with John Schneider but someone else. And she married Amy’s Dad just to have sex and get away from her uber-strict Mom. Apparently, John Schneider find out about the whole cheating thing and left, but Josie’s sure he’ll come back. And then says both Tom and Grace can date.

Adrian and her mother clean and talk, mostly about Adrian’s transfer. Adrian doesn’t want to leave her school, a good magnet school though her mother doesn’t think Adrian have good friends. Adrian pleads with her mother to talk to her father. She stalls but Adrian talks her into it and, though she denies it, seems to hope her mom and dad will get back together.

Grace calls Ricky, who is getting his license…Why does that scare me? Oh, wait, he’s getting a fake idea from that random hallway kid. Ricky invites Grace to Amy and Ben’s wedding. Apparently, they got their fake IDs from Random Hallway Kid and he tells Ricky where to go.

Oh, and my sister and I want to see BrideWars. Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson together—this looks good.

And we’re back. Amy’s going through her closet as Ashley comes in. She tells her Amy’s Dad is moving out. Ashley’s trying to plan to keep him in the house. They argue over the baby and her mom. Then Amy tells her it is her wedding day. Ashley thinks it is all a joke. When she realizes Amy is serious, Ashley tries to talk some sense into her sister. Ashley agrees to get the fake ID after Amy promises to tell her their Dad’s new address.

At the school, when Random Hallway Kid reveals he gave the “groom” a discount, Amy freaks out. No one is supposed to know. Boy, those two are going to be surprised. Molly comes in, scaring the two. They talk about jobs, the baby, insurance and stuff I’m worrying about (sans baby). And they talk about Dad. Ben and Henry walk in. Ben introduces Henry to Molly as his “best man,” which everyone laughs off. Henry asks Ashley if she’d want to go to Ben’s house for a movie. They agree on seven. Molly is severally confused.

Ben and Henry get his picture taken. They worry about how they will get there. Jack volunteers to drive them, even to the reception. Ben hadn’t thought about a reception. He asks Henry to think of something, which Henry asks if Ben wants a real wedding. Ben agrees but says later, in a few years.

Outside, Lauren and her brother drive up to where Madison is washing cars. Lauren says that Ricky told her about Amy and Ben’s wedding. They wonder why Amy didn’t tell them and Jason accurately points out that they can’t keep a secret to save their lives. They get fake IDs. Adrian drives up to the car wash and is told about Amy’s wedding. She worries that Ricky is marrying Amy, so she calls Grace. Grace freaks out that it is their first date, he can’t be getting married. She and Adrian get fake IDs and information.

Meanwhile, the three Jurgens girls are sitting in the car. Molly opens the garage to find her soon-to-be-ex is living in the garage. She is not too happy.

Amy’s Dad and Molly argue over the garage. He clearly didn’t understand what “women’s studies” means. He wants to be near his girls, he argues, he doesn’t have the money. Molly is suspicious about where the money went. They continue to argue over the garage.

Adrian comes home to see her mother all dressed up. They are going to dinner with the father. Adrian tries to get out of it, mostly to get her parents alone and go to the wedding. Adrian’s mom tells her to lay off the matchmaking plans or else Dad will clam up. Adrian agrees and tells her mom about the wedding. Mom asks if Adrian is going with Ricky and Adrian says she’s going stag.

Back at the Bowmans’, Tom has a date which Josie is a third wheel. Tom delicately tells mom to buzz off. Tom introduces his date, Tammy, to Ricky. They invite themselves on Ricky and Grace’s date to Amy’s wedding. Speaking of, the wedding party is watching Molly and Amy’s Dad duke it out for the garage. They leave.

Tom and Tammy are kissing as Grace parents them at the wedding chapel. Grace is really annoyed. Tom then parents Grace and Ricky. Madison and Lauren sit, wearing identical yellow dresses. They talk about how fake their fake IDs are as Adrian walks in, wearing a barely there pink dress. Jack walks in with Alice, talking about the weddings. She is stressing about Henry but then she and Jack kiss. Go figure. Henry and Ashley walk, Henry flirting with Ashley. I love Ashley’s outfit. Albert, the owner, comes out to talk to them—assuming they are the happy couple. Ashley corrects him. Amy and Ben come in—ah, now she’s showing. But it’s a lovely white dress she is wearing. Albert heads in as Ben asks for a minute with Amy.

Ben says he wants to get married but asks if they should call for their parents. She says no, saying it is about them—not their parents. I hope they get a reaction shot when the doors open. And they do. They are upset but Ben calms her down. But they go down the aisle. Albert starts the wedding ceremony as Henry hands them the ring. Amy says she’ll marry Ben, Ben says he’ll marry Amy, my sister and I are waiting for SOMETHING to happen…And they are married. Everyone claps. Tom and Tammy stand up, saying they are next.

Looks like the series has hit its stride—finally. I guess the writers spent their hiatus talking to real teenagers. I do hope John Schneider comes back soon…oh, look, he does. Wait, why is Amy hugging Ricky? And where is Mr. Medina?

Quote of the episode:
Amy: “Whose side are you on?”
Ashley: “Dad’s.”