Last week on Secret Life of the American Teenager: Amy and Ben decide to get married in a very anti-climatic scene in which no one said “STOP THIS WEDDING!” or “I OBJECT” or “I don’t.” Since it was supposed to be a secret, naturally the entire school knows and all the teenage principles show up for the wedding. They all then needed fake IDs so Random Hallway Kid is in the money. Molly Ringwald kicked Amy’s Dad out of the house, he moved into the garage and they fought over it in scenes more appropriate for a sitcom than a teen drama. John Schneider was on a “golf trip” after learning Josie Bisset cheated on Amy’s Dad and not vice versa but Josie let Grace and Tom go out (with Ricky and new girl Tammy), Adrian plotted to get her parents back together and Mr. Molina was still missing.
Onwards! Grace is trying to talk Tom and Tammy out of their impromptu decision to get married. Grace notices her discarded promise ring on Tammy’s finger and wants it back. She refuses and thinks Grace is nuts. Ricky tries to talk some sense into the two but it fails. Grace calls Josie. Josie thinks it’s cute until she realizes her daughter is serious. She asks Tom to wait and calls John Schneider? No, Amy’s Dad. She breaks the news about Amy’s wedding to him so he calls the Sausage King.
CREDITS! Oh, so that’s what they looked like. If you remember, I had a screwed up TV for most of the summer run.
Okay, everyone, you know this song! “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!” The reception is really rocking out as the Sausage King and Amy’s Dad come to be killjoys. On a side note, why is John Schneider still just a “special guest star”? The Dads don’t look happy to see Amy’s ring.
The party over, Adrian returns home to find her father there. Her mother had to go to work and he gets to interrogate Adrian. She tells him about the wedding and DA Daddy realizes it isn’t legal. Adrian is happy because Amy’s marriage makes the baby Ben’s and it is still clear she likes Ricky, despite her denying it. Dad works out they all had fake IDs and makes her hand it over. She says no and he lays out the legal ramifications. Did you know in New York a fake ID can lead to jail time? She hands over the ID and asks him not to track down where she got it. He says Adrian might spend the summer with him, she says he could just move in with her and Mom, he reminds her he’s married but I don’t think Adrian cares.
The Sausage King gives his son a lecture, saying he knows Ben knows what is right. And he tells his son the marriage is invalid. Sausage King is upset with his son, who hasn’t got past the “not married” part. He takes Ben home. Henry leaves the bathroom, grabs a burger and get out. Meanwhile, Amy’s Dad is examining Ashley’s and Amy’s fake IDs. They all wish they were in Nevada. Now, it’s Amy’s turn to be told she isn’t married. No one wants to tell Molly.
Amy and Ashley stonewall Molly, who tries to get them to eat pancakes with her. They say they need sleep as we cut to the Bowman household. It’s John Schneider! He’s back. Tom rats out Grace’s fake ID and they argue. Josie and John try to convince Tom not to marry Tammy and John takes his phone. He then takes Grace’s ID and scolds Josie and Grace for taking this too lightly. This somehow ends up about Josie’s infidelity with Amy’s Dad and she leaves. Grace tells her dad about Ricky and he isn’t too happy. He notes her ring is gone, she says it’s with Tammy and John says he should get it back so he can give it to Josie. He’s acting like she cheated on him!
Adrian gets a visit from Ricky. Okay, dude, make up your mind. Grace or Adrian?
Amy’s Dad looks divine in a pink bathrobe with red and white dots. Molly really wants pancakes if she’s willing to share ‘em with Amy’s Dad. She wants to talk which naturally segues to the two of them having sex. Which was apparently great. But Molly insists she isn’t taking Amy’s Dad back and then implies she had an affair. He gets upset but she reveals it was a lie. She leaves the garage and tells him to move out. He says he won’t.
Molly wants to drive the girls to school and argues with Amy’s Dad over it. Ashley would rather walk. Molly and Amy talk about finding a job again. Amy debates telling her mom. And now Ricky looks all happy with Grace, skipping down the hallway gushing over each other. Thankfully, Adrian comes to end it. She drops some hints and then reminds her about Jack. Adrian then says Mr. Molina is back. FINALLY! Ricky and Grace walk away as Jack comes up to talk to Adrian. He tells her he wants to do some volunteer work. Jack then goes to talk to Alice, who is with Henry. They ask each other if they had sex and both deny. Alice asks him to try again and Henry says no.
Ben comes up followed by Amy. She apologizes, he apologizes. She tells Ben not to tell Molly. Random Hallway Kid comes up to ask about the wedding. Once again, we are told the ramifications of having a fake ID, blah blah blah. Calling the Department of Redundancy Department! Random Hallway Kid says they’d have to catch him and then the principal makes an announcement that all students with fake IDs should report to Mr. Molina’s office. Okay, show, think logically. If a student HAS a fake ID, do you really think they are going to walk into their guidance counselor’s office and admit it? Especially since you said the police will be there? You’d have better luck searching them for it. Then the principal amends it and asks for “Joe Hampton”—Random Hallway Kid. Ben and Amy swear they didn’t rat them out so Random Hallway Kid puts money on the Blabbermouth Duo (Lauren and Madison).
Adrian sees her dad. I smell the rat.
Jack goes around collecting everyone’s fake IDs. He stops outside Mr. Molina’s office.
And we’re back. Hi, Mr. Molina! I missed you! A police officer interrogates Random Hallway Kid. Jack comes in and confesses to it all, throwing away the torn up IDs. His last name is “Pappas”? He’s a good Greek boy who isn’t Greek Orthodox. Jack leaves with the officer though Molina knows he’s taking the rap for Random Hallway Kid. Ben comes to chat with his BFF who thinks Ben has gone off the deep end. Amy overhears Ben saying that he thought the wedding with fake IDs was a bad idea but he went along with it. But then he says he does want to marry Amy. Mr. Molina repeats that it is a bad idea but Ben notes Molina’s wedding ring. AWW! Ben says that he’s surprised due to what Molina told him and the Sausage King about his girlfriend. I would love to see more of those three. They are great together.
Though, how long did Mr. Molina take off to get married and go on a honeymoon? It was made clear that the summer episodes took place within a short period of time, about a month or two. Last week, we were told Amy is in her sixth month of pregnancy and Mr. Molina’s been missing the entire time. That’s a long time for a school to go without a counselor. Molina was also new and so tenure would not save his job.
We cut to Molly waiting at a family lawyer. She rambles on about fruit and her daughters to the receptionist, saying she is close to Amy and Ashley. The receptionist offers the number to a therapist so Molly could talk to someone, she replies she talks to Amy and Ashley. Enter John Schneider. He introduces himself to Molly and awkward conversation follows. Fear not, John and Josie fans! John is there to ask legal advice about Tom’s desire to marry Tammy. In the process, he spills the beans about Amy’s secret not-marriage. Molly is shocked but asks John to thank Grace for what she did for Amy. The receptionist takes the cake: “She didn’t tell you?” My sister said it would’ve been better if she held up the therapist’s number.
Jack returns with community service and no charges. He reminds Adrian that it was her father. She asks him if her dad asked him about her. He says no and they part. Ricky talks to Adrian, asking what she’s doing that night. Ricky though says he loves Grace and might marry her. Adrian tells him she is happy being the woman he cheats with and then makes sure Ricky doesn’t have a record.
Ben tells Amy about Mr. Molina’s girlfriend. Apparently, she got so jealous he went out with another woman (though he doesn’t say if it was a romantic “going out” or not) she broke down the woman’s door. Okay, if he was cheating on her, I don’t necessarily blame her. Ben says they need to figure out their relationship and hopes they can make their marriage legal someday. Molly stops by to confront the two about the wedding. They argue about jobs and school and thinking and doing the right thing and raising children and Ricky. Molly is trying to force realism on this show. Give it up, show. Molly’s rant is interrupted by Amy thinking she’s in labor. However, it’s just the baby kicking. Amy cries and admits she’s scared.
Quote of the Episode:
Grace: “Am I old enough to hear this?”
John: “You’re twenty-seven in the state of Nevada, you’re old enough to hear anything.”
Josie: “Your father will not let you forget this.”
Next week: Ricky’s dad comes to town.
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