Hook, Line and Sinker

Oh lord, they let CSI: Miami do the intro to comedy Mondays?

Future!Ted says that he’s usually a romantic in his stories, but this time he’s a jerk. We got to the MacLaren’s, where Ted says he bringing some girl named Tiffany up to his apartment to show her his antique camera collection. Barney says it is a bait—a lure up to the apartment that’ll keep their attention for a few minutes before they get physical. Barney tells about his quest for the perfect bait. In the end, it is a teapot pig. Ted is surprised it works—until he sees Robin, Lily and Marshall cooing over it. Barney lets Ted borrow the teapot pig. The teapot pig works wonders on…Is that Carrie Underwood? Anyway, they coo over the pig before Carrie reveals she has a boyfriend.

CREDITS!

Ted is thrown off by the fact she has a boyfriend. Kinda. Sorta. Robin says that Ted is being baited. Marshall tells of his bait story—where Jason Segel plays 14 years-old Marshall being baited by a girl who wants him to do her homework. He realized it wouldn’t work when he went to confess his love for her (Gang: Ooh) in song (Gang: Ohh). She wasn’t home, but he waited. He waited so long, he feel asleep. When he woke up, he realized she walked over him. Literally, she walked over him to get into her house.

Anyway, Ted says that’s not what he has with Carrie. I’d watch out, Ted. You’ve no doubt heard “Before He Cheats” so you know she doesn’t handle it well if a relationship goes south. Anyway, Lily remembers her childhood stalker, Scooter. Remember, the guy who showed up to her wedding and almost ruined it? Before Marshall almost ruined it by cutting his hair? Before they ended up having the totally awesome outdoor wedding officiated by Barney, witnessed by Ted and Robin with Marshall wearing Bob Saget’s fedora? Anyway, turns out Scooter works as a lunch lady (lunch man?) in Lily’s school. This is news to Marshall. Lily swears she told him…and she did. Marshall just thought “Lunch Lady Scooter” was an ACTUAL scooter the lunch ladies used to get around the cafeteria. That would be cool. But alas, the lunch ladies have to walk and Scooter is trying to get Lily to run away with him. Awkward. Marshall is not happy. Lily agrees to end it…after Tijuana Tuesday.

Barney and Ted wait at MacLaren’s and Barney tells Ted to stop looking at the door because Carrie “might” stop by. Ted says that Carrie is wonderful (Future!Ted: She’s the devil) and that things are going to work out (Future!Ted: No, they’re not, dumbass!). Barney tries to convince Ted to cut Carrie out of his life. But then she shows up with her equally hot coworkers, who sadly are not former American Idol contestants. Barney pleads with him to never let her go.

Barney asks if Carrie is a pharmeucitical sales rep. She is. Barney freaks. “What, it’s just a job?” Barney flips out and starts at cavemen time. We see Cavemen!Barney and Cavemen!Carrie. They go through history with Barney as patient and Carrie as the hot!nurse. Except for a blip where Carrie is hot!stewardess. And now they’ve evolved into a pharmecutical sales rep. Carrie comes over and Ted asks if she’s dumped the boyfriend yet. She hasn’t. Barney still won’t let Ted go.

Lily comes home and Marshall brings out the teapot pig. It’s an exercise to help her deal with Scooter. She tries to tell the pig she can’t be with him…Right now. “Oh, come on, grow a pair.” Lily cuddles the pig and Marshall feels jealous.

Barney sings a bit and continues to work the room of Carrie’s friends. Ted tells the gang Carrie broke up with her boyfriend and tells them about their night. They cuddled (more like Ted cuddled), they ate chocolate cake (Ted fed Carrie), and Ted gave Carrie a food rub. And it ended there. They try to convince Ted that Carrie has him on the hook like he has the university librarian Henrietta on the hook. They hung out (Henrietta cuddled), they ate chocolate cake (Henrietta fed him cake), and Henrietta gave him a foot rub. Ted accuses Robin of doing the same with her cameraman, Mike. He asks Robin if they can advance their relationship. Robin snags free laundry. To prove that Henrietta doesn’t love him, that they are friends, he calls to hang out with her. He goes to her place where she has a spread waiting for him. Ted still can’t see the flashing neon sign Henrietta’s practically wearing saying “I LOVE YOU TED MOSEBY!” He takes a call from Carrie, who invites him as her date to her cousin’s wedding. He agrees, leaving Henrietta (Future!Ted: JERK!). She’s despondent as her parents even doubt Ted’s existence.

I really, really want to go back to Colonial Williamsburg now.

Ted pours champagne for Carrie. She walks in and is like, “Ooh, I accidentally on purpose forgot to call you.” She introduces Ted to the Best Man, who is her ex…now former ex. They’ve gotten back together. “He’s in a band,” she swoons. Meanwhile, Lily finally gets up the cajones to break it off with the teapot pig. And Ted gets the message loud and clear. He tells Carrie they aren’t going to work, realizing he is on her hook as much as she’s on Best Man’s hook. Just as much as Henrietta was on his hook and some guy was on her hook. He stands up to her and leaves. She can just sing about it later, Ted.

And Barney is introduced to the new sales rep, Gladys. She’s older and not hot, so Barney’s era is over.

Lily finally stands up to Scooter, but Marshall caves. She’s surprised. Meanwhile, Ted goes to let Henrietta off his hook and after he knocks, something falls out of his jacket. It’s a diamond ring—Ted realizes he took the wrong jacket back at the wedding. He took Best Man’s! He’s down on one knee, holding a ring…if you did NOT see this coming from a mile away, go get your sitcom-setup vision checked. Henrietta, of course, opens the door and, of course, says “Yes.” Robin laughs but Ted reveals that while he considered marrying her out of embarrassment, he eventually manned up and broke her heart. Robin still refuses to do the same with Mike.

Tag: Barney’s lost it. He goes on about how there is a future hot career just waiting for him to discover. Robin and Ted are surprised until Barney reveals he took some purple pills he found in his couch cushion.

Exchange of the Episode:

“I saw you have seventh period free. So do I. Want to run away together?”

“Let me be clear, Scotter, there is is no way you and I can ever be together.” *Scooter pulls a sad face complete with music* Right now.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow—it’s Tijuana Tuesday!”

--Lily and Scooter

I must say, Carrie Underwood is much better than Britney. And the teapot pig was so adorable. Overall, a solid episode if not a gut-buster.

It’s good to be back to new episodes.