Doctor Who: Let’s Rob a Bank

Last time on “Doctor Who”: The Doctor tries to figure out what lives under the bed. Clara and Danny have a disastrous first date. She then gets to meet young Danny as well as a descendant of his. As she tries to save the Doctor, Clara ends up in the Doctor’s past and meets him as a child. She realizes she’s the thing under the bed and assures the Doctor there is nothing for him to find. Clara then goes and makes amends with Danny, setting their growing relationship back on course.

Time Heist or “Bonnie and Clyde and Clyde and Bonnie”

The Doctor leads a ragtag band of bank robbers to steal something they can’t remember. Oops.

Doctor Who: What Goes Bump in the Night

Listen or "Things that Go Bump in the Night"

The Doctor chases after the bogey man as Clara and Danny fail at having a date. Royally.

The Doctor bounces around the TARDIS, talking about evolution. He says that creatures have evolved into perfect hunters and other perfect things. But he wonders if anyone had ever evolved into perfect hiders. So…I have to echo everyone else wondering if he’s also forgotten the Silent. Talk about perfect hiders. Anyway, he talks about when you feel compelled to talk aloud—is it because you subconsciously know you’re not alone? Or when the hair stands up on the back of your neck though there’s no reason? How do you find the perfect hiders? He turns around to his chalkboard, which now reads: “Listen.”

Title drop! And CREDITS!

Doctor Who: We’re Men! Men in Tights!

Robot of Sherwood or "Robin Hood and the Knights Who Vaporize People"

Clara is a Robin Hood fangirl who gets to live every fangirl's fantasy. The Doctor, meanwhile, tries to figure out what's really going on and stumbles across a spaceship. Of course.

Now an old-hat at traveling with the Doctor, there’s someone Clara’s been dying to meet: Robin Hood. Apparently, she’s a fangirl. The Doctor tells her that Robin Hood doesn’t exist despite the fact that most scholars do believe he was based on a real person and that seems like something the Doctor would know. And breathe. Sorry. But Clara’s insistent, so the Doctor relents. He lands the TARDIS, still ranting about how Robin Hood doesn’t exist. But the arrow now lodged in his TARDIS beg to differ.

(I object!)

CREDITS!

Doctor Who: Journey to the Center of a Dalek

Into Darkness or “Rehabbing a Dalek”

As Clara befriends a new teacher at her school, she’s pulled into an extreme counseling session between the Doctor and a supposed “good” Dalek. It still kills—but for good!

We open in the middle of a battle as two soldiers try to fend off an attack. But it’s a futile task as their enemies are Daleks. You knew they would pop up soon, right. As one soldier falls to the Daleks, the other finds herself on the TARDIS bridge with the Doctor. She demands to know where her brother is but the Doctor reveals he could only save her. Pointing her gun at him, she identifies herself as Journey Blue and demands to be taken back to her ship, the Aristotle. But the Doctor keeps interrupting her and saying she’s doing it wrong. Finally, she asks politely.

Doctor Who: Like Clockwork

Deep Breath or “Call Back”

Steampunk comes to Doctor Who as Moffatt seems to try to stuff as many callbacks into one episode as possible.

(Hmm, the new Jurassic Park movie is looking pretty good)

There’s a dinosaur in Victorian London! It stomps around the River Thames, coming very close to Big Ben. People gather around as a black carriage pulls up. Out pops Vastra, Jenny and Strax, come to investigate. Vastra tells Jenny she hasn’t seen a dinosaur since she was a child as everyone wonders why it’s there. A man believes it is choking and Vastra agrees it has something stuck in its throat. The dinosaur coughs it up—it’s the TARDIS!

Let’s talk about the credits—I like them. They seem to have a heavy gear and cog theme but it looks good. And I like the shot of the eyes from the 50th anniversary.

Doctor Who: Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?

Hide or "Paging Mystery, Inc!"

Clara has an existential crisis while investigating a ghost that isn't a ghost. And I hit my head when I realized the Professor was played by the same guy who played the prince in "Ever After."

We open in a dark and creepy mansion. Because it’s a Doctor Who episode! Inside the dark and creep mansion is apparently a sting operation, judging by all the equipment inside. A man pops up wearing thick glasses and clothes which scream “COLLEGE PROFESSOR!” Or “UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR!” if you are so inclined. He is talking to a young woman dressed in retro, 70’s clothing. This isn’t a sting operation but a paranormal investigation. The young woman is a medium and the house is haunted by a screaming woman. So the two are studying the ghost.

The woman starts calling for the ghost to speak to her. As she does, the equipment starts to collect readings. Our professor friend reads his machines as the medium looks ready to run in the opposite direction. But she stands her ground as the camera zooms closer to her. Lights flicker, the machines go nuts…and then the doorbell rings. Guess who’s at the door? If you guessed Scooby and the Gang, you’re wrong! This is a Doctor Who recap! So it’s the Doctor and Clara!

Cue the credits!

Doctor Who: Eleven’s Hour is Done

The Time of the Doctor or “Protect Christmas”

And by “Christmas,” I mean an actual town called Christmas located on Trenzalore. Gallifrey exists in a crack in time and the Doctor has to protect it from the Bad Guys of Doctor Who Union Local 42 lay siege on Christmas while the Doctor grows old. When all seems lost, hope bursts forth and the Doctor begins anew.

Doctor Who: The Doctors United

Fifty years ago, the BBC debuted a show about an alien who traveled through time and space with his granddaughter in a blue police box. It was designed to teach some history and science lessons. No one thought it would last. But it did. It did more than last—it ingrained itself into British culture. And then it made its way across the pond, becoming a part of “nerd culture.” It faded away for a while but came back with a roar, this time exploding across the world. Eleven men have played the Doctor and countless others played his companions and enemies.

And now it’s celebrating 50 years in style. To the point it almost overshadowed the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination. Note I said almost. So, how did Doctor Who celebrate? Let’s reverse the polarity, fire up the sonics and set the TARDIS into motion for…

Day of the Doctor or "THE FEELS! THE FEELS!"

Bad Wolf guides the War Doctor through his biggest decision ever. Ten courts Elizabeth I trying to fight the Zygons. And Eleven joins Clara and the Brig's daughter to solve a mystery. But they all gather together to save Gallifrey. ALL of them.

Doctor Who: The Power of “Could’ve Been”

The Rings of Ahkaten or “Battle of the Gods”

Merry was a little lamb, who sang a pretty song. The Doctor tried to save her and Clara tagged along. To give a system some relief, Clara ends up sacrificing a very important leaf.

The Doctor spies on a man as he walks down a street. A leaf blows in his face, causing him to collide with a young woman. They laugh, flirt and go out on a date. And the Doctor keeps spying on them. The man gives the woman the leaf, calling it the most important leaf in human history. It’s cheesy but it works. The two get married and have a daughter. And if you haven’t guessed by now, said daughter is Clara. The Doctor runs into them into the park before heading into the TARDIS. Pictures of Victorian!Clara and Oswin are up on the screen. He stares at them, trying to figure out how Clara is possible while we see Clara and her father at her mother’s grave. She clutches the book—places to see—to her chest.

Doctor Who: Uploaded

The Bells of St. John’s or “WiFi is EVUL! EVUL WE TELL YOU!”
Richard E. Grant uses Dolores Umbrage to “download” people but she makes a mistake when she downloads a third incarnation of Jenna Louise Coleman. So the Doctor gives Umbrage a taste of her own medicine.

We open as people all over the world connect using WiFi while some guy broadcasts a video warning. He says they might see something strange and he tells them not to click it. Because then they get a hold of the laptop and then they stalk the person. And the person then dies. Their souls get uploaded to the internet and people are screaming out for help. TVs full of people saying they don’t know where they are.

Doctor Who: Frosty Isn’t So Jolly

The Snowmen or “Time to Make You Afraid of Snow!”

Victorian England has recovered from the Cybermen only to have to deal with psychic snow. All while the Doctor is “retired.” Which we know how long that lasts, especially with a perky female assistant running about.

We start at a Dickensian orphanage, where a small boy builds a snowman. The adults watch him and talk about how he is a loner. He prefers the company of his snowmen and calls the other children stupid. The snowman echoes this sentiment. And our Dickensian orphan has a new best friend. Who ultimately ends up eating people sometime in the future, controlled by the Dickensian orphan grown up into Richard E. Grant, returning to Doctor Who!

Mr. Weasley’s Adventures in Space

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship or “Dinosaurs on a Ship”

Why mess with a perfect title? Mr. Weasley learns there’s a bigger world outside the wizarding one as he journeys with the Doctor, the Ponds, Nefertiti and some hunter to a spaceship. With dinosaurs. And sarcastic robots.

The Doctor talks to an Egyptian queen before we see him talking to some military girl. There’s a big ship coming. But they can’t communicate with it and the military will shoot it if it comes too close to Earth. The Doctor has six hours nineteen minutes to stop it. He takes the queen—Nefertiti—to the African plains over a century ago. He talks to a man who he takes with him. Meanwhile, Mr. Weasley tries to fix the light bulb as the TARDIS appears in their living room. They end up on the bridge. Mr. Weasley is confused as the Doctor instructs everyone to grab a torch.

Adventures in the Cavern of Rusted Daleks

Asylum of the Daleks or “How the Daleks Forgot the Doctor”

Apparently, there are Daleks even the Daleks don’t want to deal with. They send the Doctor down, where he deals with Jenna-Louise Coleman and the Ponds’ deteriorating marriage. And something about milk.

We start with a Dalek. That a man fought the Daleks and then died. But he will come back…like King Arthur? A woman hopes the stories are true. The Doctor shows up to reveal we are on Skaro to meet the woman. He wants to know what she knows, especially about him. She wants him to rescue her daughter, who is in a Dalek prison camp. The Doctor wonders why she isn’t and notes she is cold. She is a trap as the Doctor gets blasted. The Daleks celebrate.

Doctor Who the Movie: Why I am Slightly Skeptical.

I was excited when I saw that David Yates was to direct a Doctor Who movie. He brought the Harry Potter series to a masterful conclusion and I consider him the second-best director in the franchise (Alfonso Cuaran being the first). Before I clicked the link, I thought it was going to be for the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who. It’s an important milestone and should be celebrated accordingly, right?

Then I clicked the link. And that wasn’t what it was.

Nostalgia Nook—Barbie and the Rockers

Barbie.

She can do anything, can’t she? I think most girls grew up with at least one Barbie. There is even a phase all little girls go through at one point—for about two years, our Barbies are naked. Or they have very interesting clothing options (mine only wore skirts. Just skirts). But Barbie could do anything and everything.

And that includes singing in a band in her own animated movie (?). And thus “Barbie and the Rockers” was born.

An overabundance of pink and SPOILERS! follow.

Tick Tock Goes the Clock…

So, here’s what you need to know about Doctor Who’s sixth season: An 1104 years old Doctor is shot by an astronaut at Lake Silencio, Utah. Amy, Rory and River witness this and then run into a 906 years old Doctor who takes them to Washington where we meet the Silence. We learn that Amy’s pregnant, but then she’s not. But then Amy really is a ganger and was pregnant. And she gives birth to a daughter named Melody, but who we all know as River Song! River is trained to kill the Doctor and is a Time Lord. However, she gives up her remaining regenerations to save the Doctor. The Doctor learns the date of his death and parts with Amy and Rory. He ages 200 years, has one more adventure with Craig and the Cybermen. And now River is in an astronaut suit at the bottom of the lake.

The Wedding of River Song or “One Heck of a Kiss”

Time has stopped so River doesn’t have to kill the Doctor. So she marries him instead and as a wedding present, the Doctor doesn’t die!

The Doctor’s Swan Song

So, I’ve been thinking about the date they gave for the Doctor’s death in “Let’s Kill Hitler.” It is April 22nd. I was confused because “The Impossible Astronaut” aired the following day, April 23rd. But then I remembered something important—that was the day before Easter. Now, I may be reading too much into this, but this year, April 22nd was Good Friday. And that was throughout Christianity—the Orthodox calendar synced this year. They killed the Doctor on Good Friday, a day about death. Does this signify that like Jesus, the Doctor too will rise on the 3rd day?

Hmm…

Closing Time or “One Last Adventure”

Can I have a cybermat? They look better than guard dogs!

Beware the Minotaur’s Labyrinth

This interrupted season is throwing me off. We’re already up to episode 10? I feel all confused.

The God Complex or “I Think I’d Prefer the Hollywood Tower Hotel”

Trapped in a hotel, the Doctor has an existential crisis. Which appropriately features a sad clown.

Some Kindness!

Got your TARDIS? Got your Sonic? Good!

The Girl Who Waited or “A Tale of Two Amys”

I felt bad for Robot Rory—even more than I felt for Wilson!

Night of the Living Dolls

Get behind the couch, it’s Doctor Who time again!

Night Terrors or “Beware of Cupboards”

The things that go bump in the night traumatize a young boy, who traps everything scary in his dollhouse.