Sunday, May 15, 2011

House Just Really Wants Vicodin

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

The Doctor’s Wife or “Confessions of a TARDIS”

Anyone surprised that the Doctor’s soul mate is his own TARDIS? No? Good.

We start as a woman has to do something very painful. Have the Ood gone insane again? And did that crazy lady mention something about Time Lords? And why did the process sound like the Cybermen?
Anyway, on the TARDIS the lights go off and then a knock comes to the door. It’s a floating light box thing. “I’ve got mail!” the Doctor says.

He explains that the box is the emergency call of the Time Lords. From another universe. He explains the symbol in the box is from the Corsair and follows the message. He lands outside the universe and the TARDIS dies. The woman from before rises with the crazy gold powder of regeneration.

Okay, from what I can gather, this stupid introduction is ONLY here in North America. Do us American and Canadian viewers a favor and LOSE IT! Thank you.

The Doctor steps out of the TARDIS and into a junkyard. The Doctor explains that they are outside the universe and something with bubbles. The woman runs and kisses the Doctor, rambling on and on. She then starts biting as the other two introduce themselves as “Auntie” and “Uncle.” Uncle calls the Ood “Nephew” and the Doctor tries to fix the Ood’s receiver. There is a message to be sent to Gallifrey. The Doctor asks who else is sent. Auntie says the house is all around them—she asks if they would like to meet him. The Doctor reveals that they were Time Lords. Didn’t we do the Time Lords might be coming back plot? Entire plot of End of Time?

TARDIS sighting in Florida.

The Ood and the woman talk. The Doctor looks down a sewer and realizes the asteroid is sentient. He talks to the Doctor through Auntie, Uncle and the Ood. He says he has helped many Time Lords. He tells the Doctor to rest and heal. Auntie touches Amy and a moment happens. The woman keeps rambling…is her brain going to fry like Donna’s when she became DoctorDonna? The Doctor still searches for the Time Lord and Amy asks how he’s going to explain what he did. She then realizes that he wants to be forgiven.

He sends Amy to get his screwdriver from his other coat and she says she’ll call from the TARDIS. She tells him to be careful as he’s most likely to screw up when he’s emotional. He sends Rory to go with Amy and once they are in the TARDIS, he locks them in. He tries to find the Time Lords, hearing their voices. He finds a bunch of boxes in closet as Uncle and Auntie come behind him. The Doctor realizes the cries come from the dead. The Doctor examines Uncle and realizes that he is patchwork. The Doctor comments he had an umbrella like that once (shout out to Seven?) He notes that Auntie’s arm is from the Corsair. He tells Auntie and Uncle to run.

Amy calls and asks if he locked them in. He said yes and realizes that the woman knows something. She said the boxes would make him angry.And then there is an ominous green light.

The woman reveals that she was put in the woman’s body. She makes the TARDIS noise and reveals she is the TARDIS. She talks about the Doctor stealing her. “Borrowed” he corrects. She says she wasn’t going to give him back. The Doctor realizes she is the TARDIS. He lets her out. She asks if all people are bigger on the inside. The TARDIS starts to talk about herself and the atron energy and goes faster than the Doctor on a good day. The Doctor realizes that House is after the TARDIS and tells Amy to get out. She says they can’t because the doors won’t open. The cloister bell rings. The TARDIS dematerializes and the Doctor doesn’t know what to do. Amy and Rory hold each other hands and House begins to talk to them. He asks why they shouldn’t just be killed.

The Doctor asks where Auntie and Uncle are going. They die as they say that the House will try to find more TARDIS. The Doctor realizes that the TARDIS is dying because she’s in a human body. He deduces he’s in a TARDIS junkyard and rushes forward. He asks the TARDIS for her name. “Seven hundred years and now he asks,” she replies. She says he calls her sexy. “Only when we’re alone!” he adds. “We are alone,” she points out.

Back on the TARDIS, Rory and Amy are at a loss for words. Rory says killing them quickly wouldn’t be fun. He tells the two to run. The Doctor and TARDIS find the graveyard for the TARDIS. She mourns her sisters while he wants to build a TARDIS. I thought TARDIS were grown?

Amy and Rory run through the TARDIS as Amy nearly falls down a hole. She and Rory go around while the TARDIS tries to help the Doctor build his new TARDIS. They argue—she tells the Doctor he’s been opening the doors the wrong way; he argues that the TARDIS never takes him where he wants to go. “I always take you where you need to go,” she argues back. He realizes this is true. As the Doctor ponders a way to always talk with her. Meanwhile, Amy and Rory run a cruel maze. The TARDIS reveals she stole the Doctor to explore the universe.

Amy walks the TARDIS halls as Rory gets older. He goes mad. He says “they” hurt him. The Doctor cannot get his TARDIS to hold power. She gives it power. We cut back to a corridor with “Kill Amy. Die Amy” written everywhere and Rory’s body. Amy breaks down…can we stop pretending to kill Rory? Anyway, Rory comes back and he reveals House is messing with their heads. Sounds about right.

The TARDIS sends a message to Rory, “the pretty one.” The Doctor is surprised she meant him. She reveals she archived the old desktops and sends him to one of those. Amy thinks she’s in the dark and they see green lights. Rory goes ahead and gives a yell. He tells her to come toward his voice. She does that as we see Rory unconscious on the ground. It’s the Ood! It’s possessed again!

I can’t wait for Rory to get to the old control because I think I know which one it is.

The Doctor keeps calling the TARDIS sexy as they continue to hurl through the universe. TARDIS sends Rory the passcode as the Ood approaches. My excitement level is building! Anyway, the code is “Crimson, 11, delight, dust after rain.” We see a red flag, eleven candles, Amy at her wedding and raindrop hitting the desert. They run it in and even in the dim light, it is the Nine/Ten TARDIS set. HELLO FAMILIAR FRIEND! They put down the shields as House finds them. He reveals he wanted them to join the Ood as servants and then orders the Ood to kill them. TARDIS tells Rory to hold on. Oh, the clip was Rory, not David Tennant.

The Doctor introduces the TARDIS and Amy asks if he wished really hard. House orders the Ood to kill them but the Doctor crushed the Ood. So now House has to do it—turn off gravity or air. The Doctor offers to help House as long as he promises not to kill them. Meanwhile, the TARDIS is burning up. She reveals she liked when he called her “Old Girl.” The House reveals he is going to delight the old control room, but the failsafe brings them back to his control room. “Fear me, I’ve killed thousands of Time Lords,” House says. “Fear me, I killed them all,” the Doctor mutters. He applauds House along with Amy before revealing that he’s brought TARDIS back home. The gold powder pours from the woman’s mouth and reactivates the TARDIS. She then destroys House before talking to the Doctor again.

She says she’s alive. She promises to always be there. She then says “Hello, Doctor. It’s so very, very nice to meet you.” He cries as she leaves the body to re-inhabit the big blue box.

The Doctor does some repairs on the TARDIS and says that she won’t be able to talk again. Rory reveals that she kept saying “The only water in the forest is the river.” Obviously is a clue about River…and maybe Silence in the Library/Forests of the Dead? Amy asks if they can lose the bunk beds in their room and he sends them there. Rory asks if he has a room. He doesn’t reply before trying to talk to the TARDIS, letting her steer this time.

That was awesome fantastic. You could tell this was written by a published author. It’s like watching other episodes of “CSI” and then watching “Grave Danger,” which was directed by Quentin Tarantino. I liked the personification of the TARDIS and that she talked in a manner much like the Doctor. And I liked that she picked the Doctor. It was also nice to see the old set and in the Doctor Who confidential, Karen Gillan was absolutely giddy about filming there. I must admit, many of us thought something else when we saw the old TARDIS set in the promos. That was the comment about David Tennant earlier.

Next week: The return of Cassandra? I mean seriously, what was that?

Quote of the Episode

“Is this the scrapyard at the end of the universe?”—Rory.

No comments: