Monday, March 30, 2009

Could YOU Be Joseph?

Welcome to BBC’s “Any Dream Will Do,” a competition to find Joseph for Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” Coming off the success of his series “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?,” Webber decides to ask the public to cast the main role in his first musical. We see some past Josephs, including Donny Osmond and Jason Donovan. They even get them to talk about being Joseph!

Andrew is looking for “a cross between Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson in the old days.” Okay…And here we go through the casting specials. I really dislike this…Is someone singing “If I Were King of the Forest”?

Oh yes, I should remind you that this aired two years ago in 2007, so I do know the contestants and the winner. I will not reveal him because, frankly, I hate those people. I do not believe in giving away endings to TV shows, movies and more importantly, books. Read it yourself!

We are introduced to Sean, from Bristol, who is there with his mom. She’s more nervous than he! Sean sings “Close Every Door,” my favorite song from the show. He’s good and is sent through to London. He tells himself to stop crying, which is awesome. We see some good singers who also go to London. Including one guy who hit a ridiculously high note. Oh, and can I admit how much I love Graham Norton as a host. Seacrest, PAY. ATTENTION.

Webber says he does this so that he can get a young generation of theater people in. So he goes to visit a Youth Theater Group. They are so excited to see him. Several members sing for him. When a member jokingly asks Webber his name again, Webber shoots back “Simon Cowell.” Atta boy, Andy. He invites the guys to the auditions. He next goes to a gospel choir to hear them sing. Webber gives them some directions and they take it.

We go to Belfast to meet Nick and his home life—namely his grandparents. Nice hair, Nick. We get to see Granddad cry as we cut to Nick singing “Gethsemane,” Superstar’s hardest song. The casting director tells him he is going to London and Nick calls home. We see others calling home to tell family the good news.

Graham tells us about the London call backs before we see a member of that Youth Theater show up for an audition. He gets to go to London and does a victory dance. Ezra, one of the gospel choir members, also shows up. He’s nervous and Andrew shows up to hear him sing “Summertime.” Andrew brings him to London. Ezra is thrilled. Tim Rice shows up to join his old collaborator at the audition table while Graham makes a snide comment about their old hair-styles. Lee Mead enters and sings. I love his voice. He’s through to London.

Coming up next: The London call backs.

And we’re back. One hundred lucky fellows are brought to London, hoping to make it to Joseph School. We meet the judges: John Barrowman (Captain Jack from Doctor Who/Torchwood), Zoë Tyler (singing coach), Bill Kenwright (producer), and Denise van Outen (actress). Graham asks them what they are looking for. Denise says that if David Beckham could sing, he’d be perfect. John agrees.

We see Keith Jack to sing “Moon Dance.” He makes it through and talks to Graham. Chris Barton follows Keith and gets complimented on his white teeth. He admits dad’s a dentist. John wants his number. Chris belts out “Close Every Door.” He impresses the judges. He’s through. Chris cries. We meet some Welsh and Scots competitors. We meet a dad who is entering for his children. James, the dad, goes up. He talks about his kids before singing “Close Every Door.” John stops him and orders him to his knees. John! But he’s just giving directions. You have to do that, to make sure the person can do so. Learned that in my directing class. Zoë thinks he’s a bit cabaret, but tells him he could be Joseph. He’s through as “You Lift Me Up” plays.

The judges have fun, particularly with someone singing “5000 Miles.” Someone shows up in a Joseph coat. However, some people have trouble standing out and get dismissed. Like Stuart. We meet James Bailey, who is getting really nervous. He looks like the missing Phelps’ triplet. He sings “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” but is told he is not Joseph. He cries in the hallway as Graham and Zoë comfort him. Take that, Seacrest and American Idol judges!

Up next: Denise forgets she’s casting Joseph and starts casting her dream boy-toys.

Graham tells us about Joseph School, three days of intensive training with John, Zoë and Denise. Only twenty will be moved on.

But first, we need to finish the callbacks. We go back to Nick, who sings “Gethsemane.” Graham’s impressed and so is Bill. He lets Nick go through. He’s ecstatic. Denise moans she hasn’t found her boyfriend and Zoë says they haven’t found testosterone. Graham says the Josephs have heard the whispers about it (most likely started by Graham) and we get some shots of abs). A blond Adonis enters and Denise is in love. Fortunately he can sing as well and Denise lets him through. Lee Mead comes up and admits he’s currently in Phantom. He gets John, Zoë, and Denise to sway. Bill notes that Denise has lipstick all over Lee’s headshot. She lets him through. Except he’s taken.

Chris Haggart takes the stage as Graham sits with his wife. He sings “Love Changes Everything.” The panel applauds. He says he wanted to prove people of his size could have talent. And Bill lets him through. He cries. John does a psyche out on a contestant and lets him through. A bunch of guys go through. One hugs Graham, lifting him up. However, the people backstage can do the math. Ian goes up to sing “Sweet Heaven.” And I cringe. He argues with the judges and they allow it. Neil goes next with his own Joseph hair. John and Denise say he doesn’t have a spark and he’s is not through, to gasps. Graham gives him some pep-up talk. This leads to a montage of “Not Josephs.” The guy from the Youth Theater Group doesn’t make it.

Next up: Lewis blows it.

We come back as the opening of the Phantom of the Opera’s overture plays. It signals the arrival of Webber. He’s coming to check up on his panel and the Josephs get excited. One sings “Corner of the Sky.” John sends him packing. Another comes out and is sent home. A third is horrible as well. And we meet Lewis Davies. He massacres “Close Every Door.” The judges give him direction, particularly Zoë as a singing coach. John even sings it for him to follow but then cuts Lewis. Webber is nervous. He goes through all the audition tapes.

We come to Ezra, the gospel singer who sang “Summertime.” He sings for the panel. Zoë isn’t impressed but the others liked him. He might be Joseph. We are reminded about Joseph School…again. This time we are told the graduating 20 go to Webber’s Irish castle to perform. From that performance, they will be whittled down to 12. And those 12 will be competing in the (not-so) live shows for (England’s) votes!

Remember Sean? Who brought his mom along? He performs next, with Graham sitting next to mum. The panel loves him as John takes the opportunity to show him up. I join the panel: Shut up, John. He goes through and hugs his mother. Johndeep is next. His family has never heard him sing full stop and don’t even know he’s there, particularly because of their beliefs. He sings Sondheim’s “Being Alive” from Company. Zoë and Bill love him and put him through to Joseph School. Only one place remains as Webber returns. Phillip gets let go, which Webber agrees with. Anthony Hansen goes up. The panel aren’t sold on him but are undecided. We get dramatic looks. Webber puts him through. Anthony shakes his hand as the audience applauds.

Graham stands with Anthony as he cries. His mom comes and hugs him. The 50 students for Joseph School are chosen. Except that Neil, Ian and James go to see Webber to ask for a second chance. Webber gives it to them. He says that there will be 51 students in Joseph School.

Next up: Joseph School.

It’s like the running of the bulls, only full of potential Josephs in their uniforms. They enter the building. The panel aren’t happy and elect Zoë their spokeswoman. Ian and Neil made it through to Joseph School. So, there are 52 Josephs. Webber was surprised at Neil’s dismissal. And he just likes Ian. So the guys go through training. We meet Rob McVeigh and revisit James the Dad as examples of people who don’t have proper training. We return to Keith Jack who impresses Bill in his group of Josephs. Graham comments on the Josephs’ movement class. They have to move in time to the music. Chris Haggart crosses to “One” from “A Chorus Line” and struggles a bit and leads to a montage of guys trying to cross. Complete with Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way.” One Joseph admits Denise was intimidating the guys. I totally understand.

John leads an acting class. I love it when he wears his glasses. Let Jack wear glasses, Torchwood producers! Johndeep starts to fade at Joseph School. Bill leaves for a trip and sends an SOS to Webber.

Next up: Johndeep isn’t the only one having a confidence problem. They should join a support group with Tahlia.

And it’s the opening chords of the Phantom overture again! Get used to it, they play it every time Webber enters a room. He goes to Joseph School and delivers to blows that they are behind in critical portions of training. Former Joseph Jason Dovonan is invited to inspire the boys. He’s my Joseph. He sings “Any Dream Will Do” as everyone else (including Webber) join in though Graham wonders if Webber forgot the words. Hey, he’s just the composer. Rice wrote the words.

He decides the Josephs will perform “Benjamin,” where Joseph hides his goblet in his brother’s bag as a test. He tells Keith to “scare the hell out of [him].” Johndeep delivers, scaring Jason. He gets a rousing applause. Webber delivers more bad news. He’s making cuts already. The boys will sing for the panel and Jason in hopes of staying. Eminem? Really? I guess “Lose Yourself” is appropriate. I just don’t like rap. One guy sings “The Way You Are” by Billy Joel and breaks down. It’s Matthew and Zoë talks to him. She tells him not to give up. He’s the male Tahlia. She gives him a pep talk but it doesn’t take.

Next up: Elimination!

The panel gets ready for their round of eliminations, looking at a playing card deck with everyone’s picture on it. The guys sing to save their keisters. Keith gets nervous singing “High Flying Adored.” He worries he blew it. Matthew has quit and left. Quite a few decide to sing to Denise, hoping to win at least a role as her new boy-toy in case Joseph doesn’t come through. Sean from Bristol is called up. The panel loves him.

The boys are assembled in neat little rows, worrying. Anyone tapped will not be Joseph. They sing “Close Every Door.” We see the guys get tapped and the moment of defeat. John pauses in front of Keith and moves on. He’s clearly relieved. Chris Haggart gets tapped though. James is also tapped. Ian, saved by Webber, is rejected. James the Dad gets sent back to the kids. Their numbers dwindling, the remaining Josephs get louder. Odd. We have the remaining Josephs. They celebrate with tears and hugs. It’s like elimination at America’s Next Top Model. There are only 28 now.

Coming up: More Joseph School.

LONDON! The boys return to Joseph School. The judges have struggled with the day before and worry about the choice lying ahead of them. Eight still have to be cut. They are put in groups to perform before the panel. Who remembers words? Who forgets moves? Who shines? Chris Barton impresses Graham. John, Denise and Zoë argue over who stays and who goes. They realize they could crush dreams. Fortunately, that scares them rather than excites them.

ELIMINATION! Rob McVeigh: Could be Joseph, Keith: Could be Joseph, a few more Josephs, including Johndeep. Neil and others are sent packing. Lee: Could be Joseph. Nick: Not Joseph. He goes home to Granddad and school. That’s a good plan, Nick! Ben: Could be Joseph. Ezra makes it through as well. Sean: Is not Joseph. He is sent home. I don’t know who’ll be more upset: Sean or Mum. Craig: Could be Joseph. Chris C: Could be Joseph. Seamus: Could be Joseph. Chris B: Could be Joseph. Lewis, Stephen and Frasier are the last three competing for one more spot. It goes to Lewis. John decides that Stephen and Frasier should have a sing off for Webber.

Coming up: Sing off!

Frasier is a strong singer while Stephen has acting chops and charisma. Webber listens to the sing off, once again “Close Every Door.” Sick of it yet? They also sing “Any Dream Will Do.” Stephen nails it. Webber has some bags under his eyes…or a bad allergic reaction. He lets Stephen through and Frasier is sent home. He goes to have a cry in the stairwell. He tries the Ian, Neil and Stuart plan but Webber doesn’t let it. The panel goes to encourage him and cheer him up. Denise cries as well. Stephen doesn’t party either, he’s upset as well. Those who were eliminated comfort Frasier.

The boys travel to Webber’s Irish Castle. They will be performing for the village. Put them in a real live show. The villagers are like “SWEET!” and pack the theater. Bill rejoins the panel but Denise goes back to LA, probably for “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (she was the host). Hey, was that a nun? Graham introduces the Josephs, singing “You Raise Me Up.” What are those things in the background? Oh, Jason’s in the audience. Keith sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone” before the big finish. The guys want their colored coats. Why does the guy next to Jason look so familiar?

Next: Webber decides the final 12.

Judgment Day, as Graham voices over. Denise watches the show in her jammies and joins the deliberation. Rob and Lee go in first. They are both brought through. Lee sure does like black. Looks good in it though. Okay, I agree with Denise. I’d kiss his picture as well. Graham coaxes Chris B into the room. He is through and hugs everyone. Daniel is let through as well. Craig is also allowed through. Keith is the next one in the room and gets to compete for the role. He breaks down outside the room. Seamus is also let through. He cries to Graham. Tissue stocks rise. Some boys are rejected. Tissue stocks are through the roof now. One comes through singing. Ezra enters the room. Sadly, he is not through. He takes it very well. Anthony is allowed through. Webber really likes the psyche-out routine. Another is rejected. Lewis could be Joseph. See Lewis crying? Get used to it. Johndeep is next in the oven. He comes out as a possible Joseph. The panel tells him to celebrate. Graham talks to the final three, with only two spots left. Chris C wishes the guys luck and they hug. Ben is given remaining spot number 1. He hugs Webber and John wants some of that.

Allistair and Chris C are the last two standing. Chris is the one through. Sorry, Allistair. Better luck next time. Chris cries more than Allistair, if possible. Lord, not even the Nancies cried this much. The Josephs have a group hug.

Your Josephs:

Rob
Lee
Chris B
Daniel
Craig
Keith
Seamus
Anthony
Lewis
Johndeep
Ben
Chris C

Next week: The (not-so) live shows begin. Who will win?

And thus concludes the casting episodes as I remember why I decided not to recap casting episodes. See you next week for the (not-so) live shows!

Quote of the Episode(s):
“Is Denise looking for Joseph or a husband?” --Graham

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Send Us Your Tired, Your Broke and Your Bitchy Models

Last week on Top Model: The models had a runway lesson with Ms. J where Allison sucked. But she got it together for the runway challenge for Jill Stuart. Jill, Ms. J and Ann Shoket chose Natalie as the challenge winner. She also angered Tahlia by naming her picture as the worst. But Tahlia won praise for her photo while Natalie didn’t. But in the end, Nijah sent home. Who will be joining her tonight?

Wanna be on top?

New York! The girls come back to see Sandra’s picture. Sandra blathers on about how awesome she is. The girls though can’t stand it. Tahlia however remembers how well she did. The doorbell rings and Toccara (Cycle 3) enters the house. She lost weight. But she also brought clothes and is planning a slumber party—the clothes are cute sleepwear. Toccara was sent over to the Model Wannabe-Dome to talk about personality because hers fills the room. So the girls go around talking about their personality, which leads Sandra to criticize Kortnie for not being serious. Tahlia talks about her burns again. As Toccara asks about Sandra’s pictures, the girls jump on her. So Toccara makes them go on the runway to avoid a slap down. Toccara says she can’t tell the girls apart. Here’s a hint, Toccara, Sandra’s the bitch.

The girls hug and bid Toccara adieu.

TYRA MAIL! “If you can’t move to the music, then that might pose a problem.” Posing challenge. Oh, that’s right, Benny Ninja’s on!

And there he is! That man can move his body in ways that shouldn’t. He introduces Sky Nellor, a DJ and a model. Is she Aussie or Brit? Sky changes up the songs and Benny changes up his poses accordingly. London and Sandra pose to heavy metal. London wins. Benny tells Sandra to look through her eyes and doesn’t give her good reviews. Allison and Natalie go up next and Allison is told not to dance but to pose. Country trips girls up again. Kortnie isn’t so great as Celia blows her off the floor. Tahlia is told to be confident and not to think about it. Aminat hits jazz well. Confidence is this week’s lesson as Benny repeats it.

Allison talks with Celia about being shy and how she has to work on not being stiff. She confesses she needs to remain positive because negative leads downhill. Bless her, she’s been watching the show!

NEW YORK! The girls get up and get ready. TYRA MAIL! “Practice your posin’ if you want to be chosen.”

The girls meet up with Benny, saying they are the headlienrs of a fashion event. They are modeling the Blonds, one of whom is a drag queen. The winner will be the model who gets the loudest cheers for her poses. The girls report to hair and make up to get dragged out. Where’s Jaslene when you need her? Benny opens the show. He explains the concept to the audience. Sky pumps up the music.

Allison: Gets booed.

Teyona: Gets cheered.

Kortnie: Mixed.

Sandra: Booed louder than Allison’s.

Celia: Gets loud cheers. She looks better with long hair.

Winner: Celia. Duh.

Aminat: Booed.

London: Booed.

Tahlia: Booed. Man, this heat is not well-liked.

Natalie: Cheered.

Fo: Mixed.

Winner: Natalie. She was the only one they liked this time around.

Celia v Natalie. Natalie almost fell and Benny tells her to land in a pose. Celia wins it all.

Back at the Model Wannabe-Dome, Tahlia has hit rock bottom, yet again. Allison tries to get Tahlia to open up and she admits she wants to go home. Allison is surprised and tells it to Celia. So Tahlia is the one Celia raises the house against.

McKey, darling, OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK UP. I can barely hear you!

And I want to see Tyra give Hannah Montana a smack down.

TYRA MAIL! “Models aren’t the only ones that migrate to New York to make their dreams come true.” The girls guess they will be birds.

They board the Barbie Top Model Bus and pass Delancey Street. They go to makeup and Tahlia confesses her heart to either Celia or her hair person, I can’t tell. I think the hair person is more sympathetic than Celia. She wants Tahlia out. The girls board a boat where they meet Mr. Jay. He gives them a history lesson about the immigrants and will shoot in the old fashion. Benny will be in the shots as the husband. They get off at Ellis Island. My great-grandparents passed through there on their way from Greece. Brian Edwards will be the photographer.

Sandra: Mr. Jay asks her to open up and that still does not equal stiff. She says she did different things: “I put my hands in my pockets.” Good lord.

Fo: Does pretty well.

London: Says her inspiration is Kate Winslet in Titanic. Mr. Jay praises her for having a character the entire time.

Natalie: Pretends to be from Croatia, her ancestors’ home.

Teyona: Mr. Jay instructs her to be more dynamic. She delivers.

Kortnie: Mr. Jay says she struggle and her pose is shapeless. Benny tries to give her advice.

Tahlia: Mr. Jay praises Tahlia’s growth. I just see the same look in her eyes.

Celia: Is quick.

Aminat: Mr. Jay stops her to tell her to use her face.

Allison: Loved the photo shoot. I think she did well.

TYRA MAIL. Someone’s going home. The girls look nervous, even Sandra. Her accent got heavier at this point but disappears for her to announce that Tahlia will go home. Tahlia says the photo shoot gave her a confidence boost. However the girls are tired of Tahlia’s mood swings—especially the “I don’t want to be here” “I want to be here” pendulum.

PANEL! I still don’t get the posing with children thing. There are prizes, there are judges, there is Ms. J’s bowtie, and the guest judge is Benny Ninja. Teyona is up first. She gets praised. London is up next. She is told to be unison with her group shots. We get funny faces from Ms. J and Nigel. Sandra is next. Benny tells the judges she couldn’t change. Allison is praised as editorial and Paulina gives her a back story: older sister taking care of the children because mother died. Aminat is told to step it up. Fo follows Paulina doesn’t like it. Natalie gets compared to Keira Knightley. Oh my god, she does! Kortnie follows and falls flat. Tyra tells her to work on tension and working hard. Tahlia is next and is absolutely gorgeous. She gets praise on praise. Except that her outfit is condemned. Celia is the last and is applauded for winning the challenge. She gets upstaged by a child. She is given advice.

Top Models in Action time! Nigel tells us about April from Cycle 2. She has become a correspondent and still models. I’d care if I had watched Cycle 2.

The judges deliberate. Nigel correctly notes that Celia has the same pose in his shoot and in the photo before him. ELIMINATION! The first girl called is Tahlia. You know the girls aren’t happy right now. She is followed by: Teyona, Allison, Natalie, London, Aminat, Celia and Fo. Sandra and Kortnie land in the bottom two. Sandra’s the bitch, but she was number one last week. Kortnie has the personality. Kortnie: Pretty and alert in photos but dead in pictures. Sandra: Pretty girl but just resting on her looks. Sandra stays and the camera focuses on Celia. That was odd. She comes forward and tells Tyra about Tahlia’s comments. Tyra tells her that Tahlia didn’t tell the judges that and so they made their decision. She sends Celia back and then hugs Kortnie. She gives her advice before Kortnie does the group hug.

She goes back and writes a note. She says she’s glad Celia stood up but also defends Tahlia as well. Classy girl.

Still in the running:

Celia

Aminat

Tahlia

Kortnie

Isabella

Nijah

Allison

London

Sandra

Natalie

Fo

Jessica

Teyona

Next week: The models get into a fight and Celia worries she’s upset Tyra.

What do you think of Celia’s decision to tell Tyra about Tahlia’s comments? Will Celia remain past next week? 

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hello, Little John

Last time on Secret Life: Amy goes into labor and is quite irritable. She demands Dairy Shack burgers as all the regulars gravitate toward the hospital. Everybody flashes back to eight months and two weeks prior when Ricky entered Amy’s life.

The family watches Amy sleep. They start to bicker but Molly is called out when her phone vibrates. Amy’s Dad and Ashley talk about what would’ve happened 50 years ago as Ben comes in to talk to Amy. She’s not coherent and Ben says he obviously can’t be in the room for the birth (see: Him fainting during a contraction last week). Ben offers the camera to a family member and Amy asks Ashley to take it. She refuses, saying no one wants to see the birth. The doctor comes in as Amy is much calmer this time around, after the epidural. She says it’ll be soon and Amy worries about the pain. Molly tells her to focus on the baby.

Hospital! The Blabbermouth Duo sit in the waiting room, with Madison asking for coffee. Lauren tells her to run on adrenaline like the night they found out Amy was pregnant. But Madison convinces her to go for a coffee run. They end up getting a small group while Tammy and Tom consider getting a hotel room. Grace ix-nays the idea as she, Jack and Adrian join Alice and Henry in joining the Blabbermouth Duo on a coffee run. Alice admits to Lauren she is getting Henry back. I don’t know, he’s pretty smitten with Ashley.

Ben comes out to meet Ricky, who has no clue what is exactly going on in there. Ben notices he still has the camera and shoves it at Ashley. She refuses but a nurse says Amy wants to see Ashley—with the camera. Amy’s Dad tries to talk to Ricky, asking him if he wants to call anyone. Ashley comes back out a little woozy, which causes Ben to collapse. Ricky helps him to a seat. Ben admits he can’t hear about Amy in pain while Ricky feels guilty. He looks guilty. Ricky says he should get a vasectomy. Even Ben thinks that’s going a bit too far. Ricky has a great moment as he realizes all that he’s done. But he’s still having doubts about being a father but Ben gives him a pep talk. And he offers to be Ricky’s friend. Ricky resists and wonders about his role in his son’s life. Ben pleads down to a truce. Ricky agrees as we go to commercials. That was a sweet scene.

Hospital! The group returns from their coffee run. Adrian gives Ricky a coffee, saying she has one for Ben and another for Amy’s Dad. She asks how Ricky is doing but he turns it back to her. Adrian admits that she’ll be jealous when she sees Ricky hold the baby, but she does care for him. She tells him she is there for him. And she tells him to be there for his son. He hugs her as Grace comes up to say they will be leaving. It’s getting late. Grace tries to convince Ricky that he’s in love with Adrian and vice versa. She tells him she might be getting back with Jack while Ricky thinks she can do better. I think so as well. I think she and Jack are better as friends.

The Sausage King has arrived! He tells Ben he is proud and Ben admits he’s been irresponsible. That’s why the Sausage King is proud. He also knows that Ben loves Amy, as much as the Sausage King loved the Sausage Queen. Ben encourages his dad to date again but dad is happy as he is. He realizes Ben’s mom was his One and feels Amy is his son’s One.

Henry and Alice got back together? They wonder why sex could be so bad while they enjoy making out. Tom complains about going to the hospital but Grace reminds him that he wanted go. She asks Tom to leave so she can talk to Jack. He tells her that he loves her and she repeats it. They kiss…Where’s John Schneider? His face would probably be priceless. Grace reaffirms that she is still waiting till marriage but not necessarily till after medical school. Well, instead of a John Schneider face, we get Tom singing “My Girl.”

Molly comes out to update Amy’s Dad. She says they are almost there while he wonders if it ever took that long. She says it did as the doctor comes out to say that Amy is ready to push. She says Amy even wants Dad in there. Molly convinces him to go in and calling her “Grandma,” he agrees.

Hospital! Ben and Ricky wait outside as “Stand by Me” plays. Amy’s Dad comes out and motions. Ben signals that Ricky can go inside. Amy’s Dad rejoins Ashley and Molly at Amy’s bedside, where she is holding her baby. Ricky looks ready to cry. He refuses to hold his son though and almost cries again. And that convinces him to hold the boy. Ben and the Sausage King are next. He kisses Amy after a moment seeing Ricky holding the baby. Ben holds the baby, who cries even though he was giggling in Ricky’s arms. Wow, show. The baby stops crying in the Sausage King’s arms, maybe because he’s bouncing the baby. Babies like to be bounced. Ben goes back to cameraman, taping the special moment. We see Amy, baby, Dad, Molly, and Ashley asleep. Grace, Jack, Tom and Tammy show up to see the baby…wow, this is a really long version of “Stand by Me”…and Adrian comes. And now it’s the Blabbermouth Duo, giggling with their best friend. Henry and Alice follow behind with Leon and Donovan…good lord, show, is everybody ever on this show going to be on?

The montage follows with Ricky holding his baby as Amy sleeps and we go to commercials.

Moving van! Molly says they have to get cleaned up and return to the hospital. Amy’s Dad says his stuff and Ashley’s are in the van and they are going to start their new life. They say good-bye and leave. Molly follows them outside, saying she’ll miss her youngest daughter. Ashley tells her mom she loves her. Molly cries as they pull away. Then the van pulls into the house next door. Huh, I was expecting him to have bought the house. Molly is thrilled. Ashley and Amy’s Dad are scared.

Adrian’s Dad comes over for a visit. They talk about Max and Adrian worries that dad’s there to get her back for him. Dad says he’s there to tell her he left his wife because he has an unresolved issue named Adrian. He offers to take her out for some food, trying to be a father. It’s good not to see them fighting.

Amy tries to send Ben home for some rest. Ben offers to do her homework and she says he’s done too much already. She thanks him for being there for her. Ben says good-bye but asks about the baby’s name. Amy doesn’t know. Ashley comes in and hugs Ben before sending him home. Amy lets Ashley name him and says “John.” The girls start singing “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.” The parents walk in, worrying about what their daughter and her baby’s name. They are happy to hear it is “John.” Molly says Amy and John are going home tomorrow.

Amy is sleeping standing up as the microwave beeps. Molly tries to help her daughter prepare a bottle as the doctor who will help her breastfed will be by later the day. Amy’s hormonal. Molly offers to make John’s bottle for her daughter. Amy’s Dad is making Ashley go to school but lets her go see John. They see Molly’s new employer come in with a giant teddy bear. Amy’s Dad is jealous and says he wants to get a motorcycle. Ashley asks for a dog. He agrees. Molly’s employer is just there to check on her. Molly admits she would like another child again, with someone who isn’t Amy’s Dad. Apparently, Molly is serious (Molly Ringwald is also pregnant in real life. This is probably the set up).

Amy feeds John and bonds.

We go back to high school as Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” plays. The Blabbermouth Duo high five Alice, Henry and Ben. Grace and Jack walk in hand-in-hand. Alice and Henry kiss. Adrian walks the halls and watches Grace take a pill. She’s really looking for Ricky. Ben updates Mr. Molina about Amy and asks about his wife. Mr. Molina is surprised at how mature Ben is from the wide-eyed boy who entered his office at the beginning of the year.

We get a shot of the sleeping mother and infant. Ricky comes by to visit his son. Aww.

And that’s season one…two…good lord, I hate cable seasons! I’m sticking to Summer Season and Winter Season. Summer 09 season starts in June. What do you think is coming? Molly’s pregnancy? Ashley and Dad waging war against Molly? Grace and Jack round two? Ben v Ricky? More John Schneider?

Quote of the Episode:

Ben: Did you talk to Amy about this stuff?

Ricky: No, why?

Ben: Because I was just trying to cheer you up.

See you in June! Remember, I still recap “America’s Next Top Model,” “CSI: NY” and “Eleventh Hour.” 

Sunday, March 22, 2009

This One Time at Band Camp...

Sorry for the delay, but as I explained in an earlier recap, work got busy and I got backlogged. So, I’m skipping the last two “Secret Life” episodes and go straight to last Monday’s (3/16) episode.

Last week: Grace got fed up trying to plan a baby shower for Amy with Adrian. Of course, while I find Adrian one of the most 3-dimensional characters on this show, I wouldn’t trust her to water my planets let alone plan a baby shower. Especially since she has problems with her step-brother. Random Hallway Kid, Joe, blackmails people into going so a whole interesting slue of characters show up, including Mr. Molina’s pregnant (!) wife. Meanwhile, Amy’s Dad prepares to move out—and Ashley is going with him. Jack breaks it off with Shawna and Ricky gets serious about becoming a daddy. And at the end, Amy goes into labor as Ben shows up to support her—even suggesting she call Ricky.

We open with Band Camp 2008. Amy, carrying her French Horn, gets distracted when she sees Ricky in the stands. He’s interested too. We flash to him standing in Amy’s hospital room, watching her sleep.

Credits!

Eight months and two weeks ago…(Thank you title card) Ricky and Amy meet. We get to hear Amy’s thoughts as well as Ricky sits down with her. They talk about boyfriends. Oh hey, John Schneider will be showing up! Sorry, sorry, back to the flashback. A girl comes up to say to Ricky and reminds him her name is Gail. She’s upset…Oh, I think she’s one of Ricky’s flames. He says he remembers her, kissing her but finding out she had a boyfriend. He says that was why he was asking about boyfriends and then asks her out. She says she will be the freshman soloist that night. A girl comes up to warn Amy about Ricky. Warning not heeded, Blonde Girl.

Amy calls Madison and Lauren as they go to orientation. They coo over Jack as he approaches Grace. He congratulates her on making cheerleading. She says she’s happy to be on the bottom. Aww, it’s the start of their relationship. They are adorable as he tries to ask her to go steady. She’s worried about her parents and doesn’t want to go steady yet either. Jack doesn’t want her to go out with any other guys and she flirts that she may. Oh, Grace. Our friend the noisy secretary comes to direct the Blabbermouth Duo back to their room.

Henry and Alice blog or play tetris or something as Ben wants his braces off. I understand Ben’s wish to get them off. Oh, that was a happy day. Ben complains about how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. The Sausage King comes in and tells Ben there will be a delay until he reveals it is all a big goof on his son. He brings Henry and Alice along, even though Henry asks if they could stay behind by themselves. Alice, Sausage King and Ben all respond “No.”

Adrian is home reading a book as her mom comes home. She gives her the third degree about her recent lingerie purchases, asking who it is this time. She bugs mom for a car, who says they’ll go tonight and then tells her daughter to mind her own business about what she has to do that afternoon.

We flashback as Amy wakes up. Molly Ringwald comes in with food but Amy wants a burger and shake from the Dairy Shack. Ricky offers to go for her and Amy sends him away coldly. Molly coaches her through a contraction as Amy regrets not going to birthing class earlier and demands drugs. Molly reminds her she can’t eat after the epidural, so she complains about being hungry and in pain. Molly distracts Amy by asking what she will call her son, who has not thought about it at all. For some reason, she thinks since she is a minor she can’t name a baby. Doesn’t work like that sweetie. She panics.

We go back to Band Camp, where Amy practices as Ricky enters. Amy’s getting nervous around Ricky, who gives her the old “picture the audience naked” advice. Trust me, it doesn’t work. Just look over their heads at a spot on the wall. Amy says her lips are dry and Ricky kisses her, and then offers her water.

Tom asks Grace if there is any news about the baby. She says no. Tom offers her her promise ring back, confusing Grace. Tom and Tammy are still together, but he thinks his sister needs her ring back. Tom asks Grace if she was seeing Jack. She denies it as Tom says that the ring is so she doesn’t have anything to tell him. He’s a great big brother.

Grace flashes back to her dad telling her that she’s not going out with Jack nor going steady with just one guy. Grace stuns her dad with the news no one else is asking and that she knows he told Rev. Stone to tell Jack to ask her out. John Schneider says Rev. Stone approached him and asks if they have kissed. Sounds like Daddy Dearest didn’t like Jack at all. We comes back as Grace puts the ring on. Ben calls Grace to give her an update that the baby will be awhile. Grace tells Ben to tell Amy she’s praying for her, but then backtracks. Ben assures her that Amy wants Grace to pray for her. As he hangs up, his driver reminds him he is outside and that the Sausage King will come when Amy’s Dad calls. That’ll be forever, knowing Amy’s Dad. Alice and Henry are there, IM-ing each other while sitting next to each other. Ben figures they are talking about him and leaves, but a nurse stops him.

We flashback to Alice and Henry eight months and two weeks ago, with Alice saying no to sex with Henry. He says he doesn’t want to be a virgin at 30. Ben just marvels at his teeth. I know the feeling, buddy. Ben is looking forward to high school. Am I the only one who thought episode 1 was also Ben’s first day of school and that it was already about a few weeks in?

Ben offers Amy food, but she still demands Dairy Shack. She then has a contraction, which floors Ben. Literally, he isn’t ready for Amy in labor. Molly runs in to help, trying to coax an irritable Amy into doing something. Amy asks when her contractions will stop as Mom duhs when the baby comes.

At the hospital, Amy’s Dad enjoys the burger Ben brought as Ashley watches. Amy finally got her Dairy Shack, but she’s still irritable. She complains about the pain but Amy’s Dad and Ashley can’t cheer her up. Amy wants a frip but can’t get anyone to work with her. Amy’s Dad holds Amy’s hand during a contraction, surprised at his daughter’s strength. He comforts a crying Amy, he does soothing dad well. Ashley finds Molly talking to Mimsy, who is at her boyfriend’s house. Ashley tells her the relationship with Thomas is over and swears off guys for a while. As Molly runs away to help Amy, Ashley flashes to…

Ashley used to dance? Amy’s Dad is vindicated to see she is still dancing. He knew the “drinking coffee with my friends” was a rouse because Ashley doesn’t have any friends. He says he’ll pick her up later, he has to help a woman with her furniture. Ashley realizes then that Dad’s cheating and I’d say he did it with the dance instructor, judging by their banter.

Ricky sits down to Ashley, asking her some questions. Ashley responds meanly and Ricky pleads to be her friend. He needs her as everyone else will hate him. Ashley wonders if Ricky can be friends as we go back to…

Band Camp 2008. Ricky coaches Amy through her piece. She wonders if he wants to be friends, but he tells her he wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She rejoices as Ricky offers to walk her to her cabin. He even carries her French horn and holds her hand. Aww. She mentally reminds herself to “Be cool.”

Tom comes back to Grace for a baby update. Same as last time, Tommy boy. Tom says he’ll call Adrian, which Grace says will make Tammy jealous. Tom says he knows and that jealousy will spice up the relationship. Okay…Grace calls Adrian, who is waiting for news. She still pines for Ricky and goes on about her afternoon. She also tries to find out about Grace’s feelings for Jack. She changes the subject and says Adrian should drive them to the hospital to be there for Amy. They’ve already been there for her through so much already, Grace argues. Adrian correctly points out that Grace has been the one there for Amy.

We flashback to Adrian’s mom trying to convince her daughter to come downstairs. Adrian says she doesn’t want to meet her mother’s new boyfriend and Adrian’s mom threatens to return the car. That gets her daughter moving. Adrian’s Mom thanks Amy’s Dad for helping her to pick out the car and dealing with the salesman. He says he hopes she likes him and she reminds Amy’s Dad he’s married. Adrian comes down to see the car. She rejoices and hugs her mom.

Back in the present, Adrian leaves. Tom calls Jack, who flat out says that Jack kissed Grace. Tom tells Jack that the girls are going to the hospital and asks for a ride. At the hospital, the Blabbermouth Duo come for a visit. Molly leaves to go update Dad and Ashley as Amy reveals she is still irritable. She’s also too far along to go home but not far along enough to get the drugs. Madison updates Amy about who is waiting for her. The Blabbermouth Duo try to comfort their friend as she gives them a PSA about sex. Madison and Lauren need the awkward turtle right now. What do you say when you’re fifteen and your best friend is in labor.

Molly flashes to eight months and two weeks ago…Ashley comes home and is her usual self. Molly wishes Amy were there so she could talk to someone. Amy’s Dad says they could talk and Molly doesn’t respond. He tells her that’s the problem and leaves. We return to Molly and Amy’s Dad looking sad in the waiting room.

The doctor assures Amy she’ll give her the epidural when the time is right. She encourages Amy to let go off her anger, it’ll help the process. Amy curses her mom, the class and Ricky.

Ricky brings her to the closed mess hall, offering her coffee and hamburgers. Ricky praises her performance at the concert and assures Amy that they will not get into trouble. Be prepared to eat your own words, Ricky. Amy gets the scoop on her new teachers from Ricky, who in turn tries to get information about Amy’s life outside band. She tells him about the Blabbermouth Duo, Dad, Molly and Ashley. He deflects the question about his family and asks to move to the couch, more comfortable. Amy wants to go back but he convinces her to stay. So, they move to the couch and continue talking. And by talking, they mean kissing. I can’t tell if Ricky is being sincere or if he’s just trying to get into her pants at this point. Amy says she should go. Go, Amy, go. But Ricky convinces her to stay for a few more minutes.

Amy returns to the present and realizes that she should’ve left. She says “Crap,” but assures her baby it is not about him but her.

Quote of the Episode:

Amy: How do we even know I have a birth canal? *Anne looks on incredulous* What? I don’t know anything about anything besides the French horn!

Can anyone explain Twilight’s popularity to me? Because I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

Next week: The entrance of Ricky and Amy’s baby!

So, did you enjoy the flashback to the past? Enjoy band camp? Any ideas what Amy will name the baby?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ms. J's Charm School for Broke-Down Models

Last week on America’s Next Top Model: Makeovers and Fo threatened to become Jaeda 2.0. Next, the girls had a Cover Girl make up challenge, Sandra continued to piss off Aminat and the girls had to light themselves for a photoshoot with Nigel Barker. Tyra smacked the Jaeda out of Fo and sent Jessica home for being “pretty.” Eleven model wannabes are still in the running. Who gets the Gucci boot tonight? 

Wanna be on top? 

Teyona celebrates her picture and says she isn’t too sad her friends go home because she’s still there. Nijah says she has to work on her eyes. Tahlia is told not to take herself out of the competition until Tyra takes her out. Amen! But Tahlia feels defeated. 

TYRA MAIL! “Mind your P’s and Q’s. And J.” The girls can figure that one out—runway with Ms. J. Natalie says she has a good walk and was with another modeling agency, so she has some experience. She helps some of the girls with their walk, but Aminat says she’s getting cocky. Uh oh, do I smell another Melrose? Allison is nervous because her runway isn’t so great. Hey, she’s still better than Hannah the Moose Girl from last cycle.

And the girls go to Ms. J’s Charm School for Broke-Down Models. That is going to be this title. She/He channels a stuffy British headmistress and sends the girls to change into their “uniforms.” Celia is impressed with Ms. J’s walking style and then goes on about the signature walk. Auntie Tyra must be so proud. Fo goes too fast as some classical musical plays with a techno beat. Ms. J makes fun of Sandra’s shoulder wiggle as a selection from West Side Story plays (PLUG! A revival opens on Broadway). Ms. J works extra hard with Allison, which includes the classic book-on-head. Natalie impresses Ms. J. And then Ms. J calls out Bianca and Chantal from Cycle 9—two who lost to Saleisha “Rules Shmules” Towers. They look great and help the girls. 

The girls go home and play “Truth and Dare.” Someone licks another’s nose while another has to do the Carlton Dance from “Fresh Prince.” Everyone I know can do that dance. Natalie gets asked who had the worst picture last week beside Fo and Jessica. She answers Tahlia. Tahlia storms out, but Natalie has a good point. It wasn’t the greatest. Tahlia says that she knows Natalie’s confidence will work against her in the end.

TYRA MAIL! “Take it from me, the runway is the worst place for excess baggage.” Allison is horrified as they know it is a runway challenge. The girls think someone will get eliminated. I highly doubt it—there were only thirteen original girls. They help Allison with her walk.

Teyona goes to get her weave fixed. We see the Barbie Top Model Bus. They go to a runway show for Jill Stuart. And they will be working with bags, picked up from Saks, I’m guessing. Tahlia wants to do her walk right while Natalie wonders why they keep practicing. Those…Are pretty dresses. And then Ann Shoket shows up for her contractual appearance. She and Ms. J wish the girls luck then leave. The runway kicks off with the old-fashioned traffic lights reading “WALK”. 

Celia rocks her walk, followed by Natalie who gives a little twirl. Ann Shoket likes her. Tahlia is next, trying not to fall. London bops down to the music as Kortnie follows. She had a good end pose. Nijah is next but Ms. J doesn’t look thrilled. Allison is still nervous as Teyana and Sandra take the runway. And Sandra goes down the full length this time. Allison then busts out, professional breezing past Aminat. Fo follows and rocks out the runway, while the girls return to the final walk.

Jill, Ann and Ms. J deliver their comments. Allison gets good comments and is happy. Natalie’s twirl wasn’t appreciated…except by the Aswirl Twins. Tahlia needs confidence, which bothers Ms. J. She isn’t comfortable, she confesses. Uh oh. She’s going to psyche herself out of the competition. The winner of the runway challenge is Natalie, despite the twirl. She wins pieces from Jill Stuart’s collection. Ms. J leaves as Natalie realizes the girls aren’t going to like her when they get home.

Tahlia goes home and calls her sister, Marquis. She starts crying as her sister tries to give her a pep talk, but Tahlia still isn’t happy.

McKey’s on the radio, talking about Make-a-Wish foundation.

Tyra v. Hannah Montana. A must see, if you ask me. But now what will Disney run in place of Hannah Montana.

NEW YORK! TYRA MAIL! “Give it your all tomorrow or you might get thrown under the bus.” Ooh, do we get to choose who goes under? Tahlia says she feels more confident now.

The Barbie Top Model Bus meets up with a red double decker bus carrying Mr. Jay. They are doing a photo tour of New York. Mike Rosenthal is brought back to shoot this session, in which the girls have to be able to show the judges where they are and who they are. First stop: WALL STREET! Fo and Aminat are Wall Street Brokers. The girls banter through their shoot, impressing Jay. Next stop: SoHo. Kortnie and Nijah are SoHo artists. Nijah struggles a bit while Kortnie works it. She draws Nijah out. Next stop: Posh aparment? Celia and Sandra are nannies who would get reported to ACS. Next stop: Fifth Avenue. Allison and London get to be 5th Avenue Socialites. London works the bitch angle well but Allison struggles. She feels she was thinking too much. Last stop: Times Square! Natalie, Teyona and Tahlia play tourists. Tahlia does well but Natalie isn’t. Natalie tries to pretend to be happy for Tahlia.

TYRA MAIL! Oh, you know. Someone’s going home! London’s way too excited about it. Allison is scared about panel. They say they will be surprised no matter who goes home.

NEW YORK! Now Tyra has two children in her pictures! The girls enter panel. There are prizes, there are judges, there is Ms. J’s bow, and there is guest judge—Jill Stuart. Tyra praises her shirt. Tyra gets a little aggressive but calls Kortnie and Nijah up first. The judges are pretty confused. Nigel doesn’t like Nijah, no one else does either. Fo and Aminat are up next. The judges like the shot. Tyra praises Aminat while Nigel praises Fo. Celia and Sandra are up next and Ms. J makes a comment about Sandra’s knees. The girls get praised as editorial models, but not so much as nannies. Sandra gets praised. She’s doing the bitch properly—is hated but has to be good! The tourist trio are next—Tahlia, Natalie and Teyona. The judges like it—Tahlia’s enthusiasm, Teyona’s teeth but Natalie falls flat. London and Allison are last. Judges aren’t thrilled. Tyra feels they had more popular culture references: Paris Hilton, Gossip Girl (PLUG!) London gets the better reviews than Allison.

Top Models in Action! This time it is Bianca from Cycle 9. She is the face of Virgin Islands’ Fashion Week. She works runway shows…and starts fights with the stars of “Hairspray.”

One Tree Hill done in Sims? Can anyone say “Jumped the Shark?”

NEW YORK! The judges deliberate. Now Nijah is the “just pretty” model. They love Sandra’s blonde hair. They don’t like Teyona’s poise. Ms. J continues to make fun of Allison’s eyes.

ELIMINATION! The first name called and the picture will be cropped to just show: Sandra. She is followed by Aminat, Tahlia, Fo, Celia, Kortnie, London, Teyona (whose hair does look better), and last is Natalie. The bottom two are Nijah and Allison. Not Allison, please not Allison! Allison: She looks interesting and special, but it didn’t translate. Was it a fluke? Nijah: Beautiful girl but they want back the girl from week one. Allison gets to stay. YAY! Nijah doesn’t break down and Tyra tells her to push past relying on prettiness. She hugs the girls and waves good-bye to everyone.

She writes the girls a good-bye note. Nijah lists what she needs to work on and that the competition helped her, blah blah blah.

Still in the Running:

Celia

Aminat

Tahlia

Kortnie

Isabella

Nijah

Allison

London

Sandra

Natalie

Fo

Jessica

Teyona

Next week: The girls meet Benny Ninja and perform for New York’s drag queen community. Oh boy. And Celia mobilizes the girls against someone who doesn’t want to be there but my DVR cut off so I don’t know who.

Do you think it’s Tahlia? Sandra? Someone else?

Condolences

I send my condolences out to the Redgrave/Richardson/Neeson families at this difficult and tragic time. Natasha Richardson was a great talent who I loved, particularly as Lindsay Lohan's mother in "The Parent Trap." I do regret I never got to see her perform on stage and her talent will sorely be missed. 

I pray this tragedy reminds us all the importance of helmets--they may not be the prettiest accessories out there, but they are true life savers. 

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Eleventh Hour Had Mercury in Fridges, CSI:NY Has Pipe Bombs in a Van

Adam is playing street hockey with his friends, making fun of some girl’s boyfriend whose shot he just blocked. Adam chases after the ball as a white van explodes…ADAM! NO! And then a house explodes…is this CSI: NY or a Michael Bay movie?

Credits!

Adam comes to and sees the crime scene. A friend tries to make sure Adam is all right but all Adam can hear is cries for help. As the girl with the camera begs for someone to call for help, Adam and his friend pull someone from the wreckage. Sirens wail in the background as the FDNY pull up. Mac and Hawkes follow quickly. The guy Adam saved was the only one home, thankfully, as Mac takes care of Adam. He can’t help Mac much, just explaining the van and house exploded. The victim, Felix Redmond, is upset and wants to know what happened while Hawkes tries to calm him down. Felix explains his wife is with her parents.

The FBI approaches Flack, saying they will have to work together. Flack agrees as Mac searches the van. A kid with a camera is sent back inside while Stella brings a clue from a neighbor’s house. They realize they are dealing with a pro. Mac and Stella do math while Flack and I stare at them, confused.

Lindsay asks Danny if they need help but he rules it out, saying she’ll do enough when the crime scene comes to the lab. Apparently, Lindsay is going back to Montana to visit her mom so she can see her daughter pregnant. Lindsay looks forward to the day she can do that if her baby is a girl. Danny replies that no boy is getting near his daughter—there was no doubt he’d be a strict dad.

Back at the crime scene, Hawkes is surprised Felix walked away after his house collapsed. Mac tells them a story of other bomb victims who walked away. They figure Felix wasn’t the target and if something was supposed to happen on the block. Stella finds a busted pipe while Hawkes documents the remains of the white van. Mac and Danny divide and conquer the house—one upstairs, the other downstairs. Or what’s left of it. They try to put everything together, but we haven’t reached the second commercial break. Danny finds a victim under the debris, surprising the two.

NEW YORK! Our dead victim ends up on Sid’s table as he preps her for autopsy. He finds an injury to the back of her head with something inside. She died from a severed spinal cord, Sid tells Lindsay. He also confirms their vic was in the house. He also tells her that while he usually has strange evidence, he doesn’t. Lindsay wonders who she is as Stella brings Felix down to identify her. He breaks down, saying she wasn’t home.

Turns out it was his daughter, who was supposed to be at school. Mac doesn’t know why that street was chosen, unless someone on the block was planning to bomb somewhere else. They wonder if they are chasing after a terrorist or terrorists. Lindsay and Hawkes do some science. Lindsay finds two pipes are the same and they hope it will lead to a manufacture. Danny finds out the perp rented the van but uses the GPS to track down the guy who rented it last—Michael Elgers. He looks like a skinhead. Danny agrees. Elgers last arrest was on Francis Lewis Blvd…Hey, my aunt lives on there. Of course, Francis Lewis is very long, so it could be anywhere. Mac wonders if Elgers was aiming for the synagogue on the corner.

Flack drags the skinhead in for some talk. Elgers swears he didn’t mean to blow up anything. Flack, unsurprisingly, doesn’t believe him. Elgers says he remain silent until Flack mentions the van. That throws Elgers, who swears it wasn’t him. It’s not his signature, he argues, asking for a lawyer. Flack leaves but Elgers asks to know the race of the victim. Flack just says she’s dead.

Stella is down in the garage, finding a digital watch. They figure it was a trigger and the bomb was meant to go off when it did. Mac finds something inside the van, calling Stella over. Burn marks on the side, show that the van was reinforced on one side so the blast would be forced out the other. They realize that Felix’s house was the intended target.

NEW YORK! We see some workers working, at Felix’s business. People offer condolences over his daughter Alison. He says he’s still trying to figure out what happened. Felix says he deals with e-garbage, electronic stuff we throw out. Stella tells him the news that his house was the target. He’s shocked. Stella thinks it might be the contract he just got from the city. He rules it out. Stella offers her sympathy again and leaves.

Adam returns to the lab as Hawkes hails him as a hero. Adam is just glad to get away from the interrogations of FBI, DHS, etc. Hawkes gives him stuff to do and he’s actually happy. Hawkes joins a briefing on The Purists, eco-terrorists. I’m thinking CBS missed an opportunity to pair this with Eleventh Hour’s Minamata. They deal with anything that could harm the environment. Just property damage, no deaths. And while they claim responsibility, no charges have been filed. One of the members of the Purists was attacked by Elgers, cleared as his signature didn’t match. They figure Elgers was being set up, but unsure why The Purists would bomb a house owned by a man who recycles for a living.

We go to a club where a guy blows a cork off a bottle. Mac sees the display and shows his badge. The club is apparently “eco-friendly.” Mac asks about Felix but Teddy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Mac calls him a terrorist while Teddy argues he is doing his duty as God’s creature. Oh boy. Mac is just as incredulous as Teddy leaves.

Stella asks Adam what went through his mind. He replies nothing much, except for some kid beaning him in the head. He also feels bad because he can’t give them anything. Meanwhile, Hawkes finds a partial on the van’s rearview mirror. It belonged to Alison, surprising Mac.

NEW YORK! Mac views a protest, spotting Alison amongst the crowds. She was a member of The Purists, but they can’t figure out why she went after her father’s house and why she was in the house. Danny though is distracted by Lindsay. He tells Mac about his proposal and subsequent rejection. They have a heart to heart. Mac regrets not having children with his wife due to his doubts. Now he’s telling Danny not to let his own get in the way of happiness. It helps Danny and Mac tells him he’ll make a great father.

Stella searches the Chinese town Adam found. It has a lot of e-waste, apparently. The pictures aren’t so pretty. And it doesn’t look just like e-waste, but regular waste as well. Stella tells Adam that he may have found the motive. He sees a picture and remembers he saw her before the explosion. Lindsay brings Mac enough evidence for a warrant on Teddy Mayhem. They interrupt him in the middle of a planning session, saying people will be in his building. He burns it as Mac takes him in.

Stella shows Felix some of his business containers. One that ended up in China, which is illegal. And filled with e-waste comprised of dangerous chemicals. Mac doesn’t think it’s not worth a bomb to dealing with a cheat. Teddy’s too cynical to believe the government will help, though Mac says they are catching the corrupted ones. Stella, in the other room, catches Felix’s dirty business. People being paid to dismantle the e-waste full of the dangerous chemicals. Mac does wonder about Alison. He tried to show her the truth, but she didn’t believe him. Alison was trying to warn her dad. Hello, cell phone? But Teddy thought she didn’t have enough time and wouldn’t get hurt. Stella tells Felix why his daughter was in the house. And that he’s under arrest. Teddy is still smug in the other room, saying there are others. Mac tells him that they will get them.

Danny brings a confused Lindsay to the courthouse, saying she has to meet some friends. He brings her to the city clerk and she realizes what is going on. He proposes again, saying they could get married right then. Lindsay agrees. Aww, Monroe-Messer wedding! Stella and Mac are waiting inside to be the witnesses. And then there’s a nice montage of the two of them together. That was absolutely adorable! I’ve loved those two since Lindsay was introduced.

Exchange of the Week:

“No bodies at 3 AM, no double shifts with no sleep, a slice of pizza on the run.”

“Constipation, swelling of feet, tough getting up from a chair, constant urination. Wanna switch?”

“I already have all that. I just want the time off.” –Sid and Lindsay

Next week: Dead drug dealer, dealing drugs made of humans. Eww. And it’s married couple Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (Wentz).

What do you think of the Monroe-Messer wedding? What about the upcoming appearance of the Wentzes? 

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Good News!

Actress Marley Shelton--Rachel Young on "Eleventh Hour"--has announced she is is pregnant. No word yet on how this will affect Eleventh Hour and her character. 

But warm wishes and best of luck to her and husband Beau Flynn! 

I Think Tyra and Ms. J Have Found Their Next Runway Challenge!

NEW YORK! Someone named Haley is stalked by the paparazzi as camera go off constantly. One photog gets a smell of Haley and suddenly goes from snapper to slapper. He fights with Haley’s escort as Haley screams. Neither survive the fight. Meanwhile, it’s fashion week! And as models do their little turn on the catwalk, on the catwalk, do their little turn on the catwalk, a bodyguard goes insane when he sees a model. He attacks her and everyone stands around doing nothing as he kills the model. Then they do something. 

Felix introduces Hood and Rachel to our two crime scenes. And then Rachel and Felix have to explain that Haley Vaughn is a popular model. Hood decides to go for the crack and booze first, which Felix goes to test. We tick to the credits…

And, unlike me, the show does refrain from busting out either Right Said Fred’s “Too Sexy” or RuPaul’s “Supermodel.” I’m afraid I will probably use the latter some time later, so…mea culpa.

We come back to a lab as the techs get to swab everything down. You know, there could’ve been a chance for a shout-out. Jerry Bruckheimer produces Eleventh Hour as well as CSI: NY and Without a Trace, all set in New York. One shout out, please. Rachel and Felix are already in the FBI. Anyway, Felix interrogates the bouncer, who is surprised at his own behavior. Felix confides that he was a bouncer in a strip club. I believe it. Anyway, he says it just gets to you—all the skin. The bouncer agrees he just snapped and felt he and the model had a connection. Rachel interviews Haley, who says she uses new stuff all the time and doesn’t know why this happened.

We cut to an Ugly Betty-ish receptionist at Haley’s agency. She is leaving a message for a date who left early from a date due to a phone call. Oh, I hope it wasn’t a bailout call. She berates herself for her cheesy message and then shows Rachel and Hood into Haley’s escort/manager’s partner/wife’s office. The wife admits that their marriage wasn’t so good lately but still praises her dead husband’s work ethic. Hood asks if her husband was doing or using anything different. She says no but admits they hadn’t seen each other due to Fashion Week. She breaks down but Hood isn’t convinced. Rachel thinks their best bet is to talk to Ugly Betty.

By the way, the actress playing the assistant is Samantha Shelton, Marley Shelton’s real life sister. It’s a family affair!

Meanwhile, Haley’s doorman Tom brings her her mail. He too is enthralled by her…or rather, her perfume. He forces his way into the apartment. This does not bode well. We cut back to Rufus Sewell watching the Shelton sisters act. Ugly Betty—I’m sorry, Gretchen—tries to keep her boss’ secret to protect his wife. But Rachel gets her to admit to dead manager’s affair with Haley. So, it’s to Haley’s Rachel and Hood go. They spot the door open, which sends up a red flag. As Rachel says, nobody leaves the door open in New York—no matter how safe you think your building is. They discover Haley’s body and the doorman crying on the fire escape. He doesn’t know why he did it, staring at his bloody hands. Then he just falls and we hear him hit a car below as Marley’s eyes grow big.

I read somewhere that the monotone Comcast commercial is supposed to be full of subliminal messages. If it is, I’m missing them.

NEW YORK! Danny and Stella…no, sorry, wrong show…Hood stops the ME from taking Haley after spotting odd spots on her wrists and neck. Rachel finds some perfume. Hood asks Rachel how she puts her perfume on. She responds: wrists and neck. Where the spots are…Hmm…At the agency, Gretchen receives her boss’ mail—it contains the perfume box. She’s distracted when Rex, the guy who left her, calls. Apparently that phone call was a real emergency—he had to go visit a family member, I assume. They set up a second date. Aww, Gretchen. She’s happy and doing better than Ugly Betty has since Gio and Henry left.

Hood and Rachel go on a tour of the perfume plant with an employee who gives us a history lesson of perfume. Though his assistant, Renny, gives us the dour side—use of perfume to cover the plague. Hood points out that companies don’t have to list the ingredients in perfumes, unlike food. But the manager promises that they don’t use any odd things in their perfumes, just natural ingredients. Rachel shows him Fervor, the perfume taken from Haley. He says they sent it to the top 100 influential people in the fashion industry. When informed Haley’s dead, he refers her to the company lawyer. She protests that the perfume is safe and there is no need to pull the product. The manager protests that he perfected Fervor and it is safe. But they agree to let Hood test it and Rachel says if anything odd pops up in the perfume, guess who is getting the blame? The lawyer tells the manager it will be him.

Felix joins Hood in the lab, saying Rachel is in the coroner’s office. Hood tells him to write things down: Vanilla, Honeysuckle, Jalapeno Pepper, Civet Musk…Sounds like Bath and Body Works line. Felix remembers they use beaver glands and whale fat, but Hood says not so much. But they work on the theory that a tainted ingredient may be the cause. Meanwhile, the manager talks with Renny, asking him to certify the perfume is clean. Renny is silent until the manager asks if everything was done properly. All Renny replies is that he did everything the manager asked him to do. Sounds like someone isn’t too happy with his job. Manager takes a bottle of Fervor out of a safe.

NEW YORK! In a nice hotel room, the manager plays a hooker…sorry, “escort”…to sit on the bed and put on Fervor. You know, I wouldn’t have this problem—I’m allergic to perfumes. Wouldn’t wear them and would be too clogged up to notice them.

Rachel returns to the lab with the discovery the perfume is the one thing in common. Hood believes the manager is using pheromones, which Felix knows it is used to attract mates. Hood explains that only certain people are attracted to certain smells, so chemistry isn’t a myth. Meanwhile, the escort is getting restless about doing nothing and tries to leave for her next appointment. The manager attacks her and restrains her. We tick to commercials…

NEW YORK! Another crime scene and still no shout out to Mac or Stella or anyone. Felix tells us the escort shot the manager, most likely in self defense judging by that last scene before the break. Hood goes to talk to Lyla, the escort. He knows it is self defense and asks her if he made her wear perfume. He asks to see her wrists—there are marks. She says he was just making notes and then snapped. Hood explains it was an experiment that went wrong. Lyla is even more distressed to learn she was a guinea pig but Hood assures it that the manager was the lab rat, not she.

Hood returns with his FBI detail to the lab and says that the perfume they tested was a decoy. He runs the perfume in the hotel and finds: a chemical that serves a messenger to the brain. The one in the perfume makes people crazy. They realize someone else is tampering with Fervor. So they go back to the company and note that Renny challenged the Fervor patent because he wasn’t credited. They realize he is behind it, especially since he called in sick. The lawyer brings them to their clinical trials. Hood realizes the perfume was leaving a mark before it started out as a potential self-tanning lotion using neuro transmitters. However, the trials showed that the self-tanning lotion also served as an aphrodisiac. But it’s down side was a violent streak. Rachel wants to round up the samples.

Gretchen, though, decides to spray Fervor generously. Something tells me the date with Rex is about to go south fast. Felix says they almost have all the perfumes back and then he will join in the search for Renny. Hood also asks him to get an inhibitor that would block receptors in the brain from processing the perfume. Meanwhile, Haley’s agent’s wife realizes Gretchen took the perfume. Gretchen doesn’t pick up her phone as she takes a cab driven by a driver more invested in his fare’s life than Ranjit on How I Met Your Mother—and Ranjit is their primary driver. The driver becomes affected and gets creepy. He turns off the route and Gretchen panics. As he admits he loves her perfume, we tick to commercial…

Rachel keeps trying to reach Gretchen as Felix searches the company’s security system for Renny. They find him looking through the manager’s office and taking an invite to fashion week. Spiffy. Felix moves out as a cop pulls up to meet Rachel and Hood. He’s going to use GPS to find Gretchen, Felix heads to the Dior show. Renny’s already there. With a bottle of Fervor.

Gretchen fights off the cab driver and escapes, running away—but first takes off her shoes. Smart move. Rachel follows while Renny sprays models with Fervor. Not good. The cops find the taxi, but no Gretchen. Or driver. They see Fervor, a shoe and blood. Not good. But they call in a canine unit as Gretchen runs away. What part of Manhattan are they in that’s so deserted at that time of night? Early morning, yes. Late night, no. Gretchen comes to a dead end and is stuck between an amorous cab driver and a chain fence. The cops come to the rescue and nab the driver while Sewell watches the Shelton sisters act again. Felix calls from Dior as the men start attacking the models.

Renny watches the commotion as Hood enters. Felix stops Renny, who admits he was disgruntled with his job. Then find a new one and quit, doofus. Don’t turn innocent people into killers. Hood uses the smoke jets attached to the runway to disperse the inhibitors into the show. It works and they calm down, dazed.

Now it’s Hood’s turn to walk the catwalk. Felix says he isn’t going to wear cologne for some time and Hood jokes with him. The two decide to walk to meet Rachel, who is 20 blocks away. Oh god, do you know how long 20 blocks is in Manhattan. Ouch. Gretchen is trying to call Rex, but figures it is a lost cause—being stood up isn’t good. Rachel leaves him a message saying Gretchen helped the FBI. Hopefully, Rex will call Gretchen back. Rachel puts Gretchen into the car of the NYPD as we fade to credits.

Quote of the Episode:

“You and that fine model had a connection? Are you on any medication?” –Felix

Looks like Eleventh Hour isn’t new next week. And I refrained from a RuPaul “Supermodel” reference. Go me!