Hello, Little John

Last time on Secret Life: Amy goes into labor and is quite irritable. She demands Dairy Shack burgers as all the regulars gravitate toward the hospital. Everybody flashes back to eight months and two weeks prior when Ricky entered Amy’s life.

The family watches Amy sleep. They start to bicker but Molly is called out when her phone vibrates. Amy’s Dad and Ashley talk about what would’ve happened 50 years ago as Ben comes in to talk to Amy. She’s not coherent and Ben says he obviously can’t be in the room for the birth (see: Him fainting during a contraction last week). Ben offers the camera to a family member and Amy asks Ashley to take it. She refuses, saying no one wants to see the birth. The doctor comes in as Amy is much calmer this time around, after the epidural. She says it’ll be soon and Amy worries about the pain. Molly tells her to focus on the baby.

Hospital! The Blabbermouth Duo sit in the waiting room, with Madison asking for coffee. Lauren tells her to run on adrenaline like the night they found out Amy was pregnant. But Madison convinces her to go for a coffee run. They end up getting a small group while Tammy and Tom consider getting a hotel room. Grace ix-nays the idea as she, Jack and Adrian join Alice and Henry in joining the Blabbermouth Duo on a coffee run. Alice admits to Lauren she is getting Henry back. I don’t know, he’s pretty smitten with Ashley.

Ben comes out to meet Ricky, who has no clue what is exactly going on in there. Ben notices he still has the camera and shoves it at Ashley. She refuses but a nurse says Amy wants to see Ashley—with the camera. Amy’s Dad tries to talk to Ricky, asking him if he wants to call anyone. Ashley comes back out a little woozy, which causes Ben to collapse. Ricky helps him to a seat. Ben admits he can’t hear about Amy in pain while Ricky feels guilty. He looks guilty. Ricky says he should get a vasectomy. Even Ben thinks that’s going a bit too far. Ricky has a great moment as he realizes all that he’s done. But he’s still having doubts about being a father but Ben gives him a pep talk. And he offers to be Ricky’s friend. Ricky resists and wonders about his role in his son’s life. Ben pleads down to a truce. Ricky agrees as we go to commercials. That was a sweet scene.

Hospital! The group returns from their coffee run. Adrian gives Ricky a coffee, saying she has one for Ben and another for Amy’s Dad. She asks how Ricky is doing but he turns it back to her. Adrian admits that she’ll be jealous when she sees Ricky hold the baby, but she does care for him. She tells him she is there for him. And she tells him to be there for his son. He hugs her as Grace comes up to say they will be leaving. It’s getting late. Grace tries to convince Ricky that he’s in love with Adrian and vice versa. She tells him she might be getting back with Jack while Ricky thinks she can do better. I think so as well. I think she and Jack are better as friends.

The Sausage King has arrived! He tells Ben he is proud and Ben admits he’s been irresponsible. That’s why the Sausage King is proud. He also knows that Ben loves Amy, as much as the Sausage King loved the Sausage Queen. Ben encourages his dad to date again but dad is happy as he is. He realizes Ben’s mom was his One and feels Amy is his son’s One.

Henry and Alice got back together? They wonder why sex could be so bad while they enjoy making out. Tom complains about going to the hospital but Grace reminds him that he wanted go. She asks Tom to leave so she can talk to Jack. He tells her that he loves her and she repeats it. They kiss…Where’s John Schneider? His face would probably be priceless. Grace reaffirms that she is still waiting till marriage but not necessarily till after medical school. Well, instead of a John Schneider face, we get Tom singing “My Girl.”

Molly comes out to update Amy’s Dad. She says they are almost there while he wonders if it ever took that long. She says it did as the doctor comes out to say that Amy is ready to push. She says Amy even wants Dad in there. Molly convinces him to go in and calling her “Grandma,” he agrees.

Hospital! Ben and Ricky wait outside as “Stand by Me” plays. Amy’s Dad comes out and motions. Ben signals that Ricky can go inside. Amy’s Dad rejoins Ashley and Molly at Amy’s bedside, where she is holding her baby. Ricky looks ready to cry. He refuses to hold his son though and almost cries again. And that convinces him to hold the boy. Ben and the Sausage King are next. He kisses Amy after a moment seeing Ricky holding the baby. Ben holds the baby, who cries even though he was giggling in Ricky’s arms. Wow, show. The baby stops crying in the Sausage King’s arms, maybe because he’s bouncing the baby. Babies like to be bounced. Ben goes back to cameraman, taping the special moment. We see Amy, baby, Dad, Molly, and Ashley asleep. Grace, Jack, Tom and Tammy show up to see the baby…wow, this is a really long version of “Stand by Me”…and Adrian comes. And now it’s the Blabbermouth Duo, giggling with their best friend. Henry and Alice follow behind with Leon and Donovan…good lord, show, is everybody ever on this show going to be on?

The montage follows with Ricky holding his baby as Amy sleeps and we go to commercials.

Moving van! Molly says they have to get cleaned up and return to the hospital. Amy’s Dad says his stuff and Ashley’s are in the van and they are going to start their new life. They say good-bye and leave. Molly follows them outside, saying she’ll miss her youngest daughter. Ashley tells her mom she loves her. Molly cries as they pull away. Then the van pulls into the house next door. Huh, I was expecting him to have bought the house. Molly is thrilled. Ashley and Amy’s Dad are scared.

Adrian’s Dad comes over for a visit. They talk about Max and Adrian worries that dad’s there to get her back for him. Dad says he’s there to tell her he left his wife because he has an unresolved issue named Adrian. He offers to take her out for some food, trying to be a father. It’s good not to see them fighting.

Amy tries to send Ben home for some rest. Ben offers to do her homework and she says he’s done too much already. She thanks him for being there for her. Ben says good-bye but asks about the baby’s name. Amy doesn’t know. Ashley comes in and hugs Ben before sending him home. Amy lets Ashley name him and says “John.” The girls start singing “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.” The parents walk in, worrying about what their daughter and her baby’s name. They are happy to hear it is “John.” Molly says Amy and John are going home tomorrow.

Amy is sleeping standing up as the microwave beeps. Molly tries to help her daughter prepare a bottle as the doctor who will help her breastfed will be by later the day. Amy’s hormonal. Molly offers to make John’s bottle for her daughter. Amy’s Dad is making Ashley go to school but lets her go see John. They see Molly’s new employer come in with a giant teddy bear. Amy’s Dad is jealous and says he wants to get a motorcycle. Ashley asks for a dog. He agrees. Molly’s employer is just there to check on her. Molly admits she would like another child again, with someone who isn’t Amy’s Dad. Apparently, Molly is serious (Molly Ringwald is also pregnant in real life. This is probably the set up).

Amy feeds John and bonds.

We go back to high school as Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” plays. The Blabbermouth Duo high five Alice, Henry and Ben. Grace and Jack walk in hand-in-hand. Alice and Henry kiss. Adrian walks the halls and watches Grace take a pill. She’s really looking for Ricky. Ben updates Mr. Molina about Amy and asks about his wife. Mr. Molina is surprised at how mature Ben is from the wide-eyed boy who entered his office at the beginning of the year.

We get a shot of the sleeping mother and infant. Ricky comes by to visit his son. Aww.

And that’s season one…two…good lord, I hate cable seasons! I’m sticking to Summer Season and Winter Season. Summer 09 season starts in June. What do you think is coming? Molly’s pregnancy? Ashley and Dad waging war against Molly? Grace and Jack round two? Ben v Ricky? More John Schneider?

Quote of the Episode:

Ben: Did you talk to Amy about this stuff?

Ricky: No, why?

Ben: Because I was just trying to cheer you up.

See you in June! Remember, I still recap “America’s Next Top Model,” “CSI: NY” and “Eleventh Hour.”