America’s Next Top Model: All Stars

The CW has renewed America’s Next Top Model for a Cycle 17 and 18! So I’ll have another year of recaps.

I’ve Been Through the Desert on a Camel

Last week on ANTM: Recap episode!

Last time on ANTM: Go-sees! Alexandria dazzled everyone and Molly learned she could’ve if she hadn’t looked so dour when waiting. The girls then had a photo shoot in garbage. Alexandria soared again and Brittani redeemed herself but Molly and Jaclyn fell into the bottom two. Sadly, Jaclyn will not have the opportunity to baffle Moroccans with her Southern accent as she was sent home. Five girls remain! Who will go home tonight?

Wanna be on top?

Now That’s What I Call a Season Premiere!

It’s no secret that I like Doctor Who. Heck, my most memorable event of 2010 was Matt Smith becoming the Doctor! So I’ve decided to recap Doctor Who. Why haven’t I before? I’m not entirely sure. I know Television Without Pity recaps it, but you can put me in the (apparently long) list of people who HATE Jacob’s recaps. I want to know what happened or laugh at someone’s comment. I don’t want a thesis on existentialism. So, here’s my own recaps.

Elsewhere, I write “The Moron’s Guide to Doctor Who” where I take an episode, rename it and then sum it up in a sentence or two—usually hilariously. I’m going to start each recap with my Moron Guide. Enjoy!

Doctor Who has landed the TARDIS again!

Long Live Saturday Night!

John Lithgow returns to How I Met Your Mother! This is so epic, I have to go back to my old recapping style!

We start on my home borough, Staten Island, in 1983. John Lithgow in a wig and clothes that the 70’s would like returned talks to a young Barney. He tells the kid that Loretta doesn’t want John hanging around Barney anymore. Barney is upset but John leaves him with some parting words—a magician’s best friend is a drunk audience and to never stop partying. Future!Ted says that young Barney watched his father walk out of his life and in 2011, he walked away from John.

They’ve Canceled My Stories!

Yes, I watch soap operas. My Nana used to watch Passions in its early days, when it was zany and unlike any other soap. While doing some summer volunteer work in high school, I was stuck answering phones in a room with a TV with no cable. So, I decided to give Passions a try. And I enjoyed it. Unfortunately, while I could watch it during the summer, I couldn’t during the school year. I tried to watch when I could, but eventually drifted away as it became more traditional.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Exploded

“How I Met Your Mother” is back! And let’s dive in.

We’re Off on the Road To…

Last time on ANTM: The girls posed as symbols for Ford’s Warriors in Pink campaign. Nigel chose Alexandria as the winner. She got to film a spot for Warriors in Pink and get a new Ford Focus. Brittani was upset and let everyone know about it—within ear shot of Nigel. Then Ms. J took everyone to Universal Studios before being “killed” by Mr. Jay at the Psycho house. The girls had to pose as fashion crazy nutjobs. At panel, Nigel brought up Brittani’s rant and she had a panic attack. Jaclyn rose to the top while Brittani and Mikaela ended up in the bottom two. Despite Tyra wanting to send Brittani home, she was outvoted and Mikaela got the boot again. Who will go home tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

Crazy for Bitches!

So, no one really voted in my poll. But I talked with a few friends and we think that if he’d been a plant, Ms. J would’ve brought him out to warn about stalkers. Unless there’s a scene sitting on the cutting room floor, James is just a Creeper.

Last week on Top Model: Monique was a bitch. She just stood around the Meet-and-Greet like she was the shit. She sent a creeper to get a kiss from Alexandria, who kissed his cheek. Ms. J chastised her for that and picked friendly Kasia as the winner. She, Brittani and Jaclyn ate with Ms. J while Monique continued to be a bitch. In the battle of the brunettes vs. the blondes, the brunettes won over all but two brunettes—Monique and Mikaela—were sent to the bottom two. In the end, Monique was sent home. Seven girls remain--who won’t be going overseas? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

Nostalgia Nook: Faery Tale Theater

Confession time! Part deux! I think I’ve done more confession here than at my church. Anyway, have you ever gone to the website That Guy With the Glasses? If not, click the link and check it out! Two main presenters are the Nostalgia Critic and his distaff counterpart, the Nostalgia Chick. They review and rip apart TV shows and movies of our youth. While I don’t want to step on their toes, I have my own nostalgic things that I do not think they will cover. So, once a month, I will do my own nostalgic review. Look for it on the fifth of each month!

SPOILERS abound if you’ve never heard of these fairy tales!