I Be Like Woah!

This past cycle on ANTM: Tyra brought back our favorite Top Model contestants…and Alexandria from last cycle. Tyra’s subjected them to Kardashians, Mario Lopez, music videos, her crazy antics, and Tyra’s own book. There are three girls left: Allison, Angelea and Lisa. Who will win the dubious honor again? Find out!

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Tyra is a Best-Selling Author?!

Last time on ANTM: Ms. J caused DRAMA by making the girls critique each other. Dominique led the others in a round of “Why Angelea Won’t Win” and Angelea stormed out. But Ms. J let her have her moment before saying Laura won the challenge. Nigel took their pictures as Olympic athletes. Laura took the gold while Dominique and Angelea failed to place. In the end, Dominique was sent home for being “unmemorable.” You know, the same thing that sent Brittany home in Week 1. Four wannabes remain, who won’t make it to the finale? Find out!

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The Fashion Olympics

Last week on Top Model: The top six models went to Greece. The models had to give a press conference where Angelea asked where the bathroom was. Allison impressed the Greek officials the most and won free bling. Mr. Jay then put the wannabes into lingerie and had them pose in a Greek salad. Even though the lingerie looked like bathing suits, Shannon refused to model them once she heard the word “underwear.” At panel, she fell into the bottom two with Laura. However, Shannon has never won a challenge or gotten first photo so she was sent home. Five wannabes remain, who is told “exo” this week? Find out!

(PS: “Exo” is Greek for “out”)

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OPA!

Last time on ANTM: Tyra decided that since I started watching the show in Cycle 5 and missed “Shake Ya Booty,” I should be subjected to music videos. So each contestant had to write her own song, record it, get it autotuned and then make videos with Game. Allison rose to the top with her song inspired by her father’s untimely death while Angelea and Alexandria fell into the bottom due to not being engaging in their videos. But Angelea was just a tad more engaging, so Alexandria was (thankfully) sent home. Six girls remain, which means it’s time to go abroad! Who won’t spend more than a night or two? Find out!

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And the Winner is…AUTOTUNE!

Last week: I fell asleep on my basement couch and woke up halfway through the episode. And I was still tired so I just left it on as background noise. I know it involved perfume, bathtubs, a motorcycle, either being Snooki or Nene, Bianca hording a jar of pickles, and Kathy Griffin. Lisa got first picture while Shannon, Kayla and Bianca fell into the bottom. Tyra did a double elimination, sending Kayla and Bianca packing. Seven all-stars remain, who falls tonight? Find out!

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Yay, Violence!

Last week on ANTM: Shannon decided to head off drama by devising a phone system. Except she forgot how to count and didn’t budget time for everyone to use said phone. So Bianca asked her about it. Then Shannon started crying, Lisa butted in and Bianca was pissed the rest of the episode. They had to do a runway for the Kardashian sisters complete with a carousel before doing a photoshoot honoring Michael Jackson. LaToya Jackson was there to help them and to be the guest judge. Laura rose to the top while Lisa and Angelea sunk to the bottom. But LaToya decided no one was going home! So once again, ten All-Stars remain, will someone actually go home tonight? Find out!

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(Don’t) Beat It!

Last week: Kayla had a racing heart and ended up in the hospital. When she came home, they went to the set of CSI to audition for showrunner Anthony Zuiker. And he’s awesome. The girls stumbled over the large words, but Lisa just bombs. Bre wins a role on CSI. They then had a shoot with Express, in which Bianca said she knew better than anybody else. At judging, Angelea rose to the top while Lisa and Camille fell into the bottom two. But Lisa stuck around, hopefully bringing more flashbacks of Cousin Itt with her, as Camille was sent packing. Who won’t reach the top tonight? Find out!

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Express Yourself

Okay, lame title is lame. I couldn’t help it!

Last time on Top Model: The girls were interviewed by Mario Lopez and divided into teams. Lisa’s team floundered a bit and Angelea was called out for being too boring where she thought she was professional. Bianca’s team won the challenge and received immunity at panel while Allison took home the whole kit-n-caboodle for answering better than anyone else. Then the girls had to pose together…on stilts. Bianca’s old fear of heights came back to haunt her, but she managed to pull out a stellar photo. In the end, Allison had the best photo of the saved girls while Alexandria had the one of the unsafe girls. Despite not being the worse photos, it came down to Angelea and Isis. Angelea was told to find a way to be professional yet still bring that “716” to her interviews and Isis was sent home. Eleven  girls remain, who won’t be an All-Star after tonight?

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Never Underestimate the Challenges

Last time on Top Model: The girls were given their own brand by some pretentious PR guy. It was time for makeovers! Alexandria ended up loving her new do while Bre hated hers. They then create their own Pink’s hot dogs and pose with them. The judges loved Lisa’s and Bianca’s photos. Meanwhile, Kayla and Sheena fell to the bottom. In the end, Sheena was sent home for not being great.

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Pick Your Brand

Last week on Top Model: Fourteen former Top Model contestants were brought back by Tyra to have a second chance at being on top. They did a blink-and-you-missed it photoshoot, except for the bit where Shannon refused to wear shorts because they were lace and looked like underwear. The girls were forced to endure a live judging, where Alexandria learned that the fandom actually hates her. In the end, the judges and fans loved fierce Isis and quirky Allison. They didn’t like Alexandria but no one remembered Brittany, so her drunk self was sent home. Thirteen All-“Stars” remain, who is going home again tonight?

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Hey Now, You’re an All-Star…

It’s America’s Next Top Model time again! For those who haven’t heard—which is difficult—this cycle is the All Stars. Some of our favorites from the past 16 cycles are back to try their luck again. So, let’s find out who is getting a second chance!

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Tripping and Slipping to the Top

This cycle on ANTM: Tyra punked the 14 wannabes and me by not doing a casting episode. She made the top 14 think they were losers until revealing that they were in their new house. Alexandria soon showed her colors as the house bitch leading to a confrontation at a challenge witnessed by Nigel. Brittani had a meltdown at panel and got the redemption arc. Meanwhile, Ondrei walked out before makeovers due to unresolved family issues. Otherwise, despite multiple chances to get scorched, the girls survived to make each panel, their numbers dwindled as the final five got to go to Morocco. Now, we’re down to the final two: Molly, an adopted girl with gorgeous looks but an anger management problem and Brittani, an editorial girl who needs to cry to get emotional on set. Who will win? Find out!

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So, remember Molly’s awful makeover? I think I found the inspiration. I get American Life Network (ALN) and they’ve been running reruns of “Chicago Hope.” In one episode, Lauren Holly had hair that looked just like Molly’s makeover. And it didn’t look good on Holly either. 

A Balancing Act

Last week on ANTM: The final five arrived in Morocco. They were assaulted by monkeys and then made to pose on a camel. Molly impressed Italian Vogue EIC Franca Sozzani while Alexandria and Kasia fell to the bottom two. Because of insecurity, Kasia was the first sent back to the US. Who will be eliminated tonight? Find out!

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I’ve Been Through the Desert on a Camel

Last week on ANTM: Recap episode!

Last time on ANTM: Go-sees! Alexandria dazzled everyone and Molly learned she could’ve if she hadn’t looked so dour when waiting. The girls then had a photo shoot in garbage. Alexandria soared again and Brittani redeemed herself but Molly and Jaclyn fell into the bottom two. Sadly, Jaclyn will not have the opportunity to baffle Moroccans with her Southern accent as she was sent home. Five girls remain! Who will go home tonight?

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We’re Off on the Road To…

Last time on ANTM: The girls posed as symbols for Ford’s Warriors in Pink campaign. Nigel chose Alexandria as the winner. She got to film a spot for Warriors in Pink and get a new Ford Focus. Brittani was upset and let everyone know about it—within ear shot of Nigel. Then Ms. J took everyone to Universal Studios before being “killed” by Mr. Jay at the Psycho house. The girls had to pose as fashion crazy nutjobs. At panel, Nigel brought up Brittani’s rant and she had a panic attack. Jaclyn rose to the top while Brittani and Mikaela ended up in the bottom two. Despite Tyra wanting to send Brittani home, she was outvoted and Mikaela got the boot again. Who will go home tonight? Find out!

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Crazy for Bitches!

So, no one really voted in my poll. But I talked with a few friends and we think that if he’d been a plant, Ms. J would’ve brought him out to warn about stalkers. Unless there’s a scene sitting on the cutting room floor, James is just a Creeper.

Last week on Top Model: Monique was a bitch. She just stood around the Meet-and-Greet like she was the shit. She sent a creeper to get a kiss from Alexandria, who kissed his cheek. Ms. J chastised her for that and picked friendly Kasia as the winner. She, Brittani and Jaclyn ate with Ms. J while Monique continued to be a bitch. In the battle of the brunettes vs. the blondes, the brunettes won over all but two brunettes—Monique and Mikaela—were sent to the bottom two. In the end, Monique was sent home. Seven girls remain--who won’t be going overseas? Find out!

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Dragging Through the Mud

Last time on ANTM: Alexandria was a bitch. But Monique was a bigger bitch for reading Alexandria’s diary. Meanwhile, Kasia, Mikaela and Brittani won the Cover Girl website challenge. Then the girls modeled Rachel Zoe’s faux fur collection while holding a baby jaguar. At judging, Zoe joined the panel to comment on the wannabes. Hannah, Brittani and Jaclyn were amongst the best while Molly and Dayla were amongst the worst. In the end, Dayla got sent home. Who will join her tonight? Find out!

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It’s a Jungle Out There

Last time on Top Model: Alexandria was a bitch. The models hit a fiery runway, but sadly no one was even singed let alone burned. Dayla won the challenge but Kasia, Sara and Hannah were the worst of the worst. So they had to walk home. Next, the girls had to film a commercial for Fierce Roast Coffee in a Mad Men-inspired spot. Kasia, Hannah and Jaclyn were considered the best while Sara and Alexandria fell into the bottom two. Despite being pushy on the set, Alexandria was kept over Sara, who just didn’t believe enough. Nine girls remain, who gets the designer boot tonight? Find out!

Models Roasting on an Open Fire

Last week on ANTM: It was makeovers! Which weren’t so great and we had no real meltdown. Molly’s weave was horrendous but she soldiered on. During the photo shoot, Lori Goldstein couldn’t help but notice how sullen Alexandria was and commented on it. But Alexandria had the best photo while Sara and Dominique fell into the bottom two. Dominique was sent home for not being inspiring enough. Who will be sent home this time? Find out!

When Weaves Attack

Last week on ANTM: The girls had to deal with their inner demons. This caused most girls to have cathartic relief. However, it caused Ondrei to question if she should really be in the competition while grieving the deaths of her brothers. They have a photo shoot with real bees and then at panel, Ondrei asks to leave. Tyra lets her and an elimination hangs on how bad Ondrei’s picture was. Hannah and Brittani rise to the top while Nicole and Dayla fall into the bottom two. Since Ondrei’s picture was actually decent, Nicole is sent home as well. So, who will be sent home tonight? Who cares! It’s makeover week! Let the meltdowns commence!

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