Wanna be on top?
We start Tyra dreaming about herself playing past contestants. Poor Allison comes off as a creepy horror movie. They then end up in her bed before Tyra agrees to do it. She tells us she brought back her favorite. She then says everything is bigger, including a live judging. Because she’s looking for a “name.” Oh no, they’re going to subject us to the Kardashians and singing. But there’s going to be Top Model drama—well, what else do you expect with Alexandria, Bianca and Angelea in one house?
LA! Angelea runs into the house and gets a drink. She says she was the star of Cycle 14. Do we have to listen to how she slept in Port Authority again? Laura runs in and is still adorable. Angelea recognizes her from the “short” cycle. Bianca is next and Laura greets her, from their times commenting on another cycle. I like her with the bald look rather than hair. Lisa from Cycle 5 comes back and says that she recorded an album. Bianca remembers how she peed in a diaper. OMG. Bre then enters, saying she was going to surprise Bianca, who is mad. Lisa is the one who greeted. And we have the first fight of the cycle before Brittany (Cycle 4) comes in. She says that once this show is over, the career will really begin. Oh, honey.
Dominique from Cycle 10 comes back and looks even older. Anyway, Sheena comes in. My friend told me she was in a Trojan commercial. I watch so much late-night TV, I’m surprised I didn’t recognize her. Oh god, Isis looks so beautiful! Kayla from Cycle 15 enters and no one really recognizes her. Kayla takes it in stride as Allison enters. Yay, Allison! She’s my favorite already. Everyone is afraid of Camille coming back. And here she comes. Bianca doesn’t want Camille to hug her as Shannon enters the room. She’s from the first cycle. And next is Alexandria.
TYRA MAIL! They don’t read it because they have to race to claim their beds. Brittany and Lisa bond as Mr. Jay enters the house. Everyone surrounds him. He calls them “fan favorites” and still talked about. Including Alexandria? Really? Anyway, Celeste Canino will be doing their first photoshoot right now. They are going to be “large-than-life” versions of their Top Model personas. What?
Bianca complains about getting red hair as Kayla says she was remembered for being a bitch. And we see Bianca sulking as we go to…
COMMERCIALS!
Isis tells Bianca not to complain and work it. She says she wants to be a lady.
Bianca (loud and sassy): Celeste calls her amateurish in her posing.
Allison (quirky doll): Allison says she’s usually behind the camera as an art director.
Bre (Ghetto fabulous): Bre talks about her time.
Dominique (Masculine/feminine): Breezed by
Camille (Diva): She prefers “extremely fierce”
Kayla figures out what outfit she’s wearing as the (Proud Lesbian) and talks about being in the top four.
Brittany (Party Girl): Mr. Jay wants “more party” so she asks for a cocktail. He asks if she had champagne this morning. “That was this morning,” she replies.
Laura (Country Cutie): She has a fishing pole.
Alexandria (California Tough girl): Breezed by.
Isis (Confidence): She doesn’t need to tuck to wear a bikini any more! She looks amazing.
Sheena (Harlem but not Hoochie): Mr. Jay calls her “Jessica Rabbit.”
Angelea (Girl from the Hood): She looks good.
Lisa (Wild Child): Ends up in the pool, by choice.
Shannon says she doesn’t shot in lingerie. She goes for a bathing suit. She gets (Angel). Mr. Jay tries to get her in the panties but she said they looked like underwear. He wonders why she wouldn’t wear shorts over a bikini top. She cries, wondering why they won’t respect her as we go to…
COMMERCIALS!
Okay, I like the “Sparah” commercials and think they are cute. Don’t foist them on me during my Top Model. Just…don’t.
LA! We come back to Mr. Jay and Shannon. She does her shoot as we wrap.
Mr. Jay says that judging will be live as the panel critiques their photos. Laura says she’s nervous. And their guest judge will be Nicki Minaj. The Model Mobile takes them to judging and there is a huge crowd. Ms. J and Mr. Jay greet the crowd. Backstage, the girls have a pep chant as Tyra takes to the runway. She points out this is a first for Top Model before introducing Nicki Minaj. What is she wearing? God, people consider that fashion? Apparently, Nicki is a huge fan of the show. Nigel is next…with hair. Wow. And lastly we have Andre Leon Talley. Lisa takes to the runway. Tyra points out that Lisa does music now. They chose the shot where she’s doing a toe touch into the pool. Nicki doesn’t like the her shoulders but likes the picture.
Allison is nervous about the runway but I love her Alice in Wonderland outfit. Andre loves her style. Nigel calls her photogenic and Nicki loves her picture. Angelea is next on the runway. She tells Nicki she loves her. Andre says he loves her outfit and her photo. Camille follows her onto the runway. Nigel notes she uses her signature walk. The crowd likes her picture while Nigel says he likes the softer side. Tyra loves her legs. Dominique takes to the runway. Tyra asks her what happened two months ago—Dominique gave birth. You wouldn’t know. Nicki and Nigel like her shot. Shannon is the next out. She’s happy to hear clapping. The crowd “oohs” it. Andre loves her shot while Tyra points out her dilemma. Nicki says it looks like panties in the shot.
Alexandria is next on the runway and gets boos. Someone even curses her out. She is surprised and starts to well up. Alexandria, did you watch your cycle? We have the same name and I couldn’t even root for you!
COMMERCIALS.
We come back to the boos and the curse. Tyra pulls up her photo. Nicki doesn’t like the photo but says she looks beautiful in front of her. Nigel says he agrees and knows Alexandria can take better photos. Sheena enters the runway. Andre and Tyra loves her outfit. Nicki doesn’t believe her and Tyra tells her to bring the sexy, fiesty to the photos. Brittany is next up. Nicki tells her to extend the legs, impressing Tyra. Isis returns. They touch upon the transgender aspect. And you don’t see us Top Model fans complaining. Take that, Dancing fans! Nicki loves her pose and Andre calls her a mermaid. Bianca hits the runway. Nigel calls her shot “stunning” and “vintage.” Andre calls her “Foxy Brown.”
Bre follows her BFF. Nicki tells her to go sleek with the hair but otherwise she looks good. Kayla comes onto the runway. Andre loves her face, not her fist. Nicki loves the dress and shoes, nothing else. Can I say I love Kayla with dark hair, not her old red hair? Laura is next on the runway. Laura tells Nicki that her grandmother made her dress. Nicki is impressed. Andre likes her outfit and says she made Hee-Haw look couture. The girls take another turn on the runway. Tyra tells them that their photos and personalities will be judged. Now, they are moving into private chambers for the elimination.
Mr. Jay polls the crowd. Favorites: Allison, Alexandria, Bianca, Isis, one person hates Alexandria. Backstage, Alexandria was surprised to find out about the fans’ reaction and worries.
COMMERCIALS!
The judges reassemble to deliberate. Nigel calls Allison the “whole package.” Tyra says the crowd called her their all-time favorite. Amen! Nicki says she can’t get over Kayla’s weird arm. Andre loves Laura but thinks Brittany could dial it down. Nicki thinks she could light up a room, but no one commented on her in the crowd. Nigel calls Shannon “confused” over the bikini and underwear. Andre thought Bre’s picture was “dreckitude” but loved Bre in person. Tyra mentions that Alexandria was booed. Tyra says she is proud of Bianca for her transformation. So, who goes home? Found out after…
COMMERCIALS!
ELIMINATION! Prizes: Spread in Italian Vogue, cover of Beauty in Vogue, a special blog on Vogue Italia’s website, guest correspondence on Extra, a national campaign with Express and a contract with CoverGirl. Huh. I heard it was a lot of money. Anyway, the first photo called is Isis! Yay! She is followed by Allison, Camille, Lisa, Angelea, Laura, Bre, Bianca, Shannon, Dominique, Sheena, and Kayla. That leaves Brittany and Alexandria in the bottom two. Brittany: Photo isn’t super-strong and neither is the fan reaction. Alexandria: There were boos. Did the judges make a mistake. So, who stays? Alexandria. Aww, Brittany could’ve been fun. Tyra tells Alexandria she is still there due to the polarity—there are people who love her and people who hate her. She should aim for a little more love. Tyra hugs Brittany and praises her for her career.
Brittany says she is completely shocked. She thought she was going further. Bye, Brittany.
America’s Next Top Model:
Shannon (Cycle 1)
Camile (Cycle 2)
Lisa (Cycle 5)
Bianca (Cycle 9)
Dominique (Cycle 10)
Isis (Cycle 11)
Sheena (Cycle 11)
Allison (Cycle 12)
Laura (Cycle 13)
Angelea (Cycle 14)
Kayla (Cycle 15)
Alexandria (Cycle 16)
Well, that was…anti-climatic. I was expecting more, but felt we were given less. The photoshoot happened in a blur and I think it was for the live judging. Which I liked, I’ll be honest. Though I think it would only work in this setting, where everyone already knows the contestants. When Tyra announced that audience reaction was a factor in who went home, I seriously thought Alexandria was the doomed one. And I wouldn’t have minded one bit. My friends and I didn’t want her to come back from Cycle 16. In fact, I wanted either sweet-as-apple-pie Jaclyn or fiercely real Kasia. (Which brings up an interesting point—there are no plus size models in this competition, not Kasia or you-call-THAT-plus-size Alexandra).
Anyway, once they announced that Brittany hadn’t gotten any reaction at all from the crowd, I knew she was a goner. Which is a shame as I started watching the show from Cycle 5, the one right after Brittany. From what I saw on VH1 marathons, Brittany seemed to be pretty fun and I was looking forward to seeing more from her. Oh well. I’m rooting for Allison and Isis. Do me proud, girls!
Coming Up: Drama, drama, drama!
Exchange of the Episode
“Why did you cut your hair?”
“Because the check looked good enough.” –Nicki Minaj and Bre at panel
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