Let the Wedding Bells Ring and the Choirs Sing

Tyra’s acting ridiculous, the Emmy’s have been handed out and the commercials have been amped up. It’s the Fall 2011 season! So, suit up for an hour (!) of “How I Met Your Mother.”

We start where the finale left off—Ted entering a room with nervous groom Barney. He asks if he’s chosen the right tie because he will have to wear that tie forever. As Ted sits him down, Barney admits he’s not talking about the tie. Ted figured that out. Barney worries that this will be the worse wedding ever. Ted tells him that it’s impossible—Punchy’s wedding was the worst. And it was all Marshall’s fault.

But while Marshall’s ruining Punchy’s wedding, the others have their own plots:


But this time, there’s no need for Ted to cry. He’s the youngest architect to design a building for the city’s skyline. And that has landed him on the cover of New York Weekly. He doesn’t want to brag at the wedding, which seems to have a Halloween theme. However, Marshall gets the ball rolling and then Ted tries to continue though everyone is distracted by the babies.

On the terrace, Ted admits to Robin that he feels he’s lost his optimism regarding his love life. He says he used to think that he used to think it destiny if a woman was humming the song that had been stuck in his head or if they were reading the same book, for example. Now, he thinks she’s just a bitch bound to break his heart. Robin assures him that he’ll find the spark again.

We’ll discuss his toast at a later time.

Robin: She’s still single. And now that Barney’s moving on, she’s starting to feel things for him again. She denies it, but Lily recognizes Robin’s “Truth voice.” It’s the voice she uses when she says something that is really true but she’s trying to pass off as sarcasm. Like liking the Spice Girls or wanting her father’s love. Lily tells Robin to go tell Barney she doesn’t love him if she’s telling the truth about her feelings.

But Barney grabs her in a dance. And it’s an amazing dance! I mean, seriously, if you can find it on YouTube, watch it. They have a moment and it’s interrupt by a phone call. That’ll be discussed later. Robin finds Ted on the balcony and bemoan the state of their love lives. They renew their vow to marry each other if they are still single by their 40th birthday. But she assures Ted he’ll find the spark again.

And then the toast happens, but that’s later.

Barney: He still hasn’t called Nora. Everyone calls him a coward but he takes it in stride.

At Punchy’s wedding, Barney decides to test out some new stories to pick up ladies. They aren’t his best and he strikes out constantly. Lily thinks he is doing so because he still has feelings for Robin. She also believes that’s why he hasn’t called Nora either. That prompts Robin’s “truth voice” and her to go dance with Barney. Which as I said was interrupted by a phone call.

Turns out Barney has called Nora. Several times. She’s finally returning his call. He’s at a loss of words to say and Robin helps him out. She gives him a beautiful speech to tell Nora, all her feelings about Barney. It buys him a second chance with Nora.

Marshall and Lily: Because these two are entwined. Anyway—they’re pregnant. Yay! But Lily doesn’t want to tell anyone until she’s passed her third month. Understandable as that’s the trimester with the greatest chance of miscarriage. So, they try their best to not let it slip out. And it’s really hard. They order drinks for everyone and order a non-alcoholic beer. “You’re pregnant!” the bartender squeals, hugging Lily.

At Punchy’s wedding, Lily makes Marshall down her shots so as not to give anything away. So that means Marshall gets looped very quickly. He starts to hold Ted’s friends’ babies and gives one to Lily. She finally breaks down and agrees to tell their friends their good news. They do so on the terrace and everyone is happy for them. Hugs all around!

Now for the main event: Ted’s toast!

Ted starts off, but he’s still crying from Marshall and Lily’s revelation. When Punchy and the Norwegians start filming it, drunk Marshall comes to his best friend’s aid. He tells them that Ted is crying tears of joy, which are good. He says it’s because Ted has learned that Lily is pregnant. However, Marshall doesn’t name his wife, just points to her. And she happens to be sitting in front of the bride. Who also happens to be pregnant.

This causes the wedding to dissolve into arguing family members as we see that Punchy has been doing the same thing Marshall was doing—taking his wife’s shots for her.

We come back to Barney’s wedding, where they agree that Barney’s wedding can’t be that bad. Ted assures his friend that he is making the right decision. Just then, Lily steps into the room wearing the pink dress that is clearly a bridesmaid dress. She says the bridesmaid wants to see Ted and he leaves.

But wait! There’s more!

In our second episode, things are continuing from the season finale some more.

Ted: Remember last episode, where Ted was on the cover of New York Magazine? Apparently it’s a great conversation starter. And it scores him two dates. He goes on both. One woman was cultured and he was able to hold stimulating conversations with her. The other woman was fun and she picked up the check. Ted is invited to a very important architects’ dinner. He needs to pick someone to bring as his date. And whoever it is could be his future wife, he knows. So he has to figure out which one to bring. And he enlists Lily and Robin’s help.

He uses pros and cons, graphs, etc. Lily and Robin are excited about them (and Future!Ted says that was truthful). He has trouble deciding who to chose. After all, Lenny Kravitz will be there. Robin perks up when she hears this as she’s a huge Kravitz fan. She then starts advocating for Ted to take her, including putting on a stunning little black dress. She says she bought it for an event that Ted was supposed to take her to but cancelled. He points out that his uncle came out of a coma so naturally there wasn’t a funeral anymore.

The conclusion will come later.

Marshall: So, remember the finale? How Marshall went on an interview for his dream job? Well, he gets a call from his prospective boss. Unfortunately, they could not get Dave Foley to come back. So they exchanged him for another funny Canadian—Martin Short! He’s in a swamp, gathering evidence for a case as he tells Marshall the position is his provided he pass a background check. He then has to run as a crocodile has spotted him and is advancing.

Marshall googles himself to find if there is anything embarrassing for his employer to find. And he finds Beercules. Apparently someone in college dared him to streak naked and declare himself Beercules to get into a fraternity. Which didn’t exist. Marshall worries that that could blow his chance at his dream job. I guess Lily’s spending habits have improved and they finally got their credit score in check?

So, Marshall decides to visit the old college buddy to get him to take down the video because he too now lives in New York City. That’s…a big coincidence. Anyway, the guy is sitting on what appears to be the stoop of Ted’s building with alcohol taped to his hands. Future!Ted starts to explain the game the guy is playing until he realizes he’s explaining this to his underage kids. Marshall pleads with him to take the video down, explaining that he really needs this job. The buddy agrees on the condition that Marshall beat him at a game of his own choosing. Marshall says he isn’t going to play the drinking game. College buddy says that he was going to chose darts, but he can do the drinking game instead.

Marshall stumbles back to Ted’s apartment. “I did it again,” he moans. Lily notes his drunkenness, but that’s not what he was talking about. He made another video, naked and declaring himself Beercules. He shouts at his future employer as a sobering Marshall realizes he’s ruined his chances.

But Martin Short calls back and offers him the job! He tells Marshall to keep his clothes on and calls him Beercules before hanging up. He decides to leave the video up so his child can see how his dad was and then changes his mind. He asks the buddy to take it down and we learn said buddy is a surgeon!

Barney: He’s going on that date with Nora! And since he was such a douche the last time he was with her, he decides he needs to get her sympathy. So he pretends to have a broken leg! The others point out this is a douche thing to do, so he goes with a broken neck. Nora sees through it immediately and tricks Barney by pretending to spot a woman with big breasts. She tries to leave, but Barney stops her. Nora wants to know if he ever successfully bedded a woman using a lie. And God help her, she is actually surprised when he says “yes.”

So Nora wants to know all the lies he told that were successful. Needless to say, they are there for a long time. Barney even finds one of his old conquests sitting behind him in the diner. This is too much for Nora, who leaves. Barney tries to stop her, saying that he’s ready to make a change and wants to be with her. He vows to stay in that booth in that diner until she agrees to go out with him. She leaves.

Later, the gang finds Barney in the booth, waiting for Nora. Ted says that he wants that—the type of romance that makes one do something silly like camp out in a diner booth. He realizes he doesn’t have that with his two choices.

So as Nora returns to find Barney in the booth, it looks like there’s a temporary happy ending. Meanwhile, Ted takes Robin to the dinner. She is disappoint to learn that Lenny Kravitz is in fact an older-than-dirt architect who will be speaking. She goes off in search of alcohol, no doubt. Ted turns to look around and spies a very familiar face at the dessert table—Victoria!

Whew! Wow, this is really late. I think I’m a bit rusty. Who knew the summer would do that to me? Or maybe I need to go back to recapping as I watch. We’ll see. Anyway, I gasped—GASPED—when I saw Victoria. I always jokingly refer to her as the Mother. It’ll be interesting to see what her return forebodes. I also liked the chorus of “Victoria” when she was revealed. As for Barney’s wedding, I still believe Robin is the bride. And I’m looking forward to that wedding. I also predict that the mother is in the wedding band—she did have an instrument in the apartment back in that episode. 

Quote of the Episode(s):

"Get ready Cleveland. The last person to screw you this hard and leave was LeBron James."—Barney at Punchy’s weddingTed: Ted’s nervous about giving his best man’s speech. Turns out he tends to cry while giving them, though he argues that the timing is usually sucky. Such as the one he had to give the week after Stella left him at the altar. Or after he was fired. Or after Mobius Designs flopped. Each meltdown is featured on a YouTube stand-in, each uploaded by Punchy himself. There was even a remix of the last toast, which was very popular in Finland.