New York, New York…

How I Met Your Mother time again!

We start at MacLaren’s. Robin discuss Maury Povitch, how she saw him. But everyone has seen him and Robin’s not a real New Yorker. She’s Canadian. Robin argues she is, she’s been in the city six years now!  Marshall says she’s not a real New Yorker until she sees Woody Allen, Ted says it’s not until she’s stolen a cab from someone who really needed it, Lily says its when you’ve cried on the subway and not cared what everyone else thought, and Marshall says it’s when you’ve killed a cockroach with your bare hands. Barney invites them to a steakhouse downtown so Robin suggests taking a cab. Lily says a New Yorker knows the subway is faster—take the 1 to the 2 or 3. Ted argues that the buses are more reliable on the weekends. And as a Staten Islander who especially relies on the 1 train, I can attest that’s true. Damn weekend construction. Barney complains that there is always some crazy person no one wants to sit next to on the bus and that’s why he doesn’t ride it. Marshall says he can outrun a bus. Barney says he can eat a steak and outrun them all.

And the race is on!

CREDITS!

Everyone spreads out and Lily goes for the subway. Future!Ted tells us “Why Lily Needed a Win.” We see Marshall and Lily trying to get pregnant. He tells her Eriksens are fertile men. But all her tests are negative. She sees a miniature Marshall taunting her, claiming it isn’t his fault and that his mom hates her. She goes to pee on the stick again as miniature Marshall panics and real Marshall is just confused. So Future!Ted says that Lily really needed this win. She jumps into a one train as the doors…remain open. Maury Povitch sits there watching her and comments “Idiot.”

Meanwhile, Marshall starts to run and puts a song in his head. It’s a Johnny Cash-esque song entitled “Marshall vs the Machines.” As he speeds past a wheelchair grandmother, Maury Povitch steals Robin’s cab. Meanwhile, Maury is still sitting next to Lily, who listens to the garbled conductor announcements saying that there is weekend track work (duh, it’s the 1 train) and that there will be a twenty-minute delay. A tourist family is impressed. There are also usually signs posted around the station saying the same thing. Anyway, Maury is sitting behind Ted on the bus as Future!Ted explains “Why I Needed a Win.” A few nights before Marshall tells Ted about RateMyProfessor.com. I’m sorry, copyright, so GradeMyTeacher.net. Ted’s just learning about this? My mom learned about it within her first semester. He goes on and finds great reviews, complete with word designs like movie reviews. Until he comes across “Boring.”

While Ted blathers on to his unfortunate bus mate, Barney fakes a heart attack (complete with “Elizabeth!”). Robin steals someone’s cab—check that off the New Yorker list. Meanwhile, Barney learns his ambulance will be taking him uptown rather than downtown. He panics as we see everyone still trying to get to the steakhouse. With the woman Robin stole the taxi from on top of the cab.

Barney calls someone from the ambulance before Future!Ted tells us “Why Robin Needed a Win.” He talks about Robin falling in love with Don before he took her dream job in Chicago, which she turned down because she loved him. Now, we meet her new co…It’s Laura Bell Bundy’s episode? NO WAY! She jumps in, all excited and very Elle Woods like. She tells Robin she’s not her to step on her toes then announces she has cookies. Soon, Becky eclipses Robin. Meanwhile, Marshall still runs as his theme song plays. Barney jumps into a car being driven by RANJIT!

On the bus, the woman Robin stole a cab from sits next to Ted, who tells her useless facts. She moves but…WHY DOES SHE LOOK FAMILIAR? Anyway, as Ted annoys the bus driver and seriously, they get an authentic looking New York subway car but not an authentic looking New York bus?, Barney picks up Robin. She asks if this was his way of apologizing as we see earlier, in MacLaren’s, she wanted to talk to him about Becky but he blew her off for a cute girl at the bar. She then talks about how New York seems to be rejecting her. She thinks he doesn’t care but he really does. We see a bit of Barney’s love for Robin as Ranjit turns up the smooth jazz. Meanwhile, both Marshall and his theme song past Barney’s car. He gets out as Ted realizes he’s the crazy person on the bus. As he gets off, everyone cheers.

Everyone then meets up at one spot. Ted offers to call it off but they take off as Maury passes with his dog.

Lily catches a two train at Union Square (and we hear Maury say “Idiot” as she dives in again), on which Robin is…just a car ahead. She thinks some hot guy is checking her out, but then notices the ad advertising Becky. She rips it off, only to see it was covering up a picture of her and Don. She cries and snaps at the people…successfully checking off that thing on her list. As Barney takes a ride, Future!Ted tells us “Why Barney Needed a Win.” Barney goes on about how awesome he is as Future!Ted realizes he didn’t need a win but did smell incredible. Barney takes over biking. Lily gets off and runs into Robin. She declares that New York won and that she wants to move somewhere new. Lily says she can’t. Because then Lily would have to follow her, so Marshall would have to follow Lily, and Ted would follow Marshall. Upside: Might get rid of Barney. Robin hugs her as the conductor announces something. Lily pretends not to understand it, gets off as the doors close and tells Robin that the train is expressing to Borough Hall. Then the doors open and Robin runs out.

Ted talks to an exhausted Marshall, who collapses. As he comes to, some guy dressed in a calculator suit asks if he needs help. Marshall screams and announces the machines have won. He then yells he can’t run that far or that he can’t get Lily pregnant. Ted tells Marshall to calm down—it’s only been two months, not two years. Marshall tells Ted he’s freaking out over one bad negative review amongst fifty good ones. “Sixty-four” Ted corrects. As the calculator gives a bad pun, they push him down. Ted takes off while Lily pulls Marshall into Ranjit’s car.

Robin, Ted and Barney meet up and race to the steakhouse. Robin wins and wonders how. Future!Ted reveals that Marshall and Lily come clean about their pregnancy nerves. They realize they have a list of things to do before parenthood and that the pregnancy is not a race. It’ll happen when it happens. Marshall asks Ranjit to take them to Coney Island. He does so. Meanwhile, he tells us how he think Barney saw Robin’s face and, while Barney says that he tripped, tackled Ted. When he confronts Barney, he distracts him with how awesome he smells. Robin talks to the cute guy she nearly ran over and he says that Woody Allen is in there. But it’s just Maury. As Robin kills a cockroach (free meal!), Future!Ted declares her a real New Yorker. Meanwhile, Barney and Ted have fun at the bar while Marshall and Lily snuggle in Ranjit’s car.

There is no tag this week. But October 13th is International Suit Up Day. So, follow Uncle Barney’s rules and Suit Up!

Quote of the Episode:

“Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham?” –Robin, as they discuss transportation options.