Revenge is a Dish Best Served Exploded

“How I Met Your Mother” is back! And let’s dive in.

Plot “A”: Marshall hates GNB. He hates the paperwork. He hates the coffee. He hates the jokes his coworkers tell. He hates Arthur clipping his nails. So, he’s going to quit at GNB. There’s an opening at an environmental protection group for a lawyer. He’s going to take it, even though it means his salary will decrease. Lily is supportive.

So, Marshall goes into work the next day, determined to quit. But then something happens—the screen goes sepia as Sarah MacLachlan’s “I Will Remember You” plays. Marshall suddenly likes working at GNB again! He likes the paperwork. He likes the coffee. He likes the jokes his coworkers tell. He likes Arthur clipping his nails. He doesn’t want to leave GNB. But Robin tells him that he is wearing graduation goggles. You remember when you graduated from high school. You couldn’t wait to get out and then suddenly, it’s the big day. And all the people you spent four years (or a couple weeks in my case) despising are suddenly your best friends. Everything that was bad about your four years are forgotten for only the good. Robin says she felt the same way when she broke up with Scooby—the guy from “Barney’s Heart.” Barney says he has the same experience when he leaves a girl…No wait, he doesn’t.

Marshall does put the graduation goggles down and quits his job. He takes a job with the environmental group that’s considerably less than his old job. Actually, he isn’t even working for peanuts—it’s a volunteer position as the paying one had been filled. But it’ll be okay because Marshall is now doing something he really enjoys. Lily is supportive.

And she remains supportive as he announces he offered their apartment for an important party thrown by his group. He even found someone who would print the invitations on paper than can double as toilet tissue! Lily goes to pick up the guest of honor and asks Ted to come because he can speak Spanish…of sorts. The two drive to the airport where Lily rages that she can’t stand being so supportive all the time. She’s now the primary breadwinner. She’s hosting a party in her house. And she’s put her dreams of motherhood on hold. She says that last part with tears in her eyes.

The arrive at the airport and Ted meets the professor. And he speaks perfect English! Ted wants to know why he was taken along. Lily replies so that he can drive the professor back to Manhattan—she’s going on the Spain vacation she had to put on hold for Marshall. So, that leaves Ted to explain to Marshall at the party. But Lily shows up. Marshall says that he knows that the past week has been difficult for Lily and he’s going to find a paying job soon.

Good luck with that, Marshall!

And so on to plot “B”: Ted and Zoey. They argue. Constantly. So much so that the group questions how healthy their relationship is. Ted responds that he likes being challenged and questions how healthy Marshall and Lily’s relationship is. After all, they always agree. But they insist their way is better.

Then, things get worse. At GNB, Ted learns that Zoey has successfully petitioned the landmark committee to have a hearing about the Arcadia. It could get landmark status and there goes the project. Ted is upset and tells Lily about it. She offers support and Ted basks in it. As Lily freaks out about always supporting Marshall, Ted freaks out about never getting any support from Zoey.

When Ted gets to Marshall’s party, he’s surprised to find Zoey is there. She says she’s there to support Marshall. And this is right up her alley. Ted finally tells her how he feels about her protesting his building and they start arguing. Ted decides that he has to break up with her when suddenly…the screen grows sepia, “I Will Remember You” starts playing and Zoey isn’t really ranting anymore. Ted starts kissing her as Future!Ted says that he still has to learn the mix of challenge and support.

And then there’s plot “C”: Barney takes Marshall’s departure from GNB hard. Really, really hard. So hard, he makes up a new employee that’s way cooler than Marshall. He even admits he made him up. Robin is concerned about Barney’s behavior and believes he is suffering from abandonment issues now that his father has re-entered his life. This seems especially true after she witnesses Barney destroying his office when Marshall takes a rain check on a lunch.

So Robin takes Barney out to MacLaren’s. She tells him a story about how she witnessed her father kill a man and how she helped dispose of the body. Barney wonders if the story is true. It isn’t—but it has given Barney enough time to drink three scotches, so he’ll open up. And he opens up. It all starts on meatball sub day, when Marshall points out that Barney had some marinara sauce on his tie. And Barney plotted his revenge. He find the right combination and was ready to give Marshall the exploding meatball sub.

And then Marshall quit, leaving Barney’s plan unfinished. Robin cannot believe this is the cause of Barney’s anguish.

Tag: Ten years in the future, Barney is lying in bed and hooked up to machines. Everyone is gathered around Barney’s bed, crying. He asks that Marshall eat a meatball sub for him. As he takes a bit, it explodes, getting marinara sauce everywhere. Barney jumps up, triumphant at last—despite all the money he’s spent to fake a terminal illness. And in the end, Ted points out some sauce on Barney’s pajamas. Barney’s face contorts and the cycle begins again.

And so it seems to be setting up the beginning of the end of Zoey and Ted. And we see that corporate Marshall is extinct, just as Natural History foretold. I did like Barney’s reason for being upset at Marshall leaving because it is so…Barney. A pretty good episode.