The Tale of the Sexless Innkeeper and Really Bad Couple Dates

MacLaren’s! The gang rags on Ted for wearing Tweed, but he says that chicks dig the professor look. Lily ignores this to invite Robin and Barney on a couples date. Ever since they got married (and before, if I remember a first season episode correctly), the two have been looking for another couple to date. The problem, Future!Ted tells us, is that they suck at it. We see Lily and Marshall coming on strong to one couple, acting psycho with another couple and being told by Ranjit and his wife that they are not that into Lily and Marshall. But Robin and Barney don’t know this, so they agree to a couples double date. Lily and Marshall prepare everything, including charades. In the end, they think the date went well. Outside, Barney declares it the worst night ever and Robin mimes blowing her brains out. Barney even flinches from pretend splatter.

Credits!

Ted greets Robin and Barney and asks them about their night. They say it was the worst night ever. They talk about how nervous the two were—we see Marshall busting out about Sammy Hagar and a Belgian waffle. Ted asks if Marshall pushed cheese on them, namely Gouda. Barney tells them about Marshall and Lily freaking out. The egg timer broke, endangering charades. Lily makes a sad joke about Robin being in television and having “technical difficulties.” And then there is the piece de resistance—the website Marshall made about the night. Complete with a song and photo montage. Even Ted thinks that’s horrible. Robin and Barney admit they lied about the night to Lily and Marshall, giving them the same send off one would give after a bad date.

That said, the girl Ted picked up the night before rushes out saying the same platitudes Robin and Barney gave Lily and Marshall. Ted brags about picking her up, even if she fell asleep on the couch. He reveals she’s from Westchester. Barney and Robin tell Ted he is the sexless innkeeper. Namely, someone lets another person pick them in exchange for a place to crash. With no sex. Barney tells about his sexless innkeeper episode in poetry form. He was stuck in the Queens, during a snowstorm last year (which looks like Dickens London and Barney is back in his Barnibus outfit), so he crashes in a mannish woman’s apartment.

At the bar, Lily and Marshall go on about Vermont and bed and breakfasts before Barney lies about aliens being found on the bottom of the ocean. He and Robin have to lead the expedition, he says. Lily and Marshall, though, have known Barney long enough to realize one of his lies. They get upset and leave. They cry in their apartment and try to figure out what went wrong. They stop on Marshall’s photo montage. Apparently, he’s been into that—for getting Chinese food, for cat sitting, for the cat’s funeral. Do I smell a need for the intervention sign?

Ted tells Robin and Barney to apologize to Lily and Marshall, but they mock him for being the sexless innkeeper. But Robin and Barney start to see couple duos EVERYWHERE. They go to a restaurant and when they say reservations for two, the waitress gives them the look you usually get when you say “for one.” They pig out on ice cream. This montage is accompanied by a version of “All by Myself” turned into “All by Ourselves” that I believe was sung by Cobie Smulders and Neil Patrick Harris. And it was awesome. They decide to apologize to Lily and Marshall, but they’ve found a new couple. From Hawaii. Who likes their stuff.

Lily and Marshall hang out with their new friends. Robin and Barney pig out on Ted’s couch, where he finds them. He asks if Barney is wearing sweatpants. Barney says yes, but they are Armani. Ted practices tough love. He tells them that, like it or not, they are a couple and couples need other couples. At Lily and Marshall’s, they are having fun with their new couple friends. However, they hear a ticking noise. Outside their door is an egg timer. It goes off and they follow a row of egg timers outside. In the pouring rain, Robin and Barney hold an egg timer and go “Ping.” They apologize to their friends and everyone hugs.

Tag: Ted composes his own sexless innkeeper poem. It too is set in Dickens London, with Ted going home with a blonde. The poem ends with a pan from Ted and Blonde making out on the couch to a crackling fireplace. Barney doesn’t believe the poem until the blonde comes from Ted’s bedroom wearing a button down shirt. Ted says he’s happy he’s single and runs back to her. Robin comes out and asks if Barney’s ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall. “What have I done?” he asks.

Quote of the Episode
“Don’t charge for WiFi. It seems greedy”—Barney to Ted

What do you think of Marshall and Lily’s dating style? Would you turn someone into the sexless innkeeper? Ever been the sexless innkeeper? And how awesome is it that Barney's poems take place in Dickens London? How much do you love Barney and Robin? Are you concerned for them now, after Barney’s reaction?