Back to Class

We open in the year 2030, where Future!Ted tells his children about the names Barney’s been called, including “Barack Obama, Jr.” Robin though is freaking out about Barney being her boyfriend. He’s a little rusty, like when she’s caught him sneaking out like she’s a one-night stand. Or when he runs when she’s emotional. Lily thinks that Barney can’t stack up to her previous boyfriends. They look at Ted, who is repeating “bowl” over and over. But when she doubts the relationship, Ted warns Barney. He pretends he doesn’t care but then becomes the perfect boyfriend. Which leads to one conclusion: Barney’s cheating. Robin wants proof.

Marshall bursts in to apologize about not cleaning out their basement storage, which Robin didn’t know about. But he pushes in a barrel that served as a nightstand until Lily revealed she was “allergic” to barrel resin. Marshall even names it Mabel and decides to put it in the Bermuda Triangle, the curb outside the apartment. Ted and Marshall put things out—like an old couch—and it disappears before they are even in the building. Robin and Lily find a notebook in Barney’s briefcase. Robin thinks he’s cheating with a coed but the notes are all about her. They are confused as Marshall rushes up to see Mabel’s new owner. He lets slip about Barney’s Robin notebook and Future!Ted reveals the truth: Barney’s been learning about how to date Robin from her longest relationship on the show—Ted.

Credits!

Marshall explains. Barney presents a hypothetical scenario in which he wants to be a better boyfriend to Robin. Ted tells him not to cry in front of Robin—especially four times. When Robin interrupts their session at MacLaren’s, Ted moves it to his classroom. Barney has ADD—he wants to draw boobs, tweets, and asks to have class outside. Ted wants Barney and Robin to work. Class #2: Robin’s facial expressions. Ted goes off on architecture before we see “Angry Robin.” He tells Barney to run if he ever sees that face. This leads to “Diffuses the Bomb”: 1. The Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title. 2. Proper gun Cleaning and Maintanence. Robin tells a story about her uncle, missing digits and corn. 3. Emperor Penguins. Because, honestly, who doesn’t like penguins?

Marshall is upset when some guy lets his dog pee over Mabel. Lily and Robin go back to Ted’s lessons. Apparently, “you’re an idiot” means “I love you” and “I love you” means “We’re over.” Robin can’t think it’s not so romantic next to the page about the spots that turn her on. Ted moves on to the five things to never do with Robin, like playing the “Guess Who?” game. And not the one where you’re some fat, bald guy named Samuel. When Barney falls asleep, Ted wakes him up. He then gives Ted a “thumbs up,” which Future!Ted alludes was really a cruder gesture (such as how they’ve used “Grinch” and “Sandwich” as euphemisms in episodes past). Ted gives him a pop quiz. He passes. As Ted leaves, Barney stands on a chair and says “Oh , Captain, my captain.” They praise “Dead Poets Society.” Robin cries and reveals that these classes are Tuesdays at 6:15—AKA, now.

As Ted tells Barney about Robin being a cover hog, they get a live look at “Angry Robin.”

Barney tries to diffuse the situation, but Robin is pissed. He asks Marshall if he sold them out. Marshall replies that he was vulnerable after saying good-bye to an old friend. “It’s a barrel,” Robin snaps while Ted mourns the loss of Mabel. She reveals to Ted that he doesn’t know everything about her—like her left knee. She was just faking that. She tells Barney that she thought he was cheating and that this wasn’t helping. She storms out.

Ted finds Robin at MacLaren’s. He compares a relationship to a class, all about that person. And when you break up, all that information is now just useless. He says he was glad to put his Robin knowledge to good use. Ted reveals that he’s never seen Barney work so hard to keep a woman. She’s pleased.

Barney throws out his Robin notebook. He gives her a Barney-esque speech in which he reveals that he’s worried about screwing up his relationship with Robin. She calls him an idiot and they kiss. She reminds Barney that the notebook has some very personal information about her but it has disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle. Marshall tells them to move—they’re scaring away potential owners for Mabel. They give him a thumbs up.

Tag: Ted talks about architecture, but pictures of Robin are mixed in. He says it is the architect’s drunk wife and moves on.

In case anyone cares, the Ted’s future son is played by David Henrie. You can find him in a speaking role as Justin Russo on “Wizards of Waverly Place.” It’s a pretty good show, pretty funny and Selena Gomez is a Disney Darling you can like. Anyway, what did you think of Robin 101? Where do you think the Bermuda Triangle put her notebook? And have you gone curb shopping? Because I’ve been sorely tempted—people here on Staten Island throw out some pretty awesome things.

Exchange of the Episode:

“When Robin’s PMS-ing, what type of chocolate do you give her?”
“Trick question. You give her butterscotch.”
“Why?”
“Because butterscotch to Canadian woman what chocolate is to American woman.” –Ted and Barney, the pop quiz.