OUAT: Beowulf? Really?

Last time on “Once:” David was haunted by the ghost of his father, so he dragged Hook on a quest to discover what happened to the man. It involved a murder board, stealing ingredients from Emma, creating a potion and getting information from August that led to King George.

Meanwhile, Hook agreed to accompany David because he was worried for his friend and he wanted him to see him as more than a pirate. Especially since he bought a ring for Emma! Archie nearly lost it when he saw the ring and he encouraged Hook to ask David how he felt about Hook.

Anyway, in the Enchanted Forest, Robert and Ruth had no money for medicines for their ailing twin boys. So Rumple made them a deal—money for medicine for one while taking the other to live as a prince with King George. He made Robert flip a coin to choose which child to take—James being the winner.

Years later, the guilt over his decision drove Robert to drink. While he drowned his sorrows, King George entered the tavern to announced Prince James had been abducted. He offered a reward to anyone who brought the boy back. Robert, though, decided to go after James to bring him home to David and Ruth, so they could be a family again. Little David made his father promise to come home and stop drinking. He even gave him his lucky coin.

Rumple agreed to help Robert, directing him to Pleasure Island. There, Robert encountered Pinocchio, who helped him find James. The young prince said he ran away because he didn’t want to kill people. Robert said he would take him home instead and tried to leave with the boy. But King George found them and took James back. He then ordered Robert killed.

David felt more at peace after learning about his father’s fate. He thanked Hook, who then asked for his blessing to marry Emma. David gave it and all was well.

However, when August delivered the pages of his story he had taken back in Season 1, Hook got a nasty shock. It turned out that while King George had ordered Robert’s death, Hook had really killed Robert while robbing the king of his gold.

Uh oh.

We open in the middle of a battle. One young soldier gets overwhelmed by everything going on and tries to run for it. Another soldier stops him. The young one says that the ogres will kill them all and that they should just flee for their lives. The older one reminds him that they are the only things standing between the ogres and their homes. He pulls out a sword and says it’s been enchanted with light magic, guaranteeing its bearer victory in battle. He asks if the young soldier wants to stand and fight or be known as a coward. The young soldier agrees to fight and then calls the other soldier Beowulf.

Yep, that Beowulf.


The soldiers all charge and encounter the ogres as they come out of the woods. Fighting occurs and there are flaming missiles. We see the young soldier as he charges forward, only to be crushed by an ogre.

Whelp.

It’s a wipe and we see Beowulf stumbling amongst all the bodies of his men. An ogre emerges from the woods and he challenges the creature to do its worst. He gets a swipe, which only infuriates the monster. It gets a good swipe of its own in and separates Beowulf from his sword. He appears done for…when the ogre goes kaboom.

Standing there is the Dark One, holding his dagger. Beowulf notes that he destroyed the ogre but Rumple doesn’t reply. He spins slowly around and we hear little explosions. When he stops, he announces that he killed them all.

(Rumpelstiltskin--War Hero?)

Hook is hosting a pity party for himself at Granny’s when Archie decides to crash it. He figures things didn’t go well with David but Hook says that he got David’s blessing. But he’s since learned something that could ruin his happiness with Emma. He says he doesn’t have to tell her, he could take it to his grave…but he wants to tells her. Archie says that means he’s the man Emma is meant to marry. But Hook is like “No, you don’t understand, this secret is really bad. I could be really screwed.” Archie advises him to talk to Emma about it as Hook continues drinking.

(Weirdest pity party ever)

Blue, Belle and Rumple are running around the park trying to find Gideon. They’ve had no luck and Rumple says that it’s not surprising Blue can’t find him since she lost him in the first place. She tells him to direct his anger at the right fairy—his mother. But he says she’s in another dimension so he’ll just take it out on her, thank you very much. Belle steps in and says this isn’t helping. Blue decides to continue looking on her own and walks away.

(Off to be shady elsewhere)

Belle wonders where their son can be and Rumple says they need to keep him from getting the sword. She wonders why he thinks killing Emma will make him the savior and Rumple says it wouldn’t be the first time someone put too much faith in a magical sword.

In a pub in the Enchanted Forest, the soldiers who survive the Ogre Wars cheer and toast Rumpelstiltskin. Baelfire comes in and asks his father if it’s true, that he defeated the ogres. Rumple confirms it is and assures his son that no one else will have to die as he hugs him. He says the dagger really is changing their lives. Everyone cheers again.

Beowulf, though, says they shouldn’t cheer that monster. Rumple hands him his sword back and Beowulf takes it with disdain. He says that Rumple has changed from the man who hobbled himself on the eve of battle to get out of fighting. He asks how a coward like him can then destroy so many ogre wars. Rumple pulls Bae close and says he had something worth fighting for. But Beowulf says it’s because he became the Dark One. He warns that dark magic comes with a price and tells everyone that they will all pay it before walking away.

(Bae is going to defend his father!)

Bae asks his father if that’s true. Rumple tries to reassure him but Bae is concerned. He says that his father doesn’t need the magic now and asks him to give it up. Uh, Bae, we might have to discuss how one stops being the Dark One. You’re not going to like it. Rumple does admit that magic is now part of him but Bae replies that he’s still his papa under all that macramé. He pleads with him to not use magic and Rumple agrees, putting the dagger away and hugging his son. 

Gideon breaks into the sheriff’s office and uses his magic to get into Emma’s office. He first looks in one drawer of her desk before spotting her safe. Magic lets him break into it and he finds the hilt of his sword. He takes it and heads out. Rumple blocks the exit though. Gideon says that Emma won’t be able to stop him again once he has the sword whole once more. Rumple knocks him out with his magic and says that he still has things to learn from his papa.

(Maybe find some other father-son hobby?)

Robin sits in the middle of the forest, going through the box he had stolen from Regina. He hears someone approaching and he stashes the box before grabbing his bow, threatening whoever it is. It turns out to be Regina. She stops, holding up her hands. He asks how she found him and she says the other Robin used to come there to think. Robin reminds her that he’s not him and he’s tired of her trying to make him something he’s not. Because she suggested turning over a new leaf once? Because she made you promise not to kill people? Overreaction much? Regina apologizes though and he throws down the bow, saying he’s just overwhelmed. She offers to help him but he keeps his distance. However, he says he’ll meet her later to talk after he clears his head. She agrees and leaves as Robin glances to where he’s hidden the box.

(Poor baby)

Gideon comes to in the clocktower, tied up. He tries to get free but the ropes also seem to block his magic. Rumple says he couldn’t take a chance and Gideon snaps at his father, saying that he thought Rumple wanted to help him. Rumple says he does and that’s why he can’t let him kill Emma. He tells him that he became the Dark One to end the First Ogre War to keep his first son safe. He took on darkness for good but he still wasn’t a hero. Once you go dark, it consumes you. Gideon tries to argue that won’t happen with Emma’s light magic and says that he thought Rumple would want the Black Fairy destroyed. He says he does but that the sword won’t help. He says it’s a relic that never worked. 

Back in his cottage, Rumple works at the spinning wheel when Bae comes running in. He pours some water into a bowl and starts rubbing mud off his face. Rumple asks his son who did that to him and Bae replies that the baker’ son did, to make him look like monster. Just like him, Rumple realizes. He decides to go have a word with the baker but Bae pleads with him not to, that it will just make it worse.

Then the villagers show up. One woman says that a monster named Grendel attacked their village and they need his help to rid them of it. Rumple says he’s given up that life after a promise to his son. But the woman’s like “We sent Beowulf but he’s useless. Help.” Rumple is determined to hold to his promise but Bae encourages him to defeat Grendel without magic—to prove to everyone he’s not the Dark One. Rumple agrees.

Zelena walks into the farmhouse with Peanut and immediately conjures up a ball of green magic. She detects someone in the house and threatens them. But Robin warns her that Regina wouldn’t like it she killed another Robin. He lounges at the table and she snarls that he won’t take Peanut from her. Robin says he’s not here for the “brat” and never liked children. WHAT? Sorry, sorry. Anyway, he pushes the box he stole toward her and says he recognizes the ingredients needed to break a protection spell. However, his old partner used to do the mixing. Zelena refuses to help him break into any place but listens when he explains he wants to break out of Storybrooke. He came to rob new people, drink in new places and woo new women but he can’t with Regina trying to reform him. Zelena certainly understands and he says he recognizes someone who needs to get out too. She agrees to help.

(I'd flambe him too if he put his feet on my table. And I like him)

I hate this scene. It’s like the writers didn’t know what to really do with Robin and just reaffirmed my belief that the Powers That Be forced them to bring them back after the audience backlash last year. It’s also like they’re trying to destroy Robin. I know he’s supposed to be different but one of the things most fans loved about Robin was the fact he was a father. This one seems indifferent to children. No. Just…no. And while Regina clearly didn’t tell this Robin how Zelena came to bear his child, it still just is wrong for the writers to have Robin turning to her for help. So, this is me:

Rumple pours his son some tea and says he wants to know what the Black Fairy did to Gideon to make him think he had to kill Emma. Gideon asks how he can trust his father when Rumple doesn’t trust him. He moves his bound hands and Rumple starts to untie them.

(Gideon doesn't know whether this is a trap or not)

Together, Rumple and Bae make their way to where Grendel is said to be hiding out. Except there’s a giant pond in their way. Rumple gives in and wants to use the dagger, which Bae is upset to see he brought. He compares it to his father’s old crutch and Rumple talks about how much he liked the power. Bae reminds his father how he once was able to walk without his crutch to keep their house from catching fire. Rumple argues that it was different but Bae insists it’s the same. They just have to take it one step at a time. Rumple gives him the dagger, entrusting him to keep him from using the dark magic he has.

Gideon gives his father his copy of “Her Handsome Hero.” He says it was the only thing he had of Belle, his mother, and he would keep it under his pillow. One night, the Black Fairy caught him reading it. She took it and asked him if he wanted to be a hero like his namesake. He said he did. That night, she took one of his friends and whipped him in her tower. Gideon heard him crying out for help and when he tried his cell door, it opened. He could go and save his friend but he didn’t. Rumple says that she left the door open on purpose and Gideon agrees. He says he was a coward like Rumple but they could show the Black Fairy their true colors together.

Warning, Gideon, your father’s true color is usually “Screw everyone else over.”

(Aww. He kept the book)

And since Gideon clearly doesn’t know the story of his birth, he accepts the tea. He drinks it and asks what kind it is. Rumple says it’s laced with a memory potion so that Gideon will forget everything the Black Fairy did. Gideon hugs him…but only just to steal his dagger. He holds it on Rumple and says that he was raised by the Black Fairy. A memory potion isn’t going to work on him. He’s going to make Rumple help him with his quest, just like he promised.

Rumple and Baefire make it into the caverns, wading through eerie green-colored water. They come across the bodies of soldiers who tried to fight Grendel. Rumple takes a sword off one as they hear loud growls. But he proceeds further, finding the Horn of Gondor in the process.

Bae is attacked but just so Beowulf can get the dagger off him. He threatens Rumple and Bae says they should fight Grendel together. Rumple, though, notes that there is no Grendel. It’s been Beowulf the entire time. Despite killing several men, he insists that the Dark One is the only monster. And he’s sure he can convince the villagers of that when they see him standing amongst the bodies. Then Beowulf will kill him and be the hero again. Rumple orders Bae to get help while Beowulf orders Rumple to stay where he is. He then leaves to put his plan into motion.

(Rumple needs to keep that in a safer place)

In the pawn shop, Rumple and Gideon go through a book. Rumple reveals that to restore the sword, they are going to need the blood of the person who forged it. Gideon’s all ready to go get it but Rumple warns him again about the dangers of giving into the darkness. He doesn’t want the Black Fairy to steal his son’s light but Gideon is focused on destroying her. So he uses the dagger to order his father to him who forged the sword. Turns out it was the Blue Fairy. Gideon hesitates over the fact he has to kill his fairy godmother but then decides to do it.

(Everyone is taking the dagger this episode)

Robin waits at the town line, growing frustrated when Zelena shows up. She has Peanut, some bags and a cage. Robin asks her what took so long and she lifts the cover over the cage to reveal she picked up Queenie, still a snake. She says she’s family and she can’t leave her behind. Uh, Zelena, have you forgotten that she tried to kill you before being turned into a snake? Anyway, she tells Robin her potion will drain the magic from the town line and they can blow this town. She has her sights on New York City.

Then Regina poofs in. She says she’s not surprised to see the two of them there. (Really?) She tells Robin she realized he had stolen magic from her and when he tries to explain, she snaps that he lied about wanting a fresh start. He says he didn’t but that he can’t get a fresh start in a land where everyone keeps expecting him to be the other Robin. He says she put too much pressure on him and tells him that he can’t live up to the legacy of a man who died for her. Yet he came here to get to know the woman who the other Robin died for. He’s hardly given her a chance to back off trying to turn him into the other Robin, to try to get to know her. To let her get to know him. I guess this is just the rush of having Sean for five episodes, but I’m still:

Regina stands aside, though she warns that the potion won’t work. Robin uses it and a burst of magic throws him back. Zelena tests it as Regina says that she would’ve broken the protection spell already if she could. Robin wonders if they’re trapped there and Regina tries to convince him that he’s better off in Storybrooke. He tells her he can take care of himself and she agrees. She promises to find a way to break the spell so he can leave. He’s not her Robin and he deserves to find his own way.

(Poor baby)

Beowulf runs through the woods, pulling out his sword as he seems to be paranoid. He looks around, allowing Bae to steal back his father’s dagger. Bae and Beowulf face each other and Beowulf tells the boy that he’s like his father. He won’t have the guts to fight him. So Bae summons his father, who tosses the man into a tree.

(See? Everyone gets a chance at that dagger)

As he chokes Beowulf, Rumple growls that he told the man to stay away from his son. He must not be choking Beowulf that much because the man is able to talk just find, saying that if Rumple kills him, it’ll just prove to Bae that he’s a monster. Rumple lets him breathe but says that he’s going to take Beowulf to the village and tell them what he did. Beowulf says no one will believe him. They saw him wipe out an ogre army and they fear him. They will think him the monster. Rumple pauses to consider his words. Bae says he’s right. So Rumple says they can go some place else and start over. Beowulf says that will never happen. He then pushes Bae out of the way and storms away.

Bae picks himself up and grips the dagger. A dark look comes to his eyes and Rumple realizes what his son is going to do. He pleads with his son but Bae orders him to kill Beowulf. He rushes the man and appears to push him down, killing him. (I think he snapped his neck). Beowulf’s body lies on the ground as father and son process what happened.

So yes, Bae was the one who pushed his father toward the darkness.

Excuse me while I facepalm.

The Blue Fairy is alone at night when Gideon sneaks up on her. He says she was supposed to protect him and she admits that she failed, that the Black Fairy was too strong. He says she can help him now and holds up the hilt. She tells him that killing Emma won’t make him the Savior but he doesn’t listen. He freezes her and prepares to drain her magic.

Rumple, though, stops him. Gideon is surprised since he ordered his father not to interfere. But he tells Gideon that he’s here to help him. He takes the hilt and cuts Blue’s palm, letting her blood fall on the sword. Her magic is drained and it reforges the sword. Rumple tells Gideon that he watched one son darken his heart and he won’t watch another one do the same. He promises Gideon that they will defeat the Black Fairy and Gideon thanks him.

(Not Shady Blue!)

Back in their hovel, Bae finds the power of the dagger alluring. He says the baker’s son will think twice about bullying him. Rumple is worried and Bae says that he understands the power. He says they can use it to change their lives and Rumple agrees. But first, he gives his son tea and it’s also laced with memory potion. After a few moments, Bae looks around confused. He asks his father how they got out of the cave and Rumple lies that he hit his head. Bae asks what happened to Beowulf and Rumple says he dealt with him. He glances to the chair and Bae sees Beowulf’s sword. He takes it and realizes that Rumple killed the warrior. Horrified, Bae says that the dagger is turning Rumple into a monster. Rumple apologizes as Bae runs out.

Oh, good grief.

Belle is horrified to see an unconscious Blue Fairy in the back of the Pawn Shop. She says that Rumple was supposed to keep Gideon from doing something dark. He tells her that he did it to keep their son from the darkness. Rumple says he does have the sword now and is more powerful, so they’re going to have to work fast to stop him from killing Emma. Belle assures him they will and says that he put their son first. If he can do the right thing, she hopes that Gideon can too. They hug.
Apparently, Hook spent the entire day at Granny’s. He downs one more shot and leaves a perfectly good dinner, heading home. Hook slips into the house and calls out for Emma, looking very uncertain.

(I wouldn't trust him so easily, Belle)

Emma runs down the stairs and kisses him. She then notices that he’s been drinking and asks him what’s going on. He tells her that he needed some liquid courage because he needs to tell her something but he’s not sure how she’ll react. She asks if it’ll be easier if he knows her answer will be yes. Hook is confused until Emma confesses that she found something in his sea chest. She holds out her engagement ring and asks if he’s mad at her. He says that he could never be mad at her. She then says it’s just them—no walls and no secrets. Hook’s face is like “Oh, there’s a secret.” She places the ring in his hand and he gets down on one knee. He asks her to marry him and she says yes. Hook slides the ring on her finger and they kiss.

Also, I think I own the shirt Emma is wearing.

Zelena enters Regina’s vault and her sister asks if she’s there to steal more magic. Zelena says she’s there to return the snake and then apologizes for going behind Regina’s back to help Robin. Regina says that it’s on her and Zelena is all for that, which annoyed me. The show keeps trying to shove this “Zelena is redeeming herself” narrative down our throats but then has her do this. Regina says she was a fool to think she could remove her evil self from her and that it would make a different. She also calls Robin a test that she failed, that she was supposed to move on. Regina, honey, it’s barely been two months at this point. IT’S OKAY THAT YOU HAVEN’T MOVED ON. She tells the snake that she’s still paying for Queenie’s sins and then corrects herself, owning that Queenie’s sins were her own. She then removes the cover…only to find the cage is empty. Zelena is shocked and Regina wonders where her other half went.

(Ugh)

We cut to the woods, where Robin has built himself a camp. As he adds some more wood to his fire, Snake!Queenie slithers up to him. She comes down from a tree and coils herself around him. He stills, looking down at her with some fear as he waits to see what she will do. Snake!Queenie strikes, biting him. He yells in pain as Snake!Queenie returns to Queenie.

He stares at Queenie as she stretches out. She apologizes for biting him but explains she needed the residual anti-magic spell that lingered on him from touching the town line. Robin is confused, saying he just left her at the town line. She explains that he left Regina and he points that she is Regina. She says she’s the Evil Queen and that he should recognize a Doppelganger. Robin’s had enough and says he’s leaving as soon as he can get out of Storybrooke. Queenie says it sounds like he hasn’t had the right tour guide and promises that when she’s done with him, he’ll have a whole new appreciation for Storybrooke. We end on Robin once again wondering if he should be so turned on by this.

("You're kinda hot")

So. Yeah. This episode.

Seriously, who asked for Beowulf to be included on this show? And why did we have to make one of the Western world’s first epic heroes into the villain? And poor Baefire. Now he’s really the reason his father turned dark? Rumple made his decision. Don’t try to make it noble now, writers, just because you wrote yourself into a corner where honestly, the only redemption he truly has is to sacrifice himself again but this time stay dead.

And everything with the Robin/Regina storyline seems to be rushed and slap to Outlaw Queen fans. What did we ever do to you Adam and Eddy? Besides give you hell last summer?

I get that they only had a limited amount of episodes to tell the story. I’m not sure though, which camp was responsible—Sean’s or the show’s. But I feel like this needed a few more episodes to flesh it out. To show Robin really struggling, to show him being haunted by the other Robin and how he was incompatible with this Regina. Once again, we got Robin back…for stories that were ultimately not about him.

Boo, writers. Boo.

Next episode: Regina vs. the Evil Queen. It’s going to be epic! 

Screen caps from here.