In this week’s episode, they throw three storylines at us, all tied by something called the Mermaid Theory. So, put on your life vests because there be rough waters ahead.
“A” Plot: This all kicks off because now that Zoey is their friend, they’ve been spending more time with her. Which means more time with The Captain, a crazy Kyle MacLachlan. We see Marshall, Ted and Barney wave at The Captain’s departing limo like scared schoolboys. Marshall finally figures out what’s so creepy—he took a picture of The Captain and blew it up to demonstrate. His eyes don’t match his mouth. His mouth is smiling and nice. But his eyes are CRAZY! Mouth: Happy, Eyes: CRAZY!
Anyway, after this discovery, Ted receives a call from Zoey. She invites them to a Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit. Lily makes up some excuse about washing her hair. Marshall says he will be running the water, Robin adds she’s holding the towel and Barney says he’ll be home heartbroken that he wasn’t invited to the big hair washing party. I found this hilarious just because of the way NPH plays it but also because I was watching an interview with the lads of Celtic Thunder and when three of them were telling of riding a mechanical bull, Paul says he was washing his hair. Right after, George just says “I wasn’t.” If you know Celtic Thunder, you know why that’s funny.
So, then it’s just Zoey and Ted. Lily warns him to tread lightly and that there are rules for a single friend hanging out with a married friend. Rule 1: “Never use the husband’s condoms.” Lily gives Barney a look before telling Ted the real rule 1: Do not go anywhere with candles. He is also warned against sharing food or anything involving saliva, like lipstick. She says it can get awkward for those involved. Ted says it won’t be a problem.
He meets the gang at MacLaren’s and declares he has a problem. The night before, The Captain calls Zoey—who has the Navy anthem as his ringtone. Ted is surprised she calls him The Captain, but Zoey says that’s the only capitulation to his sea-faring ways she gives. And then she answers the phone “Ahoy.” She then tells her husband that she’s out with friends. Yes, plural. Ted looks around to see if he missed anyone else. Lily asks what Ted did. He says he asked Zoey about it. She tells him that The Captain gets jealous easily and she doesn’t want him to worry on his flight back. Ted asks Lily for a ruling. She tells Ted she can remain friends with Zoey, but should try to become friends with The Captain as well. Ted recalls that he has a standing invitation from The Captain to go on the boat with them and the others encourage him to take it.
He goes to meet Kyle MacLachlan on his boat and he is CRAZY! Ted worries as it is late and will just be him and The Captain. (Zoey has excused herself with an illness). Ted tries to remain calm, but fails as The Captain gets really, really creepy. Ted tries to call for help, but The Captain accidentally knocks the phone into the ocean. He describes what is happening as the phone drifts further and further under water to such detail that Ted is pretty certain he’s a dead man. When The Captain goes inside to get something for Ted, our protagonist decides to swim for it. The Captain, though, returns with whiskey. Ted, realizing he’s psyched himself out, tries to get back in the boat. But they hit a bump and he falls into the water.
The Captain fishes Ted out and they have a heart-to-heart. The Captain reveals why he is so creepy. He has married a younger woman and doesn’t feel he can connect with her younger friends. But he doesn’t want to stop her from seeing them. Ted tells him to tone down the creepy and agrees to be his friend.
Cue the studio audience: Aww.
“B” Plot: Let’s rewind to Ted’s apartment. While Lily gives Ted the rules for hanging out with a married friend, Robin interjects that it’s different if you were friends before the wedding. That’s why she and Marshall can hang out. Lily points out the absurdity of that statement as the two never hang out. So, Robin and Marshall decide to hang out with Lily’s blessing—just as long as there are no candles.
So, the two go out for a nice dinner. Future!Ted tells us that Robin and Marshall have the following topics to discuss: 1. Cold weather. 2. Sports. 3. Cold weather sports. They blow through these before the first thirty seconds are up. Way to go, guys. When Robin starts talking about her boring poetry class, Marshall realizes she is bored. He finally tells her why he doesn’t really hang out with her and Barney is at the root.
It starts when Marshall hires a new secretary at work, Iris. She isn’t a beauty and that’s why Marshall hired her—so he won’t be tempted. Barney tells Marshall how the legend of mermaids came about (though Marshall insists they aren’t legends): When sailors were at sea for long periods of time, they longed for female companionship. So much so that the manatees began to morph into mermaids. Barney says that Iris’ mermaid clock has started. He promises Marshall that one day, Iris will turn into a mermaid. And Marshall says that one year, some months and a few days later, Iris became a mermaid. Complete with fin.
Robin finds this ridiculous but Marshall says he’s worried she’ll turn into a mermaid. Robin asks if there are any ways to turn back into a manatee. Marshall quotes Barney: The mermaid becomes a manatee if she becomes pregnant. Robin worries about how she looks, but Marshall assures her that she looks like a manatee.
At the end of the night, the two are seriously drunk. Future!Ted says that Marshall’s beer goggles kicked in and Robin started to transform into a mermaid. Marshall starts to panic, but Robin throws up on his shoes. This restores her to manatee status and Future!Ted says that is where she stays.
“C” Plot: Which leaves Lily and Barney. Barney asks Lily to hang, but she says “Nah.” Barney is upset but Future!Ted feels there was more to it. Lily then says “You stupid octopus head!” or something similar. Future!Ted can’t figure out how that makes sense and puts the scene on hold. Lily and Barney wait for him to figure it out and it dissolves to the children, still sitting on the couch. Future!Ted explains that he can’t really remember the fight but he plows on ahead with the story.
Next, Barney is at MacLaren’s, shoveling down an ice cream sundae. Lily makes a comment that Barney’s been really sensitive lately and Barney nearly cries. He storms off and Lily pulls him from the path of motorcyclist…in…MacLaren’s? Future!Ted remembers that this happened in front of MacLaren’s, with Barney eating an ice cream cone. He thanks Lily for saving him…them…and they apologize for whatever they said. Future!Ted says that all is forgiven, except Lily interrupts to say she just has to get one more dig in. So, it’s back on!
In MacLaren’s, Lily makes a comment about Barney eating her food. Barney cries that you never call a woman fat to her face. That’s when Future!Ted remembers that it wasn’t Lily who insulted Barney but Barney who insulted Lily. We then see the previous scenes with the roles reversed and it makes more sense, until Lily complaining about being fat. Barney decides to show her a magic trick and levitates a beer bottle over Lily. This doesn’t impress her and Future!Ted just gives up. He apologizes to his children…and likewise the audience…for wasting their (our) time.
But when Marshall tells Robin the only way a mermaid can turn back into a manatee—when she’s pregnant—does Future!Ted remember how the story goes. The story doesn’t run concurrent with Ted’s and Robin and Marshall’s. It takes place later, when Lily is pregnant. We see everything AGAIN, this time with a pregnant Lily. So when it comes to Barney’s magic trick, he is resting the beer bottle on her stomach. She storms out, but Barney stops her. He explains that there is a way for a manatee to become a mermaid again. Breast-feeding. Barney says that once her breasts swell from the milk, she’ll be a mermaid again. Lily is touched.
Meanwhile, Zoey thanks Ted for spending time with The Captain and apologizing for leaving him. She wanted her husband to bond with Ted so things wouldn’t be too awkward. He says it won’t be weird as long as neither have feelings for the other. Which they don’t…and we hear the ticking of the mermaid clock.
Tag: Barney and Marshall reprise their sailor selves as they start to look like mermaids.
This episode…wasn’t anything too stellar. I feel the “A” and “C” plots were funnier than the “B” plot. I enjoyed Kyle MacLachlan just being crazy as The Captain and Ted worried that he was going to die. I also enjoyed the comedic skills of both NPH and Alyson Hannigan trying to navigate Future!Ted’s murky memory. Otherwise, it’s time to move on, writers. Either impregnate Lily and start those hijinks or speed up Zoey’s mermaid clock and start those hijinks.
Quote of the Episode:
“If I can’t share her lipstick, what’s the point in even going?” Ted, after Lily’s rules.
No comments:
Post a Comment