Of Horses and Rats

Last week on “I’d Do Anything”: The top twelve girls performed in the first (not-so) live show. They also went to a real East End market to see if they could impress the locals while the final Olivers went to magic school. In the end, Gwion was put through to the finals while Amy and Francesca were sent to the sing-off. In the end, Andrew chose to save Francesca and Amy turned in her locket. Who will go home tonight? Stay tuned or check Wikipedia (but that’s cheating!).

Graham suit watch: Red and gold. He welcomes the audience to the second (not-so) live show. At least John and Denise dropped the jazz hands. The eleven finalists come out to sing “Oom Pah Pah” from Oliver! Has anyone on this show every thanked the choreographer? Just wondering.

We go back to Graham, who reminds us that the voting public (in the UK in 2008) gets to choose the Nancy. But the Olivers will be chosen by Andrew, Cameron and the panel. Our panel is John Barrowman, Denise van Outen and Dame Edna, who now knows to bow to Andrew as the Phantom theme plays. Tonight, he’s looking for a sense of humor, vulnerability and steel. More puns abound and references to British celebrities.

First up, Niamh and Cleo. Niamh says she used to be Wednesday Addams for Halloween, but she wants to show a different side. She also befriended her back up dancers. Cleo says she felt like a star last week. She says she focused on her music and her Nancy journey. Niamh sings “I Got the Music in Me.” Her vocal is great and she seems to be having fun with the song. Not much interaction with the male dancers beyond the middle part. Cleo sings “Feelin’ Good.” I don’t really remember Cleo’s voice from when I watched this back in 2008, but on a second listen, I really like it. Particularly for this song.

The girls join Graham. Niamh says she’s been craving olives while Cleo eats lots of veggies. Denise says Niamh was a winning horse. So, we’re going with horse allusions? She wonders if Niamh is physically appropriate. Denise liked Cleo but says she looks pained while performing. Barry loved both girls. He says he can see Niamh on album covers and he liked Cleo’s performance. John says he sees star potential in both. He tells Cleo to connect with the words. Andrew loved both girls as well.

Coming up: Samantha gets compared to Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Keisha and Samantha are our next Nancy’s. Keisha loves being compared to Shirley Bassie. She hopes to do even better this week. Samantha says she normally doesn’t show her legs and holds up the shorts they put her in. She said they made her feel like a different girl. She says she can take on anything. Keisha sings “Get the Party Started.” I don’t think this is a great song to show off her vocal prowess but it definitely shows off her fun side. In my head, vocally, she’s being compared to P!nk and that’s unfair because they have completely different sounds. Samantha sings “See the Day.” Samantha’s song choice is much better and her vocal is beautiful. She connects with the words and the emotions behind it.

The girls are not asked questions. Graham goes straight to John. He calls Keisha “bland” and says Samantha was blank behind the eyes. Did I switch to Top Model? Denise agrees with John regarding Keisha, but not with Samantha. She says she was vulnerable. Barry calls Keisha “feisty” and Samantha “magnificent.” He calls Samantha a young and more interesting Catherine Zeta-Jones. Andrew is last. He thinks Keisha has it but she needs to go further. He also disagrees with John.

Coming up: Panel loves Francesca.

Francesca is up next, all by herself since she’s odd woman out. She worries her professional experience is preventing her from getting the votes. Hey, is that Claire Moore? West End leading lady? She’s their vocal coach? Anyway, Francesca will be singing “Somebody to Love” from Queen. Or as Graham puts it, the Queen musical “We Will Rock You.” Really? It’s from Queen. I’m thinking she got “vulnerable Nancy” this week…I think. I can read vulnerable in that performance. This was the version on my iPod until Glee did the song, but it’s just as beautiful. Francesca thanks her fellow competitors for helping her get through being in the final two. John doesn’t think Francesca will avoid the bottom two but he loved the performance. Barry loved her as well. Denise thought her performance was gritty and fantastic. Andrew is glad he saved her and saw the grit.

Coming up: Adorableness overload dead ahead.

The Oliver’s are sent on a task. They went to meet the cast of Billy Elliot for an acting lesson. The boys get to have fun backstage—trying on tutus, getting wigs and facial hair. Laurence got sick and went home. The other boys practice with the Billy Elliots. Now they go before Cameron and Andrew. Then they have a group performance. So, who will be joining Gwion in the final? We’ll find out soon but Laurence rejoins the boys to sing “Electricity” from Billy Elliot. The judges give the boys a standing ovation. Andrew says he’s pleased with their progression. Andrew announces that Chester goes through. I love his voice—he was my favorite Oliver. Graham asks if he has a favorite Nancy. Chester starts with the politically correct answer that he loves them all, but he then chooses Jodie. She’s touched.

Could be Oliver:

Gareth

Jordan

Harry

Joseph

Sam

Chester

Arthur

Gwion

Kwayedza

Alexander

Jonny

Laurence

Coming up: Sarah could be Glinda.

Rachel and Sarah are the next two Nancy’s up. Rachel loves being on stage. She says she’s going to keep fighting. Sarah loved that she was called a leading lady. She said it was torture waiting to hear her fate. And her little brother is adorable. Rachel sings “Beautiful.” I love Rachel’s voice. I like the inner strength she’s putting out even as she’s showing her vulnerability. Sarah sings “Piece of my Heart.” I love how they did Sarah’s hair this week. And I think Sarah is the first one to show Nancy’s steel, as Andrew called it.

Graham goes straight to the panel. John says Rachel gave him chills. He doesn’t think Sarah had the edge. Were we watching the same performance? Barry called her performance “big.” He thinks Sarah could be in the Wizard of Oz as one of the witches. Sarah for Wicked! Denise called Rachel  “mind-blowing” and liked her acting. Denise comments that a cameraman went down as we hear an off-camera thud. But going back to Sarah, she doesn’t see her as Nancy. Andrew liked how she turned “I am beautiful” into a triumphant statement. Andrew thinks Sarah could be Nancy.

Coming up: Tara doesn’t really impress.

We return for Tara and Jodie. Tara was convinced she was going home and was so happy to hear Graham call her name. What’s up with the green scarf? Jodie has an up tempo song but she got sick during the week. She goes on vocal rest. Tara says it’s spooky and Niamh says she hopes Jodie gets her voice back for the entertainment Jodie prepares. Tara sings “Without You.” I can see the vulnerability and I like her acting. So far, it’s a nice performance. I don’t think she can reach the high notes, though. Jodie sings “I’m Every Woman.” Her performance is much better than Tara’s, I find. You wouldn’t know she had vocal problems this week and the song suits her voice.

Jodie coughs as Graham goes to the panel. Denise saw the vulnerability like I did but she thought the song was too big for Tara. She loved Jodie. She warns Jodie not to go back to her cabaret background. John loved Tara’s performance and calls Jodie a contender. Barry thought Tara improved. And he calls Jodie raunchy and powerful. Andrew didn’t like Tara trying to riff like Mariah Carey. He didn’t the song choices for the two.

Coming up: Ashley is up.

Our final two Nancy’s are Ashley and Jessie. Ashley says her friends are supporting her and her mother came to see her. We see her perform a sock poppet show for the girls. Jessie says she is working on her posture. She wears heels, even in bed. And the girls of Chicago the musical help her as well. Ashley sings “Mercy.” I don’t like the dress they put her in. But her performance isn’t as bad as her dress is. I think I prefer to her version of this song over Duffy’s! Jessie sings “Killing Me Softly.” When I was working, I swear the radio station I listen to played this everyday at the same time. I always heard when I was driving to the office. But I love Jessie’s version. It’s so soft and warm.

Denise is the first up. She says the girls did listen to her notes. She called Ashley brilliant and is pleased Jessie worked on her posture. John thinks both commanded the stage. He calls Jessie “perfection.” Barry loved them as well. He says Jessie has Nancy’s qualities. He wanted a bit more warmth from Ashley but calls her an attractive Fergie. Andrew thinks Ashley has a lot of potential while Andrew was impressed with Jessie’s talent.

Coming up: RATS!

We get a recap of all the performances. Graham talks to the Nancy’s about how they are feeling after their performances. Keisha says she’s a fighter. Graham says that they wanted the final 11 to experience Nancy’s terror of Bill Sykes. So, they decided to scare them. With RATS! In cages. If you want to scare me, it’ll take bugs and not rats. We had pet rats in my dorm. Both Niamh and Rachel get over their fear and hold the rats. They turn the corner and run into Denise, who brought along an actor friend to play Bill Sykes. Denise was impressed with Sarah’s performance as well as Rachel, who started crying. Samantha forgot her line. Denise didn’t think that Jessie was focused and wasn’t impressed with Jodie. They come back and Andrew is holding a rat. Denise says it was an eye-opening task while Andrew really cuddles that rat.

The final 11 perform “Enough is Enough.” I like Keisha and Niamh in the group numbers. Andrew calls out Niamh, Jessie and Rachel. Barry calls out Niamh and Rachel. John picks out Ashley and Cleo. We won’t know who Denise would’ve picked.

Coming: The elimination.

We get to meet Chester. He’s a Doctor Who fan and likes to cook. He also has an adorable pet bunny. The Oliver’s treat us to a rendition of Pie Jesu. They played this song over the loudspeakers at the Great Sleepover in the Park during World Youth Day 2002 (which was in Toronto). I remember hearing it as I walked back from the rows of port-a-potties to where my youth group had set up camp. It was a great song to try and fall asleep to it. And then they started the concert. At 3 AM.

And as Graham’s suit has changed, we are now watching the results show. The panel picks their “not Nancy”. John: Samantha. (Was that Barry who yelled “What?”) Denise: Keisha. Barry: Keisha. Time to reveal who is safe and who isn’t. Ashley and Niamh are both safe. Jessie and Jodie could still be Nancy. They hug and leave the stage. Samantha is safe as well. Francesca is spared the sing-off as she is safe. Rachel and Sarah are both safe. Cleo, Tara and Keisha form a line. Keisha is in the sing-off. Now it’s between Cleo and Tara. And Tara is safe. Cleo and Keisha are in the sing-off. If it were up to viewers alone, Keisha would be out. But Andrew could save her.

Coming up: Who does Andrew save?

Cleo and Keisha will sing “I Know Him So Well” from the musical “Chess.” Oh, this is a tough call. Both had good vocals and acted the song. But I think Keisha had an extra spark that Cleo didn’t. Good luck, Andrew. He calls this the most difficult situation he’s ever had. He decides to save Keisha. She stops breathing for a few seconds and then goes to join the other girls. Andrew says he wasn’t happy with the results and he knows she has a bright future. She says she’ll keep performing and get better. The final ten sing “Be Back Soon” before Cleo starts “As Long As He Needs Me.” Keisha takes off her locket before she runs up the stairs to finish the song.

Could Be Nancy:

Amy

Keisha

Cleo

Sarah

Rachel

Jodie

Samantha

Ashley

Jessie

Francesca

Niamh

Tara

Sad to see Cleo go. It’s strange because I did watch this in a way before, so I know the results. It’s hard not to let that skewer some of my comments, though I do see how my opinions have changed in two years. Last time, I thought Cleo deserved to go. This time, it almost pained me to think so. Anyway, did the right person go home?

Next week: It’s the musical themed episode!

Quote of the Episode:

“You put the vamp back in vampire.”—Andrew to Niamh.

Getting Lost in Milan

Last week on Top Model: We had the final six, which meant it was time to go abroad! And the girls went from Venice Beach, CA to Venice, Italy! After some food and getting pooped on, the girls had a photoshoot with a sexy guy. After, the girls continued on to Milan and met with the powers that be at Missoni. At panel, Kayla rose to the top while Chris and Liz fell to the bottom two. In the end, Liz and her complaints were sent packing. Five girls remain, who will be sent back Stateside this week? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

MILAN! Kayla goes home to see her picture. Chris remembers being in the bottom two. She says she doesn’t want to go home, but she’s preparing herself for that possibility. Chris worries that they may get rid of two. If they hold true to the past seasons, that’ll be next week, Chris. Kayla thinks Chris is just doing this to get her face out there, not to be a real model. Jane calls home and her mother plays “Guess where my baby is.” She thinks she made a good decision in quitting Princeton.

TYRA MAIL! “Prepare to fare una buona impressione.” For those who can’t figure that out—it’s make a good impression. GO-SEES! Chelsey is excited because she knows how to do that. But she still wants best photo. The girls make up their portfolios as Ann worries about her shyness.

MILAN! The girls get off the Milan Model Mobile to meet…Tyra. She’s at the IMG offices and mentors the girls as if she were their agent. Tyra tells them to not think they know what is best, but to listen to those who know the business. Tyra tells the girls this is what they do at panel. Chelsey plays Andre and Chris plays Tyra. And they nail the judges. She tells the girls to smile and introduces them to Giovanni and Andrea. The girls are going to Versace. THEY GOT VERSACE? Wait, why am I surprised? They got Versace last time they were in Italy. And the girls will not be taking the Milan Model Mobile, but Milan Public Transportation. And they have to be back by 6:30 PM.

Chris and Jane pair up and head to Versace. Kayla and Chelsey team up and Ann tags along. Chris and Jane happen to be across the street from Versace. They go in and Chris asks Versace what he looks for—he says attitude and a good walk. Jane then comes in. Meanwhile, the other three are still trying to find Versace. Here’s a hint girls—the street names are on the buildings in Europe.

Commercials!

MILAN! The trio is still trying to get around Milan. They finally find Versace. Meanwhile, Chris and Jane are now walking. Jane needs to work on the walk, but he thinks she is fresh. I like the outfits the girls are wearing. Chris is called “80’s.” Chelsey walks next. She said she didn’t think the guy thought she was super-special. He really thought she was two seasons ago. Kayla follows. He likes her for editorial, not show. Chelsey goes off on her own after. Oh, hey, she figured out where the signs are as Jane and Chris finds a map. We go back to Versace where Ann walks. Versace loves Ann. Ann and Kayla split up as Chelsey tries to find someone to help her. Someone takes pity on her and guides her to the right train.

Kayla goes in circles while Jane and Chris are confused by the metro. Ann kept trying to get directions as Chelsey arrives at Global Casting. The casting director likes her. Jane and Chris limp back to IMG as Chris got injured. Ann gets frustrated because she got lost in her own hometown. Chelsey gets back to IMG. But Kayla and Ann are disqualified. Ann gets back at ten to seven. Kayla bursts in at a quarter after. Ann is told to work on her body, Chelsey has a nice body, Chris was the only one to ask a question, etc. Chelsey wins and gets prizes from Versace. Nice.

TYRA MAIL! “Soon I’m going to make you look marbleous.” Oh, Tyra.

The Milan Model Mobile takes the girls to a beautiful house where they meet Mr. Jay and Nigel. Mr. Jay asks about Chris’ foot, she says she’s a bit sore but she’ll be fine. She knows Top Model is all about being a trooper. The girls will be turned into statues and posing with their sculptor. Sorry, Kayla, it’s another male model. His love brings the sculpture to life. And their sculptor? Simone. Ann thinks she’ll do well because she likes art.

Jane is up first. Jane thinks that being called “stiff” might work now she’s a statue. Mr. Jay calls her pose-y and tries to get her to bring out her passion. Nigel tells her to be a model. Mr. Jay tells her to stop thinking and Jane starts to cry. She says she thinks she blew it and Mr. Jay tells her to not try to be perfect, to be herself. She says she’s still trying to figure that out. She promises to do better.

Commercials.

Chelsey is up next. Nigel greets her and walks away. Chelsey remains standing and Nigel yells “Follow me.” She asks if she can touch the model. Nigel’s like, “Duh.” But she nails it. Not much else to say. Meanwhile, Kayla feeds Chris some grapes as she’s being painted. Ann is third up. And she really connects with the theme and the model. Mr. Jay says he could see her passion for art. Kayla shakes hands with Simone and jumps into the shoot. She’s come a long way from the woman who had a near nervous breakdown at the thought of kissing the male model. Mr. Jay says he wants to give her a hug but he doesn’t want to get dirty. Chris finishes the day and promises to not let her foot get in the way of her modeling. And she doesn’t at first, but the pain gets worse and it starts to affect her. Nigel tells her to embrace the pain.

That’s a wrap! And someone’s going home. Ann calls it “make it or break it” time. Chris and Jane are worried.

Commercials.

MILAN! The panel goofs off. Bring in the girls! There are judges—Andre and Nigel. And the guest judge is IMG manager Kyle Hagler. There are prizes. Tyra takes her seat and calls Kayla forward. She didn’t book Versace. Nigel loved her pose. Kyle liked the connection between her and the other model. Tyra calls her stunning. Chelsey is next and gets applauded for winning the challenge. She booked the casting agent. Nigel said she was a surprise and he loved her. Andre says she lost her neck and Tyra doesn’t think it reads “MODEL!” Chris is third and didn’t book anything either. She didn’t really impress. Ann booked Versace but was late. The panel loves Ann but tells her to work on the personality. Jane was last and didn’t book anything. Andre liked the bottom half of Jane, but not the top half. Nigel liked when she broke down and Tyra asks why. She says it is tough being told she has no personality. Kyle tells her it’s not about “no personality,” she just has to show it.

Before Tyra sends them off, she tells the girls that they need to make their go-sees. Kyle likens it to not going to work.

Commercials.

The judges deliberate. Nigel liked Kayla. Kyle thinks Kayla is international. They worry about Ann personality. Kyle sees Ann in high-fashion. Chelsey could be anything, according to Kyle. Chris would be commercial while Andre calls her the next Wanda Sykes. Nigel isn’t too thrilled with Jane. Kyle thinks she needs to come out of the shell but will need more time.

ELIMINATION! The first name is Kayla. She celebrates. She is joined by Chelsey and Ann. Chelsey gets commended for being knowledgeable and passionate while Ann is told to be memorable. That leaves Chris and Jane in the bottom two. This is a bit difficult. Chris: “Effervescent personality” and took good picture. But the judges don’t feel she is as invested. Jane: Takes good pictures but has a personality issue. Who stays? Jane. Girl, find your personality! She’s staying because she cried. That’s pretty much what Tyra’s saying. Chris gets her hug and Tyra tells her to focus on acting classes. She has a gift there.

Chris hugs the girls and says she’ll do it all—model, act, and sing. She wants to keep going. Go, Chris! I’ll watch you on a show!

America’s Next Top Model:

Anamaria

Ann

Chelsey

Chris

Esther

Jane

Kacey

Kayla

Kendal

Lexie

Liz

Rhianna

Sara

Terra

Competition is getting tougher, though girls getting lost while going on go-sees is nothing new to this competition. Hey, it’s why we love watching the go-see episodes—to see how totally lost they get and how unhelpful the locals can be. As we head closer to the finale, I know I’ve been saying I can see an Ann-Kayla walk off. But now, I’m predicting a Chelsey-Kayla walk off. And in that, I can see both taking the crown. What about you?

Next week: The girls meet the editor-in-chief of Italian Vogue while Tyra directs them in a commercial. We’re almost done!

Quote of the Episode:

“I need a model!” Nigel at the photoshoot.

A Night at the Museum

In tonight’s episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” the role of MacLaren’s will be played by the Museum of Natural History.

Thanks to GNB, the gang gets invited to the museum’s annual gala. It was difficult for me to decide who to give the “A” plot to—Ted and Zoey or Marshall and Lily (Barney and Robin automatically get the “C” plot). But just because of how much time was dedicated to their plot, it goes to…

A: Ted and Zoey! Ted discovers that Zoey has written an Op-Ed piece about GNB tearing down The Arcadian. And she mentioned Ted quite a few times. This could easily be ignored, but the Op-Ed piece was published on Saturday. And as Future!Ted tells us, that’s crossword day. And Zoey’s letter? Right atop Ted’s beloved crossword puzzle. He’s upset but doesn’t let it spoil his night. In the museum, Ted shows Lily and Marshall an architectural quirk: if you stand in one spot and whisper, someone on the other side can hear it. (Note: You can actually do that in Grand Central Station). He tests it with several instances of potty humor. And that’s when he spots Zoey, in a nice black dress and a diamond necklace.

Ted and Zoey have a confrontation, wherein Ted meets her husband—The Captain, a friend of Marshall’s boss Arthur. Played by Kyle MacLachlan! He then spends some time mocking her for being a kept woman, and a rich housewife with nothing better to do than protest. Zoey starts to tear up, which Ted says won’t work. (Future!Ted tells us it does). Now, you see, The Captain is called such because he really, really loves his boats. And Zoey cries that she doesn’t like the boat and uses it as a metaphor for her life. She says that she wants to save the Arcadian because it represents the stability she doesn’t have in her life. Ted praises the Arcadian and insults GNB. Zoey records it. She played Ted!

Ted mopes as he realizes he is royally screwed when The Captain finds him. Ted explains what has happened and earns The Captain’s sympathy. The Captain says he’ll erase Zoey’s tapes when she’s asleep. He doesn’t seem to be too fond of his wife’s activities, calling them her “tantrums.” Ted, though, says not to and says he admires Zoey’s passion. And he happens to say it in the spot where someone on the other side of the room can hear your conversation. And guess who happens to be across the room? Zoey. Later, she and Ted share a dance as she erases his comment. She says she’ll fight fairly from now on. They share a moment as the episode ends.

Plot “B”: Lily believes that Marshall is still just biding his time at GNB until he can become an environmental lawyer and save the world. But he hasn’t told her something—he was offered a five year contract at GNB. Lily finds out when Arthur calls Barney and Marshall “the future of GNB” while introducing The Captain. After everyone leaves, she tells Marshall to let Arthur know he’s turning down the offer at the office so as not to ruin the party. She knows about that because she broke up with Scooter at the prom right before the pictures. We cut to a ticked off Lily posing with a crying David Burtka (By the by, congrats to Burka and Harris on fatherhood!). We cut back to Marshall telling Lily that he accepted Arthur’s offer.

Later, Marshall confesses to Lily that he doesn’t want to leave GNB. He likes working there. Lily says that she married the guy who wanted to save the world, the man who hated people who wore suits, who despised the corporate world. Namely, Marshall as he was in college. Marshall argues that he changed, that everyone changes. Lily doesn’t want to hear that and walks off. It is also fun to note that during the entire conversation, Ted kept whispering more potty humor from the other side of the room.

Later, Lily goes wandering through the museum. She stumbles upon an exhibit marked “College Marshall.” He offers a bite of his sandwich (and any long time viewer of HIMYM knows exactly what a sandwich is) but Lily says she’s upset with her Marshall. College Marshall worries that he’s cheated on her or been mean to her. Lily assures him that’s not it. It’s just that…he’s become corporate, everything they were against in college. Lily tells College Marshall she wants him—the man she fell in love with. He points to the sign below him. It reads “College Marshall (Extinct).” He tells her she can’t have him anymore. Marshall comes up and reveals that while he’s no longer the Save-the-World Marshall Lily fell in love with in college, he’s still entirely in love with her and completely devoted to her. Lily agrees to give this new Marshall a chance.

But Future!Ted brings us to Marshall working for GNB and says that he enjoyed working there for sometime. But as the camera zooms out, it reveals he’s a display at the museum: “Corporate Marshall (Extinct).” Yes, Marshall’s going to leave GNB, but that’s a story for another day according to Future!Ted. And you know the children are now panicking because that means the story is NEVER GOING TO END.

Plot “C”: Barney and Robin time! On the way over to the museum, Barney tells about the time he and his Uncle Jerry went to the museum. Uncle Jerry told Barney not to touch anything. So what does Little Barney do? Touch things! It got to the point that he caused the giant blue whale to crash to the ground. No one believes his story, even as he says he’s impressed security let him back in. When Arthur tells the gang not to touch anything, Barney immediately runs off and tries to touch something. Robin joins him and they try to outdo each other. By the time security catches up with them, Barney is decked in Egyptian garb and Robin has taken a stuffed penguin from an exhibit.

The security guard isn’t phased as he reveals a lot of people can’t resist the urge to touch the exhibits. He recalls one epic example of a six-years-old causing the giant blue whale to crash from the ceiling. Robin can’t believe what she just heard and Barney asks if the security recalls the name of the little boy. The security guard doesn’t know off-hand but he does pull the file. He says the story is legend—pulls out the file, throws it down—dary. And the name of the wayward youth? Barney Stinson. Robin can’t believe it as Barney celebrates.

But then the security guard throws Barney a curveball—he says that the minor was released into the custody of his father. Barney insisted that the guard meant “uncle,” but he shows Barney the paperwork where Jerry checked off “father.” Barney is shell-shocked. The man he thought was his Uncle Jerry was really his father. And that day at the museum when he was six? The last time he saw the man. Barney asks Robin not to tell anyone. She agrees.

While not a laugh-out-loud episode, it had its moments. Particularly Marshall and Lily’s fight as Ted whispered potty humor interrupted them. Their storyline felt a bit weak. I’m sure Lily isn’t the same woman she was in college, but I guess I understand why she would want to hold on to College Marshall. But at least she’s willing to grow with him. I liked the battle between Ted and Zoey. Jennifer Morrison and Josh Radnor have good chemistry. And my friend thought they had buried Barney’s father’s storyline when he refused to look at the name. But I figured they were going to bring it back somehow. I like this way—and the fact that Barney DID know his father.

Quote of the Episode:

"I wish I knew you in college because you can't knee a story." –Robin, after hearing a story about how Lily and Marshall were jerks to a guy because he was in a suit. Turns out, he was going to a funeral.

Sorry for the delay!

I’d Do Anything For You, Dear…

Welcome to “I’d Do Anything!” It’s time for the first (not-so) live concert!

Our opening this time is a bunch of Nancys arguing over a locket as a pack of boys help her.

Graham suit watch: Blue and burgundy. I hate burgundy after my cousin made me wear it at her wedding. He welcomes the fan and the band. Looks like John Barrowman and Denise van Outen still like their jazz hands. Our final twelve Nancy’s sing “I’d Do Anything.” I really like the dresses this competition. The final twelve Olivers join them as well. They have a cute dance sequence. That was a great opening.

Graham welcomes us to the show and the first puns. The winning Nancy will be chosen by the public. The winning three Oliver’s will be chosen by Andrew, Cameron Mackintosh, and the panel. Who are: John Barrowman, Denise van Outen and new judge, Dame Edna herself! Yes, Barry Humphries. He was in the original production of Oliver! and has played Fagin twice. And of course, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber is back with his Phantom intro. Webber loves his throne. He can save one Nancy each week until the final when the public takes over. Andrew says he is looking for: don’t know. He blathers on about how everyone is going to have a different view of who Nancy is. Andrew reveals that Ben is in Hairspray, Daniel is in Avenue Q and Seamus will be in Evita.

Coming Up: Jodie is no stranger to reality shows.

We come back as Graham explains that Nancy is a tough East End girl who is the accomplice of Fagin who saves Oliver but dies at the hands of her boyfriend. Our first two Nancy wannabes are Jessie and Jodie. Jessie was turned down by drama schools twice. She is from Killarney and a family of 7. Jodie is from Blackpool. She sings to her animals and she is a pretty happy woman. The girls will be singing songs that show case their leading lady potential. Jessie sings “River Deep, Mountain High.” I’d like to point out they put the Nancy from Ireland in green. I just heard Amber Riley and Naya sing this on “Glee” and…I think I prefer Jessie’s version. She captures the stage and doesn’t let it go. Jodie sings “Chasing Pavements.” Jodie has a sweet voice but it sounds like it’s breaking in a few places, like she didn’t rest it properly.

Jodie and Jessie come before the panel. Graham asks if they thought they’d be there. They’re still shocked they are there. To the panel! John goes first. He thinks both are serious contenders. He calls Jessie a “wild Irish pony.” He thinks she connected with everybody and told a story. We move to Denise. She calls them vocally beautiful. She tells Jessie to watch her posture and says she felt Jodie gave a heartfelt performance. Barry says that both girls would outshine him if he were to play Fagin opposite them. He calls Jessie beautiful and Jodie tough but tender. Finally, we come to Andrew. He asks if Jodie won the Biggest Loser. She says she lost 8 and half stone (I looked it up—roughly 112 pounds), which Andrew says that was equal to Jessie. She comments she wish. He says that both girls could be Nancy.

Coming up: Denise warning someone about jazz hands?

Next up are Tara and Ashley. Tara’s dad is a wrestler “El Bandito” and was raised in the dressing room. She’s worked on a Welsh soap and is leaving Cardiff. She says she believes in work hard, play hard. Ashley is from Scotland and talks about her grandmothers. They say they are proud of her. She was fired the day before her Nancy audition. Tara sings “Suddenly I See.” I forgot how beautiful Tara’s voice is. I thought she was higher than she really is. So far, she is the best mover. Ashley sings “Black Velvet.” I’m going to be honest right now. I was not a big fan of Ashley back when I was watching this on YouTube during the initial British run. So, if I get mean, sorry. Right now, the song is perfectly suited for her voice but it doesn’t strike me as strong enough for musical theater.

Graham asks Tara and Ashley who would win in a fight? Tara says she would or else her father would put her in a hold. He warns the panel that El Bandito is in the audience. Denise goes first. She tells them to hold back a bit. Denise thinks she was polished and was a good mover. She likes Ashley’s personality and that she goes too “jazz hands.” Barry calls Tara very modern but that she is a good actress. He thought Ashley was engaging. John calls them leading ladies. He loves Tara’s legs and Ashley’s body. He tells them to rough it up and mimics their accents. Andrew says it isn’t his show, he’s viewing it as an outsider. He does agree with John’s comments about roughing it up.

Coming up: Denise calls a Nancy “hot.”

Now, the Oliver’s take to the stage to sing “Food, Glorious Food.” And it is utterly adorable and well-performed. Graham asks Andrew why there will be three. It’s due to rules and so they can still keep their schoolwork up.

Back to the Nancy’s—Amy and Keisha. Amy is from a council estate. She played Velma in Scooby-Doo and gets cast as the kooky sidekick. She’s excited that she could be a leading lady. Keisha is studying English at school so that she could have a job at the end. But she wants to do theater and wants to prove it. Amy sings “Respect.” Come on, ladies, we all know this. It’s like “I Will Survive.” I don’t know why she went with Respect. You really need a soulful voice like Aretha’s to pull this song off. It’s good to sing at karaoke after a few drinks, but not on a singing competition. Keisha sings “Mad About the Boy.” Her voice has a great jazz sound to it. You know what? If “Memphis” ever makes a West End transfer, Keisha should seriously be considered for the role of “Felicia.” I can see her raising the theater roof with “Someday” or even “Love Stands When All Else Falls.”

Keisha tells Graham she speaks her mind and is built like this. John wants Amy to open up her vocal and wondered if Keisha was too sophisticated for Nancy. Barry recognized her song but thinks she’d kill Bill Sykes. She calls Amy a great comedic actress. Denise liked Amy’s performance and calls Keisha “hot.” She also loved her voice. Andrew calls Keisha a young “Shirley Bassie.” He considers accents, the Cockney accent will be important.

Coming: John’s “fantastic” comments come back! Remember those?

Our next two Nancy’s are Francesca and Rachel. Francesca has done “Tonight’s the Night” and was Rachel’s understudy. She played Joanne in Rent: Remixed. With Denise van Outen, a judge. But she’s there on her own merits. Rachel says some of the girls look up to her as she had professional experience. She said Nancy is a part she always wanted to play. Francesca sings “Hero.” Oh, yes, Francesca got there on her own merits. I like this version better than Mariah Carey’s. Then again, the only song of Mariah’s I like is “All I Want For Christmas is You.” I prefer anyone else but Mariah singing. But I forgot how much I loved Francesca’s voice. I think I need to go get this from my YouTube source. Rachel sings “About You Now.” She is a leading lady. But her on a stage and she’ll shine on it. I think I have to get this song as well. How did I miss these two?

Graham goes straight to Denise. She thinks Francesca’s performance proves she could be Nancy but she wants her to sing something more gritty next week. She liked how raw and rough Rachel’s performance was. John calls Francesca solid with some pitch problems. He campaigned for Rachel and called her “Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic!” Barry calls Francesca “classy” and Rachel “tough and saucy and beautiful.” Andrew notes that they have competition with people thinking they will deliver more being professional. He says Francesca was better in rehearsal and loved Rachel.

Coming up: Magic!

Each week, the Oliver’s will performed and be sent on tasks. Their first challenge is to see how they can take direction. They are practicing under Cameron’s eyes. Paul Kieve comes in to teach Oliver magic because Oliver needs to be nimble-fingered. Andrew watches as they show off their skills. They also acted as well. So, who will be the first possible Oliver is little Gwion. Aww. Since they won’t be “eliminated,” those put through to the semi-finals will be bolded. Gwion said he would perform for all of Wales if he gets to be Oliver.

Could be Oliver:

Gareth

Jordan

Harry

Joseph

Sam

Chester

Arthur

Gwion

Kwayedza

Alexander

Jonny

Laurence

We continue with Samantha and Sarah. Samantha is 17 and already made a CD. She calls this her opportunity. Sarah has five jobs but wants just to be one job. Sarah and I have a similar problem—we both look younger than we are. Though I don’t think I’m as bad as Sarah. Samantha sings “I Love Rock and Roll.” Samantha has a lovely voice but this song requires someone with a rawer voice, a rocker voice. I love how she looks at the end. Maybe because I recap “America’s Next Top Model” before watching this, but that stroke me as a great shot that Tyra would love. Sarah sings “Get Here.” Sarah’s voice is beautiful. I’m just going to enjoy her performance, excuse me.

Graham asks the two how it is in the Nancy house. They are roommates and so far, so good. Barry liked Sarah’s warmth while he calls Samantha “mesmerizing.” John says Samantha could run away with the competition. He tells Sarah that she reminds him of a young Elaine Page. And apparently Sarah played his daughter once. Denise calls Samantha “hot Nancy” and says Sarah has the “Meryl Streep quality.” Andrew tells the band to look at their music, not the performers. He tells Sarah to watch her diction and loved Samantha.

Next up: Barry predicts “The Addams Family” musical.

The last Nancy duo are Cleo and Niamh. Cleo is from Northwest London but she helps out in her community. She calls herself a street girl like Nancy. Niamh talks about moving away at her school. She’s postponing school for the opportunity. Cleo sings “Who Knew.” We see some of the Nancy’s dancing along. I couldn’t escape this song in 2007, like Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.” Of course, I was interning at a radio station…Cleo does this song justice. I think she could bring a bit more of her toughness to the song, but good job. Niamh will be singing “First Cut is the Deepest.” I love Niamh’s look. She’s a memorable beauty. Her voice is also beautiful as well. Not sure if this is the greatest song to show that off, though.

Graham asks if it was more nerve-wrecking to be backstage or waiting to be in the final 12. They agree with the latter. John tells Cleo to be more comfortable and that Niamh won him over. Barry calls Cleo a wonderful actress and says Niamh will be famous. He says she’s a bit spookier and says she could be in the musical version of The Addams Family. And somewhere back in 2008, someone got an idea. Denise says Niamh looks like a young Bernadette Peters and John yells “THAT’S IT!” She calls Cleo “fantastic” and praises her accent. Andrew agrees with Denise about Niamh and calls her a good actress.

Coming up: East End food.

We get recaps of the girls’ performances. And now it’s a Nancy Mission! He sent them to the East End to work in a market. But first, a meal of East End foods—jellied eels and others. Eww. Their judges will be real East End vendors. The girls have fun and enjoy themselves. They start to dance and sing. Sarah and Tara were noted by some of the vendors. Andrew is eating some jellied eels. Graham apologies to everyone eating while watching. The final 12 come out to perform Girls Aloud’s “Sound of the Underground” while Andrew chews and John tries not to hurl.

After that, Graham asks who stood out. Andrew takes the diplomatic way out and says they all stood out. Denise mentions Jodie and Jessie. Barry mentions Samantha and Jessie. We don’t know who John mentions.

Coming up: Elimination!

We get to meet our first potential Oliver—Gwion. I thought I saw Barney in his room, but it was just a purple and green dinosaur. Gwion and the other Oliver’s sing “Bright Eyes.” We segue into the elimination episode, which you can tell because Graham’s suit changes. John says Amy isn’t Nancy. Denise says Tara. Barry says Amy. In no apparent order, the results are revealed. Cleo is safe. Samantha and Rachel are also safe. Tara and Keisha make it through. Ashley and Jodie are safe. The remaining five are asked to step down and form a line. Jessie is through to next week. Francesca is in the bottom two and remains on stage. Niamh is safe. It is between Amy and Sarah. Sarah could still be Nancy meaning Amy must now join Francesca in the sing-off.

Coming up: Amy or Francesca?

Amy and Francesca stand for the sing off. If the voters were the sole deciders, Amy would be out. But the two will now sing “Tell Me On a Sunday,” one of Andrew’s own songs. After, Andrew will choose to save one of them. This is a very beautiful song in which a woman tells her lover how to dump her. Based on the two vocals and the acting, I’d say Francesca did the better job. The girls go to stand before Andrew. And he saves Francesca. She hugs Amy before joining the other girls. Andrew says the standard is so high and she didn’t handle the tuning well. He worries about her and says she should be proud to have come so far.

Now it’s time for the finale. The remaining Nancy’s sing “Be Back Soon” before Amy sings “As Long as He Needs Me.” Francesca takes off Amy’s locket as she climbs the stairs for her big finish. Good-bye, Amy.

Could Still Be Nancy:

Amy

Keisha

Cleo

Sarah

Rachel

Jodie

Samantha

Ashley

Jessie

Francesca

Niamh

Tara

I am so glad they brought “I’d Do Anything” over to BBC-America. And I’m glad that unlike the earlier “Any Dream Will Do” episodes, they are including the Nancy missions. (I still want my loincloth shots, BBC-America!) I feel bad that Amy had to be the first to leave because she looked to be a great personality, but the talent this go around is great. We’re in for some real treats.

Next week: John and Denise disagree. See you then!

Quote of the Episode:

“Too be honest, Graham, I can’t believe I’m here NOW.”—Jessie

Be Italian!

Last week on ANTM: The girls got to model in a Zac Posen fashion show! Ms. J asked the professional models to be complete bitches to the wannabes and throw them off their games. Some girls, like Liz and Chelsey, let the comments slide. Others, namely Ann, let their nerves get to them. In the end, Chelsey impressed Zac and won the challenge. Instead of a photo shoot, Nigel shot the girls in a commercial for some fake water. Besides having to memorize lines, they stuck the girls on roller skates AND made them kiss a guy. Poor Kayla has a panic attack and reveals to Mr. Jay that she was sexually assaulted as a child. In the end, she manages to pull a commercial out. Chris rises to the top while Ann and Esther sink into the bottom two. And Esther is sent a-packing. Six girls remain—time to go abroad! Who gets sent back to America first? Find out tonight!

Wanna be on top?

Hollywood! The top six go home in the Model Mobile. Liz comments about how bad her commercial was bad and that laughing is her defense mechanism. But it put Nigel off and Liz wants to prove to Tyra she wants to be there. They go home to see Chris’ commercial. She celebrates. We see Ann’s takes as she talks about how her shyness is becoming a problem. Ms. J comes to visit and takes the girls to see Venice Beach. On bikes. They have to go single filing and it looks great for the camera. They play follow the leader as Ms. J sings. The girls come to a bridge and he says they’ll be diving off the bridge in their next photoshoot. As the girls panic, Tyra comes by on a gondola. She says she wanted to go to Venice, but not the one in California. And she reveals the girls are going to Venice, Italy. Everyone—including Ms. J—screams and jumps around. He/She/It sends them home to pack.

They run around like chickens without their heads in trying to pack. We even hear Liz say “Can’t forget the baby”—meaning her picture of her daughter. Chris dances out of the house and we see the models on the animated plane going to Italia. They arrive and get on a boat. Ann is so excited. Jane reveals she is a history major and is excited to be in Venice. Girls, those are pigeons. Come to New York. They’re mobbed up. I swear. The girls stop for some lunch wine. Ann jokes that she’s so bored but the girls note she is losing her shyness. But she feeds the pigeons. DO. NOT. FEED. THE. FLYING. RATS!

The girls arrive at their hotel and it is gorgeous. And have more alcohol. A bird poops on Liz and Jane. Liz complains while Jane says she heard it was good luck. The girls are tired of Liz’s complaining. Mr. Jay and Chelsey are president and vice-president, respectively, of that club.

Commercials!

VENICE! The girls sleep as TYRA MAIL arrives! “Don’t be seduced by your surroundings or you’ll fall overboard.” Chelsey thinks gondola. I’m just remembering the last time the girls were on a boat, in the Netherlands, and no one fell overboard.

Simone Falcetta is their photographer while Mr. Jay talks about the Rialto Bridge. They are doing a high-fashion, period editorial. They are going to be using Casanova. He tells them to push past the heat, the corsets and work it. Kayla isn’t too thrilled about having to interact with ANOTHER male model, but not to the point she was last week. They meet Mario, their Casanova. The straight girls all perk up. Jane thinks she has a leg up as a history major. Chelsey thinks Ann is going downhill while she remains focused on the prize.

Kayla, Chris and Liz make up group 1. And Liz starts to complain. But Chris manages to save hers for the confessional. Mr. Jay felt Liz and Chris started off awkward. Kayla managed to go straight into the shoot. Mr. Jay is impressed by her. Chris knows she was outshined. Liz keeps complaining. And she tries to move to the back. But like the Netherlands, she doesn’t fall off. Sadly. I’m more impressed no one—including Mr. Jay—didn’t push her off. The finally get a shot. Mr. Jay explains what Chris was doing wrong.

Now it’s time for Group 2: Ann, Chelsey and Jane. Mr. Jay tells Ann she looks petrified before they start. Mr. Jay likes Chelsey’s actions with Mario. Jane looks extremely good. Mr. Jay is impressed. And it starts to rain. Simone works with Ann as Mr. Jay tells her she is being upstaged. He tells her to feel sexy. Mr. Jay is worried about Ann’s perfomance lately.

Commercials!

Mr. Jay tells Ann to get engaged as they need to get out of the rain. Chelsey keeps talking about how Ann is going downhill. Mr. Jay calls it a wrap due to the rain and the dresses. The girls aren’t staying in Venice, though. They are moving on to Milan. You know, Milan, home of the “YOU HAD SEX?” escapade.

The Model Italia Mobile takes the girls from Venice to their house in Milan. The girls go to explore their new house and are surprised at how small it is this cycle. The girls note that there aren’t enough beds. Tyra sneaks in as the girls hit the kitchen. The girls scream as she sneaks up on them. Liz jumps in the air as Tyra asks for a tour. She reveals the hidden beds.  Chelsey realizes that it is a model apartment though Tyra tells them the house is a bit nicer than what she first started out in. She wanted to go more realistic this cycle. She tells them they are going to a fashion house. Missoni. Chelsey is excited as Tyra leaves.

Liz calls home and speaks to her daughter. She cries and Chelsey comforts her.

The Model Italia Mobile takes them to the fashion house to meet Ms. J. Angela Missoni, the creative director, greets them. She puts them in the winter collection. Jane loved the quality and knew it was high-fashion. Kayla is uncomfortable. Ms. J introduces Margherita Missoni, who is a fashion designer and a model according to the title below her name. She is Angela’s daughter and heir. She reveals she will be their guest judge at elimination that night. Ann goes first. Angela asks her to push harder. Chelsey walks next. Angela tells her not to bounce too much. Jane is third. She is told not to cross the leg, but Ms. J tells her to ignore that. Ms. J isn’t impressed with Chris. Liz is fifth. Angela likes the differences between the girls. Did Kayla walk? Or did I miss it?

Commercials.

The girls note that Italy is humid. Chelsey gets overheated while the other girls are trying to survive being overdressed. The girls appear before Tyra in a very red room. There are judges Nigel and Andre. And has we already know, the guest judge is Margherita Missoni. There are prizes. Jane, Ann and Chelsey are first. Nigel likes the wide shot. He loves Chelsey’s close up. He likes the expression in his mouth even if we don’t see the eyes. Tyra likes it as well. Andre calls her hot and cold. Margherita doesn’t think she’s the lead actress. Ann manages to pull a great shot despite being awkward. Tyra thinks she is showing that she had Casanova and wants him back. We hear Chelsey say she is going to pass out as Ann explains what happened. Andre likes Jane and Tyra thinks she blew the other two away. And there goes Chelsey. Tyra sends the girls to sit down in the back.

Liz, Chris and Kayla sit on the runway…as if posing. Nigel likes Chris as a solo, but not a group. Andre thinks she looks scared but Margherita likes it. Tyra thinks she managed to remain sexy without going into hoochy mama. Nigel likes Liz’s attitude but that she still needs to commit more. Andre doesn’t like her stance but likes her face. Tyra likes her face as well but that Liz struggled. Nigel says Kayla pops out for him. He likes her connection with the camera. They all agree she is the star. Time for deliberation!

Commercials.

MILAN! Andre loves Jane as does Tyra. Chelsey doesn’t attract Margherita’s attention but Nigel likes her. They love Ann in the shot but think she is lost. Andre still thinks Chris looks like she saw a big bird than next to Casanova. Andre still doesn’t like Liz, neither does Margherita. Nigel still talks about commitment. Nigel likes how Kayla ignores Casanova and makes it work. Margherita likes Kayla, Tyra likes Margherita’s voice.

ELIMINATION! The first name called is Kayla. She is joined by Jane, Chelsey, and Ann. Tyra tells Ann she is shrinking and she needs to step it up. Our first Italian bottom two are Chris and Liz. Chris: Beautiful personality, lights up a room. But not lighting up a photo like the other girls. Liz: Beautiful bone structure, androgyny the judges love. Her pictures are varied but she makes too many excuses. Who stays? Chris. No one likes a complainer. Tyra tells her that she values a personality but it needs to go further. Tyra hugs Liz and tells her she is taking care of her daughter, she can be a model and she is fierce.

Liz cries so her confessional is a bit garbled. But she does promise to continue modeling and says she can’t wait to see her daughter.

America’s Next Top Model:

Anamaria

Ann

Chelsey

Chris

Esther

Jane

Kacey

Kayla

Kendal

Lexie

Liz

Rhianna

Sara

Terra

We knew this was coming. Liz was painted as the complainer the entire run. It’s good to see Ann trying to regain herself and to see Kayla charging to the top. I still hope for an Ann-Kayla walk off!

Next week: GO-SEES! The girls get lost. Jane breaks down at the photoshoot.

Quote of the Episode:

“Mommy wouldn’t mind me bringing him home, honey.”—Chris, on Mario

Umm…No Theme to this Episode, Really.

I finally kicked my bug! But since I spent the last two “How I Met Your Mother” episodes sick and recapping them after the fact, the recaps took on a different style. And I liked that. So I’m keeping it!

The “A” plot this week stars Ted Moseby, Architect Professor. And his students—who I don’t think have changed from last year—LOVE him. He wears a hot dog costume, which thankfully isn’t too silly as his students are in costume as well. He even gives them candy and they ask if he’s going to a certain Halloween party. He says no because he’s going to the party held by GNB. Lily, Barney and Marshall are there as well as Will Forte (“Randy”). He asks if Robin was going to be there, but they said that she had another party to go to. Randy is sad until Lily says Robin may show up. Randy perks up and then asks if they are going to the Halloween parade. Ted, Marshall and Barney say they are—but they aren’t talking about the Greenwich Village Parade. They are talking about the Walk of Shame taken the day after Halloween by women still in costume returning from their one night stands. And who should be on this walk? Robin! But that’s for the “C” plot…

Anyway, Ted runs into Zoey, who is still protesting his actions as if he were personally tearing down the Arcadia. Ted makes the mistake of telling Zoey that he teaches an architecture class at a prestigious university. Guess what happens? If you guessed that Zoey shows up in Ted’s class—you’d be right! She asks Ted if the Arcadia is an example of Greek Revival architecture. It’s not. But it does give her an in to explain to Ted’s class all about the Arcadia. At first they don’t believe her, but eventually turn against Ted. They even join in Zoey’s demonstrations against Ted and GNB.

Desperate the get his class back, Ted turns to Lily for help. She asks if Ted knows about a certain car with an annoying alarm parked outside their building. Ted and Robin imitate it perfectly. Lily says that when little Johnny got too out of control, upsetting the other students, she would flicker the lights on and off making that noise. Ted tries it after candy and mixed tapes don’t work. And it works…until the class doesn’t show up for school. So he finds them protesting with Zoey and follows Lily’s next advice: fear. She recalls Johnny and his stuffed horse. Well, Little Johnny wakes up from naptime with only his horse’s head in a homage to The Godfather.

So, Ted threatens his class with “F’s” if they don’t show up. And they do.

And in the “B” plot, we have Marshall and Randy! GNB isn’t well-liked, so they put out a “feel good” video every year. Barney tries to get Marshall in it, but he refuses. Meanwhile, he is trying to deal with Randy, who is completely hopeless in his job as Marshall’s assistant. Marshall refuses to fire him, even though Randy shredded a very important contract because he thought “downtown” was code for “shredder.” But after shredding documents one time too many, Marshall gives in and fires Randy. While Barney pops champagne, Marshall is really torn up about firing the man.

So, Marshall marches in to Arthur (who seems to have recovered from his heart attack pretty well) to argue to save Randy’s job. And he wins. Which in a reversal, is NOT what Randy wants. He was counting on the severance check in order to open his own brewery. So, he does everything he can to try and get Marshall to fire him again. After wrecking Marshall’s office and dousing Marshall in coffee, Randy gives up as Marshall refuses to budge. Randy tells Marshall his dream and as Marshall tries some of Randy’s beer, he fires him. And then participates in Barney’s GNB video. Future!Ted tells us that Randy’s beer went on to be a big hit.

And now, our “C” plot. Remember how the boys spotted Robin in the Halloween Walk of Shame Parade? Well, now they want to know who it is. Lily deduces from Robin’s unwillingness to share that it’s someone they know. Ted prays that Robin isn’t sleeping with her co-anchor again. Robin reminds him that her co-anchor is a girl. While this does set up Barney’s awesome line “Please tell me you are sleeping with your co-anchor,” it was just shoddy writing. Of course Ted knows Robin’s anchor is a woman—he dated her in the last episode! Anyway, Barney’s line let’s us into Becky’s scene. She’s not so big into journalistic integrity and recently filmed a commercial for a boat show. She’s wearing a pink outfit and wig, doing a weird dance and just saying “boats” over and over again.

Anyway, Lily finally gets Robin to admit that it was Randy she spent the night with. But that doesn’t last long as Randy—celebrating his severance check—reveals that he didn’t sleep with Robin on Halloween night. So, Lily goes back to interrogating her friend. It turns out Robin decided to go down Becky’s path and do a commercial of her own. Hers was for adult diapers. She says the director doesn’t know if they’ll use it (Future!Ted says it ran for 7 years) but that was her Halloween night shame.

I am really liking Jennifer Morrison as Zoey. She’s serving as a good antagonist for Ted. Though I marked it the “B” plot, I liked the Marshall-Randy plot better than Ted’s “A” plot.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

See above title! I hope your day is filled with candy, kids in cute costumes, and pumpkins while your night is filled with alcohol, adults in costumes and ghosts! Everyone has their favorite Halloween movie and I’m no different. Now, I’m not a horror fan. I particularly hate guts and gore. In fact, amongst some of my friends, my “gore blanket” is well known—it’s a blanket I clutch and used to hide if I’m forced to watch something gory (Note: This can include particularly nasty episodes of CSI). My favorite Halloween movie therefore is the classic “Hocus Pocus”!

The story starts in 1693—Salem, Massachusetts. As something flies by his window, young Thackery Binx (Sean Murray now Agent Timothy McGee on NCIS, voiced by Jason Marsden) awakens to discover his sister Emily is missing. He is disheartened to see Emily heading into the woods, to the house of the apparently only real witches in Salem. These are the Sanderson sisters—Winifred (Bette Midler), Mary (Kathy Najimy) and Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker). They want to be young again and create a potion to suck Emily’s youth from her. Thackery tries to rescue her but gets turned into a cat. Fortunately, the villagers show up and hang the sisters for witchcraft. But Winifred vows that they will return!

Fast-forward 300 years. Max (Omri Katz) has just moved from California to Salem with his family. He hasn’t handled it well and doesn’t understand why the town is still so into Halloween. His little sister Dani (Thora Birch) drags him trick or treating because Mom and Dad are going to a town party at town hall. They end up at a mansion belonging to Allison (Vinessa Shaw), the girl Max has a crush on. She offers to bring them to the Sandersons’ cottage where Max lights a candle. And thus brings back Winifred, Mary and Sarah. The witches want to continue their interrupted plans on becoming younger and decide to start with Max, Allison and Dani. They are being aided by Winifred’s (and Sarah’s) former lover Billy, come back from the dead. The kids have an ally in Binx the cat, who has survived 300 years.

Hijinks and musical numbers ensue.

When the movie first came out, my parents wouldn’t let me see it because they thought it would be scary. I saw it at a friend’s house shortly after it was released on VHS, went home and told my parents it wasn’t scary—it was funny! There may be some scenes that could scare young children—the entire climax takes place in a graveyard. But the performances are great, especially from the three witches. It’s a classic, great for the whole family (even if the Nostalgia Chick is right about how obsessed the movie is with virginity and portraying it in a bad light), and not so spooky.

Who’s Your Daddy?

This Monday saw “Stomach Bug 2: Return of the Stomach Bug” for me. But I managed to see “How I Met Your Mother” so, another recap given from the best of my ability!

Pretty much the main focus of the episode was on Lily and Marshall. Which also means it was on their quest to have a child. You see, they go visit friends who have just had a baby themselves and can’t seem to name the child without arguing. Lily and Marshall don’t think they’ll have that problem…but they do. Lily can’t seem to find a name that doesn’t remind her of a troublemaker from her class. This leads to a bigger rift: the baby’s gender. Marshall reveals to Ted he doesn’t want a girl—he’d be too worried about being that girl’s dad. He thinks of his daughter as high school boys serenade her about how much they want her or…worse…that girl working at a strip club. But wait! There’s more to THAT particular nightmare! The girl ends up dating Barney in an awesome, true-to-character move. By the end, she ends up marrying Barney as a crying Lily and Marshall look on in horror.

But it turns out the Eriksens always produce males. And Papa Eriksen is more than willing to pass on the tips for producing boys. Almost desperate, in fact. Like he doesn’t even want to consider a granddaughter. Anyway, the tips involve avoiding lemons (apparently, they are baby girl fertilizers), eating pickled herring before conception, dunking his “man sack” in a bucket of ice (at this point, Marshall’s mother comes in with the line “Oh, you boys and your football.” It’s hysterical) and then to point Lily due North. When he does, he discovers the basket of lemons by Lily’s side of the bed. Turns out that while Marshall was panicking about having a girl, Lily was worried about having a boy. All the troublemakers in her class tend to be boys. So, she’s been eating lemons, heating up her “lady bits” to a toasty 105 degrees Fahrenheit and pointing South to ensure a girl. Fortunately, they realize they are being silly.

They go back to visit their feuding friends, who have stopped squabbling after a scare with their baby. Turns out the hospital wouldn’t admit their baby without a name and the two realized what complete douches they were being. So, they named their daughter Esther. Lily and Marshall decide to forget about worrying about sex and decide to pick a name that could work either way. They decide on Jamie.

And starring in the “B” plot: Robin, Ted and Robin’s annoyingly perky co-anchor Becky (Laura Bell Bundy). At first, Becky was more like Elle Woods (who Bundy played on Broadway)—the smart person hidden behind the blonde ditz. But this episode reveals she’s just a blonde ditz who acts like a little girl. We see her complaining that all the news stories are sad while Mike just keeps the camera zoomed on her. Robin even asks if she can get in the shot and we see the camera shake “no.” But that’s not all. Turns out Becky shows up to give Robin some chocolate chip cookies (except Becky uses gummy bears) and meets Ted. They go on a few dates, much to Robin’s annoyance. In fact, she doesn’t understand why guys are attracted to women who act like little girls. Finally, Ted reveals its because it makes men feel needed. Which Ted never felt while dating Robin.

This causes Robin to feel bad, so she goes to ask Barney if he felt the same during their relationship. Barney says yes, but that it was what he loved the most about her. They have an adorable moment in which you feel the chemistry between the two again. Then Barney asks Robin to help him. You see, while Robin was pointing out that women don’t go for men who act like little boys, Barney took it as a challenge. He spent the entire episode speaking like a little boy and getting nowhere. When he finally throws in the towel, he finds a woman who likes to role-play “Mother and Child” in the bedroom. But now he needs Robin to get the woman out. She agrees to do so. Meanwhile, Ted has an epiphany while out with Becky. As she licks her ice cream cone, he ties her shoe…only to spy a father doing the same for his young daughter. He stands up and walks away.

Oh! And Lily rules out “Jamie” as a name for their future child. We see paint on her butt as she walks away. Lily, maybe you should stop painting. Or wear a smock like my teachers did while we had paint. Seriously.

I’d Do Anything…

My recaps of “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” never materialized thanks to a family vacation and my old laptop’s slow death. But, BBC-America is now airing “I’d Do Anything”—the 2008 search for Nancy in Cameron MacIntosh’s revival of “Oliver!” Andrew Lloyd Webber is back along with judges John Barrowman and Denise van Outen with Graham Norton hosting the live events again.

Last night was the casting episode and I have made it very, very clear how much I loathe casting episodes. So, tune in next week for the first (not-so) live show. I hope those of you who liked my Joseph recaps will also like my Nancy ones as well!

Skating the Day Away…

Last week on Top Model: The girls got a chance to become a Grammy girl. They had to dress each other up, which didn’t please Chelsey who decided to pair with Ann. I’d be more sympathetic if Chelsey just didn’t go with whoever was standing next to her! Kayla wins in the end, which makes her cry. At the photoshoot, the girls have to embody different designers. Liz knocks Ann off the top spot while Esther and Kendal landed in the bottom two. In the end, Tyra felt Kendal was the “noun” and not the “verb” and she was sent home. Who will go home tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

LA! Someone jokes that there’s a man in the kitchen…then says it’s just Liz’s picture. Liz celebrates while Ann starts to get a little nervous. Esther worries because she was in the bottom two and says she needs to show more personality. Esther sounds like she has a cold.

TYRA MAIL! “To be a top model, you will need help with posen.” I was thinking Benny Ninja, not Ms. J. But the girls will be doing a fashion show for designer Zac Posen. Wow. Chelsey nearly dies. He tells them they will be modeling with professional models, which scares and excites Ann. The girls look like they are attending story time at the library. Esther asks about Zac’s favorite models. He says he likes the ones with attitude. He keeps mentioning attitude. They bid the girls goodnight.

The next morning, the Model Mobile takes the girls to their fashion show. This is, of course, a challenge. The winner will get five looks from Zac Posen’s collection. He talks about making clothes for a diversity of body types. Ahh, Tyra must like them. Ms. J talks to the professional models and tells them to be the mean girls to shake up the wannabes. Meanwhile, the girls show off their walks for Zac. The other models make snide comments, like Ms. J wanted. These professionals are taking Ms. J’s instructions really to heart…Hi, Andre Leon Talley!

Jane opens the show. We next see Esther, who looks great in Zac’s dress. One model tells Liz she isn’t ready but Liz is like, “Please, bitch.” One model tells Ann not to screw it up. Ann, who looks rocking, is getting nervous as we cut to commercials.

LA! We come back as Ann steps out on to the runway. She has a few missteps. Chris nearly gets violent but remains calm as Chelsey hits the runway. Esther talks about personality on her second walk. I like Jane’s second dress. Ms. J likes Chelsey. Kayla looks good on her second turn. As the show finishes, the girls celebrate and say they are “real models now.”

They met up with Ms. J, who reveals the act as the professionals apologize. They wish the girls luck and leave. Zac enters to help judge the challenge. Ms. J tells Chris to take shorter steps. Zac tells Jane to bring the fierceness in her face to the rest of the body. Zac likes Chelsey. He tells Ann he felt she had a panic moment but she’s a rarity and he likes it. But his winner is Chelsey. She is ecstatic!

The next morning, Mr. Jay and Nigel show up for breakfast. Jane wonders if they should bother locking the door anymore. The two reveal they are doing a commercial for some fancy flavored water. And the girls will be kissing. And shooting on the beach outside their house. How convenient. Liz grabs Chris to practice kissing and she runs off. Kayla is really upset so Mr. Jay comes in. And learns that she was assaulted when she was 11 and is uncomfortable being intimate with men. She is scared.

Mr. Jay tells Kayla that he’s sorry and she reveals Mr. Jay is the first person to know about the assault. She didn’t tell anyone. He tells her she has to go to therapy and deal with it. Because she says she will turn down jobs if they require intimacy. Nigel directs them and…oh, hey, they are skates as well. Kayla is not following on the camera and she blanks on the line. She then freezes when it comes to being around the guy. But she pushes through it. Liz feels good but giggles through the shoot. Nigel isn’t impressed. Mr. Jay doesn’t feel Esther’s idea of “having fun.” He calls her flat. Nigel borrows Andre’s favorite phrase: “dreckitude.” Jane and Chelsey struggle with the roller skates. Chris rocks it. Ann worries about crashing. She looks ready to cry. Perk up, Ann. She falls down and worries she’s psyching herself out. Nigel tries to give her a pep talk. You have to laugh it off, Ann. They finally wrap it.

LA! The girls talk about how hard the commercial was. They ask Kayla about her problem with the commercial. She tells the girls about her sexual assault. She says she’s going to deal with it.

Tyra pretends her skirt is too tight but she reveals she’s “just being dumb.” There are judges: Nigel and Andre. And the guest judge is Zac Posen. There are prizes. Jane is up first. Oh, the water was fake. Good. Jane was actually very good. They like her interaction with the male model. Liz is second up. And we see the giggles. Nigel tells the judges that she was a mess. Tyra tells her she can’t blow things off while Liz cries about her daughter. Chris is up. I’d say that’s the best so far. Tyra thinks it was a tad cheesy but the judges all loved it. Ann follows. It’s awkward. And not the usual good awkward. Zac tells her to have strength and confidence. Kayla is next. Tyra thinks she looked urban and that girls could identify with her. The judges liked the beginning but not the end. I’m surprised Tyra didn’t make her mention the assault at panel. Chelsey’s commercial starts off a bit awkward but she got better as she eased into it. Esther is last up. Oops, she cursed on camera. That’s a no-no. The judges aren’t pleased. Tyra just defaults to Nigel. Then tells Esther to practice pushing past her natural muffler. But Andre likes her outfit.

The judges deliberate. Nigel mentions that he forgot Esther but Andre doesn’t think she’s the worst. Tyra worries about Jane’s ability to get booked. Nigel says he did get frustrated with Liz. ELIMINATION! The first name is Chris! Knew it! Anyway, she is joined by: Jane, Chelsey, Kayla and Liz. That puts Ann and Esther in our bottom two. Ann: She had best photo 5 weeks in a row. But she needs more than a pretty face. Esther: Beautiful, edgy pictures with a commercial appeal. She also took Tyra’s advice but is still kinda blah. So, who stays? Ann. Duh. She and Esther hug before Ann gets her picture. Tyra tells her the judges want her to stay because her awkwardness is beautiful and special.

Tyra goes to hug Esther and calls her an example of being curvy and being a model. She tells Esther to continue to pursue modeling. Esther promises she will. She says maybe she’ll get to Italian Vogue on her own.

America’s Next Top Model:

Anamaria

Ann

Chelsey

Chris

Esther

Jane

Kacey

Kayla

Kendal

Lexie

Liz

Rhianna

Sara

Terra

I knew Esther was a goner. She was a good talent, but paired in a bottom two with Ann? Oh, yeah, she was going. Here’s hoping Ann gets her nerve back. Please.

Next week: Time to go overseas! They go to Venice and Milan! But Ann has some issues.

Building or the Girl?

So, this past Monday I wasn’t feeling to well thanks to a horrible allergic reaction. I felt so horrible that, while I watched “How I Met Your Mother,” I barely had the energy or the desire to recap the episode. But here is an abridged version of the episode:

A few episodes ago, Barney got Ted a job designing Goliath National Bank’s new headquarters. In this week’s episode, Barney reveals the location of the new headquarters. It will be on the site of the old New York building the Arcadia. Ted goes down to scope out the building…

…and then tells Barney he can’t do it. He goes on to list all the reasons why the building should be preserved when the conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Lily and Marshall. Marshall is upset because he’s learned how much Robin and Lily talk about their sex lives. Robin and Max—one of Marshall’s law school buddies who was at the steakhouse last week—hit it off. But apparently, Max has a small penis. And now Marshall is just focusing on that. Ted and Barney back him up. Lily wonders about “locker room” talk. We side-swoosh to see that the locker room is generally all the guys rushing around, not making eye contact and that one old guy letting it all hang out. Lily still doesn’t believe it since no matter what, whenever she mentions a girlfriend, Barney immediately asks, “Boobs?” That’s it.

And that’s how Barney discovers the real reason why Ted won’t build GNB’s new headquarters. There’s a girl involved. And it’s Jennifer Morrison—Zoe! She talks to Ted about the building, which gets him excited. She’s beautiful and an architecture nerd. The others are cautious and Barney wonders how Zoe took the news that Ted was the one redesigning the building. He told her he was a vet. Typical Ted. Barney keeps trying to get Ted to build the headquarters, but Ted is drawn to Zoe. Especially since she shows up at his place with a van full of bunnies. They were liberated from a scientific lab. Turns out Zoe has never met a cause she won’t fight for. She’s also been arrested several times—chaining herself to a tree, setting a car on fire at a Guns and Roses concert—and wants Ted’s help to save the Arcadia.

Barney still tries to get Ted to realize it’s about Zoe, not the building. As Zoe leads a protest against the destruction of the Arcadia, Barney unveils a “Coming Soon” banner complete with Ted’s picture. Ted storms home to find Barney. And anyone who didn’t melt when they saw Neil Patrick Harris petting the bunny should check to make sure you have a heart! Especially once he declared that he was keeping the bunny because they had bonded. Ted decides to find a compromise. He goes to Zoe’s protest to show her what he’s done. He’s managed to design the headquarters around the Arcadia, preserving the ancient façade. As Zoe admires Ted’s creativity, he spots a ring on her finger. He asks if she’s married and as she absently says, “Yes,” Ted realizes Barney was right. It was never about the building. He trashes the plans, tells Zoe the building is a lost cause and agrees to redesign the building for Barney.

But Ted hadn’t seen the last of Zoe. She’s seen pelting Ted’s building with eggs.

In the Marshall/Lily/Robin/Max storyline, Marshall continues to obsess over Max’s small penis. This leads to an awkward yet incredibly funny double date scene. It also causes Marshall to imagine Lily complaining to Robin about everything he does in bed. So, he forces Lily to praise Marshall to Robin, who knows what is going on. In the end, all is well in Marshall’s world. This does strike me as a bit off as Marshall was seen in the premiere telling the entire NEIGHBORHOOD about his and Lily’s struggles to get pregnant. The only thing I could think of was that he didn’t go into too much detail, just the non-bedroom related facts. I guess.

Top Model Got the GRAMMYS?

Last week on Top Model: It was the cyclical Cover Girl shilling contest at Wal-mart! Kacey, Esther and Kayla won with Nigel liking Esther’s overall makeover the best. The girls were then taken to Rodeo Drive, where they had a photoshoot with Patrick DeMarchelier. Tyra showed up to give some pointers and to witness how horribly awkward Ann’s shoot was. But out of the awkward came brilliance as she was called first…again. Kayla and Kacey fell to the bottom but since I’m sure Tyra wants a Kayla-Ann walk off, Kacey was let go despite the fact the house bitch ALWAYS makes it overseas. Who will go tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

LA! The Model Mobile hosts a “Kacey is Gone” celebration. The girls gush over how much they disliked Kacey but the girls want to take down Ann. Esther is a modern Orthodox Jew, just in case you forgot. She still eats Kosher and Chris gets a headache thinking of the rules Esther has to follow.

TYRA MAIL! “Sometimes you have to perform a duet before you get your big solo.” Huh? Tyra, no more singing and/or music videos!

The girls go to the Grammy Museum. Kayla and Liz geek out over Michael Jackson’s gloves. Mr. Jay introduces them to Neil Portdow, who talks about the Grammys. One of the girls will get to be a Grammy girl. The girls get to pair up and decide to pair up with the girl next to her. Chelsey ends up with Ann again and isn’t too thrilled again. Then switch, idiot! Mr. Jay reveals the twist—the partner will pick out what the girl wears. The girls go off to discuss their styles and preferences. Liz wants a train, Kayla wants punk rock. The girls die and go to fashion heaven, but only get ten minutes. Kayla pretty much picks opposite of what Liz wants, Chelsey tries to find something Ann can fit into height weight, Ann can only find one thing that fits what Chelsey wanted, and Jane tries to figure out Esther’s cup size. The girls meet up and try on their outfits, with Chelsey not too happy. As Ann worries, we go to commercial.

Grammy History! Liz and Kayla are up first. Liz talks about how it wasn’t what she wanted, but she still looks good. They look good. Kendal and Chris come up next. Chris talks about not walking out of the strip bar. Mr. Jay says they look like they just walked out of the club and stumbled into the Grammys. Jane trips on her way in as she and Esther come up. Esther talks about wanting to look good, but not taking the attention away from the winners. Despite Chelsey’s qualms, she actually looks good. As does Ann. Mr. Jay liked Kayla and Liz. He tells Kendal she was too quiet and nervous. He wonders if Kendal sabotaged her. Kendal denies it. Mr. Jay says Chelsey had nerves but Ann was great. But Neil thinks she’s too tall.

The winning team is Kayla and Liz. Now, Neil has to choose the Grammy girl. He’s worried that Liz is too enamored of the artists so he chooses Kayla. She cries about how she was unaccepted because of her sexuality and now she’s going to be a Grammy girl.

Liz gets depressed and gets drunk. Very drunk. Even the girls are surprised and disgusted by how drunk they got.

TYRA MAIL! “Sometimes being labeled is a good thing.”  They are stumped. To be honest, if I didn’t watch the preview, I would be too.

LA! The Model Mobile takes the girls back to Smashbox Studios and Mr. Jay blathers on about knowing every fashion designer. Each girl will be portraying fashion designers. There will also be professional female models posing with them, wearing the designs. The girls will be designed by Rushka Bergman and photographed by Francesco Carrizzini. The girls hit make up and hair.

Liz (John Galiano): They love her. Mr. Jay is scared by how much Liz embodies John.

Chelsey (Carolina Herrara): Chelsey tries to portray strong and elegant.

Chris (Betsy Johnson): They tell Chris to jump, to be crazy. Because Betsy is just crazy. Francesco loved her.

Kendal (Vera Wang): Kendal has no clue who Vera Wang is. She says she tries to be simple but Mr. Jay says it is blank. She struggles. Mr. Jay questions her passion. Uh oh.

Kayla (Vivienne Westwood): Kayla is instructed to throw flowers and they love it.

Jane (Marc Jacobs): Francesco says she was given a difficult task—a girl posing as a guy.

Ann (Alexander Wang): Since she was a tomboy, she finds it easier.

Esther (Christopher Decarnin): Also struggles with the fact she is portraying a guy.

That’s a wrap!

Esther is worried. In the true “I just have to run faster than you” fashion, she hopes someone had a worse picture. Kendal is worried as well.

I really miss Bianca and Laura.

Tyra tells Nigel talks about her first time shooting with Nigel. The girls enter. There are judges—Nigel and Andre—with Francesco as the guest judge. There are prizes. Kayla is first. She gets applause for winning the challenge. Do you think Tyra gave Kayla red hair for this? Nigel likes the picture. Tyra likes how Kayla dominates the shot. Andre likes Liz’s panel look. Francesco liked how she walked in convinced she was John. The others are impressed. Tyra likes her androgyny. Nigel thinks this was Chelsey’s best shot. He just wishes she had more charm. Andre compares it to Carolina backstage at her shows. The judges aren’t too impressed by Esther. Jane comes down and Nigel wanted more broken body. Nigel explains how Marc Jacobs is chill and gritty. Jane wasn’t. Francesco tells about how he felt she wasn’t trying hard enough. Tyra asks what is blocking her. Kendal says nerves. Nigel and Andre like her photo and Andre likes her outfit. Last up is Chris. The panel laughs at her photo but because of how crazy Betsy is. Francesco reminds her to change. Andre isn’t that impressed.

The judges deliberate. They love Kayla and Liz. Nigel doesn’t think Chelsey looks like a model. They are not impressed with Esther. Wait, Jane is the smart girl? Oh, crap…Francesco questions Kendal’s passion. Nigel likes Chris. ELIMINATION! Want to place bets first picture is Ann? Anyone? And it’s LIZ! Finally! Someone else! Anyway, joining Liz is: Kayla, Ann, Chelsey, Chris and Jane. Esther and Kendal are in the final two. Esther: Started slow but got stronger. But she slipped back and judges worry about her having one look. Kendal: She has a rare, special look. But she continues to fall. Who stays? Esther. Bye, Kendal! As Esther is told to vary up the looks and to be special, Kendal and Chris exchange looks. Tyra hugs Kendal and recalls when Kendal tells her she needs more experience. Kendal says her sisters will push her. As Kendal hugs everyone good-bye, she confesses she’s lost.

America’s Next Top Model:

Anamaria

Ann

Chelsey

Chris

Esther

Jane

Kacey

Kayla

Kendal

Lexie

Liz

Rhianna

Sara

Terra

So someone else FINALLY got first picture. I love Ann and firmly believe she can win, but still—I want to be surprised.

Next week: Zac Posen lets the girls into his fashion show while Kayla has a break down at a photoshoot.

“I’m No Diva, but I Feel Like One”

Last week on Top Model: The girls had a runway challenge on a moving conveyor belt. Hilarity ensued but Kacey managed to stay the most balanced. But Kacey and Lexie went for round two, which Liz jumped into. Then at their Mexican wrestling editorial shoot, Ann thought she did horribly. The judges thought differently and Miss Ann got a Top Model first—being called first for four weeks in a row! Meanwhile, Lexie and Jane fell into the bottom two. But Lexie was sent packing, so Liz will have to provoke our house bitch from now on. Nine wannabes remain, who’ll go tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

LA! The Model Mobile takes the girls home after elimination. Kayla talks about growing up in poverty while someone points out that Ann is the last of the “Quirkies” now that Lexie and Rhianna are gone. But Ann is ready to burst into “I Feel Pretty” but instead cries. Chelsey calls this competition her last chance. Really, hunny, this?

TYRA MAIL! DING DONG! It takes the girls a few minutes to realize the door bell actually rang. They run to the door to find Cover Girl products. Jane reads the instructions—pretty much, Cover Girl shilling time! Team 2: Kacey, Esther, and Kayla. We get a recap of how much everyone hates Kacey. Team 1: Ann, Kendal and Jane. Ann worries that she’ll actually have to address the public as she’s so shy. Team : Liz, Chris and Chelsey. They break out the index cards. Chelsey likes her group.

Oh, Wal-Mart. Nigel meets them in front of an inflatable tent in the parking lot. Wal-Mart doesn’t even want them in the store? Anyway, Ann’s worst nightmare comes true as they have to address the public. Some “lucky” Wal-Mart customers will be their victims and the winners get a shopping spree in the Cover Girl aisle. Yay? Anyway, I guess this takes place after the store closes? The first victims approach as Kendal uses Ann as a model. Look happy, Ann! Look happy! Easy. breezy, beautiful, girl! Kendal and Jane rock it. The poor souls move to Kacey’s group. Esther and Kacey handle most of the talking before Kayla addresses the girls who aren’t so into make-up. Team 3 is last. Chris shills Wal-Mart. Chelsey is upset that Chris stole the show. Nigel thanks the victims and takes the girls outside.

He introduces them to some guy in a suit who was watching them the entire time. He is Derek Blasburg, a fashion journalist. Nigel is going to interview the guinea pigs and get to watch it on a video. This could take a while, folks. So expect a lot of quick cuts! Editing department, to arms!

Commercial.

And we’re back to Wal-Mart. Well, at least they gave the girls seats. One girl says that Ann is beautiful but not present. Derek agrees. One guy said Kayla made him want to buy the product. Another woman felt Kacey was a Cover Girl. The group thought Chris was too overpowering but Chelsey tried. Each girl was scored. Ann was the lowest and gets the personable talk. Group two wins while Kacey had the highest score. She uses it to prove she wasn’t a bitch while Liz said it was just because she was fake and loud. The girls go on their shopping spree and are tempted to just throw everything into the bag. Nigel likes Esther’s makeover the best and she gets a Wal-Mart gift card.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow will be no walk of shame but rather a Walk of Fame.” The girls are hoping for some celebrities. Ann is still getting over her bad comments but knows it’s something she has to work on.

The models get on the Model Mobile and meet Mr. Jay on Rodeo Drive. Lori Goldstein will be their fashion stylist. Patrick DeMarchelier will be their photographer. The girls will be paired with each other and a male model. Tyra loves the male models this cycle. The girls are excited to work with Patrick DeMarchelier. I think. Mr. Jay brings the girls to his truck. Chris will be odd girl out. Liz is paired with Kendal. Chelsey is not thrilled to be paired with Ann.

We come back with Jane and Kacey as Tyra arrives. Hi, Tyra! See—Tyra stops trying to be Oprah, she comes back! Mr. Jay and Patrick didn’t like Kacey, so Tyra has to demonstrate. Patrick likes Jane, but feels more of a commercial vibe off her. They joke about Tyra’s shot, calling her America’s Next Top Model and the house bitch. Oh, Tyra. Anyway, Chelsey is still not happy about being paired with Ann. They are also getting a crowd and cameras. People also shouted their love to Tyra. Mr. Jay says that Ann was a bit stiff today. And he’s a bit disappointed with Chelsey. Tyra tells her to stop being self-conscious. Next is Kayla and Esther. Poor Kayla is in too-small shoes. As she confesses, she says her foot is really in pain. Lori loved Esther and her subtle nature. Patrick tries to work with Kayla and realizes there is a language barrier. Liz and Kendal follow them. Kendal loves that attention while Mr. Jay compares her to Sarah Jessica Parker. He feels Shaw and Kendal stole the frame from Liz. Tyra helps Liz. Chris is last solo. I love her outfit. Mr. Jay and Tyra like her.

They get poor Kayla out of her shoes as the other girls gab.

We see Tyra and Patrick conversing in French before the panel. Nigel is just there. The girls assemble as Tyra introduces the judges and Patrick is our guest judge. She then reminds us of the prizes.

Liz and Kendal are first: Nigel ignores the guy and goes straight to Kendal. Andre calls Kendal a gazelle and a model in her solo shot. Tyra praises her for showing the product. Nigel doesn’t think Liz’s is authentic and Tyra said it was almost as if she was just making fun of it.

Esther and Kayla: Nigel calls Esther engaging. Andre calls Kayla sad and in pain. Tyra tells the girls to complain to themselves and just model through. Esther’s looks like something I’ve seen in magazines. Andre calls Kayla Kate Moss’ friend leaving the party.

Jane and Kacey: Andre loves Jane, comparing her to a French model. Kacey looks snobby according to Nigel. They all love Jane’s picture and it is beautiful. There was a reason I liked her in the beginning. Kacey is in profile. Tyra points out that Kacey won but she needs to bring her personality to her photos.

Chelsey and Ann: Nigel feels that they worked the best as a team. Nigel thinks Chelsey looks best. Tyra thinks that watching the photoshoot was so awkward but the film is stellar. Nigel reminds her to bring her personality in real life. Andre nearly dies when seeing Ann’s single shot. Tyra notes that Chelsey is like “damn!” Patrick likes her movement but that she still needs to work on her face.

Chris is last. I agree with Tyra that it would be good in Teen Vogue but Andre said it wouldn’t make Vogue. But her single shot would. Patrick tells her to tone down the smile a bit.

Nigel likes Liz’s beauty shots. They love it. As well as Kendal. They don’t think Esther’s shyness is a hindrance but cute. Jane works better in group than solo close up. Nigel thinks that Kacey’s good at being spokesperson but not so much as a model. They are still amazed by Ann. Andre calls Chelsey “high society” but Tyra disagrees. She likes Chris’ shots and thinks they tell a story.

ELIMINATION! Best photo goes to Ann. FIFTH WEEK IN A ROW! Even Tyra is bored but calls Ann “amazing.” She is joined by: Jane, Kendal, Esther, Chris, Chelsey and Liz. Our bottom two is Kacey and Kayla. Oh no! This is difficult. Kacey is the house bitch, but I know it’s going to be an Ann-Kayla walk off at the end! Kacey: Beautiful girl, strong bone sculpture. But she was disconnected in her shots this week. Kayla: Was also disconnected because she couldn’t hide her pain. So, who stays? Kayla! I wish I could say “sorry,” Kacey, but I can’t. Tyra tells Kayla that modeling can be painful, but it’ll make her stronger as long as it doesn’t kill her.

Tyra hugs Kacey. She tells her she has the goods but she needs more time to practice before hitting the big leagues. Kacey goes to hug the girls and they actually hug her back. Her confession is very negative and she says she’ll never get over this. That’s…not the usual house bitch good-bye. There’s usually the “I’ll be better than these girls” vein.

America’s Next Top Model:

Anamaria

Ann

Chelsey

Chris

Esther

Jane

Kacey

Kayla

Kendal

Lexie

Liz

Rhianna

Sara

Terra

Those pictures were actually good. Our models are all growing up. And I’m with Tyra. It’s funny to watch Ann doing the photoshoot but the end results are so amazing. And I would’ve loved to see Lexie’s face when Kacey entered where ever they hide the eliminated girls so no one knows the order or who is remaining. So, who should now be the house bitch? Any suggestions?

Next week: The girls have to dress each other and then get to embody different designers.

Quote of the Episode:

“We see Nigel and go ‘Dang, we’re not going shopping.’” –Chris, upon arriving at Wal-Mart. She also provided my title.