The Glee Project: First Impressions

So, I can’t get enough of The Glee Project finalists’ version of “Firework.” Seriously, I’m surprised YouTube doesn’t just play it when I sign in. I’ve also seen the “Meet the Contestant” spots (courtesy of Playbill). Of course, those only allow them about thirty seconds of air time.

I am basing this on their performances and personas in the video(s). Things may change as I watch the show.

(Impressions based by appearance in the video)

I’d Do Anything…

My recaps of “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” never materialized thanks to a family vacation and my old laptop’s slow death. But, BBC-America is now airing “I’d Do Anything”—the 2008 search for Nancy in Cameron MacIntosh’s revival of “Oliver!” Andrew Lloyd Webber is back along with judges John Barrowman and Denise van Outen with Graham Norton hosting the live events again.

Last night was the casting episode and I have made it very, very clear how much I loathe casting episodes. So, tune in next week for the first (not-so) live show. I hope those of you who liked my Joseph recaps will also like my Nancy ones as well!

Where Are They Now? The Craig Chalmers Edition

It's time to find out what happened to the Joseph my sister called "my love"--Craig Chalmers!

Craig may have NOT been England's Joseph after finishing fifth in "Any Dream Will Do," but he WAS Bill Kenwright's Joseph. Craig's Number One Fan cast him as Joseph in the UK tour of the show. Craig continues to play the role today and his official website announced that he has agreed to continue to play the role until 2010.

Along with Antony and Chris C, Craig also recorded on the album "Dream On." Craig's website announced that he and Antony will be releasing another album together.

Any other updates are more than welcomed!

Where Are They Now? The Rob McVeigh Edition

Rob the Builder became my favorite underdog after the early elimination of Johndeep. So what has the sixth eliminated Joseph been up to since exchanging his hard hat for a colored coat?

Rob went on to sing "I Owe It All to You" for Eurovision 2008 and was part of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves with reality show staple Jade Goody. Rob also showed up on "I'd Do Anything," Webber's quest to find Nancy for the West End stage. He did a group number with the remaining six Nancys (and five other Josephs), "Dancing in the Street."

If anyone else has any further information on Rob the Builder, let me know!

Where Are They Now? The Chris Barton Edition

Tonight we move on to the fifth person to be cut from "Any Dream Will Do," Chris Barton! What's he been up to since turning in his colored coat?

He too ended up in Bill Kenwright's touring production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," playing one of Joseph's 11 brothers. Kenwright also chose Barton to participate in his boy band "Dream On," along with Chris C and Antony.

The last I can find on Chris B is that he played Benny in a production of "Our Benny" in the Liverpool Empire.

If anyone has any further updates on Chris B, please share!

Where Are They Now? The Seamus Cullen Edition

Time to find out what the eldest Joseph has done since his elimination!

After being eliminated fourth on Any Dream Will Do, Seamus recorded an album with his band Mosquito and was cast as part of Thriller Live, a revue of Michael Jackson's music, both solo and with the Jackson Five. Following this, he was cast as Che in the UK touring production of Evita, as announced by Andrew Lloyd Webber on "I'd Do Anything." He still records with his band.

If you know anything else about Seamus, please share!

Where Are They Now? The Johndeep More Edition

Welcome back to Where Are They Now: Any Dream Will Do! Tonight, we discuss the fate of Johndeep More.

Johndeep, as you may remember, was one of my early favorites and had the tugging story about how his family had never heard him sing before. Sadly, they didn't get to hear too much on the show as he was the second voted off. After leaving Any Dream Will Do, Johndeep has performed in plays like "Bells are Ringing," "Assassins," "Seussical" and "The Red Peppers." He also was part of the pantomime "Cinderella" along with fellow Joseph alum Chris C.

According to his MySpace page, Johndeep is currently touring in Spain with "Bollywoodland: Love Never Dies."

Johndeep's MySpace also contains examples of his singing. If anyone else has any updates on Johndeep, please share!

Give Him His Colored Coat!

(Once again, sorry for the delay. When given the option between the Tonys and Any Dream Will Do, I'm sure you all understood I'd go for the Tonys--even if I ended up missing Bret Michaels' beaning himself on a piece of scenery).

Last week on "Any Dream Will Do:" It was the (not-so) live semifinals. The boys soared to new heights but in the end, Ben fell short of the final. Keith, Lee and Lewis now battle it out to be Joseph on the West End stage. Who will wear the technicolor coat? Find out on last night's (not-so) live finale!

Andrew Lloyd Webber begs the public to pick the right guy--it could make or break someone's career. Graham's voiceover tells us that now, the public is entirely in control.

Graham suit watch: Gold suit and red shirt. He welcomes us to the (not-so) live finale and introduces a children's choir. All 12 Josephs sing "Go, Go Joseph" one last time along with the children. For a while, it looked like they were showing the order the Joes were kicked off in, but that got screwed up when Rob followed Antony rather than Chris B. The Not Josephs pile their coats in Graham's arms and let our 3 finalists take center stage. Graham introduces us to the Brentwood Primary choir. For the confused Americans, the BBC ran a contest in which children choirs were allowed to submit themselves to be considered to perform at the final. The public voted for the school. Did they cut out his "They're like people only smaller" line? I loved that line! Anyway, we have our panel (Zoe Tyler, Bill Kenwright, Denise "Jazz Hands" van Outen and John Barrowman) as well as a powerless Webber. As the Phantom overture ends, the chandelier behind Webber's head falls. He then stops short of agreeing that all 3 finalists could be Joseph. Hmm.

We find out the final 3 went to...Majorca! Webber and the boys do a Bond send up, complete with Weber stroking a (fake) cat. Wait, he couldn't use one of his own? The guys enjoy thier vacation but talk about the show. Ooh, David Tennant's in the audience. I miss not having a regular Doctor Who season. Back to 2007, Graham gets in a Paris Hilton joke before we go to Lewis' package. He was so glad to get to the finale. He cried just making the final 12! He talks about the criticism, the self-doubt, the crying. But since Webber's saved him, he knows he must have something. I still think Webber and England are in a grudge match. Webber wants Lewis and the others to be showmen. You kicked the showman off last week, Webber. Anyway, Lewis sings "Kiss." All I can picture now is "Happy Feet." And he's competing with Hugh Jackman in my mind. But vocally and stage-wise, Lewis brings his A-game. I forgot Lewis is a dancer. I'd think he'd be better in a singing-and-dancing role, which Joseph isn't.

Graham contragulates Lewis on his 18th birthday and Lewis says he has to believe in himself. John liked Lewis' number but wished he had done it earlier. Bill calls hm a star and a winner. Webber says he liked Lewis' journey.

Coming Up: Zoe loves Keith.

We come back to Keith's package. He reminds us he was working in a grocery store and ended up in Joseph School. He thought he blew it when he forgot his song, but thanks them for saving him. We see praise, praise and then questions about his age. But he wants it so bad. Webber wants showman. Get used to that word. Keith sings "For Once in My Life." Well, after Ben, Keith is a great showman. It's a great performance. It's also a perfect choice for the finale.

Keith can't believe he's there and feel's lucky. Zoe says his is the voice of Joseph. She's really impressed. Denise says he can lead a West End company. She also praises the fact that his voice didn't show he was battling tonsilitis. Webber thinks he could be Joseph.

Coming Up; Denise finds Lee sexy. *Cue the Wedding March*

Lee finishes us up with his package. He reminds us that he was an understudy and was taking a great risk. We see Lee being hard on himself but then deciding to just enjoy himself. He wants to be Joseph. Webber wants showman (again) and telling a story. Lee sings "Devil in Disguise." Any surprise he's wearing black? Didn't think so. I think once my laptop is back, I'm getting this version of the song. Love it, love him! He can command the stage and tell a story.

"Meady Rocks"? Wha?

Graham calms the audience and Lee says he wants the role more than anything. John calls him a super star and a leading man. He and Graham go to Zoe for tuning issues. She says she's been hard on Lee but everything is forgiven tonight. Bill praises Lee's ability to make a song his own while Denise reminds us her future husband is sexy. Webber asks about Lee's missed note but then praises him.

Coming Up: Lewis is legal!

We get a performance recap before going back to...MAJORCA! The boys go to meet with Webber. He offers advice. He tells Lee to be a comedian, showman (again!) and singer all at once. Keith gets told to continue to show maturity and authority. Webber comments on Lewis' journey and he (Lewis) says he's grown. They all celebrate Lewis' birthday and he toasts the final three. We go back to the studios and Graham says they'll perform Big Band songs. Webber mentions the code word of the day: Shomanship. I believe you Pee-Wee's Playhouse fans know what do now.

Lewis sings "Beyond the Sea." His voice fits the Big Band era perfectly! Lewis tells the voters at he has the drive to be Joseph. Zoe comments on his vocals. She says she's proud of him. Bill mentions Nana Jean and says not to write Lewis off. Webber says that Lewis would be a young Joseph and an interesting one to watch during previews.

Coming Up: Bill thinks Lee is a West End star.

Keith sings "Moon Dance." I ask my sister if her school jazz band played this and she thinks they might have. Chris B and Ben clap along. While so far, Keith and Lewis are excelling at Big Band, I would love to see Ben tackle a song. Keith finished strong. That, ladies and gentlemen, was a power note. Keith tells the votes that he's taken direction well and he can be Joseph. Denise calls him "hot, hot, hot!" She praises his movement. John praises his ballad singing and that he's grown into a leading man. Denise calls him a young John. I'M NOT ALONE! Webber isn't as sure about Keith.

Lee gets my hometown's Big Band ballad--"New York, New York." And he does the Big Apple proud. I'm just going to drown in his vocals. Be back. That was the very definition of "showstopper." Another for the download list. Lee tells the voters that Joseph was his first show and that drives his passion. He's given up so much for the role. Bill apologizes for not recognizing Lee's talent earlier, only making him an understudy. He calls Lee a West End star. Zoe continues to just sing praises as does Webber. He thinks Lee can make any song work.

Coming Up: The first elimination Webber has no control over!

The final three perform one last time together, singing "Maria" from West "End" Story...Graham coreects himself and says "West SIDE Story." I swear, the panel turned around in unison. This Bernstein-Sondheim ballad is absolutely gorgeous even in a trio. Honestly, I think Lee and Lewis shone in that one. But now, we have ELIMINATION! Lee is the first through to the final. He celebrates. That leaves Keith and Lewis to sweat it out. The third place Joseph is...Lewis. England finally won it's second grudge match with Webber after Ben's booting. The audience loves Lewis and he thanks everyone. Lewis declines to name a winner from our final 2. Webber praises Lewis but the not Joseph sings our last "Close Every Door." Keith and Lee are joined by the children's choir. Lee and Keith struggle to get his coat off but Lewis finishes.

Bravo, sir.

Coming Up: Lee v. Keith

Graham promises us a Joseph within the next half hour. Lewis says its been an amazing experience. He thanks Webber. He joins the other Not Josephs. Graham reintroduces the panel and when he gets to Webber, they play "I've Got the Power!" "No, you don't," Graham remids him. There's another Joe pun before we get recaps of Keith's and Lee's performances. The two finalists will sing encores of their best performances. Wisely, Keith performs "Always on my Mind." It's still a lovely ballad. John's right--these are his strong suit. Paging Stephen Schwartz! Lee follows that with "Paint It Black." Duh. Once again, our poll winner! Between these two performances, it's hard to pick a winner. Good luck, 2007 England!

Coming Up: Lee's Mum!

Graham goes into the audience to talk to Keith's mother, Denise's future mother-in-law, and Jason Donovan. The mothers talk up their sons. Graham turns to Jason, who likes them both. He leaves it to the public to decide. Graham brings the 10 Not Josephs out to sing "The Boys are Back in Town." They could go on tour as their own show!

Coming Up: Bad criticisms all around!

Webber praises Tim Rice's lyrics for "Jesus Christ Superstar" and doesn't comment much after that. Keith and Lee perform the song. Sorry, Keith, I think Lee just blew you off the stage. They hug at the end as the audience goes nuts. Graham announces that the two will sing for votes no more. He sends us back on the journey. Appropriately, they play "Under Pressure" for the crying. Ooh, HOT GUYS IN LOINCLOTHES! I'm still mad at you, producers.

Coming Up: THE WINNER!

It's the moment of truth. Keith and Lee come down to hear the results. Three million votes were casted that night. And Joseph is...milking it...LEE MEAD! YES! (Alright, I knew. It's still great to see). Keith hugs Lee and then joins his family. The audience is still going nuts. Lee gets a hug from Graham. He tears up. Stop it, the show's run out of tissues. He thanks his supporters and promises a great show. Is Webber happy? Yes, he is. Graham sends Lee to get his coat and thanks Webber, John, Denise, Bill, Zoe and the band.

We finish with Lee singing "Any Dream Will Do" in his coat of many colors. The panel sings along. As do the Not Josephs. Sing it, Lee! The Not Josephs storm the stage and lift Lee hight, chanting his name.

And thus, the West End has it's star. Congrats, Lee!

Quote of the Episode:

"It's the end of the series, they'll be lots more." Graham on the Joe puns.

Well, it's the end! Happy with the results? Once again, I'll be recapping "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" I hope you all come back for those. They should start soon. Also, I will be giving updates on the Josephs, hopefully once my laptop comes back. Thanks to all those who read and commented, especially Chrissi! Thanks also to the people at the Ben James-Ellis fan website and The Stage Blog who linked to my blog and who read it.

Only You...Three

Last week on “Any Dream Will Do”: It was Memorial Day weekend and so BBC-America didn’t air a new episode, opting for “A Fish Called Wanda.” Two weeks ago, Craig was booted off, much to the despair of Number One Fan Bill. Four Josephs remain, who will turn in his coat at the end of tonight’s (not-so) live semi-final? Let’s find out.

Graham suit watch: Purple suit and gold shirt. At least it isn’t purple and green. Ooh, Barney flashbacks. Seriously, John and Denise, jazz hands? Anyway, the Final Four enter to perform “Jacob and Sons/Joseph’s Coat”…Oh, this one again? Look, I’m sorry I thought last time’s arrangement was bad. But you couldn’t have done another song? “Stone the Crows” maybe? Either way, the four boys are spectacular. Look, it’s Antony and Chris B! Hi, boys! Graham reminds us that tonight is the last time Webber can save someone from elimination. He introduces the rest of the panel (John, Jazz Hands, Bill and Zoe). Wait, did the audience just boo Webber? The power cuts out and Webber admits he’d be happy to see any of the remaining four win.

Graham reminds us that Joseph ended up into slavery before turning it over to Keith. He’s thrilled to be in the semi-finals. Ooh, Keith in a loincloth. I still haven’t forgiven the producers for denying us that Joseph mission. Keith performs “Could It Be Magic.” Webber wants Keith to use his eyes and then he and Graham exchange Joe puns. Where are the tomatoes when you need them? Keith has a wonderful voice, especially for someone so young. He goes before the judges and is just happy to be there. He says he wants to hear “Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic” from John. Does a pretty good American accent. John responds with his Welsh accent with “Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.” He says he judges the boys by the goosebumps on Denise’s arms. Okay…Bill loves Keith and how he engages an audience but to work hard on the songs. Denise thinks Keith is fantastic and then discusses her hairy arms. Webber thinks Keith has it and needs only one thing, but he doesn’t say what.

Coming Up: Ben’s shy? What?

Ooh, they are bringing over “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” I didn’t see it, so this will be exciting. And here I was worried about what I would recap now that the regular season is over.

Up next is Ben. He celebrates making it into the semi-final and recalls how close he was to getting eliminated. He has loved entertaining people. We’ve loved being entertained, Ben. He sings “Ease on Down the Road” from The Wiz. I think Webber is remembering Austin’s performance from “Grease: You’re the One That I Want.” And Michael Jackson wasn’t the only one who sang this song, Webber. Now, go apologize to Stephanie Miller. A very upbeat song that allows Ben to be an entertainer, though I don’t think he has the soul needed to fully perform that song—not like Austin, who blew the audience away with his version.

Ben goes in front of the judges and he admits he’s a very shy person. But he knows going on stage is just doing his job. Graham goes to Zoe, who is surprised to hear he is shy. She says he is a showman and a star. BUT…She is not sure he can entertain while just sitting still. Ben admits he’s worried about the pressure and Denise says that there is no more pressure than an opening night. John defends Ben, saying he has the star quality they are looking for. Bill says his gut doesn’t think Ben is Joseph. John puts it into the public’s hands. I love it when the judges fight. Webber wanted easing on down the road.

Coming Up: Can Lewis handle bad reviews?

Graham says the Josephs have been teamed up to sing classic Webber songs. Keith and Ben go up first. We see them meeting Webber to practice their song. He calls Keith a strong singer; Ben is also called a good singer. Ben and Keith talk about Ben’s weak vocals. (Holy crap, who would give Octo-Mom her own show? Oh, good, no network yet). The boys sing “Only You” from “Starlight Express.” You know, for a show about a TRAIN, it has some great songs. I think I’m going to have to make a visit to my favorite supplier for the two singing this song. Now, about the performance, while Keith is clearly the stronger singer, I think Ben is the stronger performer and actor. He steals the song. And they both still look like they could play teenage versions of Jack and Ianto on Torchwood.

Graham says he was hoping for skates. Webber praises both for following his directions. And for Ben playing an older man. Denise is asked who had the advantage. She says her eyes went to Ben, but ear went to Keith. Why does Ben always argue back? Shut. Up. Take the compliments. John agrees with Denise and praises Ben for singing a ballad.

Lewis follows the duet. He is happy to have made the semifinal. Lewis talks about everyone seeing him cry. Oh, yes, we’ve seen you cry. He says he’s going to go for his dream. He performs “Sweet Caroline,” which is already on my iPod. The people I sat with at my cousin’s wedding were impressed my sister and I knew all the words. Okay, everyone, clap along. I don’t know if the tune fits with his vocals. But he can hold a stage. He finishes strong.

Graham says that Lewis’ journey took a toll—they show a picture of Lewis with gray hair. He then reveals that was during the Joseph mission. He’ll be 18 by the final. Graham starts with John, who liked his performance. He still wants to see some fire. He asks if Lewis wants to be Joseph or if he wants the fame. Lewis responds he wants to be Joseph. Bill says it’s about inspiration. And then about growth and then about direction. Point, Bill? Oh, I think it was a thumbs up. Denise follows. She and Zoe agree he has improved and Denise says she saw the fire. Graham pre-empts another judges’ fight by going to Webber. He says he’s worried about if Lewis woke to find horrible reviews. Bill says he’ll get good reviews.

Coming Up: Something goes wrong in Lee’s performance.

Oh, crap. Recapping Maria means another casting episode. Blech, I hate them.

The last Joseph up is Lee. He talks about being an understudy. He wants a part of his own.  *Sighs at own pun.* Aww, he’s crying. He says he’s ready to play Joseph. Lee sings “Living on a Prayer.” Woot! Bon Jovi! I’ve seen them—at Zootopia 2002. Though he had some annoying fans in back of us who started screaming for him…while Celine Dion was still on stage. Anyway, sing it, Lee! Come on, you know the words “We’re halfway there, woo-ooh, living on a prayer…” Wait, where’s the second part about Gina wanting to run away? Is he behind the music? It’s still a great performance. He gets thrown off again but recovers for his big finish. What was up with the song?

Lee says he wants the part. Zoe goes first and asks what happened there. She says its okay for him to be scared and says he covered himself brilliant. But she doesn’t praise the performance. Craig’s Number One Fan mentions his golden boy and then praises Lee, calling him an international star. Webber corrects Zoe’s guess that Lee fell out of step with track and says the band is live. He praises Lee.

Coming Up: Zoe loves the duet.

Graham introduces the next duet, sung by Lewis and Lee. Lewis is worried that singing with Lee isn’t a cursed as in the trio, both Craig and Daniel were voted off. He hopes there isn’t a curse of the Lee, like there is a curse of the coat. They sing a song from “Evita.” They get “O What a Circus.” Ladies and gentlemen, the competition. Both hold their own on the stage and have great vocals. I think, though, that Lee handles the fast part at the end (Sing You Fools) better than Lewis.

Graham asks Webber about the performance. He says that he was impressed by the boys as he swats away a fly. Zoe calls them kicking.

Coming Up: Each guy is Joseph.

Graham cues the “shameless self-marketing” so the boys could get the public’s vote. Lewis is Joseph. Lee is Joseph. Keith is Joseph. Ben is Joseph. Got the picture? Graham talks to the boys as if they were on his talk show. Ben and Lewis talk about being in the sing-offs and being confident. Lee and Keith talk about never being in the sing-off and agree they aren’t in a secure position. The boys get ready for their group number. Appropriately, it’s “Under Pressure.” You know, these boys could be their own boy band…if it were the 90s, when boy bands were cool *Hugs Backstreet Boys poster.*

Coming Up: JOSEPH MISSION!

Graham introduces the Joseph Mission—the boys go to visit the cast of the Lord of the Rings musical. They enter through the stage door and go to wardrobe. James Loye, who plays “Frodo” shows them around. He shows them his dressing room. Ben holds a pair of Hobbit feet and compares them to Keith’s feet. Ben asks one of the actors how they would feel if someone like them, a reality show winner, came into their production. He responds that the person would have to prove themselves. They give Lewis Gandalf’s hair and he says he knows what he’ll look like at 65. He plans on being an elderly hippie?

Not Joseph: Zoe says it’s either Ben or Lewis and chooses Ben. Bill chooses Ben. Denise chooses Lewis. John says his choice is Lewis. Two Bens and Two Lewises.

Coming Up: Elimination.

ELIMINATION! Graham reminds us this is the last time Webber can save a Joseph. Lee could be Joseph and is through to the final. YES! Lewis is in the sing off and goes to stand by Graham. That leaves Ben and Keith. Keith joins Lee in the final, meaning Ben is in the sing off again. Lee and Keith hug. If it were up to the public, Ben would be out. But he could still be saved. They have the boys sing “I Dreamed a Dream.” Good luck. Webber tells the boys to dream big. Oh, this is so hard, they are both good. Oh I do not envy Webber. Good luck, Andrew!

The boys go before Webber. He says that he worked with them both the past week as actors and singers. He says he’s considering that and chooses Lewis. On first watch, I wasn’t sure if it was a wise move seeing how England seemed to be in a grudge match with Webber and Lewis. Upon second viewing, it seems it was the same with Ben. He says he’s had the time of his life on the show. He goes to sing his farewell.

The final three sing “Poor, Poor Joseph” and Ben launches into “Close Every Door.” Lewis and Keith defrock Ben before he runs up the stairs. He sings the last words and cracks. And that’s when I thought, “Yeah, Webber made the right call.”

Still Could Be Joseph: 

Rob

Lee

Chris B

Daniel

Craig

Keith

Seamus

Antony

Lewis

Johndeep

Ben

Chris C

Next week: It’s the (not-so) live final! Who will be Joseph? Lewis? Lee? Keith? Find out!

Quote of the Episode:

“The fate of his musical is in your hand…Is he mad?”—Graham.

Agree with the Final Three? Think that Ben just needed more time like me? Looking forward to the final? 

Sorry, It's True

Last week on “Any Dream Will Do”: In 2007, the (not-so) live shows continued! Chris B cried, Lee had an off-week, Ben was dissed by Webber, Daniel was told he was too nice while Craig was told to step further out of his zone. Meat Loaf stopped by to sing a song and we finally got a Joseph Mission. In 2009, Lee Mead married judge Denise van Outen (see post below my Top Model post).

Graham suit watch: Mets colors, baby. Orange suit and blue shirt. Shiny, as always. He welcomes the viewers to the (not-so) live show. The seven remaining Josephs come out to sing “One More Angel.” The boys try to act through the song. And then they start line dancing. They race off the stage, Ben already taking his coat off. Graham reminds us of our Josephs’ occupations. He makes a bad pun and the audience groans accordingly. He moves on to introduce the judges (Zoe Tyler, Bill Kenwright, Mrs. Lee Mead, and John Barrowman) as well Andrew Lloyd Webber). Webber wants Rob to “cook” a bit more, Daniel not to be so nice, Lewis needs confidence, Lee needs to relax, Craig is actually singing a showtune, Ben needs to convince him in the show and Keith needs to be a man. John Barrowman goes to stare at the boys while they trash talk each other.

Coming Up: Rob kisses a girl.

Graham tells us the Josephs have songs to take them out of their comfort zones. Rob and Daniel are first up. Webber doesn’t know if Rob could handle being on stage eight times a week. He goes to Mamma Mia to work on a West End stage and gets close with his co-worker. He believes he could be Joseph. Daniel is too nice. We meet Daniel’s family—a teacher and a nurse. He’s just from a nice family. His brother’s class cheers him. Zoe works with him.

Rob the Builder sings “Born to Run.” I do love Rob’s voice, but I would think it more for a recording career than a stage one. I’d buy his albums…if they ever made it to the good ole USA. Now his fans have Rob the Builder dolls. Daniel follows with “Maggie May.” They gave Daniel a song to show off his angry side. And I think it works. He really shows anger and heartbreak over this Maggie May. The two regroup and Rob says they should take a chance. Daniel says Keith is a major contender. John gets the first comment. He thinks Rob is back on track but still needs to be convinced. He says Daniel wrote a new chapter. Denise Mead says she isn’t quite a bitch tonight and thought they were both great. Rob convinced her he could be Joseph and Daniel changed things up. Webber praises Rob’s enthusiasm but is in John’s camp. Webber praises Daniel’s rock and roll as well as acting.

Coming Up: Lewis and Lee impress Zoe.

Next up are Lewis and Lee. We review Lee’s bad comments. And then get to see him shirtless. Sweet. Oh and John gives him a pep talk. But he’s still down. He realizes he missed having fun. Zoe is happy to see Lee happy. Lewis talks about his downer attitude. So they send Mum over to smack some sense into her son. She thinks she succeeded. Lewis sings “I’m a Believer.” I’m not so sure about Lewis’ facial expressions but that might be because he’s exaggerating for theater and not the camera. His vocal is back up there. He has the audience on their feet dancing.  Lee follows with “Leave Right Now.” He must have kicked that cold because his voice sounds better this week. Oh, you can see that Rob the Builder fan. The yellow glows in the dark. I think Lee is having fun…or at least acting it.

Graham shushes the audience. Bill gets first comment this time around. He praises Lewis for being back to his old self. He says he could be a great Joseph. Bill is thrilled with Lee. He does tell both to enjoy this competition. Zoe follows and calls Lee “phenomenal.” She is also glad to see Lewis was himself. Lee and Lewis hug. Webber is proud of the boys. He repeats Bill’s words.

Coming Up: John thinks he’s on the Arsenio Hall show.

Craig is the stand-alone Joseph this week. We get to see Craig’s face as he gets bad comments. But he knows that Bill is on his side…and he is. Bill tells him to believe himself and enjoy it. He sings “This is the Moment” from Jekyll and Hyde. Later in the summer of 2007, I heard this song again sung by David Hasselhoff. Yeah, we couldn’t reach the remote fast enough while my poor Nana was confused. I personally feel this was Craig’s best performance. He talks about some of his perks about being a Joseph. Zoe thinks Craig was fantastic. John acts all serious and then screams “YES! YES! YES!” He is happy to see Craig be musical theatre. Craig cries. Webber thinks Craig changed his spots and feels shows what the show is about—nurturing.

Coming Up: Denise praises Ben.

Ben and Keith finish us up. Keith is praised all around and is giddy. Lee, Rob and Webber praise him. But he needs to be older than he really is. Ben is hurt by Webber’s comment and his flip-flop opinions. But he still wants stop be Joseph. Ben sings “Help Yourself.” This is Ben’s show. His vocal is great and he commands the stage. He’s charming and flirtatious. Keith finishes with “Always On My Mind.” He looks forlorn and serious. I love his voice. This song, Daniel’s version of Maggie May and Ben’s version of “Help Yourself” are going on my iPod…probably later as I should get to bed. Work and all.

They show an old video of a classmate kissing a little Ben, back during the age of cooties. That girl is in the stands. Mrs. Mead gets to comment first and praises the high standard of performances. She calls Ben fantastic, when in tune. She tells him to remain in tune. She says he has some pop star quality and says he has some Robbie Williams. She loves Keith and his acting. She doesn’t know about physically if he could be Joseph. Bill says Ben could be on the front of every teenybopper magazine. I concur. He calls Keith a man and a star. He praises the Scot’s growth. Webber agrees with Bill about Keith’s growth. Webber thinks it was Ben’s best performance.

Coming Up: Group performance!

We get a recap of the performances. The final seven sing “You Really Got Me.” I think I played this either on Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

Coming Up: Joseph Mission?

Graham calls Joseph a “cocky, slightly annoying, loveable show-off.” So he says they sent their own “cocky, slightly annoying, loveable show-off” to help the boys—John Barrowman. Joseph Mission! He asks for different sides. Rob tells off John. Lewis and Craig tell each other off—Craig calls Lewis a girl! Ben says that he hates how Lee thinks he won. Ben impresses John with “arrogance.” Craig, not so much. For vulnerability, Keith sings “Close Every Door” on the floor. He breaks down. Lee and Daniel get courage. “Ooh, I thought you were Mr. Nice Guy,” Graham dubs over Daniel’s performance. Now, who isn’t Joseph:

John: Rob. Denise: Rob. Bill: Rob. Zoe: Daniel. Someone didn’t get the memo…

Coming Up: Elimination.

I’m a bit worried now. I don’t want anyone to go home, I love them all! Oh bugger…Crap, I’ve been watching BBC America too long.

Graham reveals who is safe and who isn’t. Ben is safe. His childhood sweetheart celebrates. Daniel could be Joseph. He and Ben hug. Craig might be in the sing-off. Keith is through. He hurries off the stage to get his victory hug. Rob is in the sing-off and joins Graham. His yellow-vested supporters are disappointed. Craig, Lewis and Lee line up. Lee is safe. He and Keith hug before the others do. Who is joining Rob in the sing-off? Craig or Lewis? It’s Lewis as Craig is safe. Rob joins Lewis. If it were up to the viewers, Rob would be out. But Webber gets the final say. The two sing “Tell Me It’s Not True” from “Blood Brothers.” Side by side, Lewis is the stronger vocalist and has the more classical looks. I love Rob, but he isn’t strong enough to survive this elimination.

The ball is now in Webber’s court. He thinks about it and decides to save Lewis. Sorry, Rob, I love you. Now, I want you to go out and strengthen your talents. Then, I want you to come back and wow us. Lewis gets hugs from his family.

Rob sings his farewell. The remaining six pat his shoulders as Rob sings “Close Every Door.” Daniel and Lewis take Rob’s coat. With one shoulder pat from Lewis, Rob runs up the stairs. The Bob the Builder supporters cry.

Could Still be Joseph:

Rob

Lee

Chris B

Daniel

Craig

Keith

Seamus

Antony

Lewis

Johndeep

Ben

Chris C

Next week: The boys get to seduce Denise. The announcer asks who gets to win Denise’s heart. Umm, that would be Lee, Announcer. Didn’t you read the news?

Quote of the Episode:

“Clean up in aisle three”—Graham, after his pun falls flat.

Did you find it difficult to chose who should go home? Do you think Rob was the deserving one? Do you want to see Rob again? What do you think of the marriage news? Once again, thanks to those who comment and link to my blog! 

Any Joseph Will Do

Last week on “Any Dream Will Do”: Andrew Lloyd Webber decided to use a reality show to cast his musical “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” He and the casting directors saw many, many contestants but only 100 went to London. The panel heard them all sing and put 50 through to Joseph School, but three pleaded with the Lord himself. So, there were 52. Fifty quickly became 26 and 26 became 20. From this 20, twelve finalists were chosen. Let the (not-so) live shows begin!

And they do with Graham Norton entering the arena flanked by a Joseph color guard. He introduces the final 12, who sing “Any Dream Will Do” to open the show. Each gets his own colored coat—gotta feel bad for the guys in pink. These guys can harmonize, I’ll give them that. I couldn’t tell, but it sounded like someone went into falsetto during the “Give me my colored coat” bit.

Graham introduces the judges: John Barrowman, Zoe Tyler, Bill Kenwright, and Denise van Outen. Finally, they introduce Andrew Lloyd Webber with the Phantom overture. Get used to it. Graham tells Joseph’s story in one breath. Have I told you how much I love Graham Norton? Anyway, we meet Lee and Rob. Rob is a builder but wants to make his debut. Zoe says he’s the most raw. Lee says he likes being an understudy but wants to be a leading man. He’s given up the most—he had to leave Phantom, so there will be no job if he does get eliminated. The final twelve will sing songs they feel show they should be Joseph. And if we were in England in 2007, we could sing along. But we can’t.

Rob sings “Summer of ‘69”. I love this song, ever since Max rocked it on “Grease: You’re the One that I Want.” I forgot how good Rob the Builder was, even for such a raw talent. Lee follows up with “Mack the Knife.” Excuse me, but I adore Lee’s voice as well as think he’s cute, so I’m going to be drooling for a bit. Though I do think he needs some choreography help…

Coming up: The judges deliver their opinions.

Graham talks to Rob and Lee after the performances. They are both so grateful to be there, you know. They go to the panel. John is impressed with both. He says Lee’s performance was a leading man performance. She praises Rob for looking like he was having fun, so the audience had fun. She says Lee gave Robbie Williams a run for his money. Bill has employed Lee twice, but saw the star quality tonight. As for Rob the Builder, Bill calls him the epitome of what the show is about. Lastly, Zoe calls Rob fantastic. As for Lee, she calls his performance “sophisticated.” Graham turns to Andrew, who notes the comparisons. Professionalism vs Raw Talent.

Coming up: A new embarrassing dad story for the boys down at the pub!

Graham introduces two schoolmates: Lewis and Ben. Ben’s up first, only there because John fought for him. He wants to show that he’s as good as the other 11. Lewis is Denise’s wish for David Beckham with a voice. He called his Nanna when he got in because she got him into singing. Aww. Lewis sings George Michael’s “Faith.” Someone on YouTube posted a link to download the songs during these shows and Lewis is the one with the most songs on my iPod. He also gets back up dancers. Ben sings “Johnny B. Goode,” dedicated to his girlfriend Maude. The girls make a return for Ben’s song. He’s singing a bit too fast for me to catch the words, but the audience is really rocking out to it.

Graham waves to Nanna Jean. And it’s Ben’s dad in a multicolor coat. Denise isn’t too thrilled with Lewis’ performance and gets booed. She tells him to treat each performance as opening night. Zoe says they have been singing all week long. She does love Lewis though. John agrees Lewis needs to push it, like Ben. Webber mentions that Lewis is a trained dancer and was almost in Billy Elliot. Bill praises Lewis.

Coming up: John isn’t impressed.

We return to be introduced to Craig and Johndeep. Craig is a Cabaret singer and wants to graduate from the pub to the West End. Johndeep is from a traditional South Asian family who have never heard him perform. This will show them his true self. Craig sings “Try a Little Tenderness.” I’d love to see him at a pub show…Webber doesn’t look thrilled at the end of his song though. Johndeep follows with “If There’s Any Justice,” complete with old fashioned microphone. I like his voice, I rooted for him back in 2007. Johndeep’s family are crying. Craig’s parents have shirts that read “Vote Craig.”

To the panel: John isn’t impressed with their performances. He calls Craig “nice” and Johndeep “bland.” Denise disagrees, saying Craig is sick and Johndeep was brilliant. John says they can’t be sick all the time and says Johndeep is in pain. Denise says it’s a twinkle. Zoe is pleased with both of them and tells John to get back into his Tardis. Heh. Webber praises Johndeep but feels Craig needs to bring it up a notch, but feels he can do it.

Coming up: Joseph smack talk.

Seamus and Anthony are up next. Seamus believes he has a God-given gift and wants to be a leading man. He’s training to be a singing teacher and tries to help the others. Zoe isn’t to thrilled. We go from the oldest Joseph wannabe to one of the youngest. Anthony says it’s a bit weird to be away from home but thrilled with the opportunity. Seamus sings “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” Ahh, U2. My youth group used to sing their songs. Seamus does have a pretty good voice. I smell a Melrose—good talent and not realizing his “helpful” hints alienate the others. Anthony sings “I Don’t Wanna Miss This” to his girlfriend, Natalie. And I think I find the falsetto voice from the beginning…wow. However, I am not impressed with Anthony.

Graham calls the two over. Seamus jokes he’s old enough to be Anthony’s father. Anthony calls himself “young, fresh-faced and wrinkle free.” Seamus jokes he’s still Joseph because he’s still too young to be Jacob. John praises both but warns Seamus to be a team player. Denise would like to act opposite Seamus and she just loves Anthony. Zoe says the Josephs are better to work with than the Marias. Bill praises Seamus for commanding the stage. Webber doesn’t worry about the boys, but the competition. It’s going to be very close and asks the viewers to be careful.

Coming up: Too skinny for Joseph?

We next meet up with Daniel and Chris C. Daniel says he wants to be a singer but is a shy man doing data entry. He hopes to wow his coworkers. Chris C says he was at a low point, went to Church and a lady told him to be Joseph. Chris C starts with “This Love.” Not too bad, but I don’t think his voice would survive eight shows a week. Daniel sings “You Give Me Something.” I feel he’s the stronger of the two and I’m sure his coworkers are surprised.

Graham asks Chris about being “packed off” to theater school but Chris says he wanted to go. He then asks Daniel if he could give up data entry. Daniel says he could. Denise feels Daniel could go all the way. She’s concerned that Chris C in a loincloth would look skinny. Zoe and Bill praise Daniel and Chris’ vocals. Webber wants them to connect with the material.

Coming up: Your local grocery bagboy may be a star!

The last Josephs come up: Keith and Chris B. Chris is from a family of ballroom dancers but he is a singer. Keith works corralling shopping carts but is now in the final 12. His manager asks the customers to vote for Keith as his co-worker girlfriend roots for him. Chris sings “Walking in Memphis.” He does the song justice. Keith rocks out “Crazy Thing Called Love.” John loves both but tells them to work on dancing. Denise thinks it’s in them. Zoe loves them both. Webber thinks they have pop quality but focuses on the girls. He dubs them the Josephines. He returns to the boys, telling Chris to open his eyes more.

Coming up: Elimination?

We skip to elimination. Graham announces the results. Keith: Safe. Rob and Daniel: Safe. Seamus and Johndeep: Safe. Chris B and Anthony: Also safe. Graham invites the remaining five to come off the steps. Two are in danger, three are safe. Lewis: Safe. Nanna Jean is proud. Chris C: Is in the bottom two. Lee: Safe. Craig: Safe. Ben joins Chris C in the sing-off. Graham reveals that the person with the lowest votes was Chris C. But Webber could save him. The two sing “Bridge Over Trouble Water.” Webber listens carefully as the two switch off singing the songs. Ben sounds stronger to me, but that might just be because he’s louder than Chris C. Ben does hold a note longer. They get standing ovations, even from the judges.

It is now Webber’s decision. Who will he save? Webber doesn’t give a long explanation and announces he has saved Ben. Chris C is eliminated. Ben gets a group hug as Webber explains he felt Ben was stronger than Chris C. Our eliminated Joseph joins the others for his farewell. They sing “Poor, Poor Joseph” before Chris sings “Close Every Door.” Ben cries as they comfort Chris. Johndeep and Chris B take off Chris C’s coat as he heads to the top of the stairs for the last words.

Still Could Be Joseph:

Rob

Lee

Chris B

Daniel

Craig

Keith

Seamus

Anthony

Lewis

Johndeep

Ben

Chris C

Next week: It’s the second (not-so) live show!

Quote of the Episode:

“Yes, I’ve imagined you in a loincloth. And my one concern is that you might look like baby Joseph in a nappy.”—Denise.

Do you think Chris C went home early? Pleased with England and Webber’s decision? Have any favorites yet?

And thanks to Chrissi for commenting last week! 

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

Last week on Top Model: The girls had a pose-off with New York’s queen community as their judges. Benny Ninja played their husbands in their immigrant photoshoot. Tahlia expressed her wish to leave the competition but then got the best picture. Celia complained but was quickly put in her place. In the end, Kortnie was sent packing. Will Celia pay? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

NEW YORK! The models arrive back at the Top Model to see Tahlia’s picture on display. She’s hurt about Celia’s announcement. Celia says she is stronger. She’s in trouble but willing to except the punishment. Sandra is surprised Celia actually did it. For once, she’s not the bitch in all of this. She agrees that it was not Celia’s business. Teyona and Aminat go down to confront Celia, telling her to have talked to Tahlia about it. And for some reason, they blame Allison! She’s confused by the attack. Tahlia says that she needed to question her motivations but now that she sees her picture, she knows she wants to be there. Natalie brings up a good point—What about the next time Tahlia does poorly? What then? She says that if Tahlia does not want to be there, “we” will force her out. Aminat thinks Natalie is part of the “we.” Hello, it’s a competition, you’re all there to be better than the other girl! Aminat goes up in Natalie’s face, calling her stupid and using it as an excuse to let Natalie know she doesn’t like her. It ends as Tahlia calls them bitches and backstabbers.

Okay, while I admit it isn’t fair that Celia told Tyra at panel and I think Aminat was right to say the girls should’ve talked to Tahlia first, Tahlia shouldn’t have told everybody in the house what she was feeling. If she just told Allison, then I could understand the Allison blame game. But the fact she told others, there shouldn’t have been an attack on just Allison.

TYRA MAIL! “Cut it out! I don’t want to see any more blank faces!” Girls figure it is an acting challenge.

The girls meet with Mr. Jay and his army of mannequins. He says they are “clothes hangers” and that term is the kiss of death for models. He punctuates it by pushing over a mannequin. He says they will work on the girls’ face. He introduces Beth Stern, Howard Stern’s model wife. They will talk the girls through scenarios. Allison tries to live with her big eyes. Teyona is told to relax her jaw. Celia aces “mystery.” But then Tahlia works “sensual” as well. She says confidence a few times in confession. Fo aces it as well. Sandra is told to be soft. Mr. Jay praises Natalie as well, calling her Victoria’s Secret.

The girls go to the test. He pulls of a sheet and the girls laugh, but we go to commercial break…

NEW YORK! It’s a carnival cut-out of Tyra’s body. The girls will be posing there, giving expression based on Tyra’s body language. The girls are sent out of the room. Celia is up first. Beth thinks Celia is more concerned about body than face. Fo returns. Sandra is next, thinking it’s easy. She fails. Mr. Jay thinks she’s fasing. Aminat and Allison go with silly faces. Beth feels Allison is having a problem. Natalie succeeds both times. London does well too. Mr. Jay thinks Tahlia tries too hard. And the challenge winner is…Natalie! Tahlia isn’t happy. Oh, is she going to want to go home again? Natalie gets 50% more frames at the next shoot. Beth tells the girl to watch their faces and calls them all winners. Aww, Beth.

TYRA MAIL! “You’re all looking a little pale. I think you need a new color.” Aminat guesses the mail is about facial expressions. NO! WAY! The girls think it’s about body paint.

Tahlia and Celia have a conversation in front of the stairs. Like two adults. Without finger waving and name calling. This is kinda boring. Celia tries to convince Tahlia it wasn’t to humiliate her but that since Tahlia said she didn’t want to be there, it wasn’t fair. Tahlia said she was feeling that. THEN DON’T TELL YOUR COMPETITION IDIOT! Celia worries she is going home.

McKey goes to try on clothes…To be honest, I can’t understand a word out of her mouth because she talks. Too. Damn. Softly.

NEW YORK! The girls board the Barbie Top Model Bus. They meet up with Mr. Jay. He introduces Keith Major, their photographer. The girls will have a colored powder splashed across their face and then emote that color. Sutan pokes around for gossip, asking if everyone is getting along. He knows.

Allison (Pink): She goes for girly. Poor Allison, she’s holding back. I love her, where’s the girl who just posed with every shot in episode 1?

Aminat (Green): She goes for earth. Mr. Jay asks her to finally drop her arm.

Tahlia (Purple): Mr. Jay says she’s blah and asks for more. He asks for what she is thinking of. She says sensual. He doesn’t feel that bodes well.

Teyona (Yellow): She goes for happy and joyful, and gets cheesy. Mr. Jay is not happy. He doesn’t think she can smile.

Fo (Red): Goes for anger. Mr. Jay loves it!

London (Blue): Mr. Jay loves her shoot as well. Yay! She’s my other favorite and Allison’s floundering.

Natalie (Orange): I’d think Florida, Jay goes with passion. “Throbbing” passion. She got the extra frames. He tells her she needed those extra frames. Natalie wasn’t the same girl who won the challenge. Natalie probably saw the pictures beforehand!

Sandra (White): Goes for angel and peace. Even Mr. Jay is surprised. She says she’s confident.

Celia (Gray): Wants to wow Jay to off-seat Tyra’s feelings. Mr. Jay reminds her it is about the face. She relaxes and Jay says she does well. She’s happy.

Hannah Montana. The one time I’ll root for Tyra.

TYRA MAIL! Someone’s going home. Who will it be? Sandra asks the picture of Tyra for a picture. Celia tries to find the perfect panel outfit incase she’s leaving.

PANEL! The little girl is upstaging Tyra! There are prizes, there are judges, Nigel’s wife should worry—Tyra keeps adding sexy adjectives before his name, there is Ms. J’s bowtie and the guest judge is Keith Major. Aminat is up first. Nigel thinks it is modern and Tyra loves her lips. Natalie is next, applauded for winning the challenge. The light doesn’t angle her face, so she has to figure out how to do it. Tahlia walks up and Tyra makes her change her hair. She says she played volleyball. Tyra praises her for looking better in pictures than in person. She is told to let the photographer follow her. Nigel asks her the million dollar question. She tells them that she was just questioning but she was validated. Nigel tells her not to do that on the competition. She has to prove she wants to be there.

The judges love Celia and the photographer praises her. No mention about last week. Teyona is called a chameleon, Tyra’s favorite word. She says that maybe the Obamas will hang it in their kitchen. They love London’s outfit, but want more variation in her face. It is her strongest look, but she needs more. Allison is also called modern but Ms. J loves her neck. Nigel and Keith complain that it is the same look. Nigel says to change it up. Sandra is up and Tyra picked a straight-on shot. They tell her to work when facing front to the camera. Fo is last. She gets compared to Janice and is praised.

Top Models in Action! This week is winner Whitney. She’s getting covers and is a spokesmodel. Go Whit!

The judges deliberate. The judges aren’t sure about Tahlia’s personality or Celia’s ability to be in the industry. Nigel and Tyra still love Allison’s look. Tyra loves that Fo is smiling with her eyes. ELIMINATION! The first name is Fo. Teyona is next, followed by Tahlia, Aminat, Allison (yay!), Natalie, and London (double yay!). Sandra and Celia are in the bottom two. Sandra: Lovely girl, beautiful picture, not that much variation. Seems only good in profile. Can she work face on? Celia: Gorgeous pictures, best style in competition. Tyra lashes at Celia for throwing Tahlia under the bus. So, who’s staying? Celia. Wait…they are cutting the bitch before the recap episode? What? Tyra tells her not to mess with another girl’s career because she’s had it happen. Naomi? Tyra gives Sandra some tips. Sandra looks like she isn’t listening to a word Tyra says. She hugs the girls and leaves.

She says she’s mad and still insists she’s the best. Good lord, Tyra, you sent her home before taking a pin to that ego? Why does it look like Allison’s head is pasted on to someone else’s body in the end picture?

Still in the running:

Celia

Aminat

Tahlia

Kortnie

Isabella

Nijah

Allison

London

Sandra

Natalie

Fo

Jessica

Teyona 

Next week: The acting challenge. Paulina helps them with this. And Clay Aiken is on!

So, surprised the cycle bitch went home so early? Who do you think will step in and take her place? Natalie, Aminat and Celia have shown themselves to be what I call “stealth bitches.” Are they up for a full time gig?

Could YOU Be Joseph?

Welcome to BBC’s “Any Dream Will Do,” a competition to find Joseph for Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” Coming off the success of his series “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?,” Webber decides to ask the public to cast the main role in his first musical. We see some past Josephs, including Donny Osmond and Jason Donovan. They even get them to talk about being Joseph!

Andrew is looking for “a cross between Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson in the old days.” Okay…And here we go through the casting specials. I really dislike this…Is someone singing “If I Were King of the Forest”?

Oh yes, I should remind you that this aired two years ago in 2007, so I do know the contestants and the winner. I will not reveal him because, frankly, I hate those people. I do not believe in giving away endings to TV shows, movies and more importantly, books. Read it yourself!

We are introduced to Sean, from Bristol, who is there with his mom. She’s more nervous than he! Sean sings “Close Every Door,” my favorite song from the show. He’s good and is sent through to London. He tells himself to stop crying, which is awesome. We see some good singers who also go to London. Including one guy who hit a ridiculously high note. Oh, and can I admit how much I love Graham Norton as a host. Seacrest, PAY. ATTENTION.

Webber says he does this so that he can get a young generation of theater people in. So he goes to visit a Youth Theater Group. They are so excited to see him. Several members sing for him. When a member jokingly asks Webber his name again, Webber shoots back “Simon Cowell.” Atta boy, Andy. He invites the guys to the auditions. He next goes to a gospel choir to hear them sing. Webber gives them some directions and they take it.

We go to Belfast to meet Nick and his home life—namely his grandparents. Nice hair, Nick. We get to see Granddad cry as we cut to Nick singing “Gethsemane,” Superstar’s hardest song. The casting director tells him he is going to London and Nick calls home. We see others calling home to tell family the good news.

Graham tells us about the London call backs before we see a member of that Youth Theater show up for an audition. He gets to go to London and does a victory dance. Ezra, one of the gospel choir members, also shows up. He’s nervous and Andrew shows up to hear him sing “Summertime.” Andrew brings him to London. Ezra is thrilled. Tim Rice shows up to join his old collaborator at the audition table while Graham makes a snide comment about their old hair-styles. Lee Mead enters and sings. I love his voice. He’s through to London.

Coming up next: The London call backs.

And we’re back. One hundred lucky fellows are brought to London, hoping to make it to Joseph School. We meet the judges: John Barrowman (Captain Jack from Doctor Who/Torchwood), Zoë Tyler (singing coach), Bill Kenwright (producer), and Denise van Outen (actress). Graham asks them what they are looking for. Denise says that if David Beckham could sing, he’d be perfect. John agrees.

We see Keith Jack to sing “Moon Dance.” He makes it through and talks to Graham. Chris Barton follows Keith and gets complimented on his white teeth. He admits dad’s a dentist. John wants his number. Chris belts out “Close Every Door.” He impresses the judges. He’s through. Chris cries. We meet some Welsh and Scots competitors. We meet a dad who is entering for his children. James, the dad, goes up. He talks about his kids before singing “Close Every Door.” John stops him and orders him to his knees. John! But he’s just giving directions. You have to do that, to make sure the person can do so. Learned that in my directing class. Zoë thinks he’s a bit cabaret, but tells him he could be Joseph. He’s through as “You Lift Me Up” plays.

The judges have fun, particularly with someone singing “5000 Miles.” Someone shows up in a Joseph coat. However, some people have trouble standing out and get dismissed. Like Stuart. We meet James Bailey, who is getting really nervous. He looks like the missing Phelps’ triplet. He sings “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” but is told he is not Joseph. He cries in the hallway as Graham and Zoë comfort him. Take that, Seacrest and American Idol judges!

Up next: Denise forgets she’s casting Joseph and starts casting her dream boy-toys.

Graham tells us about Joseph School, three days of intensive training with John, Zoë and Denise. Only twenty will be moved on.

But first, we need to finish the callbacks. We go back to Nick, who sings “Gethsemane.” Graham’s impressed and so is Bill. He lets Nick go through. He’s ecstatic. Denise moans she hasn’t found her boyfriend and Zoë says they haven’t found testosterone. Graham says the Josephs have heard the whispers about it (most likely started by Graham) and we get some shots of abs). A blond Adonis enters and Denise is in love. Fortunately he can sing as well and Denise lets him through. Lee Mead comes up and admits he’s currently in Phantom. He gets John, Zoë, and Denise to sway. Bill notes that Denise has lipstick all over Lee’s headshot. She lets him through. Except he’s taken.

Chris Haggart takes the stage as Graham sits with his wife. He sings “Love Changes Everything.” The panel applauds. He says he wanted to prove people of his size could have talent. And Bill lets him through. He cries. John does a psyche out on a contestant and lets him through. A bunch of guys go through. One hugs Graham, lifting him up. However, the people backstage can do the math. Ian goes up to sing “Sweet Heaven.” And I cringe. He argues with the judges and they allow it. Neil goes next with his own Joseph hair. John and Denise say he doesn’t have a spark and he’s is not through, to gasps. Graham gives him some pep-up talk. This leads to a montage of “Not Josephs.” The guy from the Youth Theater Group doesn’t make it.

Next up: Lewis blows it.

We come back as the opening of the Phantom of the Opera’s overture plays. It signals the arrival of Webber. He’s coming to check up on his panel and the Josephs get excited. One sings “Corner of the Sky.” John sends him packing. Another comes out and is sent home. A third is horrible as well. And we meet Lewis Davies. He massacres “Close Every Door.” The judges give him direction, particularly Zoë as a singing coach. John even sings it for him to follow but then cuts Lewis. Webber is nervous. He goes through all the audition tapes.

We come to Ezra, the gospel singer who sang “Summertime.” He sings for the panel. Zoë isn’t impressed but the others liked him. He might be Joseph. We are reminded about Joseph School…again. This time we are told the graduating 20 go to Webber’s Irish castle to perform. From that performance, they will be whittled down to 12. And those 12 will be competing in the (not-so) live shows for (England’s) votes!

Remember Sean? Who brought his mom along? He performs next, with Graham sitting next to mum. The panel loves him as John takes the opportunity to show him up. I join the panel: Shut up, John. He goes through and hugs his mother. Johndeep is next. His family has never heard him sing full stop and don’t even know he’s there, particularly because of their beliefs. He sings Sondheim’s “Being Alive” from Company. Zoë and Bill love him and put him through to Joseph School. Only one place remains as Webber returns. Phillip gets let go, which Webber agrees with. Anthony Hansen goes up. The panel aren’t sold on him but are undecided. We get dramatic looks. Webber puts him through. Anthony shakes his hand as the audience applauds.

Graham stands with Anthony as he cries. His mom comes and hugs him. The 50 students for Joseph School are chosen. Except that Neil, Ian and James go to see Webber to ask for a second chance. Webber gives it to them. He says that there will be 51 students in Joseph School.

Next up: Joseph School.

It’s like the running of the bulls, only full of potential Josephs in their uniforms. They enter the building. The panel aren’t happy and elect Zoë their spokeswoman. Ian and Neil made it through to Joseph School. So, there are 52 Josephs. Webber was surprised at Neil’s dismissal. And he just likes Ian. So the guys go through training. We meet Rob McVeigh and revisit James the Dad as examples of people who don’t have proper training. We return to Keith Jack who impresses Bill in his group of Josephs. Graham comments on the Josephs’ movement class. They have to move in time to the music. Chris Haggart crosses to “One” from “A Chorus Line” and struggles a bit and leads to a montage of guys trying to cross. Complete with Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way.” One Joseph admits Denise was intimidating the guys. I totally understand.

John leads an acting class. I love it when he wears his glasses. Let Jack wear glasses, Torchwood producers! Johndeep starts to fade at Joseph School. Bill leaves for a trip and sends an SOS to Webber.

Next up: Johndeep isn’t the only one having a confidence problem. They should join a support group with Tahlia.

And it’s the opening chords of the Phantom overture again! Get used to it, they play it every time Webber enters a room. He goes to Joseph School and delivers to blows that they are behind in critical portions of training. Former Joseph Jason Dovonan is invited to inspire the boys. He’s my Joseph. He sings “Any Dream Will Do” as everyone else (including Webber) join in though Graham wonders if Webber forgot the words. Hey, he’s just the composer. Rice wrote the words.

He decides the Josephs will perform “Benjamin,” where Joseph hides his goblet in his brother’s bag as a test. He tells Keith to “scare the hell out of [him].” Johndeep delivers, scaring Jason. He gets a rousing applause. Webber delivers more bad news. He’s making cuts already. The boys will sing for the panel and Jason in hopes of staying. Eminem? Really? I guess “Lose Yourself” is appropriate. I just don’t like rap. One guy sings “The Way You Are” by Billy Joel and breaks down. It’s Matthew and Zoë talks to him. She tells him not to give up. He’s the male Tahlia. She gives him a pep talk but it doesn’t take.

Next up: Elimination!

The panel gets ready for their round of eliminations, looking at a playing card deck with everyone’s picture on it. The guys sing to save their keisters. Keith gets nervous singing “High Flying Adored.” He worries he blew it. Matthew has quit and left. Quite a few decide to sing to Denise, hoping to win at least a role as her new boy-toy in case Joseph doesn’t come through. Sean from Bristol is called up. The panel loves him.

The boys are assembled in neat little rows, worrying. Anyone tapped will not be Joseph. They sing “Close Every Door.” We see the guys get tapped and the moment of defeat. John pauses in front of Keith and moves on. He’s clearly relieved. Chris Haggart gets tapped though. James is also tapped. Ian, saved by Webber, is rejected. James the Dad gets sent back to the kids. Their numbers dwindling, the remaining Josephs get louder. Odd. We have the remaining Josephs. They celebrate with tears and hugs. It’s like elimination at America’s Next Top Model. There are only 28 now.

Coming up: More Joseph School.

LONDON! The boys return to Joseph School. The judges have struggled with the day before and worry about the choice lying ahead of them. Eight still have to be cut. They are put in groups to perform before the panel. Who remembers words? Who forgets moves? Who shines? Chris Barton impresses Graham. John, Denise and Zoë argue over who stays and who goes. They realize they could crush dreams. Fortunately, that scares them rather than excites them.

ELIMINATION! Rob McVeigh: Could be Joseph, Keith: Could be Joseph, a few more Josephs, including Johndeep. Neil and others are sent packing. Lee: Could be Joseph. Nick: Not Joseph. He goes home to Granddad and school. That’s a good plan, Nick! Ben: Could be Joseph. Ezra makes it through as well. Sean: Is not Joseph. He is sent home. I don’t know who’ll be more upset: Sean or Mum. Craig: Could be Joseph. Chris C: Could be Joseph. Seamus: Could be Joseph. Chris B: Could be Joseph. Lewis, Stephen and Frasier are the last three competing for one more spot. It goes to Lewis. John decides that Stephen and Frasier should have a sing off for Webber.

Coming up: Sing off!

Frasier is a strong singer while Stephen has acting chops and charisma. Webber listens to the sing off, once again “Close Every Door.” Sick of it yet? They also sing “Any Dream Will Do.” Stephen nails it. Webber has some bags under his eyes…or a bad allergic reaction. He lets Stephen through and Frasier is sent home. He goes to have a cry in the stairwell. He tries the Ian, Neil and Stuart plan but Webber doesn’t let it. The panel goes to encourage him and cheer him up. Denise cries as well. Stephen doesn’t party either, he’s upset as well. Those who were eliminated comfort Frasier.

The boys travel to Webber’s Irish Castle. They will be performing for the village. Put them in a real live show. The villagers are like “SWEET!” and pack the theater. Bill rejoins the panel but Denise goes back to LA, probably for “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (she was the host). Hey, was that a nun? Graham introduces the Josephs, singing “You Raise Me Up.” What are those things in the background? Oh, Jason’s in the audience. Keith sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone” before the big finish. The guys want their colored coats. Why does the guy next to Jason look so familiar?

Next: Webber decides the final 12.

Judgment Day, as Graham voices over. Denise watches the show in her jammies and joins the deliberation. Rob and Lee go in first. They are both brought through. Lee sure does like black. Looks good in it though. Okay, I agree with Denise. I’d kiss his picture as well. Graham coaxes Chris B into the room. He is through and hugs everyone. Daniel is let through as well. Craig is also allowed through. Keith is the next one in the room and gets to compete for the role. He breaks down outside the room. Seamus is also let through. He cries to Graham. Tissue stocks rise. Some boys are rejected. Tissue stocks are through the roof now. One comes through singing. Ezra enters the room. Sadly, he is not through. He takes it very well. Anthony is allowed through. Webber really likes the psyche-out routine. Another is rejected. Lewis could be Joseph. See Lewis crying? Get used to it. Johndeep is next in the oven. He comes out as a possible Joseph. The panel tells him to celebrate. Graham talks to the final three, with only two spots left. Chris C wishes the guys luck and they hug. Ben is given remaining spot number 1. He hugs Webber and John wants some of that.

Allistair and Chris C are the last two standing. Chris is the one through. Sorry, Allistair. Better luck next time. Chris cries more than Allistair, if possible. Lord, not even the Nancies cried this much. The Josephs have a group hug.

Your Josephs:

Rob
Lee
Chris B
Daniel
Craig
Keith
Seamus
Anthony
Lewis
Johndeep
Ben
Chris C

Next week: The (not-so) live shows begin. Who will win?

And thus concludes the casting episodes as I remember why I decided not to recap casting episodes. See you next week for the (not-so) live shows!

Quote of the Episode(s):
“Is Denise looking for Joseph or a husband?” --Graham

Send Us Your Tired, Your Broke and Your Bitchy Models

Last week on Top Model: The models had a runway lesson with Ms. J where Allison sucked. But she got it together for the runway challenge for Jill Stuart. Jill, Ms. J and Ann Shoket chose Natalie as the challenge winner. She also angered Tahlia by naming her picture as the worst. But Tahlia won praise for her photo while Natalie didn’t. But in the end, Nijah sent home. Who will be joining her tonight?

Wanna be on top?

New York! The girls come back to see Sandra’s picture. Sandra blathers on about how awesome she is. The girls though can’t stand it. Tahlia however remembers how well she did. The doorbell rings and Toccara (Cycle 3) enters the house. She lost weight. But she also brought clothes and is planning a slumber party—the clothes are cute sleepwear. Toccara was sent over to the Model Wannabe-Dome to talk about personality because hers fills the room. So the girls go around talking about their personality, which leads Sandra to criticize Kortnie for not being serious. Tahlia talks about her burns again. As Toccara asks about Sandra’s pictures, the girls jump on her. So Toccara makes them go on the runway to avoid a slap down. Toccara says she can’t tell the girls apart. Here’s a hint, Toccara, Sandra’s the bitch.

The girls hug and bid Toccara adieu.

TYRA MAIL! “If you can’t move to the music, then that might pose a problem.” Posing challenge. Oh, that’s right, Benny Ninja’s on!

And there he is! That man can move his body in ways that shouldn’t. He introduces Sky Nellor, a DJ and a model. Is she Aussie or Brit? Sky changes up the songs and Benny changes up his poses accordingly. London and Sandra pose to heavy metal. London wins. Benny tells Sandra to look through her eyes and doesn’t give her good reviews. Allison and Natalie go up next and Allison is told not to dance but to pose. Country trips girls up again. Kortnie isn’t so great as Celia blows her off the floor. Tahlia is told to be confident and not to think about it. Aminat hits jazz well. Confidence is this week’s lesson as Benny repeats it.

Allison talks with Celia about being shy and how she has to work on not being stiff. She confesses she needs to remain positive because negative leads downhill. Bless her, she’s been watching the show!

NEW YORK! The girls get up and get ready. TYRA MAIL! “Practice your posin’ if you want to be chosen.”

The girls meet up with Benny, saying they are the headlienrs of a fashion event. They are modeling the Blonds, one of whom is a drag queen. The winner will be the model who gets the loudest cheers for her poses. The girls report to hair and make up to get dragged out. Where’s Jaslene when you need her? Benny opens the show. He explains the concept to the audience. Sky pumps up the music.

Allison: Gets booed.

Teyona: Gets cheered.

Kortnie: Mixed.

Sandra: Booed louder than Allison’s.

Celia: Gets loud cheers. She looks better with long hair.

Winner: Celia. Duh.

Aminat: Booed.

London: Booed.

Tahlia: Booed. Man, this heat is not well-liked.

Natalie: Cheered.

Fo: Mixed.

Winner: Natalie. She was the only one they liked this time around.

Celia v Natalie. Natalie almost fell and Benny tells her to land in a pose. Celia wins it all.

Back at the Model Wannabe-Dome, Tahlia has hit rock bottom, yet again. Allison tries to get Tahlia to open up and she admits she wants to go home. Allison is surprised and tells it to Celia. So Tahlia is the one Celia raises the house against.

McKey, darling, OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK UP. I can barely hear you!

And I want to see Tyra give Hannah Montana a smack down.

TYRA MAIL! “Models aren’t the only ones that migrate to New York to make their dreams come true.” The girls guess they will be birds.

They board the Barbie Top Model Bus and pass Delancey Street. They go to makeup and Tahlia confesses her heart to either Celia or her hair person, I can’t tell. I think the hair person is more sympathetic than Celia. She wants Tahlia out. The girls board a boat where they meet Mr. Jay. He gives them a history lesson about the immigrants and will shoot in the old fashion. Benny will be in the shots as the husband. They get off at Ellis Island. My great-grandparents passed through there on their way from Greece. Brian Edwards will be the photographer.

Sandra: Mr. Jay asks her to open up and that still does not equal stiff. She says she did different things: “I put my hands in my pockets.” Good lord.

Fo: Does pretty well.

London: Says her inspiration is Kate Winslet in Titanic. Mr. Jay praises her for having a character the entire time.

Natalie: Pretends to be from Croatia, her ancestors’ home.

Teyona: Mr. Jay instructs her to be more dynamic. She delivers.

Kortnie: Mr. Jay says she struggle and her pose is shapeless. Benny tries to give her advice.

Tahlia: Mr. Jay praises Tahlia’s growth. I just see the same look in her eyes.

Celia: Is quick.

Aminat: Mr. Jay stops her to tell her to use her face.

Allison: Loved the photo shoot. I think she did well.

TYRA MAIL. Someone’s going home. The girls look nervous, even Sandra. Her accent got heavier at this point but disappears for her to announce that Tahlia will go home. Tahlia says the photo shoot gave her a confidence boost. However the girls are tired of Tahlia’s mood swings—especially the “I don’t want to be here” “I want to be here” pendulum.

PANEL! I still don’t get the posing with children thing. There are prizes, there are judges, there is Ms. J’s bowtie, and the guest judge is Benny Ninja. Teyona is up first. She gets praised. London is up next. She is told to be unison with her group shots. We get funny faces from Ms. J and Nigel. Sandra is next. Benny tells the judges she couldn’t change. Allison is praised as editorial and Paulina gives her a back story: older sister taking care of the children because mother died. Aminat is told to step it up. Fo follows Paulina doesn’t like it. Natalie gets compared to Keira Knightley. Oh my god, she does! Kortnie follows and falls flat. Tyra tells her to work on tension and working hard. Tahlia is next and is absolutely gorgeous. She gets praise on praise. Except that her outfit is condemned. Celia is the last and is applauded for winning the challenge. She gets upstaged by a child. She is given advice.

Top Models in Action time! Nigel tells us about April from Cycle 2. She has become a correspondent and still models. I’d care if I had watched Cycle 2.

The judges deliberate. Nigel correctly notes that Celia has the same pose in his shoot and in the photo before him. ELIMINATION! The first girl called is Tahlia. You know the girls aren’t happy right now. She is followed by: Teyona, Allison, Natalie, London, Aminat, Celia and Fo. Sandra and Kortnie land in the bottom two. Sandra’s the bitch, but she was number one last week. Kortnie has the personality. Kortnie: Pretty and alert in photos but dead in pictures. Sandra: Pretty girl but just resting on her looks. Sandra stays and the camera focuses on Celia. That was odd. She comes forward and tells Tyra about Tahlia’s comments. Tyra tells her that Tahlia didn’t tell the judges that and so they made their decision. She sends Celia back and then hugs Kortnie. She gives her advice before Kortnie does the group hug.

She goes back and writes a note. She says she’s glad Celia stood up but also defends Tahlia as well. Classy girl.

Still in the running:

Celia

Aminat

Tahlia

Kortnie

Isabella

Nijah

Allison

London

Sandra

Natalie

Fo

Jessica

Teyona

Next week: The models get into a fight and Celia worries she’s upset Tyra.

What do you think of Celia’s decision to tell Tyra about Tahlia’s comments? Will Celia remain past next week?