Could YOU Be Joseph?

Welcome to BBC’s “Any Dream Will Do,” a competition to find Joseph for Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” Coming off the success of his series “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?,” Webber decides to ask the public to cast the main role in his first musical. We see some past Josephs, including Donny Osmond and Jason Donovan. They even get them to talk about being Joseph!

Andrew is looking for “a cross between Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson in the old days.” Okay…And here we go through the casting specials. I really dislike this…Is someone singing “If I Were King of the Forest”?

Oh yes, I should remind you that this aired two years ago in 2007, so I do know the contestants and the winner. I will not reveal him because, frankly, I hate those people. I do not believe in giving away endings to TV shows, movies and more importantly, books. Read it yourself!

We are introduced to Sean, from Bristol, who is there with his mom. She’s more nervous than he! Sean sings “Close Every Door,” my favorite song from the show. He’s good and is sent through to London. He tells himself to stop crying, which is awesome. We see some good singers who also go to London. Including one guy who hit a ridiculously high note. Oh, and can I admit how much I love Graham Norton as a host. Seacrest, PAY. ATTENTION.

Webber says he does this so that he can get a young generation of theater people in. So he goes to visit a Youth Theater Group. They are so excited to see him. Several members sing for him. When a member jokingly asks Webber his name again, Webber shoots back “Simon Cowell.” Atta boy, Andy. He invites the guys to the auditions. He next goes to a gospel choir to hear them sing. Webber gives them some directions and they take it.

We go to Belfast to meet Nick and his home life—namely his grandparents. Nice hair, Nick. We get to see Granddad cry as we cut to Nick singing “Gethsemane,” Superstar’s hardest song. The casting director tells him he is going to London and Nick calls home. We see others calling home to tell family the good news.

Graham tells us about the London call backs before we see a member of that Youth Theater show up for an audition. He gets to go to London and does a victory dance. Ezra, one of the gospel choir members, also shows up. He’s nervous and Andrew shows up to hear him sing “Summertime.” Andrew brings him to London. Ezra is thrilled. Tim Rice shows up to join his old collaborator at the audition table while Graham makes a snide comment about their old hair-styles. Lee Mead enters and sings. I love his voice. He’s through to London.

Coming up next: The London call backs.

And we’re back. One hundred lucky fellows are brought to London, hoping to make it to Joseph School. We meet the judges: John Barrowman (Captain Jack from Doctor Who/Torchwood), Zoë Tyler (singing coach), Bill Kenwright (producer), and Denise van Outen (actress). Graham asks them what they are looking for. Denise says that if David Beckham could sing, he’d be perfect. John agrees.

We see Keith Jack to sing “Moon Dance.” He makes it through and talks to Graham. Chris Barton follows Keith and gets complimented on his white teeth. He admits dad’s a dentist. John wants his number. Chris belts out “Close Every Door.” He impresses the judges. He’s through. Chris cries. We meet some Welsh and Scots competitors. We meet a dad who is entering for his children. James, the dad, goes up. He talks about his kids before singing “Close Every Door.” John stops him and orders him to his knees. John! But he’s just giving directions. You have to do that, to make sure the person can do so. Learned that in my directing class. Zoë thinks he’s a bit cabaret, but tells him he could be Joseph. He’s through as “You Lift Me Up” plays.

The judges have fun, particularly with someone singing “5000 Miles.” Someone shows up in a Joseph coat. However, some people have trouble standing out and get dismissed. Like Stuart. We meet James Bailey, who is getting really nervous. He looks like the missing Phelps’ triplet. He sings “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” but is told he is not Joseph. He cries in the hallway as Graham and Zoë comfort him. Take that, Seacrest and American Idol judges!

Up next: Denise forgets she’s casting Joseph and starts casting her dream boy-toys.

Graham tells us about Joseph School, three days of intensive training with John, Zoë and Denise. Only twenty will be moved on.

But first, we need to finish the callbacks. We go back to Nick, who sings “Gethsemane.” Graham’s impressed and so is Bill. He lets Nick go through. He’s ecstatic. Denise moans she hasn’t found her boyfriend and Zoë says they haven’t found testosterone. Graham says the Josephs have heard the whispers about it (most likely started by Graham) and we get some shots of abs). A blond Adonis enters and Denise is in love. Fortunately he can sing as well and Denise lets him through. Lee Mead comes up and admits he’s currently in Phantom. He gets John, Zoë, and Denise to sway. Bill notes that Denise has lipstick all over Lee’s headshot. She lets him through. Except he’s taken.

Chris Haggart takes the stage as Graham sits with his wife. He sings “Love Changes Everything.” The panel applauds. He says he wanted to prove people of his size could have talent. And Bill lets him through. He cries. John does a psyche out on a contestant and lets him through. A bunch of guys go through. One hugs Graham, lifting him up. However, the people backstage can do the math. Ian goes up to sing “Sweet Heaven.” And I cringe. He argues with the judges and they allow it. Neil goes next with his own Joseph hair. John and Denise say he doesn’t have a spark and he’s is not through, to gasps. Graham gives him some pep-up talk. This leads to a montage of “Not Josephs.” The guy from the Youth Theater Group doesn’t make it.

Next up: Lewis blows it.

We come back as the opening of the Phantom of the Opera’s overture plays. It signals the arrival of Webber. He’s coming to check up on his panel and the Josephs get excited. One sings “Corner of the Sky.” John sends him packing. Another comes out and is sent home. A third is horrible as well. And we meet Lewis Davies. He massacres “Close Every Door.” The judges give him direction, particularly Zoë as a singing coach. John even sings it for him to follow but then cuts Lewis. Webber is nervous. He goes through all the audition tapes.

We come to Ezra, the gospel singer who sang “Summertime.” He sings for the panel. Zoë isn’t impressed but the others liked him. He might be Joseph. We are reminded about Joseph School…again. This time we are told the graduating 20 go to Webber’s Irish castle to perform. From that performance, they will be whittled down to 12. And those 12 will be competing in the (not-so) live shows for (England’s) votes!

Remember Sean? Who brought his mom along? He performs next, with Graham sitting next to mum. The panel loves him as John takes the opportunity to show him up. I join the panel: Shut up, John. He goes through and hugs his mother. Johndeep is next. His family has never heard him sing full stop and don’t even know he’s there, particularly because of their beliefs. He sings Sondheim’s “Being Alive” from Company. Zoë and Bill love him and put him through to Joseph School. Only one place remains as Webber returns. Phillip gets let go, which Webber agrees with. Anthony Hansen goes up. The panel aren’t sold on him but are undecided. We get dramatic looks. Webber puts him through. Anthony shakes his hand as the audience applauds.

Graham stands with Anthony as he cries. His mom comes and hugs him. The 50 students for Joseph School are chosen. Except that Neil, Ian and James go to see Webber to ask for a second chance. Webber gives it to them. He says that there will be 51 students in Joseph School.

Next up: Joseph School.

It’s like the running of the bulls, only full of potential Josephs in their uniforms. They enter the building. The panel aren’t happy and elect Zoë their spokeswoman. Ian and Neil made it through to Joseph School. So, there are 52 Josephs. Webber was surprised at Neil’s dismissal. And he just likes Ian. So the guys go through training. We meet Rob McVeigh and revisit James the Dad as examples of people who don’t have proper training. We return to Keith Jack who impresses Bill in his group of Josephs. Graham comments on the Josephs’ movement class. They have to move in time to the music. Chris Haggart crosses to “One” from “A Chorus Line” and struggles a bit and leads to a montage of guys trying to cross. Complete with Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way.” One Joseph admits Denise was intimidating the guys. I totally understand.

John leads an acting class. I love it when he wears his glasses. Let Jack wear glasses, Torchwood producers! Johndeep starts to fade at Joseph School. Bill leaves for a trip and sends an SOS to Webber.

Next up: Johndeep isn’t the only one having a confidence problem. They should join a support group with Tahlia.

And it’s the opening chords of the Phantom overture again! Get used to it, they play it every time Webber enters a room. He goes to Joseph School and delivers to blows that they are behind in critical portions of training. Former Joseph Jason Dovonan is invited to inspire the boys. He’s my Joseph. He sings “Any Dream Will Do” as everyone else (including Webber) join in though Graham wonders if Webber forgot the words. Hey, he’s just the composer. Rice wrote the words.

He decides the Josephs will perform “Benjamin,” where Joseph hides his goblet in his brother’s bag as a test. He tells Keith to “scare the hell out of [him].” Johndeep delivers, scaring Jason. He gets a rousing applause. Webber delivers more bad news. He’s making cuts already. The boys will sing for the panel and Jason in hopes of staying. Eminem? Really? I guess “Lose Yourself” is appropriate. I just don’t like rap. One guy sings “The Way You Are” by Billy Joel and breaks down. It’s Matthew and Zoë talks to him. She tells him not to give up. He’s the male Tahlia. She gives him a pep talk but it doesn’t take.

Next up: Elimination!

The panel gets ready for their round of eliminations, looking at a playing card deck with everyone’s picture on it. The guys sing to save their keisters. Keith gets nervous singing “High Flying Adored.” He worries he blew it. Matthew has quit and left. Quite a few decide to sing to Denise, hoping to win at least a role as her new boy-toy in case Joseph doesn’t come through. Sean from Bristol is called up. The panel loves him.

The boys are assembled in neat little rows, worrying. Anyone tapped will not be Joseph. They sing “Close Every Door.” We see the guys get tapped and the moment of defeat. John pauses in front of Keith and moves on. He’s clearly relieved. Chris Haggart gets tapped though. James is also tapped. Ian, saved by Webber, is rejected. James the Dad gets sent back to the kids. Their numbers dwindling, the remaining Josephs get louder. Odd. We have the remaining Josephs. They celebrate with tears and hugs. It’s like elimination at America’s Next Top Model. There are only 28 now.

Coming up: More Joseph School.

LONDON! The boys return to Joseph School. The judges have struggled with the day before and worry about the choice lying ahead of them. Eight still have to be cut. They are put in groups to perform before the panel. Who remembers words? Who forgets moves? Who shines? Chris Barton impresses Graham. John, Denise and Zoë argue over who stays and who goes. They realize they could crush dreams. Fortunately, that scares them rather than excites them.

ELIMINATION! Rob McVeigh: Could be Joseph, Keith: Could be Joseph, a few more Josephs, including Johndeep. Neil and others are sent packing. Lee: Could be Joseph. Nick: Not Joseph. He goes home to Granddad and school. That’s a good plan, Nick! Ben: Could be Joseph. Ezra makes it through as well. Sean: Is not Joseph. He is sent home. I don’t know who’ll be more upset: Sean or Mum. Craig: Could be Joseph. Chris C: Could be Joseph. Seamus: Could be Joseph. Chris B: Could be Joseph. Lewis, Stephen and Frasier are the last three competing for one more spot. It goes to Lewis. John decides that Stephen and Frasier should have a sing off for Webber.

Coming up: Sing off!

Frasier is a strong singer while Stephen has acting chops and charisma. Webber listens to the sing off, once again “Close Every Door.” Sick of it yet? They also sing “Any Dream Will Do.” Stephen nails it. Webber has some bags under his eyes…or a bad allergic reaction. He lets Stephen through and Frasier is sent home. He goes to have a cry in the stairwell. He tries the Ian, Neil and Stuart plan but Webber doesn’t let it. The panel goes to encourage him and cheer him up. Denise cries as well. Stephen doesn’t party either, he’s upset as well. Those who were eliminated comfort Frasier.

The boys travel to Webber’s Irish Castle. They will be performing for the village. Put them in a real live show. The villagers are like “SWEET!” and pack the theater. Bill rejoins the panel but Denise goes back to LA, probably for “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (she was the host). Hey, was that a nun? Graham introduces the Josephs, singing “You Raise Me Up.” What are those things in the background? Oh, Jason’s in the audience. Keith sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone” before the big finish. The guys want their colored coats. Why does the guy next to Jason look so familiar?

Next: Webber decides the final 12.

Judgment Day, as Graham voices over. Denise watches the show in her jammies and joins the deliberation. Rob and Lee go in first. They are both brought through. Lee sure does like black. Looks good in it though. Okay, I agree with Denise. I’d kiss his picture as well. Graham coaxes Chris B into the room. He is through and hugs everyone. Daniel is let through as well. Craig is also allowed through. Keith is the next one in the room and gets to compete for the role. He breaks down outside the room. Seamus is also let through. He cries to Graham. Tissue stocks rise. Some boys are rejected. Tissue stocks are through the roof now. One comes through singing. Ezra enters the room. Sadly, he is not through. He takes it very well. Anthony is allowed through. Webber really likes the psyche-out routine. Another is rejected. Lewis could be Joseph. See Lewis crying? Get used to it. Johndeep is next in the oven. He comes out as a possible Joseph. The panel tells him to celebrate. Graham talks to the final three, with only two spots left. Chris C wishes the guys luck and they hug. Ben is given remaining spot number 1. He hugs Webber and John wants some of that.

Allistair and Chris C are the last two standing. Chris is the one through. Sorry, Allistair. Better luck next time. Chris cries more than Allistair, if possible. Lord, not even the Nancies cried this much. The Josephs have a group hug.

Your Josephs:

Rob
Lee
Chris B
Daniel
Craig
Keith
Seamus
Anthony
Lewis
Johndeep
Ben
Chris C

Next week: The (not-so) live shows begin. Who will win?

And thus concludes the casting episodes as I remember why I decided not to recap casting episodes. See you next week for the (not-so) live shows!

Quote of the Episode(s):
“Is Denise looking for Joseph or a husband?” --Graham