Coincidence? No, Not Really.

New York City! In the morning! And that is one nice engagement ring. Oh, it’s one of those ten minute bridal gown sales that turn into Super Market Dash with no rules and claws. A rush of brides-to-be and their maids of honor storm the show, some with ridiculous headwear on. They fight over the gowns until the woman with the nice engagement ring discovers a dead body. 

Danny can’t believe the whole thing. They notice she is dressed like she was out for a run but Flack says teams dress up so they can identify each other in the melee. The dead bride was arguing over a dress, now covered in blood, with Nice Engagement Ring Girl. 

CREDITS! 

New York! Flack interviews Nice Engagement Ring Girl, named Marie according to her fiancé. Marie says that she struggled with the vic over the dress. The beading on the dress killed her, apparently. Victim is named Laurel Downs, according to her ID in her money-free wallet. Danny notes she has no engagement ring and Stella notes she wasn’t here for the sale. She found Laurel’s race number. 

Was that a shot of St. Patrick’s Cathedral? Mac and Lindsay meet Angell in a rectory converted to loft apartments. A woman is dead in her tube before a stunning stained glass window. Hawkes concludes she was raped, murdered and then put in the tub to wash away evidence. They go over the loft and Mac spots an empty guitar case. Lindsay spots a worm. 

Tub Girl is on Sid’s slab. He notes there is no DNA but proves she was a guitar player. Sid recognizes her as a subway musician whom he enjoyed. He found a glass shard in her head. He says official COD is suffocation, Hawkes recognizes the bruising on her neck. He flashes back to his residency to apparently a girlfriend who was attacked in the very same manner. Mac notes that putting a fist in the mouth to silence his victim’s mouth is the signature of the Gramercy Rapist. Hawkes and Mac fear the rapist is back after an eight year hiatus. 

New York! Danny looks over Laurel’s iPod while I bop to the soundtrack. He finds something in her running shoes and downloads something to the computer. Stella comes back to say that Sid’s ruling is accidental. Danny found Laurel’s workout plan and that she stopped outside of the bridal shop. He figures she knew Marie beforehand but don’t know how. They do know Laurel was a victim of the Gramercy Rapist but Mac rules Laurel’s and Eleanor’s (Tub Girl) deaths coincidences until proven otherwise. Lindsay lays on some coincidence true stories (like Thomas Jefferson and John Adams dying the same day—the fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence). 

They work on their cases. Flack runs down Eleanor’s case and gets a lead. Meanwhile, Adam and Hawkes print a homemade guitar slide. Hawkes asks Adam to run DNA off sweat from Eleanor’s shirt. Mac brings in Flack’s lead—a tip line from when the Gramercy Rapist—apparently Hawkes burned up the line. The good doctor admits his ex-girlfriend was a victim. Mac pulls him off the case, surprising Hawkes. Umm, Sheldon, may I mention Lady Murder Sings the Blues?

 Sid goes up to Danny and notes that Laurel and Eleanor are connected. Laurel had Eleanor’s blood on her hands. He then says that Mark Twain was born the same day Haley’s comet appeared and died on the same day of it’s next appearance. Meanwhile, Lindsay notes the worms she found are from Brazil but doesn’t know how it got here. Mac encourages her to sequence it’s DNA. Adam tracks down the DNA to another subway musician.

 Oh, I really hope he’s a red herring. He’s too pretty to be the rapist! He guesses music types for Angell and Mac but they are more interested in what he knew about Eleanor. He says they were friends and he gave her his slide. But he didn’t kill her. At the lab, Danny and Stella realize Laurel wasn’t trying to get Marie’s necklace not the dress. Danny notes Laurel’s rape report says she was robbed of jewelry. It’s the fiancé! I knew he looked skivvy! 

New York! At night! Flack and Stella visit the nightclub owned by Marie and her skivvy fiancé. He says he bought the necklace from some guy in Union Square. Marie lets Stella take the necklace. Lindsay believes the worms come from the killer but they can’t get a warrant based on that. Meanwhile, Adam found Eleanor’s guitar at a pawn shop, pawned by Hot Subway Singer (Trey) and figures he picked her lock. 

Flack and Angell pursues Trey through the subway station until they catch him. He claims he is innocent and he just stole her guitar to buy “something to calm his nerves.” At the lab, Sheldon’s ex Kara comes in to tell her story to Stella. She remembers the rapist went through her stuff and took some jewelry. That includes a ring. Hmm, it is definitely Marie’s fiancé. Why show her Nice Engagement Ring if it isn’t? Kara cries that she tried to forget but she can’t. Stella is the perfect one to console her. 

The missing ring was supposed to be Sheldon’s engagement ring to Kara. He’s still torn up about her. Aww. I want to give him a hug. 

Stella goes through rape reports but none mention missing jewelry. But she figures it might be more cases like Kara who didn’t realize the jewelry was missing. Adam shows the DNA result came back matching Colin, Marie’s Skivvy Fiancé. However, it goes against protocol which leads to a verbal lashing from Mac. He can’t haul in Colin on that as it won’t hold up in court. Hawkes storms out and Stella tries to tell Mac that people can’t turn off their emotions in a lesser version of Sara’s “I wish I was you, Grissom, I wish I didn’t feel anything” line. 

By the way, Grissom leaves tomorrow. I’ll miss him but can’t wait to see what happens when Fishburne joins the cast. 

New York City! Marie’s Skivvy Fiancé’s club is booming. Sheldon watches the place but Mac stops him from going in. He nad Mac have a heart to heart about how bad Sheldon felt over Kara and how he handled the situation. Mac tells him they’ll find something else to get Marie’s Skivvy Fiancé.  So, everyone goes over the old cases. Colin lived in Gramercy Park until his mother died. He came into some money and took Marie to Europe. Lindsay comes back and says the worms found were from Brazil and Colin was in Brazil a month prior. They figure Marie would be their best way to get Marie’s Skivvy Fiancé. 

Stella talks to Marie, who hands over all her jewelry. It is all stolen, Stella knows. Colin comes in and struggles with Stella, who shoots him in a few non-fatal places. He says they can’t prove anything as the camera focuses on a worm in his blood. He’s toast. Sid invites Stella and Mac to visit what they want you to believe is Whitehall Station but take it from someone who has been in Whitehall, it isn’t. They listen to a subway musician, who turns out to be Sharon Little. And they pimp her CD after the show. 

Next week: A dead suspect doesn’t bode well for Flack. Not Flack! 

Quote of the Episode:

“Wow, you been hanging around Lindsay lately, Sid?”

“Hmm, what?” 

So, any stories of coincidence you’d like to share with Sid and Lindsay? I would but I’m more of a ghost story girl. 

Did You Know Possessing a Fake ID was Illegal?

Last week on Secret Life of the American Teenager: Amy and Ben decide to get married in a very anti-climatic scene in which no one said “STOP THIS WEDDING!” or “I OBJECT” or “I don’t.”  Since it was supposed to be a secret, naturally the entire school knows and all the teenage principles show up for the wedding. They all then needed fake IDs so Random Hallway Kid is in the money. Molly Ringwald kicked Amy’s Dad out of the house, he moved into the garage and they fought over it in scenes more appropriate for a sitcom than a teen drama. John Schneider was on a “golf trip” after learning Josie Bisset cheated on Amy’s Dad and not vice versa but Josie let Grace and Tom go out (with Ricky and new girl Tammy), Adrian plotted to get her parents back together and Mr. Molina was still missing.

Onwards! Grace is trying to talk Tom and Tammy out of their impromptu decision to get married. Grace notices her discarded promise ring on Tammy’s finger and wants it back. She refuses and thinks Grace is nuts. Ricky tries to talk some sense into the two but it fails. Grace calls Josie. Josie thinks it’s cute until she realizes her daughter is serious. She asks Tom to wait and calls John Schneider? No, Amy’s Dad. She breaks the news about Amy’s wedding to him so he calls the Sausage King.

CREDITS! Oh, so that’s what they looked like. If you remember, I had a screwed up TV for most of the summer run.

Okay, everyone, you know this song! “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!” The reception is really rocking out as the Sausage King and Amy’s Dad come to be killjoys. On a side note, why is John Schneider still just a “special guest star”? The Dads don’t look happy to see Amy’s ring.

The party over, Adrian returns home to find her father there. Her mother had to go to work and he gets to interrogate Adrian. She tells him about the wedding and DA Daddy realizes it isn’t legal. Adrian is happy because Amy’s marriage makes the baby Ben’s and it is still clear she likes Ricky, despite her denying it. Dad works out they all had fake IDs and makes her hand it over. She says no and he lays out the legal ramifications. Did you know in New York a fake ID can lead to jail time? She hands over the ID and asks him not to track down where she got it. He says Adrian might spend the summer with him, she says he could just move in with her and Mom, he reminds her he’s married but I don’t think Adrian cares.

The Sausage King gives his son a lecture, saying he knows Ben knows what is right. And he tells his son the marriage is invalid. Sausage King is upset with his son, who hasn’t got past the “not married” part. He takes Ben home. Henry leaves the bathroom, grabs a burger and get out. Meanwhile, Amy’s Dad is examining Ashley’s and Amy’s fake IDs. They all wish they were in Nevada. Now, it’s Amy’s turn to be told she isn’t married. No one wants to tell Molly.

 Amy and Ashley stonewall Molly, who tries to get them to eat pancakes with her. They say they need sleep as we cut to the Bowman household. It’s John Schneider! He’s back. Tom rats out Grace’s fake ID and they argue. Josie and John try to convince Tom not to marry Tammy and John takes his phone. He then takes Grace’s ID and scolds Josie and Grace for taking this too lightly. This somehow ends up about Josie’s infidelity with Amy’s Dad and she leaves. Grace tells her dad about Ricky and he isn’t too happy. He notes her ring is gone, she says it’s with Tammy and John says he should get it back so he can give it to Josie. He’s acting like she cheated on him!

 Adrian gets a visit from Ricky. Okay, dude, make up your mind. Grace or Adrian?

 Amy’s Dad looks divine in a pink bathrobe with red and white dots. Molly really wants pancakes if she’s willing to share ‘em with Amy’s Dad. She wants to talk which naturally segues to the two of them having sex. Which was apparently great. But Molly insists she isn’t taking Amy’s Dad back and then implies she had an affair. He gets upset but she reveals it was a lie. She leaves the garage and tells him to move out. He says he won’t.

 Molly wants to drive the girls to school and argues with Amy’s Dad over it. Ashley would rather walk. Molly and Amy talk about finding a job again. Amy debates telling her mom. And now Ricky looks all happy with Grace, skipping down the hallway gushing over each other. Thankfully, Adrian comes to end it. She drops some hints and then reminds her about Jack. Adrian then says Mr. Molina is back. FINALLY! Ricky and Grace walk away as Jack comes up to talk to Adrian. He tells her he wants to do some volunteer work. Jack then goes to talk to Alice, who is with Henry. They ask each other if they had sex and both deny. Alice asks him to try again and Henry says no.

 Ben comes up followed by Amy. She apologizes, he apologizes. She tells Ben not to tell Molly. Random Hallway Kid comes up to ask about the wedding. Once again, we are told the ramifications of having a fake ID, blah blah blah. Calling the Department of Redundancy Department! Random Hallway Kid says they’d have to catch him and then the principal makes an announcement that all students with fake IDs should report to Mr. Molina’s office. Okay, show, think logically. If a student HAS a fake ID, do you really think they are going to walk into their guidance counselor’s office and admit it? Especially since you said the police will be there? You’d have better luck searching them for it. Then the principal amends it and asks for “Joe Hampton”—Random Hallway Kid. Ben and Amy swear they didn’t rat them out so Random Hallway Kid puts money on the Blabbermouth Duo (Lauren and Madison).

 Adrian sees her dad. I smell the rat.

 Jack goes around collecting everyone’s fake IDs. He stops outside Mr. Molina’s office.

 And we’re back. Hi, Mr. Molina! I missed you! A police officer interrogates Random Hallway Kid. Jack comes in and confesses to it all, throwing away the torn up IDs. His last name is “Pappas”? He’s a good Greek boy who isn’t Greek Orthodox. Jack leaves with the officer though Molina knows he’s taking the rap for Random Hallway Kid. Ben comes to chat with his BFF who thinks Ben has gone off the deep end. Amy overhears Ben saying that he thought the wedding with fake IDs was a bad idea but he went along with it. But then he says he does want to marry Amy. Mr. Molina repeats that it is a bad idea but Ben notes Molina’s wedding ring. AWW! Ben says that he’s surprised due to what Molina told him and the Sausage King about his girlfriend. I would love to see more of those three. They are great together.

 Though, how long did Mr. Molina take off to get married and go on a honeymoon? It was made clear that the summer episodes took place within a short period of time, about a month or two. Last week, we were told Amy is in her sixth month of pregnancy and Mr. Molina’s been missing the entire time. That’s a long time for a school to go without a counselor. Molina was also new and so tenure would not save his job.

 We cut to Molly waiting at a family lawyer. She rambles on about fruit and her daughters to the receptionist, saying she is close to Amy and Ashley. The receptionist offers the number to a therapist so Molly could talk to someone, she replies she talks to Amy and Ashley. Enter John Schneider. He introduces himself to Molly and awkward conversation follows. Fear not, John and Josie fans! John is there to ask legal advice about Tom’s desire to marry Tammy. In the process, he spills the beans about Amy’s secret not-marriage. Molly is shocked but asks John to thank Grace for what she did for Amy. The receptionist takes the cake: “She didn’t tell you?” My sister said it would’ve been better if she held up the therapist’s number.

 Jack returns with community service and no charges. He reminds Adrian that it was her father. She asks him if her dad asked him about her. He says no and they part. Ricky talks to Adrian, asking what she’s doing that night. Ricky though says he loves Grace and might marry her. Adrian tells him she is happy being the woman he cheats with and then makes sure Ricky doesn’t have a record.

 Ben tells Amy about Mr. Molina’s girlfriend. Apparently, she got so jealous he went out with another woman (though he doesn’t say if it was a romantic “going out” or not) she broke down the woman’s door. Okay, if he was cheating on her, I don’t necessarily blame her. Ben says they need to figure out their relationship and hopes they can make their marriage legal someday. Molly stops by to confront the two about the wedding. They argue about jobs and school and thinking and doing the right thing and raising children and Ricky. Molly is trying to force realism on this show. Give it up, show. Molly’s rant is interrupted by Amy thinking she’s in labor. However, it’s just the baby kicking. Amy cries and admits she’s scared.

 Quote of the Episode:

Grace: “Am I old enough to hear this?”

John: “You’re twenty-seven in the state of Nevada, you’re old enough to hear anything.”

Josie: “Your father will not let you forget this.”

Next week: Ricky’s dad comes to town. 

Nothing Remains Secret in High School

And “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” is back! In case you forgot: Amy is pregnant by manwhore Ricky, who is trying to win over good girl cheerleader Grace, who dumped Jack because he cheated on her with Adrian who had an on again-off again relationship with Ricky, Amy’s parents are in marital strife, Amy falls for Ben who proposes, Ashley wants out of her family, Adrian is being transferred by her dad, Grace learns George didn’t cheat on her mother, it was the other way around, and we still don’t know where Mr. Medina went. Phew. One sentence!

Molly Ringwald and Amy share a “good morning” as Amy orders a delicious breakfast. Molly says it sounds good and says Amy could make it. She uses the “I’m pregnant” excuse which Molly turns around to explain Amy will have to take care of the baby. Apparently, Amy hasn’t really thought about how the baby will throw a monkey-wrench into her life. Molly says she needs to get a job as Amy’s Dad comes in asking for food for “Grandpa.” Amy says he’ll have to get it himself and stalks off.

Meanwhile, Molly and Amy’s Dad talks about finances. Molly kicks him out, reiterates she wants a divorce and corrects him that she didn’t complete a bachelor’s in philosophy but women’s studies.

CREDITS!

Amy goes out for breakfast, which is where Ben meets her. We must’ve done a time jump because now Amy is sixth months along and not really showing. Amy asks Ben to marry her and now it is Ben who is the voice of reason. Amy says they have to elope using fake IDs. Ben wants his dad there but Amy shoots that down. Amy says they should get married tonight. And Ben goes back to his idealistic, romantic self and agrees. Unfortunately, neither knows where to get a fake ID.

Tom is begging Grace to call Adrian. She says no and they talk for a bit about Ricky, their parents and Jennifer Coolidge. Josie Bisset shoots him down over Jennifer Coolidge and then asks to talk to Grace. She sets Grace right, saying that she didn’t cheat on Amy’s Dad with John Schneider but someone else. And she married Amy’s Dad just to have sex and get away from her uber-strict Mom. Apparently, John Schneider find out about the whole cheating thing and left, but Josie’s sure he’ll come back. And then says both Tom and Grace can date.

Adrian and her mother clean and talk, mostly about Adrian’s transfer. Adrian doesn’t want to leave her school, a good magnet school though her mother doesn’t think Adrian have good friends. Adrian pleads with her mother to talk to her father. She stalls but Adrian talks her into it and, though she denies it, seems to hope her mom and dad will get back together.

Grace calls Ricky, who is getting his license…Why does that scare me? Oh, wait, he’s getting a fake idea from that random hallway kid. Ricky invites Grace to Amy and Ben’s wedding. Apparently, they got their fake IDs from Random Hallway Kid and he tells Ricky where to go.

Oh, and my sister and I want to see BrideWars. Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson together—this looks good.

And we’re back. Amy’s going through her closet as Ashley comes in. She tells her Amy’s Dad is moving out. Ashley’s trying to plan to keep him in the house. They argue over the baby and her mom. Then Amy tells her it is her wedding day. Ashley thinks it is all a joke. When she realizes Amy is serious, Ashley tries to talk some sense into her sister. Ashley agrees to get the fake ID after Amy promises to tell her their Dad’s new address.

At the school, when Random Hallway Kid reveals he gave the “groom” a discount, Amy freaks out. No one is supposed to know. Boy, those two are going to be surprised. Molly comes in, scaring the two. They talk about jobs, the baby, insurance and stuff I’m worrying about (sans baby). And they talk about Dad. Ben and Henry walk in. Ben introduces Henry to Molly as his “best man,” which everyone laughs off. Henry asks Ashley if she’d want to go to Ben’s house for a movie. They agree on seven. Molly is severally confused.

Ben and Henry get his picture taken. They worry about how they will get there. Jack volunteers to drive them, even to the reception. Ben hadn’t thought about a reception. He asks Henry to think of something, which Henry asks if Ben wants a real wedding. Ben agrees but says later, in a few years.

Outside, Lauren and her brother drive up to where Madison is washing cars. Lauren says that Ricky told her about Amy and Ben’s wedding. They wonder why Amy didn’t tell them and Jason accurately points out that they can’t keep a secret to save their lives. They get fake IDs. Adrian drives up to the car wash and is told about Amy’s wedding. She worries that Ricky is marrying Amy, so she calls Grace. Grace freaks out that it is their first date, he can’t be getting married. She and Adrian get fake IDs and information.

Meanwhile, the three Jurgens girls are sitting in the car. Molly opens the garage to find her soon-to-be-ex is living in the garage. She is not too happy.

Amy’s Dad and Molly argue over the garage. He clearly didn’t understand what “women’s studies” means. He wants to be near his girls, he argues, he doesn’t have the money. Molly is suspicious about where the money went. They continue to argue over the garage.

Adrian comes home to see her mother all dressed up. They are going to dinner with the father. Adrian tries to get out of it, mostly to get her parents alone and go to the wedding. Adrian’s mom tells her to lay off the matchmaking plans or else Dad will clam up. Adrian agrees and tells her mom about the wedding. Mom asks if Adrian is going with Ricky and Adrian says she’s going stag.

Back at the Bowmans’, Tom has a date which Josie is a third wheel. Tom delicately tells mom to buzz off. Tom introduces his date, Tammy, to Ricky. They invite themselves on Ricky and Grace’s date to Amy’s wedding. Speaking of, the wedding party is watching Molly and Amy’s Dad duke it out for the garage. They leave.

Tom and Tammy are kissing as Grace parents them at the wedding chapel. Grace is really annoyed. Tom then parents Grace and Ricky. Madison and Lauren sit, wearing identical yellow dresses. They talk about how fake their fake IDs are as Adrian walks in, wearing a barely there pink dress. Jack walks in with Alice, talking about the weddings. She is stressing about Henry but then she and Jack kiss. Go figure. Henry and Ashley walk, Henry flirting with Ashley. I love Ashley’s outfit. Albert, the owner, comes out to talk to them—assuming they are the happy couple. Ashley corrects him. Amy and Ben come in—ah, now she’s showing. But it’s a lovely white dress she is wearing. Albert heads in as Ben asks for a minute with Amy.

Ben says he wants to get married but asks if they should call for their parents. She says no, saying it is about them—not their parents. I hope they get a reaction shot when the doors open. And they do. They are upset but Ben calms her down. But they go down the aisle. Albert starts the wedding ceremony as Henry hands them the ring. Amy says she’ll marry Ben, Ben says he’ll marry Amy, my sister and I are waiting for SOMETHING to happen…And they are married. Everyone claps. Tom and Tammy stand up, saying they are next.

Looks like the series has hit its stride—finally. I guess the writers spent their hiatus talking to real teenagers. I do hope John Schneider comes back soon…oh, look, he does. Wait, why is Amy hugging Ricky? And where is Mr. Medina?

Quote of the episode:
Amy: “Whose side are you on?”
Ashley: “Dad’s.”

Doctor WHO?

The BBC has announced the identity of the Eleventh Doctor. And filling David Tennant's converses will be...

Matt Smith.

Don't worry. No one else seems to know who is either. The BBC and Doctor Who executive producers decided to go with an unknown for the next regeneration of the time traveler. Here's to guessing the type of personality he'll give the new Doctor. 

The Final Curtain Comes Down

Good bye to these Broadway shows: 

Spamalot

Hairspray

Spring Awakening

13

Boeing-Boeing

Grease

Gypsy

Tale of Two Cities

Young Frankenstein

The Great White Way will be a little darker next month. 

Beary Christmas

Okay, bad pun. But it's Christmas, I'm allowed one, right?

In Yogi's First Christmas, Yogi and sidekick Boo-Boo are awoken from their annual hibernation by the arrival of fellow Hanna-Barbera cartoons Augie Doggie, Doggie Daddy, Snagglepuss and Huckleberry Hound. They are staying at the Jellystone Lounge which is in danger of closing. The owner, Mrs. Throckmorton, is worried the winter festival held around Christmas will get a repeat of the previous year's mysterious occurences. However, she hires Yogi who manages to thwart the culprits' (Throckmorton's own nephew Snively and local hermit Herman) attempts. In the end, everyone gets a merry Christmas--even if Yogi's is cut short by natural habits.

A bit confusing if one notes that Casper's First Christmas aired a year before Yogi's but the bear was present for those festivities, it is still a treat to see the Hanna-Barbera cartoons interact. It is like watching the Jetsons meet the Flintstones--you know the characters, yet they seem new when interacting with the others. The new original characters--Mrs. Throckmorton and Snively--are an interesting bunch. She is an aunt that tries to drag her reluctant nephew through the winter festival but hopes he won't win so he'll learn some humility. He fulfills the usual spoiled brat role but his sudden conversion at the end is a mere plot contrivance. He seems to be uncaring about the entire thing until he is left out, not really learning humility--he still gets his way!

Also, the subplot with the romance between Cindy and Yogi takes on a rather obsessive and creepy nature. It seems clear that Yogi does not return Cindy's affection, yet the show wants to portray him as the guy who doesn't want to be caught but still cares.

For all of this, I award this special three and a half candy canes out of five. Still a good special to enjoy, particularly if you are a Yogi fan. Or if you have a child who is a fan of Winnie-the-Pooh--time to introduce to the bear who is "smarter than the average bear."

Goodness Makes the Badness Go Away

It is a rule of television: If you are a popular cartoon, you will inevitably get your own Christmas special.

And thus is true of The Smurfs. You know--those loveable blue creatures that are only three apples high. And they celebrate Christmas too. In fact, in the middle of their Christmas preparation, they find two children stranded in the snowy woods. Their uncle is a powerful lord and their grandfather is hurt. The Smurfs care for the children as a powerful warlock seeks revenge on their uncle. He uses Gargamel as a pawn, but in the end, the Smurfs' goodness saves the day!

It is a cute story, if a bit predictable. The best part has to be the little boy mistaking Papa Smurf as Santa Claus. Though it is a bit easy to do so--he has a long white beard and wears red. The trouble comes with the fact that Santa isn't three apples tall nor blue. The special also shows even Gargamel knows when the line has been crossed though he was probably acting more to save himself than following his conscious.

And it has to achieve a new level of cheese with the Smurfs' Christmas song: "Goodness makes the badness go away. Goodness makes the badness go away. Badness can't start if there's goodness in your heart. Goodness makes the badness go away." I am sure people familiar with this type of storyline knows how this song gets used. But it is catchy and you will find yourself humming it. All day long.

So for introducing a song more sugar-filled than "it's a small world" but for bringing Christmas cheer to the Smurfs, I award this special four candy canes out of five.

So, Taste Buds? Life Savers Apparently.

Two beat cops are patrolling a neighborhood late at night. The older of the two is grumbling against their new commander, feeling he is working such a late shift so the commander could keep an eye on him. But he stops his grumbling when he spots something. They turn on their huge spotlight, revealing a guy stuffing a woman in a trunk. They chase him down but as he goes over a fence, he impales himself.

Meanwhile, Mac is doing some late night shopping. As he walks around the store, he gets an uneasy feeling. You know that feeling you have when you feel you’re being watched or followed? But as you take in your surroundings, there is no way that’s possible? That’s how Mac feels. But in the cereal aisle, he runs into a familiar face—Ella, the young woman whose mother killed her father in the last episode I recapped prior to the Messer-Monroe Baby revelation. She and Mac talk and joke for a bit as Ella reveals her postcards of people’s secrets will be published as a book (One of my life’s goals). She invites him for breakfast but he gets called to the scene we just saw.

Danny and Flack meet him there as they try to figure out what happened. No signs of rape or defensive wounds. Mac tells them to take the bodies to Sid as dead woman vic gets a text message from a restricted number: Is it done yet? Her life? Yes. The episode? Not even.

CREDITS!

When we come back, the bodies are being moved while a really cool song plays. I always love the music this show gets. Meanwhile, Danny investigates the car the dead woman vic was being shoved into. He finds some blood and the car’s registration. Mac comes over to tell Danny Flack ran the plates but Danny interrupts to say the car’s owner is Isabelle Vaught. So dead woman vic has a name! She was an up-and-coming designer. Meanwhile the blood wasn’t really blood, but some sort of vegetation but Danny doesn’t know how it go there as it wasn’t on either dead body. Flack tries to get the number of our mysterious text messenger from the phone company. Mac figures it was a dump site and wonders where the primary scene is.

New York! Sid goes over dead male vic’s body as well as Isabelle’s. He pulls trace off one and finds acid in another. He calls Hawkes to come see Isabelle. Her organs melted and liquefied. Both vics had a strange dinner according to their stomach contents. Oh, and dead man’s name is Tony. Sid reveals Isabelle drank 18 oz (at least) of sodium hydroxide (commonly found in drainer cleaner). Hawkes realizes that it wasn’t accidental but it was forced on her. They are confused. Who dumps a suicide victim’s body?

Angel brings Stella to Declan Rooney, dead from a snapped neck and broken fingers. It reminds Stella of the Rat Fisherman’s death. He had disappeared but Angel figures he’s back. The security cameras are fake and something is missing from the store.

Meanwhile, Adam tells Danny that he found dung under Isabelle’s fingernails. Danny offers to buy Adam a drink if he gets more information, but Adam tells him to save his money since children are expensive. As his dad reminded him constantly. He then gives a type for Danny and Lindsay to combine incomes, but we all know how the marriage proposal went down. Lindsay walks by and says she felt the baby kick. Umm, was it just me or wasn’t she still in her first trimester LAST WEEK? Now, she’s noticeably pregnant and the baby’s kicking, but not when Danny’s around.

Hey, anyone know if Anna Belknap’s pregnant again and that’s why this storyline came up?

And food! Lindsay uses the pregnant excuse to get Mac to put a few berries in his mouth. From his face, it’s not pleasant but it is the trace Danny found in the car. It’s the miracle treat that I remember from the Graham Norton show. You have it and it’ll make bitter foods taste sweet—which may explain why Isabelle drank the drain cleaner so readily. So Isabelle was murdered but why?

Danny, Hawkes and Flack find the remains of the party and the miracle fruit. Flack gets a call and finds out our text messenger is Quincy Feeney. He and Mac ask her why she texted her boyfriend with the message. Quincy says she idolized Isabelle but Tony panicked when he found her dead in the apartment. They thought she had a fatal allergic reaction and he didn’t want some so famous dying in his apartment. Mac asks for her boots, finding a squished berry on her boot—matching the trace. She helped move the body. Quincy felt that Tony was too drunk to drive. The plan was to dump the body, dump the car and then go back to the city.

Back at the apartment, Danny and Hawkes pack away a meal they can’t believe people ate. They find a blood trail to the bathroom, finding blood all over the sink. She probably threw up as the cleaner went to work. Danny finds half empty Drain-o. They figure Tony spiked Isabelle’s drink while the party raged on.

New York! Ella is waiting in Mac’s office. She knows something about Isabelle’s murder. She brings up a card designed like Isabelle’s purse, flips it over, and it reads: “I want her dead.” Spooky.

Runway! Models show off Isabelle’s bags. They talk to Isabelle’s partner or soon to be ex-partner. Isabelle was suing her but the partner owned the label. They show a partner a picture of the card but it strikes a nerve, even though she designs knowing who made it. Meanwhile, Hawkes finds the Drain-o cocktail was made in the blender. But it wasn’t from the drain cleaner as the sodium hydroxide was pure. Time to find which guest had access to chemicals!

Sid talks to Mac and Stella about Declan’s murder. She figures the Greek assassin wanted something in the pawn shop. Sid finds some trace which she runs to process. She scans the silver as Danny comes in. It matches the coin from Indiana Jones and the Amulet of Rudy Giuliani. Stella figures there are more coins and the Greek Assassin is trying to locate all of them, killing the people who stand in his way.

You know what? Both my heritages have been the enemy on this show. I’m half-Greek and look, we have an evil Greek assassin. I’m also half-Irish and the Irish Mafia broke into the crime lab in the season 3 finale.

New York! Stella and Angel talk to some obnoxious parolee. He is Stan and he’s a counterfeiter. They want him to design some coins in exchange for Stan’s brother to be moved to a closer prison.

Hawkes goes through an electronic device. Apparently, the device isn’t working properly (or the business partner doesn’t have any DNA). Mac goes for the device. Adam confirms there was elephant dung in a bag in Tony’s apartment, matching the elephant dung under Isabelle’s fingers. The dung matches that of the elephants in the Manhattan zoo. Seems the zookeepers sell the dung to a man named Colby who makes paper out of them. Lovely. Anyway, Colby was at Tony’s party. Adam goes for a high five but Danny wisely leaves him hanging.

Danny and Flack meet Colby. He was pulling a college prank on her as the first person he saw. It was to test the berries. Colby swears he didn’t kill Isabelle, they were occasional bed buddies. And he used to make the paper for Isabelle’s labels. Danny, meanwhile, spots sodium hydroxide and confiscates it. Lindsay goes over the card Ella brought over but can’t find any trace. Except for signs of Ella. A sketch was found underneath the purse. Mac runs a handwriting analysis using Ella’s statement. The card was a fake so Mac goes to confront her. And she is about to learn you don’t piss off Mac Taylor. Ella apologizes but reveals that she thought Mac cared about her. She has daddy issues, acting out for attention.

Danny tests the sodium hydroxide. He confirms a match and hauls Colby back into interrogation. Flack goes at him. Isabelle and Colby chatted it up constantly for two months. Then Isabelle cut him off but he phone stalked her. Colby admits that Isabelle broke up with him because he was cheating on her. Colby still swears that he didn’t kill Isabelle and reveals the ex-business partner was the woman he cheated on Isabelle with. He’s still denying it when Danny reveals Isabelle was killed with his sodium hydroxide.

Meanwhile, Mac finds out about Stella’s plans with Stan. And he doesn’t approve on grounds it compromises the lab’s integrity. He tells her to stand down. She fights back. He orders her to stand down. She leaves angry. And Danny comes in to tell Mac that Colby got a lawyer. Hawkes comes in with DNA news. Apparently, the blender used to make the Drain-o cocktail had traces of leaf that, if ingested, could mask DNA in saliva. And it’s find in Southeast Asia. The ex-business partner revealed she was from Thailand. Hmm…If you weren’t smelling a rat when Colby admitted she was his lover, this is definitely sounding the alarms. Motive, opportunity and means.

Guess who is in interrogation? With a snuff box full of those leaves and traces of sodium hydroxide. She killed Isabelle, who stood up for herself. And so she killed her.

Angel meets a Greek diplomat in a dinner and passes him an envelope. It has a coin in it. Looks like Stella’s plan is in effect despite Mac’s orders. As she and Stella drive off, Mac gets a call. It’s just crying and then Ella apologizes for something. He rushes to her apartment, kicks in the door, and finds a bloody knife. She cries she’s tired of being alone and reveals her wrists. She’s not dying; she did it the wrong way. It’s up the block, not across the street! And it’s sad I know that. Mac carries her out of the apartment as the camera focuses on a secret that says “I will make him love me.” Creepy.

I smell February sweeps set ups! An Ella kidnapping/crazy stalking Mac Taylor? Stella having an intense confrontation with the Greek Assassin? Messer-Monroe Baby? What do you think?

My Favorite Version of a Christmas Carol. Ever.

And is anyone familiar with my blog surprised it is the Disney one?

Mickey's Christmas Carol stars Scrooge McDuck as, appropriately, Ebenezer Scrooge. Mickey and Minnie Mouse naturally play Bob Cratchit and his wife with one of Mickey's nephews portraying Tiny Tim. Goofy is a not-so-scary Marley while Jiminy Cricket, Willie the Giant and Peg-Leg Pete play the ghosts (Past, Present and Future respectively). Donald Duck plays Scrooge's nephew Fred while Daisy plays Scrooge's old girlfriend Isabelle.

Unlike Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol, this one acknowledges Fred and shows the ghosts in proper order. However, a warning for those with little kids, the Ghost of Christmas Future's sequence may be a bit intense for the tots as flames arise out of Scrooge's tomb. However, it is one of the few times this particular Dickens ghost gets a face.

Seeing the classic Disney characters act out one of the best known Christmas stories is a thrill and may help introduce younger views to such characters as Willie the Giant or Mr. Toad (who played Fezziwig). And it's always good to see Mickey and the gang in 2-D (clearly, I'm not a fan of the 3-D Mickey).

My father taped a showing of Mickey's Christmas Carol which also featured a few old animated shorts, including one of Goofy's old "How to" shorts (if you have never seen these, do. They are hysterical, particularly the winter sports). My other favorite involves Chip and Dale, Pluto and Mickey's Christmas tree. It is beautifully animated and quite a good watch.

Perhaps I'm a bit biased, but I think I shall give this one five candy canes.

Merry Christmas to all and in the Morning, I'm Getting a Cat-Scan!

The last movie dealt with one scenario of Santa's beginnings. This one proposes a different theory: Put on the red suit, you become Santa Claus.

Yes, The Santa Clause. It tells the story of Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) an executive who isn't the Christmasy or fatherly type. One Christmas Eve, he and his son Charlie (Eric Lloyd), disturb Santa Claus right off the roof. Scott puts on the suit, Charlie finds the sleigh and the next thing he knows, he reluctantly gives out all the presents. The reindeer take him to the North Pole where he meets elves Bernard (David Krumholtz) and Judy (Paige Tamada) who try to guide Scott to be Santa. However, he's convinced it's a dream but Charlie knows it is real. As Scott goes through the transformation from Tim Allen to Santa Claus, his ex-wife (Wendy Crewson) and her new husband (Judge Reinhold) grew more worried about his relationship with Charlie. As Scott embraces his inner-Santa, the police start a manhunt for him and Charlie.

This is one of Allen's best, allowing him to show a range from his typical comedic shtick to dramatic moments. Lloyd also held his own despite his age and Reinhold plays well off of Allen. Krumholtz is also a delight as an elf.

The script has very light moments that serve the holiday spirit well. It can also easily be the best of the three Santa Clause movies. For that, I give it four and a half candy canes out of five.

Let It Be Known Across the Land From Sea to Sea...

Let's face it. Come December, the most popular guy on the planet is Santa Claus (no matter what you call him--St. Nick, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Pere Noel, etc). And there are many movies out there that star the jolly merrymaker facing many different scenarios. Yet, what are Santa's origins?

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town seeks to answer that question. It tells the young story of Kris Kringle, the adopted son of a family of toymakers. He grows up learning how to make toys, be generous and little tricks that he would later apply to his trade. Upon reaching adulthood, he decides to go hand out his family's toys in a nearby town. Unfortunately, the Burgermeister--the ruler--has just declared toys illegal after suffering an injury. Kris has to sneak in the toys with the help of local schoolteacher Jessica, the Winter Warlock, and a penguin named Topper. In time, Kris adopts the name Santa Claus and limits his visits to Christmas Eve, but is still the generous soul he ever was.

Narrated by Fred Astaire, the store is told in the claymation style that was popular in TV's early days. Like Rudolph and Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol, the songs in this special are particularly memorable as well. There is the title song that everyone knows by heart crooned masterfully by Astaire. My family's favorite is "No More Toymakers to the King!"--regarding the Burgermeister Meisterburger's decision to outlaw toys. And I know I've hummed to myself "One Foot in Front of the Other" in difficult or nerve-wracking times.

Another thing I love about this special is how strong-willed and independent Jessica is in it. She stands up for the children, helps Kris bring joy and finds a way to break him and his friends out of prison. In some ways, she is his greatest ally and it is no surprise that she becomes Mrs. Claus. One most hope the women who have played (or will play) Santa's wife take a few lessons from Jessica. She is how I imagine Mrs. Claus to be--Santa's equal partner.

For Jessica Claus and a rallying anthem, I award Santa Claus is Comin' to Town five candy canes out of five.

And I leave you with one quote: "A yo-yo? I love yo-yos!"
"Sire, you are breaking your own law!"

Never underestimate the power of a yo-yo.

New York Has Its Own Bermuda Triangle?

It’s been awhile since I did a recap. Sorry.

We hear a radio news broadcast as they show the Empire State Building. Some guy walks through midtown, talking about transmissions and listening to a busted iPod. Some guy’s radio goes out. Danny calls Lindsay that they changed his bus’ route and is running late. He then asks her about the baby. BABY? Lindsay’s pregnant? Is Danny the father? He says he has something important to say, but the call gets dropped. Everything goes haywire as an armored car suddenly gets electrocuted.

Credits! I am so excited for the Messer-Monroe baby…I hope it’s Messer-Monroe, that is.

Empire State Building! All done up in blue and white. Passover? High Holy Days? Hanukah? The armored vehicle driver is upset as he’s interviewed by Don. Mac and Stella investigate the dead guy. They spot burns as well as a wound. Stella talks but realizes Mac is no longer listening. Don says the victim’s name is Carl. His living partner is Greg. No consistent eye witness accounts. They try to spot Mac and Don wonders if it’s New York’s Bermuda Triangle, caused by the Empire State Building.

Sid gets Carl. He finds something lodged in the wound. He opens Carl up and microwaves something. He gives Hawkes busted metal fragments that were once Carl’s pacemaker. It was the thing that exploded. Sid is microwaving a pig’s liver to show that Carl’s liver was microwaved. Sid explains that communication devices that used to be at the World Trade Center were moved to the Empire State Building—causing the “Bermuda Triangle.”

Which gives Adam and Lindsay some problems with the video. Lindsay sneaks out to feed her cravings. Danny finds her and quizzes her on family history. When she passes, he asks her to marry him. She says no. LINDSAY! Why the hell not?

From baby drama to crime drama…Hawkes does some investigation and tries to put the pacemaker back together. Mac shows up and Hawkes confirms that it did explode. He gets a code and finds that Carl had remote reporting on his pacemaker. The maker knew he was going haywire at 4:56, same time the video conks out. Mac, Danny and Hawkes goes to the top of the Empire State Building. And I don’t mean the observation deck. They go to read the wires at the top. They walk around with devices, but most remain between 1 and 2, safety levels. Danny: “I can see the Poconos but I can’t see any dangerous microwave levels.” Mac rules out the building and turns to a possible microwave weapon. Flack calls but it is all crackling. However, Mac heard enough to know that no one stole any money from the armored car.

New York! Stella goes into Mac’s office to ask where he disappeared to. He responds he was with the FBI, Dean Walsh—we see in a flashback. Wished it was someone from Without a Trace. Remember the case with the person who had everything about everyone in New York on a flash drive? Remember how that drive disappeared? The FBI thinks Mac took it since he was the last to see it. The FBI threatens him not to use the drive. Mac flashes back to Hawkes giving it to him then goes to check the property room. Not there. Officer Kevin Cross vouchered the drive.

Lindsay goes to check in with Adam, who processed the armor car doors. He tried to figure out how someone opened the door. He gets a Satan ring, a very powerful magnet. He puts it over the lock, has Lindsay turns it and they crack the keypad. They realize the person who opened it had one. Don gets the picture and leaves immediately. He goes to see someone named Ernie Benton, an ex-con. Apparently, Ernie used the Satan’s ring. He pays off a young woman, saying he will lock up. He says he has cancer and didn’t do the robbery. He promises to be in the bar should Don need him.

Lindsay works on some trace—nameless the pineapple sticker found on Carl’s sleeve. She runs out of chemicals and hesitates getting some more—the fumes can’t be good for the baby. She does her best to protect the baby and load the chemical. Stella comes to check in. It is doused in fruit oils and zinc. Turns out Stella is also the Safety Officer. Lindsay asks about being a pregnant “friend” who is worried. Stella assures Lindsay it is fine and tells her that her “friend’s” coworkers will be understanding. And one has to wonder—does Stella see through this “friend”?

Hawkes and Mac talks about the microwave weapons while Danny comes in to say something is up with the armored car. The two go to the next bank on the car’s list. Some security car signs in and walks out with money, but signed in as Carl. Carl was dead. They figure the robber—not Ernie—had to know how to stop the real Carl from coming and know the schedule. Carl’s death probably wasn’t on the menu but it was clearly an inside job.

New York! Stella and Mac curse out the New York Bermuda Triangle. Danny can’t prove it’s an inside job. Mac remembers a sky-cam, one which shows the bank the guy robbed. They find our crazy guy who is a witness. Stella and Danny try to talk to him. The guy took something off our suspect. He goes back to detecting the frequency on the busted iPod. Adam examines the shoulder patch taken off the suspect. But it comes back clean for DNA and no scent. Lindsay suggests using the dogs. They collect a smell sample, give it to the dog. And run! He leads us straight to Greg—the driver.

Greg denies he was involved, saying Carl was like family. Mac and Don interrogate him but he swears he didn’t do it. He then tells them his spare uniform was picked up at his dry cleaners by someone who wasn’t him. They show him a picture of Ernie. He doesn’t know him. He storms out insisting he didn’t do it. Mac and Don believe him. Don theorizes that Ernie stalked the driver, disguised himself and did it. But Mac says he needed a partner to stop the car.

Hawkes gets a break. He tells Stella a lab in the city has a prototype microwave gun. He rushes off as Lindsay comes in. She says the pineapple was used to create a tantoo—a design created while tanning. Purposefully, not like that smiley face I had on my back all summer due to the tan lines caused by my bathing suit. Stella points out it isn’t tan weather but I come from the land of orange people—tanning salons are open all year round and very popular. Stella thinks the perp may have accidentally transferred. She got some DNA—which shows Ernie has a daughter. Probably that young woman.

New York. Stella and Lindsay give Mac a rundown about Ernie’s daughter. Hawkes says the gun could’ve been used, but someone had to know how to use it and wipe it down. She uses it to disrupt the traffic, killing the camera and then killing Carl’s pacemaker. Don and Stella go to ask Ernie were his daughter is. They figured daughter got greedy. He says he didn’t have anything to leave her so decided to do another job. He tries to attack Don, allowing Stella to get the daughter’s name. Jamie works for the lab and is seen taking a helicopter. The camera focuses on her pineapple design tantoo. She gets a text message and the helicopter leaves.

New York! Mac finds the dead body of Officer Kevin Cross, the property clerk. Mac sees some sneaky looking people in a black car. Meanwhile, Danny and Lindsay talk about her rejection. She says it’s the wrong time. He thinks that’s code for “wrong guy.” Lindsay assures him that she wants him to propose for the right reason. He agrees. They exchange “I love you’s” before going to tell Mac that they’re going to be parents. No words are said, but they get hugs. Aww…

Next time: A holiday episode. A rather interesting feast. And girl crying that she just wanted to see someone again. And images of blood.

Baby Messer-Monroe! I can’t wait! Anyone else as excited about this as I?

It's Great to be Back! Back!

Ahh, is there anything more classic Christmas than Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol? There have been several adaptations of the story and a few will likely end up on this list. This is the first--Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.

Mr. Magoo (Jim Backus, best known as Thurston Howell III on Gilligan's Island--you know, the Millionaire) returns to the stage as Ebenezer Scrooge in a musical version of the Dickens classic. The role fits as Magoo himself is a miser--who won't even spring for a pair of much needed glasses. Magoo's lack of eyesight is often a catalyst for many calamaties off set. The story, otherwise, is well known--miserly Scrooge is visited by three spirits in hopes he will regain the Christmas spirit. The family of Scrooge's clerk Bob Cratchit--particularly the ill young son Tiny Tim--help Scrooge realize tis better to give then receive.

It is unknown why the special changes the order of the ghosts. The Ghost of Christmas Present is the first ghost while the Ghost of Christmas Past follows him. Also, they knock out the story of Fred, Scrooge's nephew. But the story still retains the other characters we all know and love. I also think this one has the best Past sequence, with the hooligans selling Scrooge's possessions while singing about how bad they are. The legendary Paul Frees lends his voice to many characters, including some of these ne'er-do-wells.

The songs featured in the show are memorable. From the lament young Scrooge sings about being alone in the world to the the Cratchits joyous celebration of Christmas, all will have you humming (and sometimes clapping) along.

For being an entertaining retelling of A Christmas Carol but for never really telling us what a razleberry was, I give Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol four and a half candy canes out of five.

The Meaning of Christmas

Who doesn't love Charlie Brown? And who doesn't root for him? Who doesn't pray that this time, he really will kick the ball? Or that his baseball team will win? Everybody loves Charlie Brown. And everyone loves A Charlie Brown Christmas, the half-hour special that debuted in 1965.

Charlie Brown is concerned. Christmas is coming and he doesn't feel excited. He looks at how commercialized the holiday is--his dog Snoopy decorating his dog house to win a prize, his sister Sally asking Santa for money--and becomes more melancholy. Lucy decides he needs to get involved, making him the director of the Christmas pageant. However, no one listens to him so he goes to get a tree. When ridiculed for his tree, Charlie Brown finally explodes, asking for the meaning of Christmas. Linus tells him the meaning of Christmas, but he storms out. In the end, the children realize the tree isn't all that bad and Charlie Brown gets his Christmas spirit.

This is a classic and rings truer every year. It seems as the commercials start earlier and earlier (Honestly, one year, we're going to wake up on the day after Labor Day and see Christmas ads running), more and more people focus on the commercialism of the holiday. Charlie Brown reminds us that it isn't about how we decorate the house, what we ask Santa for, what we get under the tree. It reminds us that Christmas is about being together, about putting a smile on someone else's face. And the part where Linus repeats the lines from Luke's Gospel regarding the shepherds says it all: "Peace on earth and goodwill to men."

And it tells it all in a simple, funny manner. My screenwriting professor showed this as an example of a sitcom, knowing we'd be able to pay attention to the format rather than the content. And we were as we were saying the lines with the movie: "Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?" "I've been kissed by a dog! Get some hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine!" "Do innkeepers' wives have naturally curly hair?" etc.

And who hasn't seen a rather pathetic little Christmas tree and called it a "Charlie Brown" tree?

This classic gets five candy canes for having staying power and for reminding it's audiences about the true meaning of Christmas.

Misfits ROCK!

"Why am I such a misfit? Why am I such a misfit? Just because my nose glows..."

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the longest running Christmas special, debuting a year before the classic Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! We've all sung the song, but a refresher. Rudolph is born with a glowing red nose. His parents, Donner and his wife, cover up the nose but it's discovered. Rudolph is ridiculed by everyone. Meanwhile, elf Herbie is having trouble fitting in with the other elves. You see, Herbie doesn't want to make toys. Herbie wants to be a dentist! He is ridiculed by the other elves. He and Rudolph decide to run away, where they go on many adventures--befriending Yukon Cornelius, running from the Abdominal Snowman and visiting the Island of Misfit Toys. Eventually, they return to the North Pole to save Christmas.

The movie comes with humor, poignancy, yet a moral lesson at heart: Treat everyone with respect. No one's dreams should be crushed, mocked. And I must say, recently rewatching this classic, I was disturbed with how cruel everyone really was. Young reindeer? Okay, we've all made fun of that funny kid (and have been that funny kid). Head Elf/Taskmaster? Yes, we've all had this type of boss/teacher. But SANTA CLAUS? The man who determines who is naughty and who is nice? The most generous man on earth? He is downright mean to Rudolph throughout most of the movie, viewing the nose as some sort of disability that prevents Rudolph from having a normal life. Fortunately, he comes around and admits he was wrong. I guess even Santa needs to learn a lesson or two.

And why was that doll on the Island of Misfit Toys in the first place? She seemed perfectly normal to my father and I.

The special comes with some great songs, most sung by the legendary Burl Ives. Multiple viewings of Rudolph are the reason why I was listening to a music clip and was able to identify Ives immediately as the singer despite never hearing the song before. "Silver and Gold" has to be one of my favorite songs of the movie.

For a strong moral message, for being a classic, I am awarding Rudolph four candy canes out of five. It loses one because of my newfound awareness of how cruel everyone is in this special.

Talk About Issues, Oy.

"Fred Claus" isn't your usual Santa Claus movie. In fact, it's a movie about family dysfunction masquerading as a Santa movie.

Fred (Vince Vaughn) is the older brother of jolly old St. Nicholas himself (Paul Giamatti). The movie details exactly why Fred becomes estranged from his brother--Nicholas was clearly the darling of their mother's (Kathy Bates) eye. (Papa Claus--Treavor Peacock--just stands there throughout the whole movie and is a waste of space). So years later, Fred is living in Chicago. He loses his girlfriend Wanda (Rachel Weisz) and ends up in jail in one day and, while pleading with his brother for bail money, ends up agreeing to work at the North Pole for money to open a new business. Fred goes up to the North Pole, much to Annette Claus' (Miranda Richardson) dismay. He befriends Willy (John Michael Higgins) and Charlene (Elizabeth Banks) and shakes things up at the North Pole. For some reason, Santa appears to be part of a larger corporation who has sent Clyde (Kevin Spacey) to evaluate the North Pole's efficiency. If Santa fails, Christmas is cancelled. With Fred's misadventures and some underhanded prodding by Clyde, it takes a miracle to save the holiday.

The movie takes care to show why Fred is slightly justified in his feelings toward his family. In fact, if he had written to Dear Abby, I'm sure she would've told him to cut ties with them. And in an intervention scene, there is a moment where you watch them fight and think, "And they think Fred has the problems?" Wanda hits his problem though on the head but the family ignores it--he is afraid to let people love him because he doesn't have the self-esteem to. Santa in this movie is depicted as not knowing that you can do the wrong thing for the right reason (like chopping down his brother's favorite tree to be the family Christmas tree) or that someone is rarely naughty for the sake of being naughty. This was an interesting angle to take.

The movie is clearly supposed to be about Fred and Nick's reconnecting as brothers. I feel it fell far from this point. There are a few moments of brotherly interactions between the two, but Fred had a stronger relationship with Willie than his own brother. He comes back to help his brother out on Christmas Eve, but the feeling that they are reconciled is never achieved between Santa and Fred. This feeling is better between Annette and Fred as well as Wanda and Fred, but not so much where it matters. There is never really a scene showing them not fighting and just being two brothers until the very end, when Fred needs to save the day.

Vaughn does a good job balancing the comedy and dramatic as Fred Claus. He plays the goof-off with a heart of gold well, so this was up his alley. Giamatti was also a good choice as Santa, slightly neurotic yet still the kindly person we all imagine. Bates was spot-on as the overbearing and disapproving mama. Both Weisz and Richardson were severally underused in their roles, Richardson making the best of what she was given in every scene she was in. Spacey stole the movie as Clyde as did Higgins as Willie. Banks was good though she deserved some more costume than something ordered out of Victoria's Secret.

The movie has some cute scenes, particularly when Fred dons the famous red suit. Keep your eyes peeled at the Siblings Anonymous meeting--some famous faces related to even more famous faces play themselves.

So, for being almost cute and not great, for causing me to want to slap everyone in the movie, for underusing Miranda Richardson, for not clearing up certain things (like my sister yelled throughout the course of the movie: "WHY ARE THEY ALL STILL ALIVE?"), I give "Fred Claus" three candy canes out of five.

Three Words That Best Describe Are as Follows

And I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

Yes, I go to a beloved Christmas special, which for the record, isn't near the above statement.

"Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas" brings the classic story to life in vibrant colors as a merry cartoon. Everyone in Whoville knows the story: The Grinch lives near Whoville and is not a Christmas person. In order to get some peace, quiet and no holiday cheer, he disguises himself as Santa Claus and removes every physical reminder of the holiday from Whoville. But as he learns that these things don't make Christmas, well, Christmas, will he realize what does?

Boris Karloff, a master of the horror genre, adds a credible level to the Grinch as a mean-spirited, almost menacing, character. And who doesn't love the adorable Max, dragged along as an unwilling participant in his master's plans? The scene as the Grinch recalls what will happen on Christmas morning mirrors what happens in houses across the world as children rush to the tree. And who hasn't looked at a young child with a noisy toy and briefly understood the Grinch's grief: "Oh the noise! Noise! Noise!"

And no matter how many viewings of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," one always has a feeling that maybe, just maybe, the Grinch won't save the sleigh in time. But the smile on your face is always worth it when he does.

Something for the trivia buffs: Watch the Grinch's eyes as he ponders why Christmas still came. They go from red to blue at the line "Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." They return to red but remain blue till the end of the special.

And so, maybe in a spirit of nostalgia and in honor of a true masterpiece, I award "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" five candy canes! Okay, everyone, all together now: "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..."

Graduation Day at Rydell High

Commencement exercises will be on Jan. 4, 2009 at the Brooks Atkinson Theatre when the recently revival of "Grease" closes.

The classic musical tells the story of good girl Sandy and greaser Danny, two star crossed lovers fighting their places in high school society to be with them. With their colorful friends by them, will Sandy and Danny ever be together?

"Grease" is a nostalgic look back at the 50s and contains the songs "Grease," "Summer Lovin'," "Grease Lightning," "Hopelessly Devoted," "We Go Together," and "You're the One That I Want."

This revival was known for using television to cast its leads a la American Idol and the (more popular) British show "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" (which gave way to "Any Dream Will Do" and "I'd Do Anything"). Max Crumm and Laura Osnes sang their way into America's hearts and won the competition, aired on NBC. Currently, former contestants Ashley Spencer and Derek Keeling play Sandy and Danny. The show received mixed reviews and often turned to stunt casting (for example, American Idol winner Taylor Hicks as "Teen Angel").

The film counterpart is more beloved, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. Rumors of a remake have been floating around for some time, with Michelle Pfeifer (who starred in the disasterous Grease 2--which is so bad it's good) attached as executive producer and rumored to be courting Jessica Simpson to play Sandy.

Love is All You Need

Continuing in my "25 Christmas Movies" of December, I move on to a movie that has become a new holiday tradition for me.

Love, Actually intertwines the lives of several Londoners in the weeks leading up to Christmas. David (Hugh Grant) is the new prime minister who falls in love with a member of his staff, Natalie (Martine McCutcheon). His sister, Karen (Emma Thompson) is trying to console her friend Daniel after the death of his wife and help with his stepson Sam (Thomas Sangster). Karen's husband, Harry (Alan Rickman), has enough of love at his office. One employee, Sarah (Laura Linney), is desperately in love with another, Karl (Rodrigo Santoro), but afraid to make a move due to family obligations while Harry's secretary, Mia (Heike Makatsch), is flirting with him. Mia's friend, Mark (Andrew Lincoln) is trying to keep himself together though is in love with his best friend's (Chiwetel Ejiofor) girl (Keira Knightley). After their wedding, Jamie (Colin Firth) discovers his girlfriend cheating on him with his brother and goes into the French countryside to finish his book. There, he meets his Portuguese housekeeper Aurelia (Lucia Moniz). Meanwhile, wedding caterer Colin (Kris Marshall) decides to go to America to get laid. His friend Tony (Abdul Salis) is against the idea as he continues to work on a film. During the arguments, two of Tony's stand ins, John and Judy (Martin Freeman and Joanna Page) fall in love. And all of this is cut between aging rocker Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) trying to reignite his career with a number one Christmas single--"Christmas is All Around."

Phew! While the plot seems to be difficult to follow on paper, director Richard Curtis (Four Weddings and a Funeral) weaves them all so that they aren't as confusing on film. Mr. Curtis also wrote the script and tells some timeless stories of love: forbidden, unrequited, love-at-first-sight, first love, true love mixed in with betrayal, hard work, and tears. The cast is top notch--Firth, Grant, McCutcheon, Thompson, Rickman and Linney are especially to be commended. Sangster is also a screen stealer, even for his young age, as the precocious and in-love Sam. The scenes between him and on-screen father Neeson are some of the most touching in the movie.

The shots are wonderful--London at Christmas time. Once again the soundtrack is complementary to the stories and back grounds. And it reminds us all what Christmas is about: Love. So, four and a half candy canes. (It loses a half candy cane for not really revealing certain characters' post-Christmas fates).

No Place Like Home For the Holidays...

Ever reach a point in your life where it feels everything is crashing down around you? Ever found that just a change in scenery helps set everything back in order?

This is the basic premise in my first holiday movie review--The Holiday. Both Iris (Kate Winslet) and Amanda (Cameron Diaz) have their lovelifes end tragically--Iris' beau is engaged to another woman, Amanda's is cheating with his secretary. Despondent and frustrated, the two meet through a house swap website. Amanda decides to go to Iris' English cottage for two weeks--Christmas--while Iris occupies the other's LA mansion. In England, Amanda meets Iris' brother Graham (Jude Law), a charmer with a secret. The two begin a fling that develops into something deeper. Meanwhile, Iris befriends Amanda's elderly neighbor Arthur (Eli Wallach), part of the Golden Age of Hollywood, and composer Miles (Jack Black). These two men help Iris find a new self-confidence.

The movie is a real pick-me-up, with each woman taking a different journey. Iris has been in a funk we've all been in and needs a new outlook on life. Arthur gives it to her using the only way he knows--the movies. He has her watch movies with strong heroines, encouraging her to be the heroine of her own movie, not the best friend. Miles gives her a relationship where she doesn't feel like the dirty little secret or skeleton in the closet. Across the pond, Graham reintroduces Amanda to her fun side, to the side not addicted to work. He brings out a side she's been suppressing since she was a teenager, reconnecting her to her emotions. The movie allows for a great character-study, something not really seen in your typical holiday rom-com.

I do feel that the movie spends more time focusing on the romance growing between Graham and Amanda. While there's no denying that Law and Diaz have a magnetic chemisty, it would've been nice to see Black and Winslet play off each other more. The scenes between Iris and Miles are always uplifting, even when the two are commiserating over their failed relationships. Their romance isn't as built up as Amanda's is and it hurts the ending of the movie. However, Iris' relationship with Arthur overshadows Miles, a mentor-mentoree relationship that is really the catalyst for Iris' transformation. Miles is just a domino in this equation.

With Miles being a composer, the soundtrack is one of the best I've heard. It has a holiday feel even when mixed in with the "taking a stand" and "romance" motifs for each character. Movies also play a large part throughout the film--Iris is surrounded by Hollywood, Amanda is haunted by a voice over artist narrating her life as if it were the theatrical trailers she cuts. Winslet and Diaz are charming as ever, Black has grounded his goofy persona to create a more serious romantic interest while Law can make any woman swoon as Graham.

All these work together to make a wonderful romantic comedy, with just a dash of Christmas thrown in. A good-for-all-year round viewing, not just Christmas. So, it gets four out of five stars but on the holiday scale, three and a half candy canes.

Prepare for Departure...

In another blow to Broadway, Tony Award-winning revival Boeing-Boeing will close shortly after the New Year. It will go on tour, but leave yet another theatre dark.


Boeing-Boeing tells the story of one man and the three women in his life, all flight attendants. This allows him to juggle his love life until it all comes crashing down on him.


The revival was part of a trend where the plays opening on Broadway were getting more buzz than most of the musicals that opened last season. It currently plays at the Longacre Theater.

Boeing-Boeing will close in the same month as hits Spamalot, Hairspray, 13 and Spring Awakening. The news also comes shortly after American Buffalo, starring John Leguizamo, Haley Joel Osment and Cedric the Entertainer, closed after only 8 performances due to lagging ticket sales.

Tickets are too expensive now and have been for quite some time. It's time to figure out a way to bring them down and maybe revive the failing Great White Way.

Like a Bolt Out of the Blue

Every year, my family has a tradition. While other people are shoving and, apparently, killing each other at Black Friday sales, we go to the movies like everyone else who doesn't want to deal with the mall. This year, we went to see Disney Animation's new movie, Bolt.

Bolt (voiced by John Travolta) is the canine star of a hit television show along with his "human," Penny (Miley Cyrus). The show's director (in perfect casting, James Lipton of "Inside the Actor's Studio) is a firm believer of method acting--even for the dog. So he creates an almost The Truman Story like environment. Bolt is never allowed to be a real dog nor see anything that would indicate nothing is real (for instance, a boom mike). Bolt grows very protective of Penny, unaware that she really isn't in danger and that his powers are actually well-choreographed stunts.

This environment backfires when Bolt, thinking Penny has been kidnapped, escapes to save her. He winds up across the country in New York City. A trio of pigeons (approriately named Joey, Vinny and Bobby) lead Bolt to Mittens (Susie Essman), a declawed alley cat. Believing she is working with Penny's abductior, Bolt drags Mittens on a cross-journey trek to save his beloved person. Along the way, they meet a hamster named Rhino (Mark Walton), a big fan of Bolt's. He, too, believes the TV show is real but Bolt soon learns the difference between fact and fiction. He also learns the meaning of friendship and true heroism.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie takes place about halfway through. Bolt has dragged Mittens to Ohio, where they stumble upon an RV campground. Bolt is hungry but needs to be taught how to beg by the cat. In a silly montage, Bolt begs his way to a full meal...but true hilarity happens when Mittens tries to do the same. Of course, if I were at the park, I'd put out a bowl of milk for the cat. While Mittens does play a big role and get an arc of her own, I did sit through the movie wondering what the writers had against cats.

But for the characters who really stole the show, that belongs to the pigeons--be they the New York trio of Bobby, Vinny and Joey or the Cali duo of Billy, Tom and Blake. From the accents to the mannerisms, particularly the Cali duo pitching a script idea to Bolt, they were a delight whenever on the screen. As for the main cast, Travolta gave a spot-on performance as a dog who believes he has powers who is disillusioned during the course of the movie. Cyrus' performance was pretty good, but as Penny's age is never established, sometimes her voice is hit or miss--sometimes perfect, sometimes a bit too old it seems for Penny. Essman and Walton give wonderful supporting performances.

The design, while not as superior as sister company Pixar's, was a vast improvement over "Meet the Robinsons." It seemed more lifelike than the Robinsons' past background designs. When Bolt was in New York, I could recognize the city and was impressed with how accurate it was (Though for the future, Disney animators, New York has not used the "Walk/Don't Walk" signs for quite some time).

All in all, it was a cute movie--much better suited for younger children than Pixar's summer offering Wall-E. It doesn't drag and offers some splending shots--even if they are CGI. Stay tuned for the credits for a lovely duet between Cyrus and Travolta entitled "I Though I Lost You."