OUAT: In Which Rumple is a Colossal Jerk

Last time on “Once:” Hook tried to outrun Cerberus and failed, but managed to get Megara out. She got his message to Emma and the others but now the Cerberus was after them. Mary Margaret realized an old friend of hers was in the Underworld and she asked him for help, figuring he could help them find Hook while getting a chance to move on. This friend? Hercules!

We learned that Hercules befriended a young Snow when she was struggling with how to be a ruler. He taught her archery and how to stand up to bandits being paid by Regina to terrorize the countryside. In the end, the people loved Snow White and she kissed Hercules before he continued with his tasks to join Mt. Olympus.

(No one tell David)

Robin and Henry broke into Cora’s office to try and get some maps. Robin stood guard while Henry crawled through the air duct, coming across Cruella. She told him that his pen is down in the Underworld and he could use it to help the souls finish their business and move on. Henry left the office, keeping his encounter with the psychopath a secret.

Regina gave Mary Margaret a pep talk, which led to Mary Margaret giving Hercules a pep talk. As the Cerberus attacked again, she teamed up with Hercules and Megara to finally defeat it. Hercules and Meg clicked and went off to Mt. Olympus together. Mary Margaret decided to be Snow White full time again.

Hades ordered Hook to pick three of his friends to stay in the Underworld to replace the souls they had helped escape.

We open there, with Hades waiting for Hook to chisel names into the tombstones. But Hook drops it and says he won’t do that. So Hades hauls him over to the green river filled with souls we all remember from he movie. He warns Hook not to touch it or his soul will be trapped there forever and says they’re going for a little boat ride.

(That's definitely not It's a Small World)

Rumple enters his shop and finds a note from Daddy Dearest that says everything in the shop is at Rumple’s disposal. But he still hopes Rumple will reconsider his offer. Rumple’s face suggests that’ll happen when there’s a day the Underworld isn’t tinted red.

He locks the doors and gathers ingredients, throwing them into a cauldron. It starts to smoke over and he dips a crystal ball inside it. When it comes out, he asks it to show him the person whom he seeks. It glows purple and reveals Belle’s face. She’s at Granny’s, having breakfast with Grumpy. Aww, the writers remembered they’re friends again! For some reason, this makes Rumple scared and he drops the crystal ball. It shatters on the floor.

(Look, everyone! It's Emile de Ravin!)

In the loft, the others are busy trying to clean up after Cerberus’ attack. Robin comes down stairs and announces that they do not want to see what he did to the upstairs. Emma wants to go back to the mines and see if they can find the entrance to where Hades as Hook. Rumple comes in and tells her that Hades will have enchanted it to keep anyone who isn’t dead out. So they need to find a dead person willing to let them use their aura to trick the enchantment. And he has an idea of who. He says he’ll go talk to that person and that it’ll just be him and Emma. The others can clean.

(Emma, we've been over this. Do. Not. Trust. This. Man)

We cut to the Enchanted Forest. Everyone say hi to Milah—Rumple’s ex-wife, Hook’s ex-lover and Neal’s mother! She carries wood for the fire and argues with Rumple, who is limping behind her. He says he was busy playing with Bae, who sent off to fetch something. Milah says Rumple is good for nothing except for playing with the boy.

Speaking of the boy, he’s discovered a snake. And clearly, despite living in the woods, he doesn’t know not to touch the snake. So he does and gets bit. His screams bring his parents running and they worry about him.

(Trust me, kid. I'm fun)

Rumple stands at an intersection and looks across the street. There, working as a crossing guard and protecting a bunch of children, is Milah. She spies her ex-husband and is less than thrilled to see him. But he says he needs her help. She doesn’t look too willing to help…until he mentions Hook.

(Someone knows she probably can't trust him)

Emma joins them and Rumple introduces her…by explaining that Emma had an affair with their son and having his child and is now in a relationship with Hook. Milah’s like “Wait, so you’ve been with my son and my ex-lover? Really?” Emma cannot feel more awkward. But Milah is all for helping Hook and they head out.

(Emma's expression says it all)

Meanwhile, Regina goes to Granny’s and looks for the Blind Witch. Emma Caulfield isn’t appearing in this episode but Victoria Smurfit is! Cruella tries to sneak away but Regina catches her, insisting they need to talk.

(Not stealthy at all, Cruella)

Turns out the entrance to the Underworld is in the Underworld version of Emma’s house. Even she’s weirded out by it but Rumple just rolls with it. They enter and Emma is surprised to see her nursery from the Enchanted Forest in there. Some took it to mean a Captain Swan baby, most believe it represents the childhood that died when the curse was cast. Anyway, they open the STILL NOT SUSPICIOUS DOOR and head down to the secret lair.

(Things just get weirder and weirder, huh, Emma?)

In the past, Milah and Rumpelstiltskin rush Bae to a healer. He says he recognizes the poison and has the antidote. However, it’s worth more gold than the Stiltskins have. Milah storms away and tells Rumple that he needs to step up and do something to save their son.

(I...I don't know what they were going for)

At the entrance to Hades’ lair, Rumple says they don’t need Milah anymore and tells her she can go. Emma tells her that Neal came to her in a vision and he told her that he was in a better place. She just wanted Milah to know that as well. Milah then asks to come with her, in hopes of redeeming herself. Emma agrees.

(Look, they're getting along)
(Rumple seems kinda pissed about that, doesn't he?)

Cruella and Regina talk at Granny’s. Regina asks her frenemy to explain how to find someone down there. Cruella gives her a map of the cemetery and explains that if a person’s tombstone is erect, then they are still in the Underworld. If it’s toppled over on the ground, the person has moved on to the better place. But if it’s destroyed, they went the other way. Cruella also notes that Regina’s magic isn’t working properly down in the Underworld. This seems to come out of nowhere but I guess we’ll roll with it.

(A map or pages from the phone book?)

After the boat floats down the river o’ souls, Emma climbs out and says she has to go alone. Rumple and Milah agree to stay in the boat. And it’s not awkward at all!

(Of course it is).

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Rumple and Milah discuss how they are going to save their son. Milah says that if he has a spine, he’d steal the antidote and kill the healer. Rumple isn’t too sure but then agrees, for Bae’s sake. She kisses him and he goes off to kill the man.

(Awkward)

Once he’s gone, a drunk spills his beer on Milah. He then offers to clean her up, but really uses it as an excuse to feel her up. She protests but is rescued by a dashing rapscallion called Killian Jones. He decks the drunk and then offers to help Milah in any way. She’s smitten.

(New love)

They talk and get closer. Killian tells her about his travels and all the exotic places he’s gone to. He invites her to come along but she tells him she’s married. Killian backs off, respecting her marriage, but says that if she ever has a change in her situation, to look him up.

Emma finds Hook hanging over the River o’ Souls, dangling precariously close to it. She crosses the tiny stone bridge and manages to pull him to safely. He says she shouldn’t have come for him but she tells him that she’s stubborn. She hugs him, relieved he’s safe at last.

(Reunited!)

Back at Port Awkward, Milah admits that she wants to make amends with Baefire and apologize for abandoning him. Rumple understands and admits he did some horrible things in Bae’s name. But Bae as Neal forgave him and he’s sure he’d do the same for Milah.

(Hope)

Rumple creeps into the healer’s hunt and tries to work up the courage to kill him. Of course, he can’t. The healer wakes up and Rumple confesses everything to him. The healer offers to give him the antidote if Rumple will make a deal. Rumple says he’s not good at making deals.

Oh, show.

In Port Awkward, Milah is frozen in a green cloud and Rumple looks up to see Hades there. Hades wants to have a word with the Dark One.

Regina and Snow use Cruella’s map and go through the cemetery. Regina thanks her for coming and Snow says she wasn’t going to let her do this alone. She then spots what they are looking for—Daniel’s grave. And at long last, we have last name for Daniel. It’s Colter.

Get it?

Anyway, Daniel’s grave is flat on the ground. He’s moved on to the better place. Snow gives Regina some privacy and Regina says her goodbyes to Daniel.

Hades and Rumple have a little talk. Hades reveals that he knows everything going on—including the fact that Emma is rescuing Hook as they speak. But he’s not going to stop them. Hades has other plans and Rumple is going to help him. He tosses the Dark One the crystal ball that shattered earlier and says he knows what he saw in there. That Rumple had asked to see his child but saw Belle instead. Which means that Belle is preggers with a little Dark Baby.

("Oh. Crap.")

Welp, most of us saw this coming since Emilie de Ravin announced her pregnancy. By the way, she had a little girl named Vera, so congrats to her and her boyfriend!

Milah tends to Bae as Rumple returns with the antidote. They administer it and it works immediately. Rumple then tells Milah about his deal with the healer. In exchange for the antidote, he agreed to give the healer his second-born child. Milah is horrified. Rumple explains that it’s okay because they just won’t have another child. She rightly points out that Rumple stole that away from her without her consent. He’s still confused as Bae comes round.

(He just doesn't get it)

No wonder Milah left.

Rumple goes back to Port Awkward and says a few things to Milah. He makes the boat disappear and she tries to fight against him. But he sends her flying into the River of Souls and wow, dude. She didn’t deserve that.

Jerk.

He then starts yelling that Hades killed Milah, drawing Emma’s and Hook’s attention as they arrive back at Port Awkward. Rumple lies, claiming Hades destroyed the boat and killed Milah. He claims he tried to fight the god but was unable to. Hook is disheartened to have missed Milah. But even without the boat, they manage to get out.

(And the award goes to...)

Snow and Regina head back to the loft after visiting the cemetery. They find a horse just lying on the ground and grow concerned. Regina says it’s injured and raises her hand. The horse stands and trots away. And it’s Rocinante, her horse. The one she had killed, believing his heart would suffice to cast the Dark Curse.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Anyway, Regina then conjures a fireball. Snow asks her why she did that and she replies that she just wanted to see if she could. It looks like her magic is back.

Well, that was kinda pointless.

Emma helps Hook into the loft and everyone is relieved to see him. She says they are going to split her heart and get out of there. Hook is like “Wait, what?” while everyone else is “We’ll explain later.” Regina tries to get to Emma’s heart but much like what happened when Cora tried to pull it out, Regina is repelled. I guess Emma forgot about that when coming up with this plan. As everyone tries to figure out what just happened, they realize they are going to need a new plan.

(I think Emma's expression says it all)

We cut back to the Enchanted Forest, where Rumple is now the Dark One. He pays a visit to the healer and his dialogue places this during the events of “The Miller’s Daughter,” when he thought he had found love again with Cora. Since she had promised him a child, he kills the healer to void the contract.

Except that since the Healer ended up in the Underworld, the contract is still valid down there. And Hades has bought the contract from the Healer. So Rumple has to do his bidding or Hades will take his child with Belle.

(Such...handwriting)

Our main cast ends up back in the cemetery. Hook explains that Hades wanted him to pick three people to replace the souls they released but he couldn’t do it. So it appears Hades chose for him. They stare down the three tombstones now bearing names: 

Well, those three names aren’t a surprise. Adam and Eddy have always been firm that Emma, Regina and Snow are the three leads of the show. After all, Jennifer Morrison, Lana Parrilla and Ginnifer Goodwin are the first three listed in the credits. It’s then by seniority (Josh, Jared, Emilie, Colin, Sean, Rebecca) with Robert Carlyle getting a “and…” credit. It does make me worry. There are rumors floating about the fandom that make me nervous for my ship and this only makes me nervous. 

And its not a surprise they made Belle pregnant. There are really only two choices when an actress gets pregnant—write it in or shoot around it. So they’re writing in Emilie’s and shooting around Ginny’s. Both work for the show.

Next time: Welcome back Liam Jones to the show!  

Screen caps from here.