OUAT: Topsy Turvy

Last time on “Once:” Emma and Regina return to Storybrooke with Lily, Robin, an unseen Roland and Zelena. Regina immediately threw her sister into a padded cell in the hospital before going to collect the Author. She’s going to have him rewrite the story and give her a happy ending at last. Which means getting some blood from Lily, who is trying to leave town after her reunion with her mother didn’t go as she anticipated. Namely, Maleficent wasn’t as interested in revenge as Lily was. Maleficent asked the Charmings for help and in the process, Mary Margaret is injured. After a heart-to-heart with Hook, Emma forgives her mother just as Lily gives her mother a chance.

In the Enchanted Forest, Cora Freakin’ Mills returned from Wonderland, saying she wanted to help her daughter find true love. Regina reminded her mother that she killed Regina’s true love. But Cora had a run in with the captain of the SS Outlaw Queen, Tinkerbell, and knows about the Man With the Lion Tattoo. She offered to find him but instead found the Sheriff, disguising him as the Man With the Lion Tattoo. Regina saw through him easily and he admitted that Cora promised him he’d be king if he got her pregnant. Regina believed it was a plot by Cora to steal Regina’s throne and so she took a potion to sterilize herself. As Cora returned to Wonderland, she told Regina that she did want Regina to be happy and she wanted her to have a child to experience the joy of motherhood. She told Regina that she is the only one standing in the way of her happiness.

This finally sank in as Regina was about to have the Author write Zelena out of existence. Regina decided to not stand in her way anymore, revealing her happy ending to be the fact that she finally belonged in the world. And Robin was a part of that world, making for some relieved Outlaw Queen shippers—this recapper included. The Author disappeared, going to Gold’s shop in order to change everything and give the villains their happy ending.

Whew! That was one packed episode, wasn’t it?


We open with a knight riding into battle…but it’s just the opening for a TV show being broadcast on a newfangled color TV. It’s December 1966 and a man wonders if they really need a color TV.
Isaac pops up to encourage him to buy a color TV. But the guy doesn’t seem impressed. All he wants to know is if it has a clicker. Another salesman pops up and says it does. He then schmoozes with the man, talking about shared military experience. The guy and his wife seem to be coming around to buying a color TV. The other salesman pulls Isaac aside and lays into him about his inability to sell TVs. He also puts down Isaac’s writing aspirations. At that point, Isaac gets a letter from Star Publishing asking for a meeting immediately.

(Remember that date)

He heads down to Star Publishing. It is a single room with a single desk. Sitting behind it is the Apprentice. This is when Isaac becomes the Author. But first he has to pick a pen. He picks a black quill like pen and the Apprentice says he has chosen well. That they needed to know what type of Author he was going to be. The Apprentice explains the job of Author to him, saying the last Author just died.


Walt Disney died on December 15, 1966. He was the last author.

The Apprentice creates a door in the room and opens it, revealing a forest. Isaac can’t believe his eyes but the Apprentice says he does believe in magic or else he wouldn’t see anything. Isaac steps inside, giving up his former life for his new one as the Author.

(The road less travelled?)

And we all know how that turned out.

In Storybrooke, three of our four main ships and Henry search through the books for whatever Isaac may be writing. Regina tosses another blank book aside, frustrated that they keep coming up empty. Robin assures her that this isn’t her fault (though she did give the Author the ink but minor quibble) and squeezes her hand. Their renewed intimacy does not escape shipper-on-deck Emma’s notice but she doesn’t draw attention to it as Regina bemoans that she could wake up a talking frog. Of course, that means she’d have to fall asleep. Seriously, she and Robin have to be operating on no sleep since they are still in the same outfits from “Lily.” And Emma we know hasn’t slept at all this arc it seems.

August comes in to serve as our exposition fairy. He talks about the man who told him about the Author. August hasn’t seen him in Storybrooke but he does have a sketch of him. It’s the Apprentice and Hook knows where they can find him.

(Hey, Eion Bailey. You need to pop in more often)

They put the Sorcerer’s hat on the floor of what I’m guessing is the convent? Hook apologizes for trapping the Apprentice and Emma assures him that it was Gold. She exposits that Blue can free the Apprentice because she was trapped inside. All she needs is something that belongs to the Apprentice. Uh, can’t she then free like everyone else inside if possible? How come this hasn’t come up before? Anyway, Hook hands her the broomstick. As everyone watches—including August and Robin—she frees the Apprentice.

("Woah, dude...")

Not out of the hat a minute, the Apprentice wastes no time. He says they have to trap Isaac in the book again. So he needs the page with the door and the key. Henry agrees to get them and Emma sends her parents and Hook with him. She and Regina believe Gold may also be looking for the page—Regina apparently forgetting Gold is in no condition to be doing anything—and they head over to Gold’s shop with the Apprentice. August and Robin…just stand around? I don’t know.

In Gold’s shop, Isaac puts the finishing touches on the new story. He says there’s one loose thread—Neal/Baelfire. What does Gold want him to do about him? Gold snarls at him not to tease him, that he can’t bring back the dead. Isaac confirms this, saying that anyone who died already will remain dead. So no Neal, no Daniel. We’re not getting a Michael Raymond-James or Noah Bean cameo tonight. Instead, he offers to write it so that Neal died thinking his father was a hero. That Rumple tried to save him but failed. That’s…better?

As the Charmings and Hook tear up their loft to find the page and Team Moms march toward Gold’s with the Apprentice, Isaac writes two fateful words: “The End.” A brilliant light flashes over Storybrooke.

Henry comes to in the loft, he finds he is alone. No Mary Margaret. No David. No Hook. Henry runs out and finds Storybrooke is abandoned. There is no one aside from him in the town. What’s a stranded teen to do?

(One expects a tumbleweed to come blowing through)

Steal his mother’s car, of course! He drives Regina’s car to the diner she no doubt sent Robin and Marilena to back in “Heroes and Villains.” Henry goes into the diner and the waitress mocks his parking skills. He sasses her back and had they been there, Regina and Emma would’ve been proud. But he’s then all business, showing her pictures of his family and asking her if she’s seen them. She tells him to wait and she walks off, calling the police to report a runaway. Henry realizes he needs to get out and in the process, he spies a book—“Heroes and Villains” by Isaac Heller.

We then go to New York, where Isaac is having a reading and a signing for fans of his book. There are some people there in costumes, including a woman dressed as his version of Regina. She says Regina is her favorite and she asks if things will work out for her in the sequel. Isaac pulls out “No spoilers” and signs her book. She gives him a “Long Live Regina” pin she made before she wanders off. Henry then slams down the page with the door and holds the key over it. Now that he has Isaac’s attention, he demands to know where his family is.

(Wonder what Evil Regals are called in this universe)

Isaac takes Henry back to a warehouse. He explains that Henry’s family is in his book, Heroes and Villains. (Except Emma. He says there was no room for Savior in his story). There, the villains are getting their happy endings while the heroes aren’t. And in the real world, Isaac is getting his. So Henry should just run along. Henry isn’t going to do that. Instead, he takes the key and puts it to Isaac’s book, causing a bright light to engulf them.

Henry comes to in the Enchanted Forest, next to a cabin with a very familiar broomstick leaning by the door. But he ignores that in favor of the sword. He picks it up and plays with it before Isaac rains on his parade. Isaac explains that they are trapped in the Enchanted Forest and everything can kill them. Henry just wants Isaac to right everything. But Isaac can’t. He gave himself a happy ending, which was against the rules he was given as the Author. As such, he’s lost his powers. Isaac is also savvy and figures that if anyone can figure out how to save the day, it would be Henry. So he knocks him out.

(Hey, remember when David was giving Henry prince lessons? Because the show doesn't!)

Should we have a running tally of how many times Henry ends up unconscious this episode?

This time, Henry comes to tied up like a sacrifice to King Kong. Isaac explains that they are in the last chapter of his story. Once they get to the end of that day and the bells ring, everything will become permanent. So he has to keep Henry from interfering until then so he can remain a big successful author.

Isaac runs off as an ogre emerges from the woods. Henry is screwed…until a knight rides up. He uses light magic to defeat the ogre. A woman runs out of a cabin, saying the Ogre Slayer has saved them all. Who is this Ogre Slayer? Why, Rumplestiltskin, of course! He lets Henry go and asks him if he has any family nearby. Henry is like “I’m staring at my grandfather” but just says that he thinks he has family close by. Rumple tells him to run home then because he has another village to save.

Rumplestiltskin, away!

Using Isaac’s book, Henry navigates his way through the woods. He is able to bypass the traps set up amongst the trees and finds a hollow log the book calls home. As he peers in, he hears someone aim an arrow at him. Henry turns around and comes face-to-face with Bandit!Regina. Henry turns around and introduces himself as her son. It’s a parallel to Henry’s first scene, where he introduces himself as Emma’s son!

This thing is just full of parallels. Have fun spotting them!

Inside the log, Henry tries to convince Regina of her real life. She laughs at him before pulling a knife on him, demanding to know who sent him. He insists nobody and that the world they are in is wrong. And he thinks she needs to right it. Regina tells him to go home as she has a royal tax carriage to rob.

Henry follows her out of the log, insisting that she’s the one who can undo Isaac’s work. She’s a hero here and if she gets a happy ending, then everything unravels. Henry’s convinced she has to share a True Love’s Kiss with Robin Hood and all of us Outlaw Queen fans are 100% behind this. But Regina says that if she’s to run into Robin Hood, she’s going to give him a bloody nosy instead of a kiss. She says he’s her competition and that he keeps beating her to her loot, forcing her to remain in the Enchanted Forest. Henry realizes this isn’t going to be as easy as he hoped.

(Look at how adorable Bandit!Regina is)

Meanwhile, Isaac returns to where he left Henry, hoping to find his broken body. Instead, he realizes that Rumple freed Henry because he’s a hero now. Isaac goes looking for Henry, forgetting about the traps he had to write about. He ends up in one and the Seven Dwarves emerge, dressed in black. They are evil and decide to take Isaac to the queen once they find the “Long Live Regina” pin. Grumpy knocks the Author out with a “heigh ho.”

The Winter Palace returns as the Evil Queen stalks the halls. Who is the Evil Queen? Snow, of course! And Ginnifer Goodwin looks like she’s relishing the role. She bursts into the throne room where the dwarves have Isaac. They show her the “Long Live Regina” pin and Snow uses a heart to summon someone. In enters Evil Charming, who says he’ll always find Snow. She snaps at him and he adds “Your Majesty.” Snow relishes in it.

(Evil Snow!)

She orders Evil!Charming to behead Isaac. He tries to save his life by saying he knows things—like who Snow White really loves. Evil!Snow decides to play along. It’s Isaac’s turn to be the Exposition Fairy and he explains that Snow was in love with Prince James, Charming’s twin. But Regina did something and it lead to James’ death. So Snow sought out Charming but found him a weak version of James. She pulled out his heart and kept him as a pet. She now chases Regina and wants to kill her in revenge.

Snow enjoys story time but decides to have him killed anyway. Isaac says he knows where she can find Regina and explains that there is a boy with her who can ruin everything. She can kill both of them and everyone will be happy. Snow’s down with that.

The royal tax carriage rattles along until the driver is knocked out. Regina runs to steal the contents and is startled to find Snow inside instead. The Evil Queen grabs Regina and the bandit asks when it’ll end. Snow tells her it’ll end when she’s dead…as well as all her followers. Spoiler alert: We’ll never see these followers. Regina says that she was a child and she made a mistake. Snow says she couldn’t keep a secret so now James was dead. She wants Regina’s head on a silver platter and she reaches into Regina’s chest to grab her heart.

Evil!Charming interjects, saying Snow should ask her about the boy. Snow is impressed and pulls her hand out. Regina tries to plea with Snow to end their feud, saying that revenge won’t make her happy. It’ll only make her empty. She doesn’t know it, but Regina is speaking from experience. Snow conjures a fireball, saying Regina doesn’t know anything about her happiness.

Evil!Snow gets taken out by a door knocked into her by an arrow. Robin Hood comes riding up on a horse, which Regina jumps on as he calls out “Milady.” Oh, when was the last time Robin called her that? Anyway, Regina says she had the situation under control and Robin says “A simple thank would suffice.”

Parallels!

Please to enjoy Robin on a horse: 

Robin and Regina go to the tavern where Regina continues to insist he didn’t have to save her. Robin says he’s already second guessing helping his competition. At that point, Regina realizes who he is. “Robin Hood?” she asks. “Well, I’m not Friar Tuck,” he shoots back. He then asks for her hand and warns her it might hurt before tossing some alcohol onto her wound. Robin then tells her to sit. Regina tries to protest but he gets her to comply with a look.

She sits down and plops down a coin, telling him its his cut. Robin laughs and notes her reluctance to thank him. He ties the bandage a bit too tight in retribution. They share a drink and he notices she’s staring at him. He asks what it is and Regina says she thought he’d be dirtier. Robin decides to take it as a compliment.

Robin then praises Regina’s skills and says he has a proposition for her. He tells her that he’s getting out of the thieving business and wants her to take over as the leader of the Merry Men. Regina is flabbergasted, stammering out how she’s flattered. She then turns him down, saying these woods aren’t where she belongs and she’s getting out. Robin says he’s sorry to hear that.

Regina then asks him what’s forcing him out of the business. Robin asks her if she’s ever met someone and when she’s looked into their eyes, she knew she was born to look into them for the rest of her life. She struggles to catch her breath and it’s clear she’s realizing it with his beautiful baby blues. 

But then Robin bursts her bubble by saying he has and that’s why he’s getting out—it wouldn’t be fair to his new bride. And who is his new bride? Zelena.

*This has been censored for language*

(50 Shades of Nope)

Regina looks punched in the gut as Zelena invites her to the wedding, saying it would be an honor. She begs off, saying she needs to get ahead start on Evil!Snow. She wishes them the best, shakes Robin’s hand and leaves the tavern.

As she watches the (ugh) happy couple, Henry comes up to her. He says he figured she’d be in Sherwood Forest looking for Robin. Regina tells him that Robin is engaged and drags him to the window. Henry’s eyes widen and he says that it’s all wrong—that the woman is Zelena and she’s Regina’s sister. Regina reveals that she was abandoned as a baby, which Henry points out was Zelena’s backstory. Regina tells him to buzz off and to go bother his other mother.

(Oh God. Jared is the same height as Lana)

Henry reveals that there was no room in the story for a Savior and he sees something flicker in Regina’s eyes. He presses her for more information and she reveals that there was someone who called herself the Savior. But Snow had her locked up years ago in a tower that no one can get into located on an island.

(Cue the Tangled soundtrack)

We end this part of the episode on a shot of Emma in a voluminous blue dress, blonde hair all wild as she struggles against her chains and lets out an inhuman wail.

So far, so good. It doesn’t seem to be a straight swap—I don’t think Regina has Snow’s story exactly. But it would’ve been interesting to see what she did to cause Prince James to die. And it’s clear the Author sees Regina as a hero—he took away her happy ending. It’s right there in the scene with Robin Hood when she tells him that she doesn’t belong in the forest anymore. Just the episode prior, Regina was saying her happy ending was finally belonging somewhere. Brilliant.

I know a few people were confused, wondering if Robin was really Zelena’s happy ending. I think she’s just a pawn, much like poor Robin is, in the Author’s plan to keep Regina from her happy ending. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have his story. Though some of us would love for Robin to run after Regina…but that’s for another time.

Next time: What’s Hook up to? Can they rescue Emma? Will Regina stop the wedding or will the entire Outlaw Queen fandom be forced to? Find out!

Screen caps from here.