Sunday, September 1, 2013

ANTM: Dude Looks Like a Lady

Last week on “ANTM:” Chris H had a heart-to-heart with the rest of the house and most people accepted his explanation of why he was weird. He also has a blossoming friendship with Nina, who had a swollen ankle. The models had to walk a revolving turntable and no one got seriously hurt. And then they had to pose in a trailer park. Marvin has no game. Though he does cop to his crush on Jiana at panel. Jourdan rose to the top while Mike and Jeremy fell to the bottom two. In the end, Mike was eliminated. Twelve models remain, who will be eliminated tonight? Find out!

Top Model!


LA! The models return home so Jourdan can admire her photo. She says she didn’t think she could be a model because of her abusive ex. Meanwhile, Kanani says no one like Jourdan. But Nina does so she joins Jourdan in the Tyra Suite while everyone else talks shit about Jourdan.

Meanwhile, Alexandra is missing her mom while Phil is missing his girlfriend, the TV. I mean Zoe. Jourdan doubts this because he and Jiana are really close.

Jourdan, as best photo, gets to control the phone privilege. She has some trouble determining how to divide the minutes and but figures it out. She determines everyone gets five minutes but she and nina can get ten, which means two people can’t use the phone because five times twelve is sixty and the models only get an hour to use the phone. And then she goes over because her boyfriend seems to e giving her a hard time about being on the competition. Jourdan, I think you picked another loser. Meanwhile, Alexandra just wants to find out how her mother is doing since she has breast cancer. Jourdan finishes and says “By the way, I get to talk as long as I want.” Renee starts arguing that Jourdan didn’t tell her about phone time and Jourdan says it wasn’t her job to tell everyone. Except it kinda was.

Jourdan says she can take ten minutes if she wants to talk to her boyfriend because she misses him. And Renee calls her a bitch rather than anyone pointing out the truth—that Jourdan spent more than five minutes on the phone. The editors took off the clock they had going in the corner, but the last time it was there, Jourdan was pushing fifteen minutes. So now three people can't talk to their loved ones. This is so stupid and clearly contrived by the producers in order to get the contestants to fight. Though if I were doing things, I'd figure out how many minutes each contestant could get and then at the end of their time, cut the phone line no matter where they are in the conversation. People get angry but then everyone gets a shot. The less people there are, the longer they get to talk. Anyway, as Jourdan storms off, we go to...

COMMERCIALS!

Jourdan and Renee are still fighting. Jourdan reveals she still can't count. Jeremy defends Jourdan and Nina says everyone is just jealous. Jourdan agrees. But it's because you couldn't do math properly! It's Bianca/Shannon all over again.

The model mobile brings them to some place where they meet Bryanboy and Perez Hilton, who talks about being a social correspondent. So the models have to interview people even when Perez tells them to do something silly or stupid. Cory goes first...Whoa, we're going fast. Perez has Phil get someone to spank him. Jeremy takes off her shirt and a girl feels up his abs. Then he loses his pants. Perez is impressed. Jeremy goes backstage and tells everyone what happened. Jiana is surprised. Alexandra tries to interview someone with Perez and Bryanboy talking in her ear. Backstage, more Phiana flirting go on before Jiana asks someone if he likes a girl who gives it up on the first date. Meanwhile, things are still tense between Renee and Jourdan. Jourdan seems to do well on her interview while Marvin has no (interview) game. In his talking head, Marvin says he doesn't want to become famous for bashing people like Perez did. He hugs his interviewee as we go to...

COMMERCIALS!

Perez talks to the contestants and says he was disappointed with Jiana and Marvin. Jiana is surprised while Marvin is not fazed. The winner of the challenge is Jeremy! He is surprised and still squinting. Bryanboy asks him to pick a girl to share the prize and he picks Jourdan. They get to have a romantic dinner as a prize. J2 lives! Cory talks trash about Jeremy in the model mobile. He doesn't care for Jourdan either.

Meanwhile, J2 go on their date. Jourdan talks about the fight that morning and Jeremy points out that people should've had time to talk. Jourdan tells Jeremy her story. As she does that, the others check their challenge scores. Marvin is upset with his scores, saying he deserved better. Alexandra feels the same about her scores while Jiana is scared.

COMMERCIALS!

Everyone leaves the house and meets Johnny somewhere around movie studios. This time, they will be acting in a fragrance commercial. But the boys will be dressed like girls while girls will be dressed by boys. Cory reveals he has done drag and we see proof. Jeremy Rowley from the Groundlings gives the models tips how to portray the other sex. Johnny then reveals that the commercial ends with a kiss. They get to pick their partners:

Jourdan and Jeremy
Phil and Jiana
Nina and Chris H
Don and Kanani
Marvin and Renee
Cory and Alexandra


We see Tyra as "Tyrone" as Johnny talks about being versatile. Cory is thrilled with this shoot. He is dressed as a business woman. Johnny calls Cory a fierce tranny but says Alexandra was uncomfortable. Renee kisses Marvin backstage and Marvin loves it. They are a surfer couple. Marvin cops a feel when he and Renee kiss. She is surprised but likes it as we go to...

COMMERCIALS!

LA! Phil flirts with Jiana, who admits she has a crush on him. J2 tease Phiana about it. Jourdan questions Phil's intentions. Phiana is the yuppie couple. Jiana says Phil threw some tongue in there. Chris H practices walking in heels to portray the Hollywood couple with Nina. Johnny worries Nina isn't masculine enough. Cory calls Chris his "drag sister." Kanani does pull off being a guy and Don was a cheerleader. He really embraces being a girl. J2 is a goth couple. She says she is from a town full of white people so didn't know what Goth was. Because Goth is a race thing. Jeremy does make a pretty girl. They make out after the set. She says she was just being professional.

At the house, Phil talks with Jeremy and Don. Don notes Jourdan is still staring at her picture. Marvin laughs as he jump ropes. Jourdan turns around and is like "I CAN HEAR YOU!"

SKULL MAIL! STILL NO PIRATES IN SIGHT! SOMEONE IS GOING HOME! I'LL STOP YELLING NOW! Jourdan says she wants Jiana to go while Don asks Marvin if he's nervous. Jeremy thinks a girl is going to go. Has he picked up on the pattern?

Some of the models relax in the hot tub and Cory reveals his boyfriend met him when he (Cory) was in drag, so he knows the boyfriend really loves him. Phil talks about Zoe, which causes Jiana to go cold. She says she left the shower running and leaves. Really? That's the best excuse you can use? Heartbroken Jiana says she's just going to focus on herself as we go to...

COMMERCIALS!

Time for panel! There are judges--Kelly, Rob and Bryanboy. There are prizes. Did they send out a memo about how to dress for panel--black and/or red? Chris and Nina go first. Chris' bowtie is adorable. Nina: Tyra liked Nina's swag. Kelly didn't completely believe her as a man and Rob says she needed to be roughter. Score: 7, 9, 7 Tyra calls Chris a beautiful girl, Rob liked him and Kelly thought he was a bit draggy. Scores: 7, 10, 8. Don and Kanani is next. Kanani: Kelly loved her, thought she popped. Tyra agrees and says if Kanani was a guy, she'd tell her to call her.  Score: 10, 10, 10. Everyone loves Don's performance. Even social media. Scores: 9, 9, 9. J2 follows. Tyra does know what Jeremy is doing with his hands. Rob says there is no chemistry. Score: 7, 8, 7. Rob and Kelly says she wasn't gothic. Kelly says she (Kelly) is gothic. Jourdan continues to say she had no clue about goths, which doesn't sit well with Tyra. She flat out calls Jourdan stupid, which if I remember is one of her triggers. Should be interesting next week. Scores: 7, 8, 7.

Phiana is next. Tyra says she saw tongue, Rob says something was going on or they are really good actors. Tyra didn't like Jiana's performance. Bryanboy says Jiana is being overshadowed by the others. Scores: 8, 6, 8. Rob praises Phil as does Kelly. Tyra calls him a pretty woman. Scores: 8, 9, 9. Cory and Alexandra follow. They are impressed with Cory's kiss. And his performance. They needed to subtitle that video. Scores: 10, 10, 8. Kelly thought Alexandra dropped the ball as does Tyra. Rob says she didn't seem to be a strong businessman. Bryanboy tells her to step it up. Scores: 8, 6, 6. Marvin and Kanani go next and Marvin admits to being nervous. Kanani covers her eyes as they watch the video. The panel breaks out laughing over the lick. Marvin's scores: 8, 8, 7. Tyra liked her first line reading but everything was messy. Bryanoy plays a video. Kelly likes it. Scores: 9, 6, 9. Tyra dismisses the models. We get dismissed to...

COMMERCIALS!

ELIMINATION! Best performance goes to...Cory. He is joined by: Kanani, Don, Phil, Jourdan, Chris H, Jeremy, Renee, Nina, and Marvin. That leaves Jiana and Alexandra in the bottom two. He whispers for Jiana to stay strong. Jiana: One weak performance can land a girl at the bottom. Alexandra: Been floating by, but either rise or sink. Who gets to stay? Jiana. Tyra congratulates her and tells her to be amazing every week.

Tyra hugs Alexandra and says she saw something in Alexandra last week. She tells her to be in the comeback competition and work it. Alexandra says she's wanted this her whole life and says social media has loved her. She says she will do her best in the photoshoots and her mother will be proud of her.

America’s Next Top Model:
Alex
Bianca
Kanani
Don
Renee
Nina
Marvin
Jiana
Chris
Cory
Jourdan
Chlea
Jeremy
Chris
Mike
Phil



And so Alexandra goes. The pattern holds. I thought Jiana might get theboot to be this cycle’s Leyla—the one who had been doing well until one bad week and who had high social media scores. It might still be the case in later weeks—or this cycle’s Leyla might be a man. And it looks like Jourdan might be the house bitch. Or Cory. Maybe both!

Don't forget to vote in my poll! see over there --> 

Next week: A campaign! Nina vs. Chris H!
 
Quote of the Episode

"I'm only nineteen but I honestly feel like a forty-years-old on the inside."--Jourdan about herself

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