Saturday, August 17, 2013

ANTM: Manscaping Causes Manspain

Last week on “ANTM:” No one died as the models walked down the side of a building for a fashion show. Chlea earned the wrath of Kelly. Marvin had no game with the ladies. Bianca had a crush on Mike, who was giving Season 5 Lisa a run for her money in alcohol consumption. They posed in non-traditional marriage photos. Don and Marvin exceled while Mike, Bianca and Chris S fell to the bottom. Bianca and Chris were both eliminated. Fourteen contestants remain, who will be eliminated tonight? Find out!

Top Model!

Chlea complains about Kelly and how she talked to her. She said her mother kicked her out and she wasn’t going to be controlled. Renee is like, “Be smart. It’s a game.” Phil and Jiana talk about the hormones and Marvin is still trying to get with the girls. Cory is over it. Uh oh. No, Cory! You’re getting the goner edit!

Wanna be on top?


Marvin and Don go through the Guess closet to find an outfit. Don talks about his rapping and we hear a bit of him. I’m not much of a rap fan. Anyway, the model mobile takes them to a penthouse where Tyra and Rob come out. Are they dating? Is this a Kelly-Val thing? Yeah, Tyra and Rob were just playing. It was just a segue into a speech on chemistry. They have a three step plan to create chemistry in a photo. Uh oh. First they pair the models off and Jourdan is not too thrilled to find herself paired with Jeremy. J2 forever! (Right after Phil and the TV). So, the chemistry steps are:

1. Fresh breath
2. Tension
3. Inhale

So everyone practices the three steps. Jiana falls a little in love with Don’s eyes. Chlea and Chris H impress Tyra as do Cory and Nina. Let’s see if Marvin’s fake chemistry can top his fake game. Renee is over it. Tyra doesn’t know what Phil is doing and makes him lose the hat. Alexandra just uses it as a lesson.

Johnny gets to come out of the voyeur room and he’s carrying a whip. The theme of the photoshoot is sexy fierce. Some will be posing with Rob Evans. Others will be posing with Victoria’s Secret model…a pair of legs. Seriously, that’s all they show. The contestants go nuts as we go to…

COMMERCIALS!

Anyway, so who is the Victoria’s Secret Angel? Alessandra Ambrosio! I think everyone has died. Tyra calls her the “queen of sexy.” Alessandra says she will be helping them and not to be shy. Tyra works on Nina’s makeup and talks about how Nina is being compared to Allison, who was still robbed. Twice. Alessandra answers some of the models’ questions. Someone asks if she’s single. She laughs and I’m pretty sure she has a kid. Tyra tells stories of Alessandra while Johnny introduces Phil and Jeremy to photographer Sarah Silver. Alessandra dominates the two, who have to show Sarah their inner cat. Phil says he wasn’t comfortable but Jeremy was better. Alessandra is enjoying herself.

Meanwhile, Tyra talks about advice she got from a friend how to be sexy. It looks so awkward. Chlea struggles when she’s paired with Marvin, who is overwhelmed with the entire set up. Jiana thinks her competition is the guys. She is paired with Chris and Johnny praises both of them. Chlea meanwhile wants Phil to go home. We go back to Don and Alexandra, who are paired with Rob. Sarah says she doesn’t believe Don so Rob gives him some tips. Alexandra praises the inhale. Backstage, Don says he had to work harder with Rob there. Jourdan and Renee work with Rob as well but the girls impress Sarah Silver. Cory tries to compete with Rob for Nina’s attention while Mike struggles with his shoot. He talks about being the guy Tyra found adds more pressure. He struggles still as we go to…

COMMERCIALS!

Sarah and Johnny finally get something from Mike when we return. Backstage, the others praise him.

TYRA MAIL! “You’ll have to be a cut above if you want some Love.” Everyone knows that means makeovers! Cory is excited. Actually most people are excited and the guys are curious.

Johnny and Kelly welcome them to the Christophe Salon. Christophe says it’s exciting to have guys.

Kanani: Pixie cut
Chris: Icy blonde
Jiana: Long bob
Don: Bleached hair
Cory: Shave off
Nina: Red, layered with bangs
Jeremy: Trim and lighten
Marvin: Fade
Mike: Amber highlights
Alex: Chocolate brown
Jourdan: Honey blonde
Renee: Straight and black
Chlea: Long honey hair
Phil: Weave!
Chlea: Lighten and longer

Don is uncomfortable but he loves his look. It is good. Cory says goodbye to his hair and he realizes he is going completely bald. Oh no, is Cory going to be competing for the Jaeda Young “My Hair!” Award? Kelly and Johnny give him a pep talk. Nina looks pretty good red, and Tyra probably did that to distance her from Allison. Everyone loves Kanani’s look. Some guy named Harry comes in to take picture. He has a lot of body hair. He tells the boys they are getting manscaped. You know that scene from the 40 Years Old Virgin? Boys, you are about to live it!

COMMERCIALS!

We come back to howls of pain from the men as they are manscaped. Mike is not thrilled with outcome. The girls wince yet laugh as they watch. Alexandra adjusts to being a brunette. Christophe asks Jourdan if she knows about blondes. She says that they are dumb. HEY! I’m a blonde. Christophe says that they have more fun. But Jourdan is really, really fixated on this dumb blonde thing. Chlea and Kelly talk. Kelly extends the olive branch and make up. Aww. Kelly and Chlea agree that there is a time to fight and she needs to learn when it isn’t.

Meanwhile, Alexandra talks about Phil and Jiana’s growing flirtation. No, Phil! What about the TV? Meanwhile, Phil is not enjoying his weave. Marvin wants to see Phil lose it but Phil just waits for the final outcome. And it’s Jesus! And Nina’s flower crown is just adding to it.

Props to the music department for using the “Hallelujah” chorus.

Chlea loves her hair and steals Nina’s flower crown to wear at home. Cory is missing his hair.

SKULL MAIL! Someone’s going home! Mike says he’s nervous going into panel. Cory hopes he doesn’t go home after going bald.

COMMERCIALS!

LA! Time for panel! Tyra is like “Who are you all?” Yes, we know Tyra. You changed their looks. Anyway, there are judges—Kelly, Rob and Bryanboy. There are prizes. Since there was no challenge, social media is more important. Jourdan and Renee are up first. Jourdan: Rob likes her but Tyra wants more intensity. Byranboy reveals the social media scores were not good. Scores:  8, 9, 9 Kelly says they were in bed with Rob and not living in the moment. Bryanboy says fans didn’t like Renee. Scores: 7, 7, 9. Tyra and Kelly give him flack for his score but he’s basing it on his work with her. Or how hot he thinks she is. You decide.

Marvin and Chlea are next. Rob doesn’t like Chlea’s face and Kelly mourns the fact she’s hiding her body. Bryanboy says her fans are disappointed. Scores: 6, 6, 6. Kelly doesn’t like Marvin’s pose. Scores: 6, 9, 6. Tyra is using Rob’s scoring system, isn’t she? Rob praises Jiana’s face but Kelly doesn’t like the positioning while Tyra does. Social media loves Jiana. Scores: 7, 9, 9. Kelly isn’t sure about Chris’ eyes. Rob isn’t sure about his connection. Tyra likes it. Scores: 7, 8, 6. Phil and Jeremy are next. Rob likes Phil but Kelly doesn’t. Tyra tells him to bootch—boy booty tooch. Scores: 5, 7, 6. Kelly calls Jeremy the stronger while Tyra calls it “primatey” and says it is due to his arms. Scores: 6, 6, 6. Don and Alexandra are next. Kelly compares Don to a thief while Tyra says he needs to lift some weights. Social media is down for him. Scores: 5, 5, 6. Kelly thinks Alexandra is wasted and Tyra thinks she needed to exaggerate more. Scores: 6, 8, 7.

Mike and Kanani follow. Rob loves Mike in the shot and Tyra praises him. Kelly says she is impressed but still haunted by his walk. Bryanboy says his social media scores went up. Scores: 8, 10, 9. Rob likes how she is pulling the sheets and Tyra says she lost her neck. Scores: 8, 7, 8. Nina and Cory follow. Cory says he was scared and his voice still waivers. Don’t make me threaten you with the Jaeda Young “My Hair!” Award gone. Tyra doesn’t like Cory’s hair and Kelly agrees it would be better with his makeover. Scores: 7, 8, 6. Rob says Nina has two male models beside her but doesn’t look it. Scores: 8, 8, 6. Tyra loves her face. Time to add up the scores!

COMMERCIALS!

ELIMINATION! Best photo goes to…Mike. He is joined by: Jiana, Jourdan, Nina, Chris, Cory, Alexandra, Kanani, Renee, Marvin, Phil and Jeremy. That leaves Don and Chlea in the bottom two. Chlea: Looks stunning but judges question her desire and drive. Tyra sees a strong face and potential but not seen in photo. Don: Looks amazing after his makeover. But photo was bad. So who stays? Don. He takes a moment and takes his picture. Tyra tells him he has work to do.

She hugs Chlea and tells her she has a chance to come back. Oh, we’re doing this again? The highest social media scorer will come back.

America’s Next Top Model:

Alex
Bianca
Kanani
Don
Renee
Nina
Marvin
Jiana
Chris
Cory
Jourdan
Chlea
Jeremy
Chris
Mike
Phil


















Well, I was worried they were going to shave off Phil’s beard but instead they shaved Cory! And the other guys’ body hair. I did enjoy having Alessandra Ambrosio for this episode. And makeovers are always entertaining!

Next week: Phone time! Chris v. Mike. Spinning runway!

Quote of the episode
“He’s like ‘Freeze Miami Vice!’”—Kelly about Cory’s picture

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