Rock and Roll Circuses and America’s Next Top Model!

A side note to Entertainment Weekly: I love your magazine. Really, I do. I grab it out of the mail pile every Friday and read it cover to cover. And usually you guys are great about summarizing TV shows without giving much away. But did you realize that there was a two-hour finale? Because you revealed the final two when there were still four contenders in play! Tsk, tsk.

This past cycle: Thirteen girls braved Perez Hilton, runways of swinging pendulums, New York City, the chance of walking the plank, and earning the phrase “dreckitude” from new judge Andre Leon Talley. The final six flew to Auckland, New Zealand and then had to survive the possibility of being sacrificed to the volcano, sheep, Jessica’s attempts at cooking, crouching into Hobbit holes and Tyra herself. Angelea and Alexandra were JUST eliminated and now Raina and Krista will cute their way down an Anna Sui fashion show to be crowned America’s Next Top Model. Who will win? Find out now! But only if you’ve read the post directly below this first!

Wanna be on top?

Raina and Krista celebrate being the Top Two. Krista says she’s focused and she needs to beat Raina. Raina wonders about their Cover Girl commercial. She wanted to do it. She says she wants to win and her competitive spirit comes from playing volleyball which she put aside for modeling, her true passion. Krista mentions she’s tried out

TYRA MAIL! “One of you will rise aove the other to claim the title of America’s Next Top Model but right now you are flying on the same level. So pack an overnight bag.” Raina celebrates which Krista dubs as fake.

The girls go to catch a helicopter. They go to Hurakia Lodge for some pampering. They are greeted with champagne as Ms. J sashays in. Krista says she just wants to celebrate but the work starts right away. Ms. J says they are getting pampered so they are young and fresh for tomorrow’s Cover Girl commercial. He gives them their scripts and Raina is overjoyed. They study. Krista doesn’t want cue cards. Mr. Jay comes up making fun of Krista when she got her photo. He tells them they are filming their commercial and shooting a picture which will be used nationwide. Nicole from the last cycle comes back to give them some advice. The concept: the girls are getting ready for a night out on the town. They hit the make up booth and the poor stylists have to shill for it.

Raina goes to take her still photograph. Tony, the photographer, loved how Raina worked her eyes. Nicole goes to give Krista a pep talk. She then goes to film her commercial. She messes up a line and we see up to take 7. Mr. Jay threatens to use the cue cards.

Top Model Lounge! Bianca calls the cue cards the “kiss of death.” Laura says Krista’s psyching herself out.

We come back to Krista still blanking out and finally asking for the cue cards. Mr. Jay likes that Krista is laughing it off as most girls would crumble. Mr. Jay and Jonathan like her sway. She goes to take her still print. Tony loves her smile. Which saves her from looking cold. Raina is now up to shoot her commercial. Mr. Jay tells her not to choreograph herself as she keeps screwing up. Jonathan tells her she has the lines and it’s time to model.

Raina and Krista go back to Auckland and receive Tyra Mail saying they will be doing their Seventeen Magazine shoots. Oh, Ann Shoket should be showing up then. Raina figures she has the upper hand on that shoot. They go to meet Nigel who sends them to hair and make up. I loved Raina’s little peace sign. Krista says she wants to see a “chocolate black girl” on the cover of something.

The girls go back to their house to find Tyra setting up cameras. She says she wants to do a family portrait but something is missing. Are they bringing back the eliminated girls? The girls’ families?

They brought in the girls’ families! Krista goes to hug her mom and stepdad. Next comes out Raina’s dad. Tyra does Krista’s family first. Her mother says she’s proud of her and starts to cry. Tyra tells Raina’s dad to relax and he is proud of Raina’s passion. The pictures will be on Tyra.com. Time for the family reunion to end. The girls say their good-byes.

And then head for their runway show. They are in the Auckland Museum. It is themed of “Rock and Roll Circus.” So besides Nicole and professional models, the girls will be walking with Alasia, Jessica, Alexandra and Angelea. Angelea supports Team Krista. Jessica is on Team Raina. The crowd enters and then the judges plus Ms. J. Mr. Jay directs the show. He cues the circus performers. Nicole then opens the show. Angelea is next before Krista takes her first walk. We see Jessica before Raina takes her first walk. Alasia and Alexandra strut down the catwalk while Krista and Raina change. The next turn is tandem walking. Alexandra and Alasia are paired as are Angelea and Jessica. Raina and Krista walk down together. Raina blows a kiss before leaving. Then comes the finale, everyone walks out clapping.

Tyra goes to talk to Krista. She says she brought her personality in the walk and to be Krista. She says she didn’t always pretty. She wants to show dark-skinned girls they are pretty. Tyra hugs her. She then goes to visit Raina. Raina says it was one of the first times she let loose and had fun. She says she wouldn’t have been able to do this two years ago. Raina recalls being picked on for being tall, gangly, odd eyebrows and big lips. Tyra says she loves the differences. Tyra hugs her.

Final judging…What is up with Tyra’s top? I love their outfits. For the last time this cycle the prizes are: a contract with Wilhelmina Models, a six page spread and cover of Seventeen Magazine and a contract with Cover Girl. There are the judges Nigel Barker and Andre Leon Talley. And the guest judge is Ms. J, back on the panel. The girls are called forward. Ms. J says Krista went back to safety steps but Andre says it was like she was walking on air. Ms. J says she was heavy footed but she was cute. Andre loved her smile and Tyra just loved her walk. Nigel calls Raina’s picture gentle while Andre calls her fresh. Ms. J calls Krista “in your face” beauty. Tyra calls her stunning but she is not smiling with her eyes. Commercial time. Nigel likes Raina’s timber and enunciation. He tells her not to forget her eyes. Andre didn’t read her personality. Tyra tells her to be the girl she is when she is just chilling. And Tyra mentions that Mr. Jay said Krista forgot her lines. Tyra tells her to remain in the commercial. Nigel says the light loves her.

Time for the final deliberation. Andre says both were strong in the competition and both used it as a learning experience. Nigel says they are charming in their own ways. Krista is better body wise while Raina has it made in the face. Andre thinks Raina would be better in the European market while Krista could do the international market. Krista is great for shows while Raina is great for pictures. Nigel thinks Raina will be successful at home but Andre argues they should look for someone with international appeal. Nigel says Krista shows heart but they both have drama.

America’s Next Top Model is…Krista! She starts to cry and apologizes to Raina but she tells Krista it’s okay. Tyra hugs Raina and says she is proud of her. Raina says she knows she should be sad but she’s not. She’s learned so much and has accomplished so much. Raina thanks the panel and wishes Krista luck. Tyra tells Krista she is the embodiment of America’s Next Top Model. All her attempts to get on the show have finally paid off. Even Andre is crying.

America’s Next Top Model: Krista

Alasia

Alexandra

Angelea

Anslee

Brenda

Gabrielle

Jessica

Naduah

Raina

Ren

Simone

Tatianna

Did I want Raina to win? Hell yes. Am I surprised Krista won? Hell no. I got the feeling she would win sometime around New Zealand. She was rising so fast and doing so well that it was the only logical conclusion. However, she is talented and a model through and through. The sad thing is this show will probably hamper her career a bit. But I predict Raina and Angelea will be mentioned in a few cycles as runners up who made it big. And I wish they would bring either Jessica or Angelea back for Top Model Lounge. Angelea especially would provide good commentary.

So, I shall see you all next September for Cycle 15! Time for a whole new set of model wannabes, new runways, more antics from the Jays and perhaps the girls modeling scenes from Tyra’s new fantasy series?

Have a fantastic summer!

Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to write about this summer!

PS: Just one request, new model wannabes—work on the sound bites. I love my quote of the episode bits but I need quotes for it to work!

Tony Round Up!

Neil Patrick Harris as tonight's Tony host? One word: Legend...wait for it...

Congrats to tonight's big winners: Angela Lansbury, Marcia Gay Harden, Gregory Jbara, Alice Ripley, Karen Olivo, the producers of The Norman Conquests, Gods of Carnage, Hair and Billy Elliot the Musical, and to the three Billys who made Tony History by sharing their Best Actor in a Musical Tony win.

I think that was one of the best, if slightly confusing, openings ever.

And now some of my favorite quotes:

“Go presidential. Barack of Ages. Phantom of the Oprah. She’s practically president. Bama Mia.” –NPH’s tip to Broadway producers.

“Wait, I may not be Andrew Lloyd Sondheim…”—Rock of Ages

“That was me playing Barry Gibb in Our Town the Disco Version”—John Stamos.

“Oh, that’s my Oscar acceptance speech”—Frank Langella, pulling cards out of his pocket

“And they managed to keep their clothes on and everything.”—Kristin Chenoweth, about the cast of Hair.

“Coming out for the second time this month—David Hyde Pierce!”—NPH introducing Pierce as a presenter

...dary.

Who Makes Mama Tyra Proud?

The last cycle: We had 14 contestants and fights, fights, fights. Tonight, we crown America’s Next Top Model. Will it be McKey/Cage Girl? Or what about Analeigh? Or will it be Samantha? Oh, are they bringing back Jeremy Scott, that whiner?

Bring on the winner, baby!

Amsterdam! And TYRA MAIL! “Makkelijk, Fris, Mooi” (Thank you to my new DVR). For us who don’t speak Dutch, Sam translates: Easy, breezy, beautiful. Time for Cover Girl commercials! In Dutch!

Mr. Jay stares as the girls face the opposite way from him. He finally yells “Behind you!” and they turn around. And we know what this: commercial and then the final photo shoot. The winner’s picture will be displayed in both Times Square and Wal-Mart. Mr. Jay brings out Whitney, who talks about the product and then tells them they will be kissing someone. They hit makeup and hair, where Analeigh admits she freezes.

The three girls tell us that the commercial is three girls, on a boat who spot a cute guy and kiss him. Sam goes first and doesn’t have her usual energy. Sam wishes the boy doesn’t have herpes. Lovely. She kisses him as Jay dismisses her. McKey goes in for hers and is frozen in fear from her last (horrible) commercial. Is she in front of a green screen? She sounded good, but kept moving. It’s like when I was in public presentation class and the teacher talked about NOT rocking when speaking. Then Analeigh gets in front of the camera and blanks.

Commercial. Anyone else want to see “Four Christmases”?

Canals! Analeigh just breezes through the takes and not in a good way. Jay has to feed her the lines. He praises the way she takes direction, but she needs to find it. And then she gets the kiss. Mr. Jay calls it a wrap on the boat. Now, Jim de Yonker comes back to shoot the photo shoot without Mr. Jay. Sam tries to channel recently departed Marjorie’s Hunchback of Notre Dame pose. Cage Girl scares me when she smiles. Jim calls it a wrap.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only two of you will continue on in hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.” Analeigh mourns the short tenure of her photo. Sam rubs it in but then it reveals that it’s because she knows she could go home. She and Analeigh fret while McKey sleeps like a baby.

JUDGING! Where’s the rest of Tyra’s outfit? She introduces the guest judge as Addy van den Krommenacker (once again, thank you DVR!), the fashion designer the final two will walk the runway for. They view the commercial. McKey is hardly in it. Sam’s individual is up first. Nigel says she was distracted by herself. Ms. J didn’t understand her. They see her picture and don’t like her smile. Analeigh is next. You can tell she’s pausing to get the next line. Paulina calls her a good actress but wonders what happens. Tyra notes she’s good with the teleprompter. And for the picture, Tyra shows Analeigh how to close her lips and not be too sexy. McKey is last. She turned it out from the last shot though the designer thinks she went too fast. Her picture is praised. She is warned not to look crazy.

I love McKey’s outfit though. And it’s Whitney’s last “My Life as a Cover Girl.” And it’s just all her old ones set to “I’ll Melt With You.” Anyone else notice that they tend to take the girl with the most personality and suck it right out of them for these spots? Man.

Deliberation. Sam screams “catalogue” but can’t pull it off. Analeigh has a great body but Paulina worries about her face. They praise McKey but worry about her work, comparing her to Lurch. ELIMINATION! The first girl safe is: McKey. I really want to know where she got that dress! I’ve been looking for a cute sun dress for summers now! BRING BACK THE CUTE SUN DRESS! Anyway, Analeigh and Sam are in the final two. Analeigh has strong poses but a weak face. Samantha looks commercial but couldn’t pull off a commercial shot. So, who’s stomping against McKey? WAIT, THE HELL? It’s SAMANTHA? Damn you, Tyra. Good news, that idiot who posted on Wikipedia was wrong. But now, I want him/her to be right about the winner—GO CAGE GIRL! Analeigh should be in the bottom two, damn you.

You know, this is like when Saleisha won. They are pitting McKey, who they fear the walk, with someone with a so-so book. It’s Saleisha-Chantal all over again. Anyway, Sam and McKey met Ann Shoket to shoot their Seventeen cover shot. Ann says it’ll be a tough call.

AMSTERDAM! Mr. Jay shows Sam and McKey the runway. Which is very pink. He calls it “Willy Wonka-Dr. Suessian.” He has hills, warning them that it won’t be the hills but the length that gets him. Whitney comes to lead off the show, per usual. The final two hit hair and makeup. Sutan gives Sam a pep talk as the audience fills in. Well, at least they have an audience unlike Saleisha-Chantal’s walk. Tyra goes to speak to the girls and glad to hear them say they are nervous—to release the tension. She tells them to make Mama proud. Sam promises us the best runway show ever.

McKey is nervous something will go wrong as Mr. Jay goes over the runway. The judges enter while Ms. J has some giant balloon. And thus, the fashion starts. I like Addy’s designs so far. Looks like stuff I’d actually wear. And McKey further proves she’s easily distracted as she talks about the audience having fun. She talks about running up the hill in her tin foil dress. Sam quickly changes, as does McKey. Sam struggles to put her shoes on as McKey does her next turn. I like Sam’s final dress over McKey’s. Now, the finale. I don’t think these two are the strongest walkers in the bunch—Analeigh was the last great walker. Tyra praises the girls walking though—saying they stood out. I’m not sure—we know they stood out because the cameras only focused on them. With that…

I WANT THOSE DRESSES! I mean, JUDGING! So, which villainess’ closet did Tyra raid for that? Anyway, we have judges, Ms. J’s bling and the prizes: a contract with Elite Management, a spread and cover in Seventeen Magazine and a contract with Cover Girl cosmetics.

McKey: Tyra liked her faces. I thought she was glaring at them the entire time.

Sam: Tyra compares her to a butterfly. Ms. J loved her walk with the chiffon. Tyra worried about her nerves going to her mouth.

Now it’s time to review the work. Modeling 101 to two of their best pictures—their swimsuits. Sam does look better with short hair. Tyra likes McKey’s muscles. They focus on McKey’s legs. Sam is praised for her face. Tyra’s shoot—Nigel loved Sam’s natural shot but McKey’s glam shot. Tyra and Ms. J like Sam’s glam. Paulina likes how she uses her limb. Now the judges will deliberate and the winner will be declared.

Top Models in Action! ANYA! How, she was beautiful. That was a tough call between her and Whitney. Of course, fortunately, she doesn’t have to talk. She does look better as a brunette though, but still looks absolutely stunning.

So judges final thoughts:

Samantha
Nigel: Samantha looks commercial but is great at high-fashion. Photographs well.
Paulina: She looks like a healthy, California beauty. Needs to practice her walk.
Tyra and Ms. J: Love how she moves her body.

McKey
Nigel: Didn’t see a star until the walk. Thinks she did better at the walk, but not as elegance.
Ms. J: Loves her body.

And I really want those dresses, especially Samantha’s. So, only one can become America’s Next Top Model.

And she is: McKey! Looks like that idiot got at least ONE thing right. Well, okay, s/he knew Marjorie wouldn’t make it to the final three. McKey hugs a crying Samantha then goes to celebrate as Tyra hugs Samantha. I hope she gets to keep that dress. Anyone know where a cheap knock-off can be found? McKey celebrates. Tyra makes her work her neck so hard, I’m surprised she didn’t get whiplash. She was a cute kid.

Nigel shoots McKey’s winner’s shoot as Mr. Jay celebrates with them.

And so, McKey joins the ranks and one can hope she demands better My Life as a Cover Girl. Are you happy? Mad? Sad? Thinking the final two shouldn’t have been the final two, like me? Let me know!

Meanwhile, I’m switching to Pushing Daisies until Cycle 12! Don’t cancel it on me, ABC!