HIMYM: RED ALERT!

We’re almost at the wedding. Almost. All the guests have arrived…including Gary Blauman. You know, the recurring character played by Taran Killam, Cobie Smulders’ real life partner? He goes to say hello to Robin, who is surprised to see him. She then panics, running into Marshall. She explains that there’s no seat for Gary as he never RSVP’ed. Marshall calms her down, saying he’ll handle everything. He says he is the king of seating charts and that Table 34 from his wedding still gets together every year. Robin thanks him and continues getting ready.

Marshall looks over the seating plan and declares it a mess. He enlists Ted’s help, but Ted hates Blauman. He recalls the time he read about Teddy Roosevelt and then would not stop talking about the man. To the point it annoys his friends. But then he meets a cute girl at a party who is also fascinated by TR. So is Blauman. The three of them continue to exchange TR trivia for hours. Ted runs out of trivia but Blauman gets one more in. So Ted asks the woman who she is going to sleep with. And now Ted blames Blauman for losing that woman. (Really, Ted? Really?) He’s for throwing Blauman out.

HIMYM: The Old-pocalypse

Robin and Barney’s wedding weekend continues as they discuss their schedules. But a bus pulls up, bringing with it our…

“A” Plot: Robin’s and Barney’s elderly relatives have arrived for the wedding and the two are terrified of them. Though they try to be excited and respectful, all they want to do is hide. Robin talks about her great-grandparents and how all they do is bicker. She’s pretty confident they don’t have sex anymore after sixty years of marriage. Barney wonders if that will be them in sixty years. Robin says no, they’re too awesome to be like that. Barney agrees but doubt has crept in.

HIMYM: Faith and Trust

But sorry, no pixie dust!

Welcome to part two of How I Met Your Mother’s final season premiere. The gang—sans Marshall—has arrived in Farhampton, where Barney and Robin will be getting married.

Plot “A”: Marshall and Marvin’s Bogus Journey. When we last left father and baby son, they were trying to outrun Sherri to get onboard the last flight to New York. But there’s a big storm and there are no more flights to New York. Barney, on the phone with Marshall, instructs him to throw Sherri’s luggage into a restricted zone. Marshall refuses but promises to make it to New York in time for the wedding. He tries to find another flight but once again, no flights to New York. What about the train? Anyway, the booking agent says they might try renting a car. Sherri throws Marshall’s diaper bag into the restricted area and runs off.

Lies My Mother Told Me

Our second episode starts with Barney relaying another wild escapade but he stops, saying he can’t help the others use his life as an escape. They ask why and he says he can’t tell. Robin starts with “Deadliest Catch” when Barney interrupts to say that his mother is moving out of his childhood home. Ted says he understands, which confuses Marshall as Ted’s mom still lives in his childhood home. But since Ted’s mother is now married to a hippie, home doesn’t have the same feel. Barney implores his friends to come to Staten Island (Barney grew up on my home borough? Awesome!) and help him move his mother. They say no and Barney can’t believe they won’t be swayed. He got the Queen of England to fist bump him. They don’t believe that and they…

End up helping move his mother. Damn, he’s good.

CREDITS!

As Ted tries to box some of the items, Barney’s brother James comes to help. Hello, Wayne Brady! He shows Loretta and Barney pictures of his son in the Dolce and Gabana suit Barney sent his nephew. Meanwhile, Robin tells Ted she talked him up to Liz, her make-up assistant at the station. She told her that Ted was funny, good-looking and really good in bed. Really, really, really good in bed. Ted wonders if Robin may have oversold him a bit to Liz and worries about meeting her expectations.

As they pack up Barney’s old room. Lily finds his old jersey and Barney says he loved pee-wee basketball until they kicked him off the team for being too awesome. No one believes him and James backs him up…until Barney leaves the room. He admits his brother was horrible. Barney comes running back in with a letter from the Postmaster General, apologizing for losing the invitations to his 8th birthday party—which was why no one showed up and not because he threw up on a class trip. Barney leaves and Lily wonders if Barney believed everything his mother ever told him. James says yes, including the lie she told about Barney’s dad being “The Price is Right” host Bob Barker. Lily says all parents do that—like how Marshall’s mom used to say he was “sick” whenever he got too hyper and doped him up on cough syrup. And then there’s Santa Claus. Marshall says that one is to give people hope, like how they all tell Ted that he’ll meet the right girl one day and settle down. “You really think so?” Ted asks and Marshall assures him that he will.

Marshall and Lily then argue about whether or not they’ll tell their future progeny about Santa—Marshall for it and Lily against it—as James and Barney go through some old mail their mother kept. There were old Valentine’s from every girl in Barney’s class—all of whom have the same handwriting as Loretta, the Postmaster General and baseball legend “Frank” Aaron. Barney doesn’t catch on and believes that all the times the girls told him they hated him and locked him in closets, they really liked him secretly. Finally, James and Barney find a letter addressed to a Sam Gibbs. They open it to find a picture of themselves as children. On the back it reads “Your Sons.”

Dun dun dun!

Commercials.

When we come back, Loretta enters with Sloppy Joes and James asks if she knows the name of “Sam Gibbs.” She yelps then denies knowing the name, trying to sell the Sloppy Joes. But James persists and Loretta says that it isn’t “Your Sons” but “Yourson” in North Dakota, where they rode kayaks on the rapids and saved a dog. James asks why the picture looks like it was taken in their backyard rather than North Dakota. The mayor, Sam Gibbs, wanted their picture so they could build a statue to them, Loretta explains. She must’ve forgotten to send it. She continues to shill the Sloppy Joes before running into the kitchen, upset. Barney says he feels bad for that sculptor and James finally yells at him to stop believing Loretta’s lies. That Bob Barker isn’t his father, but Sam Gibbs could be.

To prove it, they grab the moving van and go out to visit Sam Gibbs in Long Island. Marshall and Lily ride up front while Robin and Ted ride in the back. I wonder how long it'll take Loretta to notice they’re gone. I mean, Staten Island to Long Island is not a quick trip. Depending where Barney grew up, they’d still have to get to the Verrazzano Bridge, take the Gowanus to the BQE and then that to the LIE. And there’s always traffic or construction on the Gowanus and the BQE, so we’re talking well over an hour here. Anyway, Robin says she’s now downplayed Ted to Liz…really, really downplayed him. He tries to tell her what to say. She sends a bunch of extremes and a bump sends them to everyone. Up front, the four laugh.

They arrive at Sam Gibbs’ Long Island house and Barney falters. He says he knows Bob Barker isn’t his dad but he needed the celebrity dad belief when he was growing up due to self-esteem issues. James rings the doorbell and veteran actor Ben Vereen answers the door. James introduces himself and asks if Sam knew Loretta Stinson in the ‘70s. Sam smiles and says he knew her. James hands him the picture they found and Ben smiles, glad to meet his son. Lily says this must be hard for Barney, but Marshall’s proud of him. Barney then calls Ben “papa” and the gang realize they’ve got trouble.

Commercials!

Barney poses with Ben and James, saying this is why he was so awesome at basketball. Barney runs to get his camera. Ben says he knew Loretta for a few months but knew James existed, finding out when the boy was two. But Loretta said she would do it by herself and he accepted it. Ted puts two and two together to realize that Ben was not Barney’s father. Lily says they’ll tell Barney gently but Marshall says to let him have this one day. They agree and let Barney have his moment as Ted takes a picture.

James and Ben learn they have some things in common and we get to hear Ben sing! Barney adds background vocals but Lily stops him. As Barney runs around the yard, James shows Ben pictures of Eli, his son. Meanwhile, Robin says Liz still wants to meet Ted, which surprises him. He realizes that Robin oversold Liz to him. She really looks like Robert DeNiro, she says. Ted’s surprised.

Back on Staten Island, Loretta tells Barney that Ben’s not his father. But she does offer him the name of his real dad. But Barney gets a clear view of his childhood—his mother’s lies about his basketball skills, cheering him up about his lack of party guests, mom dressed as Santa while Barney and James watch in awe. He rips up the paper and tells Loretta he had a father—her. She hugs him and Future!Ted tells his children that while Barney didn’t have a father growing up, he had an awesome mother and a happy childhood.

Tag: James and Ben singing while Barney slides in using a voice modulator. They leave and Barney asks if they can go camping.

While not a laugh-out-loud funfest, this episode shows that How I Met Your Mother can still combine comedy and heartfelt stories into something interesting. Of course, I still want to know who Barney’s real father is!

Quote of the Episode:

“It’s like my GI Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback.”-Ted, about what Mom and Stepdad did to his bedroom.