HIMYM: RED ALERT!

We’re almost at the wedding. Almost. All the guests have arrived…including Gary Blauman. You know, the recurring character played by Taran Killam, Cobie Smulders’ real life partner? He goes to say hello to Robin, who is surprised to see him. She then panics, running into Marshall. She explains that there’s no seat for Gary as he never RSVP’ed. Marshall calms her down, saying he’ll handle everything. He says he is the king of seating charts and that Table 34 from his wedding still gets together every year. Robin thanks him and continues getting ready.

Marshall looks over the seating plan and declares it a mess. He enlists Ted’s help, but Ted hates Blauman. He recalls the time he read about Teddy Roosevelt and then would not stop talking about the man. To the point it annoys his friends. But then he meets a cute girl at a party who is also fascinated by TR. So is Blauman. The three of them continue to exchange TR trivia for hours. Ted runs out of trivia but Blauman gets one more in. So Ted asks the woman who she is going to sleep with. And now Ted blames Blauman for losing that woman. (Really, Ted? Really?) He’s for throwing Blauman out.


Then Lily comes in and declares that she…loves Blauman. Her story goes back to after she and Marshall broke up. She consoled herself with Sugar Ray’s “I Just Wanna Fly” and almost got his face tattooed on her back. But Blauman talked her out of it before it went any further than a butterfly. Everyone seems surprised she has one and Lily admits she’s been covering it up for years. Ted brings up the abuse he suffered for his butterfly tramp stamp but everyone continues to ridicule him for it. She’s for letting Blauman stay.

Barney’s next to enter the room. And his feelings on Blauman? Hates him, which should be no surprise. Why does he hate him? (Besides a reason established earlier in the show’s run) Because Blauman ate…the accidental curly fry. You know the one—when you order a basket of fries and you dig in only to pull out one curly fry, left over from another batch. It’s a nice surprise and Blauman ruined it for Barney. Lily thinks it’s a really crazy reason. Hey, Lily, haaaaaaave you met Barney? Anyway, he’s for throwing Blauman out.

Billy Zapka is next into the room. He knows Blauman too. They met downstairs and it turns out Blauman is a fan of Zapka’s poetry. Yes, Billy Zapka writes poetry. So he’s for letting Blauman stay.

It’s James’ turn to chime in. And he…hates Blauman. Turns out Blauman is the man James cheated on Tom with. Yes, Blauman is gay! And Ted says that means Blauman and the girl were competing for him. Everyone lets Ted have his little delusion. So, James is for throwing him out.

With Robin clearly wanting Blauman there, that leaves it tied: 3 for letting him stay, 3 for kicking him out. Marshall is the deciding vote. Everyone argues at once and Marshall shows he’ll make a great judge by using legalese to throw them out. Everyone waits in the hall for his decision. He decides that since Robin wants Blauman there, he should stay. But Barney reveals he already threw the man out. Uh oh.

Everyone rushes downstairs to the parking lot to stop Blauman but he lets them have it. Especially James. He tells them they’ll never see him again. And then he drives off.

They think they’ll see him again, except Marshall. He notes that he thought everyone at his wedding was important to him and Lily and they’d always be close. But he doesn’t see most of those people anymore. I guess Table 34 doesn’t invite them to their annual reunions. Everyone realizes that sometimes, people just drift apart and the show is really trying to make us cry as we race to the finale, aren’t they?

Future!Ted tells his children that he kept tabs on some people over the years. Carl is still at MacLaren’s, working with his son. Ranjit made some good investments and now owns the limo company. Jeanette got into some trouble with the law and was sent to court-ordered therapy with Kevin. They’re now living together in Poughkeepsie. Scooter (Neil Patrick Harris’ partner David Burtka) found love in a new coworker—Stripper!Lily. (Sadly, Mustache!Marshall, Lesbian!Robin, Fertility Doctor!Barney and Mexican!Ted do not make an appearance). Zoey is still fighting the good fight as we see her duck an attack by the hawk she’s trying to protect. (Jennifer Morrison’s probably glad it’s not a flying monkey given the storyline over at Once Upon a Time). Blah Blah’s real name is Carole! Patrice gets her own radio show, where her main caller is Robin. And Sandy Rivers (Alyson Hannigan’s husband Alexis Denisof) ends up getting fired due to sexual harassment and now works for a news station in Russia. He hasn’t learned his lesson.

This is all done as the camera pans across the parking lot, returning to the gang as Blauman pulls up again. He agrees to go to the wedding and everyone heads inside. It’s almost time.

I loved this little glimpse into the futures of some of our favorite recurring characters. (And maybe not-so favorite. Zoey does seem to be a polarizing character in the fandom). Though someone did point out that was a bit crazy that we learned Blah-Blah’s real name before we learned the Mother’s. Well, we’ll get to that.