HIMYM: The Old-pocalypse

Robin and Barney’s wedding weekend continues as they discuss their schedules. But a bus pulls up, bringing with it our…

“A” Plot: Robin’s and Barney’s elderly relatives have arrived for the wedding and the two are terrified of them. Though they try to be excited and respectful, all they want to do is hide. Robin talks about her great-grandparents and how all they do is bicker. She’s pretty confident they don’t have sex anymore after sixty years of marriage. Barney wonders if that will be them in sixty years. Robin says no, they’re too awesome to be like that. Barney agrees but doubt has crept in.


Hiding from their relatives, Barney and Robin decide to have nasty sex one more time before their wedding. So they search for the perfect place to have it but it proves difficult. Barney opts for giving up, saying they should just go to the buffet instead. Robin slaps him and tells him not to say that word. It attracts the old people, like “60 Minutes” and “Mandy Pantinkin.” Barney doubts that and says “Mandy Pantinkin” louder. It echoes over the inn and the old people look up, trying to find its source.

Hearing the old people approach, Barney and Robin duck into the ice machine room. But James has already claimed it as his spot. He tries to kick his brother and future sister-in-law out but they explain they are trying to have sex one more time before they get married. That they are scared the spark will be gone from their marriage. James admits that was the problem with his marriage. But he assures Robin and Barney it won’t happen to them. They aren’t convinced. James then volunteers as tribute and goes outside to distract the relatives so Barney and Robin can sneak off. He is swarmed by the old folk as the soon-to-be-married couple runs off in search for the perfect place.

They find it, going into what they think is a deserted room. But it’s really Robin’s great-grandparents’ room. And they are getting it on! Barney and Robin are horrified and bolt as soon as they can. As they try to erase the images in their minds, they realize that they will be fine in their marriage.

“B” Plot: Ted and Lily continue to hang out in the bar and Linus keeps Lily liquored up. But Lily notices that Ted has a list and though he tries stalling, he reveals it is his list of things to do before leaving New York. Which includes saying goodbye to the Empire State Building or “Empy” as Ted affectionately calls it. He likes to go to the building and talk to it. The guards think it amusing rather than threatening and just mock him instead of shooing him away. Lily’s like “That’s kinda sad.”

But then she discovers this entry: “Come clean about April 26th.” And now she is curious. So Ted admits that he and Marshall had a sword fight while quoting “The Princess Bride.” You know: “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die.” But the only thing dying this time is Lily’s favorite dress, the one she was going to wear to Robin’s rehearsal dinner. Cue Lily: “You sonovabitch!”

Lily punishes Ted by making him wear the old-timey bathing suit he had tried to distract her with earlier. And she has Sherri make Marshall—a dedicated Vikings fan—wear Green Bay attire as they drive through Wisconsin. Anyway, Lily then sees that he has “have one last drink with Barney” on the list. She asks what that’s about. Ted reveals he and Marshall got a very expensive bottle of scotch to toast Barney with on his last night of bachelorhood. He pulls out the bottle and Lily gets very nervous.

Why? You see, Lily has her own secret about April 26th. She found the swords Ted and Marshall used to destroy her beloved dress. And she and Robin have a little sword fight of her own, in which Lily mangles Mandy Pantinkin’s line. In the course of the their fight, they destroy the very expensive bottle of scotch. So they improvise with a cheap bottle of scotch, chocolate syrup, ketchup and hand sanitizer. Which is why Lily looks ready to throw up when Ted decides to screw waiting for Marshall and Barney and takes a sip for himself. He declares it to be amazing and Lily is surprised.

But then Robin comes in, saying she spotted Waldo. She has a good laugh before noticing Ted’s bucket list. When she questions it, Lily claims it is hers. So Robin thinks Lily came clean about April 26th and what they did to the very expensive scotch. When Ted finds out, he is upset. And sheds the old-timey bathing suit. He calls Marshall, but for his own safety, Marshall has to leave his cheesehead on.

Anyway, Lily steals another bottle of very expensive scotch and asks Ted if he’s avoiding Barney. Ted tries to change the topic but admits he is. So Lily tells him to toast Barney’s new beginning, not an end. And she says he shouldn’t say goodbye to all the good in NYC but all the bad—all his sorrows, all his heartbreaks, etc. And we get a montage of these to highlight Lily’s point. Ted tells Lily to turn over his list. She does and reads this: “Get one last life lecture from Lily.” Teary-eyed, she informs him that that wasn’t the last one. He thanks her for being so supportive. She says that if someone who loves NYC as much as he needs to leave, it must be important. Ted thanks her and gives her a hug. He decides to stop avoiding Barney.

“C” Plot: Just Marshall, Sherri and the cheesehat from before.

Stinger: Ted carries two glasses and the very expensive bottle of scotch Lily stole out to where Barney is. Barney turns and tells Ted he saw him with Robin by the carousel. Ted drops the stolen bottle of very expensive scotch.

Oh no! What will happen? I don’t know, I haven’t watched the fourth episode yet. Can’t wait to find out!