HIMYM Rewind: May the Future Be With You

Barney is in MacLaren’s with Lily and Robin, who want to know about how it’s like living with Quinn. He says he’s great but the women and audience can see through it. Turns out they have a few adjustment problems. For example, Quinn says that she sold all her stuff but she can’t let go of her coffee mugs. Robin and Lily support Quinn. Especially after Barney makes some alpha male quip. They hope he didn’t say that to Quinn and flip out when he reveals he did. Barney leaves, hoping Ted and Marshall are more understanding.


They aren’t; they are just as horrified as the women. A theory is put forth suggesting that Barney is scared that the relationship won’t last and he’ll be left with reminders once Quinn leaves. But that’s pushed aside for more important matters—it’s time to view the entire Stars Wars trilogy! You see, back in 2000, Ted and Marshall agreed to watch it every three years together. And they liked to imagine what it would be like in the future. This is what drives our episode!


2003: Ted is a famous architect with crazy long hair. Marshall comes in with a briefcase, meaning he is a lawyer. With a mustache. And he’s married to Lily (still with college-era dark hair) who is pregnant and a painter. Ted is dating a girl named Rhiannon (played by Cobie Smulders) who plays in their band. And is British! This is all topped off by the fact that despite being adults, they still sleep in bunk beds.


In reality, Ted isn’t a famous architect and Marshall is still trying to get into law school. Barney comes in, introduces the guys to a girl and says they are going to see a lot of her. He shows her out. “And they never saw her again!” The three gather to imagine what they’ll be doing in 3 years’ time.


2006: They are now very famous and very rich. Marshall has even been knighted! And he’s married to a pregnant Lily, who is a redhead and wearing a crown. Ted’s once again dating Rhiannon (yet again Smulders), who is now wearing a tiara and evening gown. This time she’s French. And Barney’s around, still with his one night stands.


In reality, Marshall is in law school but this was when Lily left him. He’s surrounded by tissues as Ted, Robin and Barney tap dance around him. Well, more Ted and Robin—who are dating—tap dance around him. Barney just escorts another woman out. So, Ted decides to cheer Marshall up by imagining what it’ll be like three years from then.


2009: Ted is married to Robin, who looks like June Cleaver. They love their marriage. And Lily has come back to marry a successful Marshall and bear his child. 2006!Marshall tweaks this so that Lily is married to some douche wearing a trucker hat. And the baby? Is also wearing a trucker hat. Which 2006!Barney thinks is awesome. He plans to keep doing same thing in 2009 that he’s doing in 2006. 2006!Marshall and 2006!Ted ask if there isn’t anything Barney would like to change. He creates back boobs.


In reality, Marshall and Lily are married. And Marshall is a lawyer. But Ted’s no longer with Robin. And he’s been left at the altar. And fired from his job. And his own architectural firm went down in flames. Ted’s life has been really crappy the past three years. But he doesn’t focus on that. Instead, he focuses on the fact that Barney and Robin have been taking a decoupage class in the same building—meaning that Barney’s place is free (it’s not. This was when he and Robin were hiding their relationship from everybody). Marshall and Ted hope to use Barney’s enormous TV screen to watch the trilogy.


When they get there, they find Barney naked and panting. They tell him why they are there and he asks for a second. Which is all he needs to come back, composed and suited up. He lets them in and distracts them by telling them that there is a naked woman jumping up and down in the apartment across the street. While they try to find her, we find out that Barney is hiding Robin in his Storm Trooper suit. He says she’ll have to wait until all 318 minutes are over. “Nerd,” Robin shoots back.


The men chat amongst themselves and Barney asks the others if they’ve ever had a fantasy of doing a women dressed as a storm trooper. They shake their heads and declare it’s not a normal fantasy, no matter how much Barney insists it must be. Robin, in the suit, shakes her head as well. Ted turns the conversation back to him. He says that he hopes to be married by 2012 or else he’d start to think something was wrong with him. Everyone laughs, including Storm Trooper Robin.


Cut to 2012. Ted: “There’s something wrong with me.” Marshall and Barney try to convince him otherwise, but it doesn’t work. Ted imagines himself in 2015, bald and in his underwear. He’s trying to order more dinners for one before talking to Marshall, who is on a yacht with Lily and their family. And Lily’s pregnant again! Robin is also on the yacht, telling Ted that it was just him she couldn’t commit to. She happily married the douche wearing the trucker hat. They laugh as they hang up on Ted.


Marshall and Barney convince Ted that he’ll find someone by 2015. But he thinks he’ll be alone just as Barney will be escort his girl du jour out of the apartment. But Barney doesn’t want that. He wants to have settled down and be with Quinn. So he runs out, going back to his apartment. He tells Quinn that she can have her coffee mugs because he’s in it for the long haul. They toss mugs and I feel the urge to yell “Opa” at my screen.


Future!Ted tells us that by 2015, things were good for him. We see Barney complaining about Ted bringing a girl to their trilogy viewing party. Marshall tells him to lay off and Barney says he knows Ted loves her. Ted comes in holding a baby girl, who is adorable. Barney talks with the girl, telling her she is about to see something awesome (and is in continuity with the fact that Barney is good with babies). And she is adorable.


Tag: Barney pops up from behind his couch, shirtless and panting. The storm trooper pops up after him. Removing the helmet, it’s revealed to be Quinn inside. She says that was a great idea and they disappear behind the couch.


So, yeah, I abandoned my “How I Met Your Mother” recaps this spring. But this was one of the best “Dancing with the Stars” cycles ever. I didn’t want to miss a single moment! So now I’m trying to catch up. Yes, I know who the bride is. And I know about the ending. But I’m catching up. I hope I keep this up. Get them in before the season premiere.