Children’s Show or Porn?

In this week’s episode, there were only two plots I feel: the “A” plot and the “B” plot. So, let’s get started!

Plot “A”: Hey, everybody! Lily’s trying to get pregnant! And she talks about it constantly. To the utter annoyance of Robin. Meanwhile, Barney is wearing a boutonniere. Why? Well, Barney has a theory that the times a man is more likely to get laid, he is wearing one: prom, weddings, funerals (and he thanks his grandmother for a redhead). Robin and Barney trade some banter before Robin insults him. This was exactly his plan because he pulls out a DVD and declares the return of Robin Sparkles!

If you don’t know Robin Sparkles, you must be new to the fandom. Welcome. Anyway, Robin Sparkles was Robin’s name when she was a big Canadian pop star. But that identity came from a Canadian show. Which is what Barney has on his DVD. And that show? “Space Teens.” After watching a bit, Barney declares it a porno and prepares to slap Marshall in a nice callback to “Slap Bet.” Robin stops him, swearing that the TV show was an educational one. She and her friend, Jessica Glitters, were two Canadian teens who traveled in a space ship and solved crimes using math. Barney, dejected, sits back down. But the show is so filled with innuendo, the gang can’t help themselves. Especially since you have Cobie Smulders paired with Pussycat Doll and Dancing with the Stars Season 10 champ Nicole Scherzinger and they are seen jumping around as if hitting an asteroid belt. And answering math questions from Alan Thicke which controlling a joystick that is obviously a phallus.

Because of everyone’s immaturity, Robin turns off the DVD and says they can finish it when they stop turning it into a porno. Lily wonders whatever happened to Jessica Glitters. Robin explains that they were best friends on the show and in real life until about five years ago. But Jessica still sends a Christmas card. Robin leaves and Ted decides to do some math. He finds Jessica’s last card and asks Lily to determine the age of Jessica’s child. She quickly says “Four years, three months.” That means that Robin and Jessica’s friendship fell apart because Jessica had a child. Especially since Robin doesn’t like children. Lily starts crying because she realizes she’s going to lose Robin.

Marshall convinces Lily to spend time with Robin and to not talk about babies or her pregnancy. And she does, but her resolve only lasts about 10 seconds. She tells Robin she’s going to have a baby as Robin correctly points out that Lily isn’t pregnant yet. They argue and decide not to be friends anymore. But Marshall doesn’t give Lily the comfort she wants because he thinks she’s in the wrong. Then he gives in and hugs her anyway. And then he takes her to Madison Square Garden and introduces her to the Rangers’ organist—Jessica!

Lily asks Marshall how he found Robin’s old friend and he gets into a long story that Jessica spares us from. Turns out that Barney found her in an attempt to buy her costume from Space Teens. As Jessica plays, complete with Lily and Marshall clapping along, she and Lily talk. It turns out Robin wasn’t the one who broke off the friendship, it was Jessica. She got pregnant and different priorities. She grew apart from Robin, who tried to maintain the friendship. Lily realizes she’s doing the same thing with Robin and runs out.

She finds Robin drowning her sorrows at the Hoser Hut, New York’s Canadian bar. Lily apologizes and says she was afraid Robin’s hatred of children would come between them. Robin says that she hates most children, but she’s going to love Lily’s. Which makes sense as we saw in the episode where she dated the man with a son, Robin goes on to have a pretty good relationship with Ted’s kids. They hug as the men approach the women. As the tender moment continues, Robin hears a familiar tune. She recognizes it as “The Beaver Song,” which she wouldn’t let Ted and Barney listen to for obvious reasons. She wants to know which one put on “The Beaver Song.”

But when she turns around, she sees it’s Jessica. They sing the song and despite it being innuendo-tastic, everyone treats the song as the warm song about friendship Robin kept insisting it was. In the end, everyone gets in on the song—even Alan Thicke, who was hiding behind the bar with two beavers for some reason.

Now for the “B” plot: While watching “Space Teens” and discussing the end of Robin’s relationship with Jessica, Ted reveals he is still friends with his childhood best friend—Punchy. Marshall argues that it isn’t much of a relationship: Ted and Punchy see each other once a year, Punchy punches him and reminds everyone of the time Ted crapped his pants. Ted decides to prove Marshall wrong and calls Punchy. They yell at each other and it ends with Ted telling Punchy “if you’re ever in New York.” He tells the others he feels bad for his friend, being stuck in Cleveland and in a dead end job.

And then Punchy ends up at Ted’s! Robin agrees to let Punchy crash on their couch. Punchy and Ted go to Times Square, which Punchy loved. Ted talks about the other New York sights, but Punchy only wants to see Times Square. Punchy ends up annoying every one of Ted’s friends and finally Ted himself. When Ted tells Punchy this, Punchy confesses that Ted’s call concerned him. We see him talking to a pretty brunette about how he worries about Ted, who she knows was left at the altar. Punchy tells her that he’s away from his family, lives in a little apartment that’s no where near Times Square and hasn’t found the right woman yet. Pretty Brunette suggests he surprise Ted and cheer him up. Ted says that Pretty Brunette sounds special and Punchy agrees. That’s why he’s going to marry her. And he wants Ted to be his best man. Ted agrees.

So, we got a nice Lily-Robin storyline, more Robin Sparkles, and Nicole Scherzinger. Also, we now know that the wedding in the season premiere is Punchy’s—so Ted will meet his future wife there. Looking forward to it? And will we see more of Robin Sparkles in the future?

Moment of the Episode:

While Marshall’s face and Barney’s posture during the almost slap was funny, I think I loved the tag more—Jessica and Robin singing “The Beaver Song” with Alan Thicke and representations of Canada.