OUAT: Anyone Have a Giant Flyswatter?

Last time on “Once Upon a Time:” With the Snow Queen’s sacrifice, the Frozen arc was wrapped up as Anna, Kristoff and Elsa returned to Arendelle. Anna and Kristoff finally get married. Regina returned Marian’s heart and Robin had to choose. He chose Regina but when Marian collapsed, still icing over, Regina realized she had to leave Storybrooke to be healed. But she couldn’t go out alone as it was a one-way trip. Robin and Roland cross the town line with her as I yelled at my TV. Gold tried to cleave himself from his dagger by crushing Hook’s heart as Mary Margaret and Emma, tipped off by Anna, try to stop him. But it’s Belle who stops him, finally finding his real dagger. She orders him over the town line, banishing him. Gold finds his way to New York, where he discovers Ursula working at an aquarium. He tells her he has a plan.

Welcome back to Storybrooke!
But first, a trip back to the Enchanted Forest. Ursula arrives at a dark palace where she is caught in a trap. Maleficent demands to know what Ursula is doing there. Ursula demands to know the same. When Maleficent says she lives in the palace, Ursula asks why she invited her there. Except Maleficent didn’t.
Their squabbling is interrupted by two barking dogs, leading Cruella toward the women. She uses magical breath to get the dogs to do her bidding, in this case running off. Maleficent wants to know why she’s at her house as well. Like Ursula, Cruella insists she was invited. Maleficent looks like she’s getting a headache. 

(Maleficent is thinking of investing in a security system)

As Maleficent is like “I didn’t invite anyone. I just wanted to have a quiet night in with a glass of wine and my season pass of Downton Abbey,” Rumple’s laugh pierces the air. He’s invited everyone to Maleficent’s because he needs their help in attaining their happy endings. The Queens of Darkness (wait, what the hell is Cruella queen of? Pissing off PETA?) are intrigued.

In Storybrooke, things get back to a new normal. Regina puts Henry on a school bus, where he’s once again taught by Mary Margaret. Meanwhile, Regina is mayor again and she does some redecorating (namely incinerating the painting Mary Margaret bought). 

(Look how happy she is!)

While Mary Margaret and David are working, Granny minds Baby Neal. Emma pulls on her red jacket and her sheriff’s badge, meeting Hook outside. He hands her some coffee and they walk past Gold’s shop, which appears to be closed. They cross the street and Emma leaves Hook with Belle at the library. She continues on her way. All is well.

Except in the library, where Hook punches a board filled with all the clues they have about the hat. He says it’s hopeless and they’ll never get the fairies back. He then also apologizes to Belle for his temper. She tries to assure him that they are getting closer to solving their problem thanks to the internet. Is there a “How to Free Trapped Magical Creatures from a Hat” YouTube tutorial? Anyway, she’s waiting for an e-mail from someone to help translate an old spell she found.

We go to New York, where Gold is microwaving ramen noodles. He’s in an apartment surrounded by fish tanks—it’s Ursula’s. She comes home and lays into Gold for being a moocher. He hasn’t delivered on his promise yet, she rages. But he says he’s almost ready as an e-mail comes in for him.

He’s the person helping Belle, isn’t he?

(Oh no. Also, how old is his e-mail server?)

Emma stops by the mayor’s office, dropping off some lunch for Regina. She asks if Regina’s found any more clues in the storybook. The answer is no. Emma searches for a bottle opener so they can have some root beer as Regina proves her broken heart hasn’t affected her sassiness. As Emma opens a drawer, Regina tries to stop her. Hidden inside is Page XXIII, the one where Robin and Regina kiss in the tavern. Looks like Regina returned to the town line, picked up the pieces she tore up and taped them back together.

(Aww!)

She brings the page over to Regina, asking about it. Regina says that Robin found and said that it was a sign of hope. She says that it was really a cruel joke. Emma asks if Regina’s heard from Robin. She says no. Speculation has run wild: some think this means the death of Outlaw Queen while others have theories about why Robin hasn’t, ranging from he can’t to he’s a prisoner.

Hook and Belle rush into the office and declare they have a way to free the fairies. Belle says a professor of linguistics e-mailed her back the translations. They need Regina but it can be done. Everyone rushes out.

Gold is that professor, isn’t he?

Speaking of Gold, he takes Ursula to Great Neck, Long Island. The FBI swarm a mansion, confiscating things and arresting a man. His wife runs behind him—Cruella de Vil. She pulls off a fur, hissing that it was hers before the marriage. The FBI agent doesn’t put up a fight. Is he real? Anyway, Cruella is less than thrilled to see Ursula and Gold but they convince her to come to Storybrooke with them. Cruella even provides the car.

(I think we're just as excited to see this car as we are Cruella)

They head for Maine, stopping first for some food from a fast food place that’s an Easter egg for Lost fans. Cruella is apparently the queen of Sass. Especially as she and Ursula are wary of trusting Gold.

And for good reason. Gold takes them to the place where they can retrieve their happy endings. It’s guarded first by a door covered in scarabs. Cruella’s animal powers take care of that problem. Next comes the room filled with dragon’s fire. No problem for Maleficent. And Ursula’s tentacles easily swipe the orb containing the Dark Curse. Hmm…Everything seems to have gone well. Until the ground begins to shake.

Back in Storybrooke, everyone stands around a tree stump that has the hat on it. Regina holds the Dark Ones daggers and does some moves, tapping the hat a few times. She stands back and it appears that it didn’t work. But in a poof of smoke, all the fairies return. Blue thanks Emma, who tells her to thank Regina again. Though it looks like it physically pains her, Blue does thank Regina. 

(This is killing her)

Meanwhile, Regina looks scared to be holding the dagger. No one notices the black cloud escaping the hat because…I don’t know. It’s really obvious and someone should’ve noticed it.

(Seriously. How do you miss that?)

So, what did Gold “forget” to tell the Queens of Darkness about stealing the Dark Curse? Oh, that it’s guarded by a demon named Chernabog (hi, Fantasia reference!) and that it seeks out the heart with the greatest potential of darkness. In truth, he could’ve easily gotten the curse. He just needed people darker than him so he could escape Chernabog. Toodles, ladies! As they fume, the queens prepare to battle a demon.

(Even he's surprised they trusted him)

In Granny’s, everyone celebrates the return of the fairies. Henry encourages his mother to talk to Blue about the storybook. She knows about the Author and tells Regina—and the audience—that he or she is a separate entity from the Sorcerer. She claims not to know anything else about the Author but Blue does seem pretty shady. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knows a lot more but is hiding it for some reason—either the Author is dangerous or she still thinks Regina is.

(She's definitely hiding something)

But something starts happening outside and everyone runs out to investigate “Whatever is destroying property values this time” as Regina puts it. What is it? It’s Chernabog, flying around Storybrooke looking for a dark heart to consume. Everyone starts running as our heroes form a huddle. They wonder why it escaped the hat and Mary Margaret suggests it could be a fairy. Hook says it should be no match for the Savior and the Evil Queen, to which Regina asks that they finally drop the “E” word already.

(I am the night...)

Regina and Emma head out to face down Chernabog. They turn all their magic on it—and it should be noted that Regina’s is still red—but all it does is singe its wings. It flies off to lick its wounds but they are still worried it’ll come back. Emma turns to give orders, but everyone knows what to do—Belle will research information at the library, Mary Margaret will get everyone to safety. Hook points out that this isn’t their first “monster mash.”

How did the Queens of Evil handle the Chernabog? Well, pretty much Ursula and Cruella sacrifice Maleficent and escape to safety. She puts up a good fight before surrendering to the inevitable. But before the demon can get to her, one of Ursula’s tentacles wraps around her and pulls her to safety. They all escaped! Yay!

Gold finds the tie he hung in a tree by the town line. He finally tells Ursula and Cruella about the curse preventing people from getting back into Storybrooke. They are angry, feeling Gold tricked them. Again. After all, how are they going to get their happy ending if they can’t get into town? They are all for leaving him on the side of the deserted Maine road and letting a Stephen King novel get to him.

But Gold says that he has a plan. And this time, he has to depend entirely on Ursula and Cruella. He has to trust that they’ll come back for him and let him into Storybrooke. This convinces the queens and Ursula takes Gold’s cellphone, making a call.

(And the Oscar goes to...)

Regina picks up her phone and says “The sea bitch.” She puts the call on speaker so Emma can hear it as well. Ursula says she and Cruella are at the town line, wanting to come into Storybrooke so they can have redemption and a happy ending too. Regina is not keen on letting the two in. But then Chernabog rears his ugly head again. Ursula says she recognizes the call and tells Regina she’s had experience with Chernabog. She offers to help…in exchange for being let into the town. Regina doesn’t think she can do that—she couldn’t get Robin back, right? But Emma suggests using the Snow Queen’s scroll. Regina’s probably like “And you didn’t suggest that in the six weeks I’ve been pining for my soul mate because…?” before agreeing to Ursula’s terms.

(Our heroes debate trusting the Queen of Darkness)

Mary Margaret calls Emma to check on the Chernabog situation. Emma tells her mother that they are getting help from Ursula and Cruella. Before Mary Margaret can say anything else, Emma hangs up. Mary Margaret turns to David to tell him that Ursula and Cruella are back. The hard looks in their eyes says that this is not a good thing for them.

In her office, Regina panics. She knows that if Chernabog devours the heart with the greatest potential for darkness, her heart is it. Emma tries to convince her that it’s not necessarily so and she’s right. Hook still has some potential, Belle most likely has potential judging by Lacey, and a lot of fans don’t trust the Blue Fairy. But Regina snaps that unless there’s a dwarf named Evilly, she’s it. Emma vows that Chernabog won’t get Regina. Mostly because she’s one of the more popular characters on the show.

Emma and Regina come up with a plan. They decide to lure Chernabog to the town line and trick him into going over it. Once he’s in the Land Without Magic, he’ll disappear. So they load into Emma’s yellow bug and hope for the best.

Chernabog starts chasing them as they drive toward the town line. Regina continues to panic as it starts to attack the car. She says she’s not going to die in Emma’s car and poofs herself at the town line. However, the demon doesn’t go after her. He keeps attacking the car until Emma hits the breaks. Even the laws of physics work occasionally in Storybrooke and he goes flying over the town line, disintegrating without the town’s magic to sustain him.

(Here, demon, demon, demon)

Mary Margaret and David show up, hoping to stop Emma and Regina from letting the surviving Queens of Darkness into town. But Regina says that if she’s getting a second chance, then they should get one too. Emma agrees, handing the scroll over to Regina. She tosses it over the town line. Ursula and Cruella pick it up and managed to drive into Storybrooke. Looks like Gold’s plan has worked.

(A united front)

As an Outlaw Queen shipper, I also like to think Regina’s trying to figure out if it’ll work to get Robin back into Storybrooke.

That night, Ursula and Cruella go back to the town line and toss the scroll over to Gold. He limps across and he starts walking normally. Bravo to Robert Carlyle for showing the physical transformation. 

He tells the two that they now have to get Maleficent. Ursula reminds him that Maleficent is dead. He corrects her, saying that she’s only mostly dead. What, is he suddenly Miracle Max from The Princess Bride? His plan is progressing well.

Henry sits at the counter at Granny’s, reading the storybook as Emma and Hook watch him with pride. Hook asks her where her parents are. Emma’s not sure, saying they should’ve been there already.

So where are the Charmings? They are in the woods, meeting with Ursula and Cruella. Mary Margaret tells them that Emma can never found out about some DARK!SECRET! between her parents and the Queens of Darkness. If she does, Mary Margaret will rip out the queens’ hearts herself.

(Don't mess with Snow)

Wow, did someone make sure Mary Margaret was really cleansed of the Shattered Sight curse?

And with that, Season 4B is off to an intriguing start! Adam and Eddy have promised that Mary Margaret and David will have a major storyline this arc. There’s also the teasing of a Dark!Emma, from the teaser trailers to the fact that Chernabog kept going after Emma instead of Regina. Meaning she has the heart with the greatest potential for evil.

Then there were the pictures that leaked from the set this week. I went nuts—internally as I was at work—when I saw them. If you want to know, just check out my Once Upon a Time tumblr here. Things look very interesting for the season.

If you look to your right, you’ll see I’m running a poll. Go vote for your favorite Queen of Darkness! Voting ends next week.

Next week: Maleficent has beef with Mary Margaret.

Screen caps from here.