Break out the stilettos and weaves! It’s time for another cycle of America’s Next Top Model. Which means, of course, we start with my absolutely least favorite episode of the season: The casting episode.
Blech.
Wow, Mr. Jay once had black hair? Anyway, Tyra talks about how she’s created this international phenomenon. Look, it’s Cassandra and Elena. And Naima, Danielle, and Whitney. And poor CariDee freezing in the pool. And remember all the shorties from last cycle? Not in this round apparently.
LA! Sinead O’Connor is trying to be America’s Next Top Model? We meet Anslee and Alasia. Tatianna and Raina tells us about Tyra’s MyFierce page. Oh lord. The girls freak out as Tyra begins to use her webcam. The Jays can use one as well. They “banter” before Tyra tells the Jays to narrow down the 33 girls. She signs off as Alasia says she’ll pass out if she appears. And thus she does—the girl hits the ground. Everyone freaks down. Tyra then introduces the Jays. One wannabe compares them to gods. Tyra spots Alasia’s wig—seriously, girl, why were you wearing that? They are going to make “MyFierce” pages.
Orange soda isn’t strong enough for this.
Krista goes first to take a photo. Next we see Angelea, who was from Cycle 12. She was the cast episode bitch, remember? She impresses Mr. Jay. Brittany follows—she won an online competition to be apart of the show. Sinead O’Connor is actually named Naduah, who has modeled in Cancun. Danielle comes in, all pierced and tattoo-ed up.
Jeanna walks down the runway first for Ms. J. Alexandra is next…I smell this cycle’s plus size model. Hallie follows and admits she is a spoiled brat. She doesn’t care about the money. Gabrielle says her strength is being bi-racial. The other girls gossip about the return of Angelea. Gabrielle notes that the mean girl never wins.
LA! The Jays and Tyra sit at panel. Angelea walks in first and is thankful. She blames her attitude on her guy. She says she got professional help and lost her crazy nails. She even knows some of the fashion industry. Tyra is impressed with the change. Hallie follows and says she likes Chanel and likes simply. She declares herself a trust fund baby. Her godmother is Cybil Shepherd. Yeah. Simone is next. Her life goals: Victoria’s Secret model or Hilary Clinton. Talk about extremes. She says she is more drawn to whites. Outside, Raina talks about being a volleyball champion and had an awkward phase. We learn that Jessica is from Arkansas and has a young son. She conceived the first time with a boy she met at church and she married him, but the church kicked them out. Raina comes in and Mr. Jay loves her eyes. She says she used to be shy and lived in a bubble and then broke out. Brenda comes in next and reveals she was adopted. She and her boyfriend found her biological dad—a convicted criminal. He denied she was his daughter but she was happy to find him. And like Jessica, the first time she had sex, she got pregnant. They tell you once is all it can take so why is everyone so damned surprised these girls got knocked up in one go?
Anyway, Alasia is a Christian punk. She tries to quote a Biblical verse but can’t remember where it was from. The girls ask Alasia why she is so enamored with Tyra. Krista believes that Alasia is revealing her esteem issues. Alasia doesn’t care.
LA. Tyra tells Krista looks like a Barbie that comes with the room. She only owns heels and wants to look good. Ms. J loves her skin. Amy comes next and Tyra hits it on the head when she says she talks like Alice. She does sound like a Disney movie. She is classically trained so Tyra makes her sing. She isn’t bad. Tatianna follows and reveals she is a volunteer mortician. She explains how to embalm and cremate. Her brother is also HIV+ and says she came to get out of the science world. Someone doesn’t know what a drag queen is? Jeanna is another plus size model. From Planet Glamazonia. She and Tyra are going to get along—right, Super Smize? They decide to sacrifice Mr. Jay to the gods of Glamazonia. Angelea thinks Naduah is her biggest competition. She looks so European. Her father is European and her mother is Mexican-American. She said she was born into a cult and it was one of those weird ones obsessed with sex. She says she lived in a house with other children and didn’t really see her parents. But she got out and knows who she is.
Following her is Nida, from a strict Pakisani family. She even mimics her mother. Outside, Gabrielle considers Angelea as her main competition as they are both biracial. Her mother is German-American and her father is black, but she’s never had a stable black father influence. She cries as she talks about people asking if her sister is adopted, etc. She does tell the panel she sees Angelea as her competition.
LA! Alexandra asks for a round of applause as she walks in. Tyra loves her plus size body shape. She says she’s a tomboy but has a girly side. Anslee follows, from Dacula, Ga. She’s married and a mom. Tyra pretends to have a camera and makes Anslee pose. Danielle follows. Tyra thinks she’s classically beautiful—but with piercings and tattoos. Back outside, Jeanna loves Naduah. Anslee says she likes Hallie and Danielle but they sit by themselves. They then are bitchy by saying that half the room doesn’t deserve to be there and names a lot to go home. They decide they are in.
The girls gather to meet the Jays. Twelve people will be eliminated. The girls have to find their picture and check their status. Those who are pending are still in, those declined are out. Out: Nida, Danielle. Everyone else wasn’t really introduced. Those pending run to meet Mr. Jay introduces them to their shoot theme: What Super Model Are You? Sounds like a Quizzilla quiz on Facebook. The girls have to do their outfits and their make up. Hallie says she’s Vlada, a model. Tatianna says she’s Megan Fox, who isn’t a Super Model. Alasia does Naomi Cambell. Seriously. Alexandra decides to be Cindy Crawford, complete with mole. Krista embodies Gisele. Naduah goes for Kate Moss. Raina goes for Adriana Lima. Time to for final deliberation.
LA! Ms. J takes a shot at Mr. Jay’s height. Tyra isn’t impressed with Alasia. She is surprised by Alexandra’s mole. Tyra doesn’t like Anslee’s profile picture. They like Brenda and are impressed with Gabrielle’s knowledge. Tyra doesn’t think Hallie is fresh. Mr. Jay likes Jeanna. Jessica gets the “pageant” label. Tyra likes Simone’s proportions. Tyra likes Krista’s walk. Tyra loves Naduah’s profile picture. Raina has potential. Tatianna is beautiful but Mr. Jay doesn’t think she embraces the model industry. They’ve reached a decision!
Time to find out who will be on the wannabes on this cycle! Tyra reveals there will only be twelve girls. Our wannabes: Naduah, Jessica, Simone, Raina, Tatianna, Alexandra, Krista, Brenda, Alasia, Anslee, Gabrielle, and Angelea. Tyra goes to hug the others girls and encourage them. She tells Amy to keep singing. She does. She then welcomes the contestants of Cycle 14—who are going to New York City. Apparently, they are going to meet a 13th girl here in New York, NY.
Oh, did I mentioned this was a 90 minute premiere…Oh dear God, Perez Hilton.
New York! The girls arrive in the Big Apple. Jessica is slightly overwhelmed but misses her husband and baby. They pass Madame Toussaud’s and stop to admire Johnny Depp’s wax figure. Perez shows up to take them on a tour of Madame Toussaud’s. Notice a lot of people have their hair covered—it means that these confessionals were filmed after their makeovers. Perez stops at Tyra’s figure—which is in my Facebook profile picture. Tyra herself shows. Apparently, he agreed to stop talking about celebrities’ children for six months if he can appear on Top Model. Tyra introduces the thirteenth girl, Ren.
Wait, MAKE OVERS? NOW? It’s only week one! Perez tells them to be fierce. So they go to the Top Model Limo. They met Mr. Jay and Ms. J at Sally Hershberger, where Sally greets them. Anslee’s always had long hair. We see footage of Tyra revealing how she decides the make overs. Ren reveals she usually cuts her own hair. Tyra decides she needs edges. Ren didn’t shave her armpits. Gabrielle gets bleached and curled. She looks great. Krista gets extensions for a ponytail and doesn’t like it. I think she looks much better. Alexandra gets highlights and likes it. It goes shorter and gets shaved on one side. She feels it makes her more edgy. Brenda gets the Halle Berry cut. She cries because her boyfriend likes long hair. She says her world was shaken. Holy crap, it’s just HAIR!
Top Model lounge? Bianca (Cycle 9) and Laura (Cycle 12) talk about Brenda crying and sympathize.
Brenda’s still going on about her hair. Since Naduah is already shaved, Tyra bleaches her eyebrows. Angelea gets a weave and I’m not too sure it’s a good look for her. Raina goes chocolate and looks great. Alasia gets some volume and body. It’s an improvement. Anslee tears as she feels her hair get chopped. And it goes lighter. But she loves it in the end. Me too. Tatianna also goes blonde. She loves it. Jessica also goes brunette. And she loves it.
Mr. Jay tells the girls they get to move into their new loft. The Top Model Limo takes them there. Gabrielle says it makes her feel like a princess. It looks like it’s meant for a Disney princess. Alasia is impressed with the size of the tub. Angelea admires the pictures of Tyra before everyone runs to the balcony. They take in that gorgeous city skyline. I love it.
Now comes the fun part—calling territory. Alexandra predicts that Angelea and Anslee are so similar, they are going to butt heads constantly.
Tensions run high as everyone watches Angelea eat. Brenda tells Angelea that she is glaring at her. Angelea confesses that it is the “bitch, please.” She doesn’t get good vibes from Brenda. Ren is already fed up with living with girls. Angelea tells Alasia not to make an opinion before meeting Angelea. Krista likes Angelea, yelling “You’re misunderstood.” Alasia tells her that she just avoids Krista and Angelea. Krista calls Alasia “fake.” I think she’s mistaking energetic for fakeness. Jessica hides in the confessional.
TYRA MAIL! “Top Models get maximum exposure, you must learn how to cover yourself.” What’s going on? The 90 minutes are almost up! But the girls go to their first photoshoot. They will be modeling from Custo Barcelona. But they will only be wearing one item of clothing. Jessica’s like: NUDITY?
And we end.
Next Week: Nude photoshoot. Alasia vs. Ren. And trouble at a runway.
So far, I love Naduah, Alexandra and Gabrielle. Not too thrilled with Krista or Angelea yet. Nor Alasia. But we’ll see. Anyway, I already called Naduah “Sinead O’Connor.” Do you think any of the other girls look like doppelgangers? And what do you think of how Ren joined the show? Think someone from casting was way more qualified?
Moment of the Episode:
Alasia, trying to figure out how many fingers point back at you when you point a finger at someone else.
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