The year 2030: Future!Ted talks about how people deal with nerves. Barney imagines he’s being interviewed by famed sportscaster Jim Nance about his sport—seduction. This leads into Barney randomly pointing at a woman and running away as Robin walks in. Her date didn’t go so well, particularly since he’s obsessed with the Smurfs. Ted notes Barney’s already done. The next night, Barney goes after conquest #2 while Robin asks how she should deal with her date calling back. Ted says that as long as she doesn’t embarrass the guy in front of 26 students and 1 TA. Cut to: Ted’s first day of the new semester, where he is taking roll. He tells the class that they need to get some creativity as that their fake name is lame: Cook Poo. A young Oriental girl says “here” and continues to do so while Ted lectures about classic fake names. She eventually leaves in tears while Ted realizes it’s a real name. Back at MacLaren’s, the gang laughs.
Barney also imagines that when he’s not around, this is what the gang says:
Robin: “He was the best sex I ever had.”
Ted: “He’s the best friend I ever had.”
Lily: “He’s what I wish Marshall was.”
Marshall: “He’s what I wish I was.”
On the third night, Barney goes in for his kill while the others stay behind and watch. Lily and Marshall talk about how they are looking for another couple to date since they lost Barney and Robin. And Ted and STella. And Ted and Robin. And Ted and Victoria (who could still totally be the mom, right?). Which leads to our Exchange of the Episode (see below). Anyway, Lily and Marshall thought they had found the perfect couple when, after a story about the wife’s toothbrush, Marshall says the same thing happened to “our toothbrush.” Ted, Robin, and the couple are aghast to learn that they use the same toothbrush. I have to add: Eww.
Barney leaves, three for three. Ted notes that he’s on his way toward something…Marshall shushes him…Jim asks what that was. Barney replies, “I was heading for a perfect week.”
CREDITS!
Jim and Barney go over how perfect weeks end: Partner drops the ball (Ted spilling wine). A wrong suggestion. And distraction. On Day Four, Robin is still freaking out about not getting called back by her Gargamel-hating date. Ted is still upset that Cook didn’t return. The gang makes fun of her name again. Ted and Robin mock Lily and Marshall’s usage of one toothbrush. And they reveal they’ve been using one toothbrush since living with Ted. Ted is shocked, saying there was always just one toothbrush in the bathroom—his. He comes to the realization quickly and tries to clean his mouth with a napkin. I repeat: Eww.
On Day Five, they play the sports music while Ted munches on a hot dog and beer. Robin, Lily and Marshall join them. Marshall reveals that a big merger Barney was responsible for fell through and he was reamed out by the boss that day. Marshall reveals that Barney’s job is on the line and there was a big vote at the end of the week. Lily wants to go confront Barney about this but Ted blocks her. He goes in and helps Barney pick a girl to be Number 5. At the apartment, we learn that Day Six, he eventually picked up a hairdresser at a Staten Island’s Chili’s. I might know the one they’re talking about…Lily tells Barney that they know about his job. She then shouts “Perfect week” over and over until Barney leaves, hissing. Ted reveals that Cook is never coming back to class, Robin wishes her Smurf-loving date would call and Marshall is just reeling.
Jim interrupts to ask if Barney has ever used performance enhancing drugs. He says “no,” but has been offered. By poor Marshall who needed to run to the hospital.
On the Last Day, Lily cursed Barney. Just as he was about to close the deal, a member of the 2009 World Champion New York Yankees walks into MacLaren’s.
The gang is amazed that Nick Swisher walked into MacLaren’s. Robin doesn’t understand the appeal until Lily puts him into context using the Vancouver Canucks. “Barney’s screwed.” They comfort Barney before realizing that Barney’s perfect week was distracting them, Lily decides to go help Barney. Lily trips, intercepting Number Seven. Another girl though offers to get ice. So Marshall, Ted and Robin jump into Swisher’s booth and offer that Lily and Marshall share a toothbrush. Swisher finds that sweet, validating Marshall and Lily. I still think it’s gross. Robin pretends to understand baseball till Swisher admits he loves hockey. She offers: “I live right upstairs.”
Meanwhile, Barney scores Number Seven and everyone celebrates. The next day, Jim and Barney argue before Barney finds out that his job is safe. The gang celebrates at MacLaren’s, complete with hats that read “Seven in Seven Down.” Ted says that he’ll even tell his children about how Uncle Barney slept with seven women in seven days in a row. We cut to 2030: “I’m a bad dad, aren’t I?” I’m surprised the kids didn’t nod.
Tag: WENDY! Where have you been? Anyway, Wendy says there’s an order for Cook Poo while Ted is over the joke. He mocks the name and says it over. Poor Cook Poo is standing by the bar, ready to cry again.
Overall a good episode. I liked the sports analogies and was impressed they actually got a Yankee on the show. Too bad it wasn’t Texeira. I have his shirt!
Exchange of the Episode:
“Geez, Ted, when are you going to get your act together?”
“How did we end up here?”
--Marshall and Ted.
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