Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Hold Over

Due to my laptop issues (hopefully, I'll be ordering one tomorrow) and the fact I turned on the TV late, my ANTM recap will be delayed a bit. But here's the elimination list:

Called first: Jennifer
Bottom Two: Rae and Erin
Eliminated: Rae

America's Next Top Model:


Ashley
Sundai
Bianca
Rae
Brittany
Rachel
Courtney
Nicole
Erin
Lulu
Jennifer
Lisa
Kara
Laura

Next week: Tyra condemns the girls house. Where will they go? Also, shouldn't we have had a retrospective?


Now, I came up with a list a few weeks back regarding the order I thought would go home. I was correct the past two weeks--Ashley and Kara were eliminated--but was wrong this week. I thought Sundai would go rather than Rae. Here is my new predictions for the rest of the competition:


Laura, Sundai, Erin, Brittany, Jennifer and Nicole taking it all.

What's your list?

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Twin Cities: Chicago and Toronto?

Future!Ted discusses how Robin sometimes reveals she’s Canadian: not minding the cold, speaking weird (complete with subtitles) and Robin hanging out at the Hoser Hut. Robin tells him that the Great White North is great. Barney performs an experiment. He starts chanting “USA USA.” MacLaren’s joins in. Robin swears people will chant anything and chants “Canada Canada.” Nothing. Barney tries again with “Shrimp Fried Rice.” MacLaren’s follows suit. Ted comes in and delivers some bad news: their favorite pizza joint is closing. And where is their favorite pizza joint? Chicago. They used to take long non-stop car trips to get the pizza, complete with beef jerky and Tantrum—the most caffeinated soda now banned by the FDA. They leave in the morning.

Credits!

Ted is psyched for the trip and the can of Tantrum he already drank may have something to do with it. He tells Barney he is excited because this trip will just be him and Marshall. Ever since the wedding, Marshall and Lily have morphed into one being called “we.” Barney could care less. Robin comes out and reveals that some guy she got into a little disagreement with at the Hoser Hut is suing her. Just because she broke his nose! She faces deportation and her lawyer advises her to gain American citizenship. She’s hesitant to renounce her Canandian-ness while Barney is all for the idea. He offers to help her study for the citizenship test.

Meanwhile, an overly caffeinated Marshall comes in and rips up a phone book. He’s pumped for their road trip but then Ted learns that Lily is coming. She warns Ted that she has to pee a lot. And in between clips of Ted and Marshall singing “5000 Miles” in 1999, we see that every little thing sets her off. This is even funnier because it’s almost like traveling with my sister and mother. Ted thinks it couldn’t get worse until Lily breaks out a book on tape about a dog. It’s narrated by Kenny Rogers and made Elizabeth Hasselbeck cry.

Back at the apartment, Barney tosses aside the traditional citizenship test for more “American” questions. He pulls out a picture and Robin identifies the person as Queen Elizabeth I. Barney tells her no, it’s Elton John. He shows her a picture of curling, which she starts to explain. Barney interrupts and tells her the right explanation is that it’s dumb, who cares. They continue on until Robin correctly identifies Jefferson as Archie Bunker’s neighbor. She identifies a picture of the star of the Ernest movies as Jeff Foxworthy. Shocked, Barney tells her it’s Jim Varney. Robin stands her ground, insulting Barney in the process. He tells her she is now truly an American and salutes her.

After a billion rest stops, Marshall and Lily drag Ted to Crumpet Manor. It’s a bed and breakfast for couples. The events coordinator is even a little unsure what to do with Ted, asking if he likes to sit on benches. After coming back from the wishing well (his wish didn’t come true—he’s still in Crumpet Manor), Marshall and Lily morph into some weird two-headed blob that wants to take a cornmeal bath. Ted is freaked out and decides to lay off the Tantrum.

Back in New York, Robin walks down the street—an American swagger in her steps. She lands outside the Hoser Hut and debates going in for a drink. She decides to and ends up singing “O! Canada!” as if it were “Danny Boy” with a bunch of Canadians.

At Crumpet Manor, Ted invites Marshall to go on a beer run while Lily sleeps. They get in the car, Marshall still in his bathrobe. As Ted gets on the highway, Marshall wonders where this beer run is going. Ted replies “Chicago.”

Barney finds Robin in a trashed hotel room. She asks what happened. Barney replies that Robin went Canadian the night before. How Canadian you ask? He opens the blinds to reveal—a cement building. Robin didn’t even check into a hotel with a view. He reveals
the moment is ruined, but Robin is in Toronto. He flew across the Atlantic (“Barney, Canada isn’t across the Atlantic.”) after she called him. He says he’ll sober her up and get her back to New York in time for the citizenship test. Robin tells Barney she isn’t going to take the test because she can’t just give up her Canadian citizenship. She’s Canadian. He still takes her for coffee.

Meanwhile, Ted and Marshall arrive at the “it’s amazing it’s still open despite obvious health code violations” pizza joint. Even the owner is impressed they’re still open. Marshall can’t enjoy the pizza though because he’s afraid of Lily’s reaction to their leaving her. Ted tells Marshall that all he wanted was a bro trip, just them because he’s tired of the “we.” Marshall storms out after a hilarious scene with keys and Marshall bending down. Still in the robe.

At a Tim Horton’s, Robin pays for coffee as the cashier asks her about the came in an exaggerated Canadian accent. Robin asks what game and after an explanation, says she must’ve missed it. The cashier says Robin must be America—uses American money, hardly an accent, didn’t say “please or thank you…” Robin is confused and takes her coffee. Barney makes fun of their money as they take a seat. Robin is lost—she feels like a woman without a country. She’s not American and she’s not Canadian. Barney stands up and tells the Canadians two things: One, to get some real money. Two, that if they were going to let an amazing woman like Robin get away, they were morons. He then tells them to go back to being pointless. A posse starts up, complete with a little kid barricading the door with his hockey stick.

In the car, Ted and Marshall listen to the rest of the dog story. It parallels Ted and Marshall’s story—how the dog felt left out when his owner married, how the owner had to remember to make time to be with just the dog, but no matter what the owner loved the dog, etc. Ted and Marshall apologize—Ted for the kidnapping, Marshall for bringing Lily along. Their bromance is intact. They go for some Van Halen but decide to listen to the dog story again.

Barney and Robin return to the United States with Barney in crutches. He’s sorta impressed with Canadian health care. Robin tells him that she’s going to get dual citizenship. He approves.

Back at Crumpet Manor, turns out Lily was too busy being pampered to miss the guys. And she doesn’t mind that she didn’t get to go Chicago. Especially later when Marshall and Ted suffer stomach aches from the pizza they consumed.

Tag: Ted and Marshall drive back home, pumped up on Tantrum. Lily even drank some, but she’s not in the car. She’s hanging on to the roof, screaming “Tantrum!”

Quote of the Episode:

“I am going to drill you. Then we’ll study.”—Barney, offering to help Robin study.

So, is there anything you would drive all night for? And honestly, who would leave New York to drive all the way to Chicago for pizza? And I’d like to state for the record: I love Canada, especially Quebec. Doesn’t mean my French class didn’t start singing “Blame Canada” after spotting a “USA Sucks” sign though.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hidden Bitch, Flying Model

Last week on America’s Next Top Model: I was in a meeting so I missed the episode. But I know that Ashley was kicked off. So, Erin, as the closest thing to a stealth bitch, you’re up as house bitch now. Who gets kicked off tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

LA! The girls take their ride home. Sundai reveals in her praise, in which Nicole and Erin were weak. Nicole needs to show her personality. Kara holds auditions for ANTM—The Musical. They mock Laura’s small town upbringing.

TYRA MAIL! “How driven are you? We’ll find out tomorrow.” The girls guess cars of some sort. Hmm, maybe I was premature in giving the bitch crown to Erin. Kara is really mean about Nicole, saying she has the social graces of a fetus. What. The. Eff?

The girls go back to Wilhelmina Models and Sean Patterson sends them on go-sees. They get a car and a map. The girls are horrified to go low-tech. The girls are divided into teams and given instructions to get back at four. There Nicole and Laura, Brittany and Kara, Jennifer and Erin, and Sundai and Rae. Rae, Sundai, Brittany and Kara arrive at Neil Lane. It is jewelry. Neil Lane goes on about Kara’s unpierced ears. Hey! I don’t have pierced ears. Guess that’s why I’m trying to get into writing/publishing than modeling. Neil liked Brittany. Erin and Jennifer go to Roseann Nichols. The designer liked Erin but not Jennifer. Sundai and Rae go into Neil Lane. They don’t impress him much. Nicole and Laura go to Wongdoody—an ad company. They liked Nicole. Laura shows off her “hood-rat.” It sounds like “Moose and Squirrel.”

Brittany and Kara try British. The former is “robotic” and the latter is “greasy.” Laura is foiled by a parking meter. Roseann likes Nicole. Erin and Jennifer arrive at Trina. She likes Jennifer. Rae and Sundai are having some navigation troubles.

Sundai and Rae get into Wongdoody. Rae does “Minnesotan.” Sundai does “shy.” Rae is pretty sure she just offended an entire state and Sundai doesn’t impress. Brittany and Kara don’t help Nicole and Laura to Trina. Kara gets called “scruffy” and Brittany “rude.” Laura and Nicole go back, as do Brittany and Kara. Sundai and Rae debate whether to go back or do another go-see. Nicole and Laura get back first at a quarter to four. Jennifer and Erin are rushing. Sundai and Rae make it to Trina. She likes the duo. They run back. Kara and Brittany make it back with six minutes to spare. Jennifer and Erin are in traffic. Rae and Sundai rationalize their decision. Jennifer and Erin just make it and Jennifer thanks God. The girls countdown to four pm. They reach it. Rae and Sundai are disqualified. They are fifteen minutes late, if I am reading the clock right.

Sean calls them over. He asks Sundai and Rae what happened. He tells them models can’t be late and banishes them to the lobby. Jennifer is sweet and lively, but too much eye makeup. Laura is cute and fresh, but little range in commercial. Brittany is gorgeous but robotic. Kara has a strong walk but is scruffy. Erin is gorgeous but timid. Nicole has a beautiful face but no personality. Sean tells them the winner will get a piece from each designer and will be in a commercial. Nicole wins. Sean dismisses the girls.

Nicole goes home to enjoy her challenge win. Laura hopes to get a dress for being her chauffer. Someone thinks Nicole just got a win but she says she earned it. Sundai is upset and she and Kara make fun of Nicole in a commercial. Kara, if you tell panel you hate Nicole and it was your inspiration, Tyra will have to get all Oprah on you.

After their Tyra Mail, the girls figure they’ll do Victoria’s Secret. But they go to a martial arts school, where Mr. Jay attacks with weapons. He tells them they will be using martial arts weapons—on a wire. They will take 3 shots to be composited into a motion shot.

Nicole: Chooses the sword. She yells and Mr. Jay gives her advice. He is pleased with her.

Jennifer: Goes with the double sword. Mr. Jay loves her face. She gets 10 points.

Erin: Is called an Elf in the air.

Laura: She chooses nunchucks. Impresses Mr. Jay, especially how she elongates her body.

Kara: Struggles. Mr. Jay calls her weak. Ha ha, bitch!

Brittany: Uncoordinated in real life, but strong and graceful on film.

Rae: Can’t project herself on film.

Sundai: Uses double swords. Mr. Jay doesn’t find her graceful. Mr. Jay calls her work “remedial modeling.”

The girls go home and compare harness bruises. Sundai is worried, as is Rae.

PANEL! There are prizes, there are judges, there is Ms. J’s football sleeves and guest judge Jessica White, supermodel. Jennifer is loved by Nigel. Rae isn’t fluid. Erin does a zig-zag, which Tyra loves. Jessica loves Brittany, Tyra loves how Brittany finds the light. The judges don’t like Kara’s photos. Laura needs to lose the jacket (fitted by her grandmother!) Tyra loves how she lengthens the body. Jessica likes Sundai’s legs. Nigel says she gives them the same thing. Nicole is applauded for being the challenge winner. She wears a dress from her prize, which Tyra loves. Nigel says sehe needs more variety. And she needs it in personal as well.

Top Models in Action: Fo! She’s rocking the fashion world. Go, Fo!

LA! The judges deliberate. Jennifer is good crazy. Yes, it exists. I think I have had a few friends who would fit this category. Brittany needs to look like a model. Jessica loves Nicole. Laura surprises Nigel and Tyra. Erin needs to smile and smize. Everyone smizes. ELIMINATION! The first girl called is Nicole. She is followed by: Laura, Brittany, Erin, Jennifer and Rae. Sundai and Kara are in the bottom two. Kara: Special face, but someone who is lost and struggling. Sundai: Underdog, but is stuck. Who stays? Sundai, naturally. This is karma, Kara. Sundai needs to take a picture with her face straight on. Tyra hugs Kara and asks what happened. She focused on mocking Nicole rather than modeling. Kara just cries as Tyra tells her to want it. Kara feels the competition wasn’t worth it since she didn’t win. Someone redid the theme song?

America’s Next Top Model:

Ashley
Sundai
Bianca
Rae
Brittany
Rachel
Courtney
Nicole
Erin
Lulu
Jennifer
Lisa
Kara
Laura

Next week: The Insider! Cover Girl commercials!

Do you think it was karma that got back at Kara? Or do you agree that Nicole shouldn’t be there? Will Sundai now be the house bitch or will Erin step up again?

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Tale of the Sexless Innkeeper and Really Bad Couple Dates

MacLaren’s! The gang rags on Ted for wearing Tweed, but he says that chicks dig the professor look. Lily ignores this to invite Robin and Barney on a couples date. Ever since they got married (and before, if I remember a first season episode correctly), the two have been looking for another couple to date. The problem, Future!Ted tells us, is that they suck at it. We see Lily and Marshall coming on strong to one couple, acting psycho with another couple and being told by Ranjit and his wife that they are not that into Lily and Marshall. But Robin and Barney don’t know this, so they agree to a couples double date. Lily and Marshall prepare everything, including charades. In the end, they think the date went well. Outside, Barney declares it the worst night ever and Robin mimes blowing her brains out. Barney even flinches from pretend splatter.

Credits!

Ted greets Robin and Barney and asks them about their night. They say it was the worst night ever. They talk about how nervous the two were—we see Marshall busting out about Sammy Hagar and a Belgian waffle. Ted asks if Marshall pushed cheese on them, namely Gouda. Barney tells them about Marshall and Lily freaking out. The egg timer broke, endangering charades. Lily makes a sad joke about Robin being in television and having “technical difficulties.” And then there is the piece de resistance—the website Marshall made about the night. Complete with a song and photo montage. Even Ted thinks that’s horrible. Robin and Barney admit they lied about the night to Lily and Marshall, giving them the same send off one would give after a bad date.

That said, the girl Ted picked up the night before rushes out saying the same platitudes Robin and Barney gave Lily and Marshall. Ted brags about picking her up, even if she fell asleep on the couch. He reveals she’s from Westchester. Barney and Robin tell Ted he is the sexless innkeeper. Namely, someone lets another person pick them in exchange for a place to crash. With no sex. Barney tells about his sexless innkeeper episode in poetry form. He was stuck in the Queens, during a snowstorm last year (which looks like Dickens London and Barney is back in his Barnibus outfit), so he crashes in a mannish woman’s apartment.

At the bar, Lily and Marshall go on about Vermont and bed and breakfasts before Barney lies about aliens being found on the bottom of the ocean. He and Robin have to lead the expedition, he says. Lily and Marshall, though, have known Barney long enough to realize one of his lies. They get upset and leave. They cry in their apartment and try to figure out what went wrong. They stop on Marshall’s photo montage. Apparently, he’s been into that—for getting Chinese food, for cat sitting, for the cat’s funeral. Do I smell a need for the intervention sign?

Ted tells Robin and Barney to apologize to Lily and Marshall, but they mock him for being the sexless innkeeper. But Robin and Barney start to see couple duos EVERYWHERE. They go to a restaurant and when they say reservations for two, the waitress gives them the look you usually get when you say “for one.” They pig out on ice cream. This montage is accompanied by a version of “All by Myself” turned into “All by Ourselves” that I believe was sung by Cobie Smulders and Neil Patrick Harris. And it was awesome. They decide to apologize to Lily and Marshall, but they’ve found a new couple. From Hawaii. Who likes their stuff.

Lily and Marshall hang out with their new friends. Robin and Barney pig out on Ted’s couch, where he finds them. He asks if Barney is wearing sweatpants. Barney says yes, but they are Armani. Ted practices tough love. He tells them that, like it or not, they are a couple and couples need other couples. At Lily and Marshall’s, they are having fun with their new couple friends. However, they hear a ticking noise. Outside their door is an egg timer. It goes off and they follow a row of egg timers outside. In the pouring rain, Robin and Barney hold an egg timer and go “Ping.” They apologize to their friends and everyone hugs.

Tag: Ted composes his own sexless innkeeper poem. It too is set in Dickens London, with Ted going home with a blonde. The poem ends with a pan from Ted and Blonde making out on the couch to a crackling fireplace. Barney doesn’t believe the poem until the blonde comes from Ted’s bedroom wearing a button down shirt. Ted says he’s happy he’s single and runs back to her. Robin comes out and asks if Barney’s ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall. “What have I done?” he asks.

Quote of the Episode
“Don’t charge for WiFi. It seems greedy”—Barney to Ted

What do you think of Marshall and Lily’s dating style? Would you turn someone into the sexless innkeeper? Ever been the sexless innkeeper? And how awesome is it that Barney's poems take place in Dickens London? How much do you love Barney and Robin? Are you concerned for them now, after Barney’s reaction?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Back to Class

We open in the year 2030, where Future!Ted tells his children about the names Barney’s been called, including “Barack Obama, Jr.” Robin though is freaking out about Barney being her boyfriend. He’s a little rusty, like when she’s caught him sneaking out like she’s a one-night stand. Or when he runs when she’s emotional. Lily thinks that Barney can’t stack up to her previous boyfriends. They look at Ted, who is repeating “bowl” over and over. But when she doubts the relationship, Ted warns Barney. He pretends he doesn’t care but then becomes the perfect boyfriend. Which leads to one conclusion: Barney’s cheating. Robin wants proof.

Marshall bursts in to apologize about not cleaning out their basement storage, which Robin didn’t know about. But he pushes in a barrel that served as a nightstand until Lily revealed she was “allergic” to barrel resin. Marshall even names it Mabel and decides to put it in the Bermuda Triangle, the curb outside the apartment. Ted and Marshall put things out—like an old couch—and it disappears before they are even in the building. Robin and Lily find a notebook in Barney’s briefcase. Robin thinks he’s cheating with a coed but the notes are all about her. They are confused as Marshall rushes up to see Mabel’s new owner. He lets slip about Barney’s Robin notebook and Future!Ted reveals the truth: Barney’s been learning about how to date Robin from her longest relationship on the show—Ted.

Credits!

Marshall explains. Barney presents a hypothetical scenario in which he wants to be a better boyfriend to Robin. Ted tells him not to cry in front of Robin—especially four times. When Robin interrupts their session at MacLaren’s, Ted moves it to his classroom. Barney has ADD—he wants to draw boobs, tweets, and asks to have class outside. Ted wants Barney and Robin to work. Class #2: Robin’s facial expressions. Ted goes off on architecture before we see “Angry Robin.” He tells Barney to run if he ever sees that face. This leads to “Diffuses the Bomb”: 1. The Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title. 2. Proper gun Cleaning and Maintanence. Robin tells a story about her uncle, missing digits and corn. 3. Emperor Penguins. Because, honestly, who doesn’t like penguins?

Marshall is upset when some guy lets his dog pee over Mabel. Lily and Robin go back to Ted’s lessons. Apparently, “you’re an idiot” means “I love you” and “I love you” means “We’re over.” Robin can’t think it’s not so romantic next to the page about the spots that turn her on. Ted moves on to the five things to never do with Robin, like playing the “Guess Who?” game. And not the one where you’re some fat, bald guy named Samuel. When Barney falls asleep, Ted wakes him up. He then gives Ted a “thumbs up,” which Future!Ted alludes was really a cruder gesture (such as how they’ve used “Grinch” and “Sandwich” as euphemisms in episodes past). Ted gives him a pop quiz. He passes. As Ted leaves, Barney stands on a chair and says “Oh , Captain, my captain.” They praise “Dead Poets Society.” Robin cries and reveals that these classes are Tuesdays at 6:15—AKA, now.

As Ted tells Barney about Robin being a cover hog, they get a live look at “Angry Robin.”

Barney tries to diffuse the situation, but Robin is pissed. He asks Marshall if he sold them out. Marshall replies that he was vulnerable after saying good-bye to an old friend. “It’s a barrel,” Robin snaps while Ted mourns the loss of Mabel. She reveals to Ted that he doesn’t know everything about her—like her left knee. She was just faking that. She tells Barney that she thought he was cheating and that this wasn’t helping. She storms out.

Ted finds Robin at MacLaren’s. He compares a relationship to a class, all about that person. And when you break up, all that information is now just useless. He says he was glad to put his Robin knowledge to good use. Ted reveals that he’s never seen Barney work so hard to keep a woman. She’s pleased.

Barney throws out his Robin notebook. He gives her a Barney-esque speech in which he reveals that he’s worried about screwing up his relationship with Robin. She calls him an idiot and they kiss. She reminds Barney that the notebook has some very personal information about her but it has disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle. Marshall tells them to move—they’re scaring away potential owners for Mabel. They give him a thumbs up.

Tag: Ted talks about architecture, but pictures of Robin are mixed in. He says it is the architect’s drunk wife and moves on.

In case anyone cares, the Ted’s future son is played by David Henrie. You can find him in a speaking role as Justin Russo on “Wizards of Waverly Place.” It’s a pretty good show, pretty funny and Selena Gomez is a Disney Darling you can like. Anyway, what did you think of Robin 101? Where do you think the Bermuda Triangle put her notebook? And have you gone curb shopping? Because I’ve been sorely tempted—people here on Staten Island throw out some pretty awesome things.

Exchange of the Episode:

“When Robin’s PMS-ing, what type of chocolate do you give her?”
“Trick question. You give her butterscotch.”
“Why?”
“Because butterscotch to Canadian woman what chocolate is to American woman.” –Ted and Barney, the pop quiz.