OUAT: For Good

Last time: Zelena’s portal sucked Hook and Emma through, landing them in the Enchanted Forest, in the past. Before the Dark Curse was cast, before Snow White met Prince Charming but after Regina went full on Evil Queen. However, Emma ruins her parents’ meet-cute and she needs Rumple’s help in fixing things and getting back. After an elaborate ruse involving Emma distracting Past!Hook, things seem to be course-correcting—until Snow drops the ring and Emma-disguised-as-Princess-Leia ends up Regina’s prisoner.

Uh oh!

We open in…prison? Did Regina go high tech as the Evil Queen? Because the last time we saw her dungeons, they were pretty much your standard medieval/fairy tale fare. Oh, no wait, there’s Emma and Neal. This is a flashback. Sorry, I missed the placard saying so. Neal picks a lock and gets them inside a deserted carnival. He and Emma ride the merry-go-round as they talk about home. Neal says he feels like home is the place you run to.

(For those who miss Neal)

OUAT: Thank Goodness

Last time: Regina defeated Zelena! Rumple then killed Zelena! Mary Margaret had a baby boy! We still don’t know his name! Emma wants to leave Storybrooke and go back to New York! Henry thinks they are staying! Rumple proposed! Belle accepted! And the time portal opened anyway!

We start with a shot of Mickey Mouse. As the camera zooms out, it’s revealed to be a gift to a little blonde girl by her parents. Her new parents, it turns out, as she’s just been adopted. As the car drives off, the other orphans wave goodbye to her. One older girl stays outside, watching the car and crying. A woman comes up and tells her that her time will come. The girl? Emma Swan, our very own Lost Girl.

(Don't worry, Emma. Some day, your family will come)

OUAT: Defying Gravity

Last episode: Mary Margaret went into labor!

This episode: Mary Margaret prepares to give birth as the residents of Storybrooke try to prevent Zelena from getting the baby. But first, let’s learn more about Zelena and Glinda, shall we?

So let’s go back to Oz, where Zelena watches her sister practice with Rumplestilskin. She seethes until Glinda enters to thank Zelena for revealing the truth about the Wizard and setting Oz free. Zelena’s like “Oh, thanks.” She revels in the attention and stops stalking her sister. So Glinda introduces her to the other witches of Oz, who shall remain nameless. 

(Glinda, Witch of the North; Not Important, Witch of the South; and Who Cares, Witch of the East)

She explains to Zelena that they each represent a direction as well as a characteristic—courage, love, wisdom. Glinda invites Zelena to join them as the Witch of the West and represent innocence. Zelena’s like “Have you met me? Not exactly innocent here.” But Glinda says that releasing her anger and jealousy toward her sister will make her innocent again. Zelena agrees to it and her green skin returns to it’s normal hue. Glinda gives her a jewel to wear to help control her powers.

Nostalgia Nook: Hercules

Fun story time! My dad worked at ABC during the Disney takeover and for a few years after. In 1997, Disney celebrated its renovation of the historical New Amsterdam theater by having a special event. My dad managed to get tickets but was unable to take off to go himself. So my mother, sister, aunt, cousin and I went. Disney characters put on a little show, celebrating and dancing in the aisle. My sister, who was almost five, was a bit confused as she thought the Disney characters all lived in Disney World. My mother told her they were visiting us in New York for the party. After the party, they lowered a screen and showed us Disney’s latest movie—Hercules!

From zero to SPOILERS!

OUAT: As Long As You’re Mine

Scene: Enchanted Forest. A lone rider gallops through the woods, heading toward the palace. That rider? Belle. She goes to tell everyone gathered at the palace—Snow, Charming, Regina, Aurora and Philip—that Rumple is alive. But Neal’s been absorbed into him and now he’s insane. Well, more insane. Regina’s happy Rumple is alive, Snow is aghast Neal is kinda dead.

Anyway, Aurora tells Snow that Zelena wants Snow’s baby. Which proves Regina’s point that the Charmings shouldn’t make a big deal about announcing their impending arrival. But the Charmings will not be intimidated by a green witch riding a broomstick. Speak of the devil!

Zelena flies in and turns Aurora and Philip into flying monkeys for blabbing. No one blinks an eye. Aww, come on, guys. At least pretend like they were your friends. 

(Sleeping Simian and her Prince Monkey)

Anyway, Zelena freezes everyone as she feels up Snow’s baby bump. She says that the baby will do nicely. And then she flies off.

HIMYM:…Our Friendship Will Never Die

This is really it. My last How I Met Your Mother recap. Deep breaths everyone. We’ll get through it.
And then we can rant all over again.

We open again at the Farhampton Train Station. Ted is still being needled by the old lady to go talk to the bassist. She believes that the bassist is The One and asks to sing at Ted’s wedding. Ted’s like “No. Calm down.” But he’s drawn to the bassist.

Go for it, Ted. Doooooo eeeeeeeeeet.

OUAT: I’m Not That Girl

Let’s recap, shall we?

Regina suddenly has a half sister she never knew about named Zelena who grew up in Oz, is a witch, can turn green and has a grudge against Regina for kinda weak reasons. She’s collected Charming’s courage and Rumple’s brain and is waiting to get Regina’s heart and Snow’s unborn baby. No one knows why.

Meanwhile, Zelena has cursed Hook’s lips so that when he kisses Emma, all her powers get zapped. So he’s trying to keep his distance. She also has Rumple locked in a cage in a storm cellar, Belle’s running Gold’s, and Regina’s heart is being guarded by Robin Hood.

Oh, and Henry still has no clue what’s going on.