ANTM: School’s In Session

It’s a new cycle? Already? CW’s starting early. Huh. Okay, y’all! Time for Top Model. Buckle up, Auntie Tyra’s driving again.

Oh, they’ve gone back to “The Girl Who…” titles again.

Tyra’s a graduate of Harvard! And so she’s doing a college cycle! Because, you know, that’s an age group that’s never been represented before on this show. Please note the sarcasm.

The girls arrive at a sorority house? That’s what it looks like. They are wearing shirts with their college name on them. I don’t want to see my alma mater there. Maria (Harvard) talks about how the college cycle will show girls they can be models and not stupid. Too bad Tyra has always eliminated the smart girls before.


WAIT, this is CASTING EPISODE? I thought Tyra just blew the budget on extras. Well played, Tyra, you got me to blog about the casting episode. Tyra introduces Kelly Cutrone, featuring clips of Louise bugging out from last cycle. Next comes Rob Evans who all the girls fall in love with. He may be British and bald, but he’s still no Nigel. I MISS YOU NIGEL! After Rob, we meet Johnny Wujek who has worked with Katy Perry. He’s our new Mr. Jay. You have some orange shoes to fill, Johnny. Does Johnny wear a retainer? Oh, yes, the fans are voting this cycle and will be the fourth judge.

I’m not to thrilled with this, but more after this casting episode ends. We have a walk-off and photo shoot to first get through. After COMMERCIALS, of course.

Kiara and Victoria start off the wall-off. Victoria is excited that the fans get to vote. Kristin is a former mean girl. I sense the cycle bitch! Quick, who let Velma into the competition? Oh, no, that’s Jessie. Whose backside Kelly liked. Okay. Darian thinks she’s going to win before we see Tyra and Kelly mocking some of the contestants’ walks. One keeps meowing at me. I have no clue why. (PS: I’m hating the “texts and tweets” in the corner. I don’t watch Top Model to read! That’s what I have books for)
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The girls go to the photo shoot. Johnny tells Leila she looks like Kristen Stewart. And she takes it as a compliment! KStew has no facial expressions, which is the kiss of death on this show. Destiny impresses Johnny. She says she needs to get into the house because she has nothing else waiting for her. Not even college? I’m confused. Quick, I need a distraction…

COMMERCIALS!

LA! There’s a social media room and the girls go look at their photos. One girl notes that there is mostly mean stuff online. Ha, way to go, fans! As the girls obsessively check Facebook, the girls go before the judges. One girl is the daughter of an actor and an Australian model. They look at her picture before Tyra reads some comments. Brittany screams as she enters. She’s a Disney fan who will be doing the college program. Tyra looks at her picture and calls her the evil queen, not a princess. Someone take the sugar away from Brittany. She goes and talks to her family. Destiny steps up before the judges and starts crying. She was kicked out of the house by her mom and had to struggle to get food. Rob can relate to her. Tyra tells her the face was a bit safe.

Ivory is next up and she takes out her retainer to show she has a fake tooth. I don’t think she breaths. Allyssa has a tattoo on the inside of her lips so “Daddy can’t see.” Briana starts singing and uses “pot ledom.” Can we let it die, people? Another cheers and Jasmine is also known as “Kitty.” She’s the one who meows. She needs help. Tyra isn’t too impressed with her picture. Victoria comes in and calls herself an “old soul.” Rob and Johnny like her look. Tyra reads something from Facebook and she lets Victoria talk to Melissa. THIS ISN’T HELPING! I feel fans getting alienated as we watch. Backstage, the girls mock Victoria who is like “I CAN HEAR YOU, BITCHES!”

COMMERCIALS!

LA! The girls continue to be catty backstage. Leila approaches the judges. She gets modeling jobs on her own despite her gapped teeth. Rob says he sees potential. Leila says she’d love to get Kelly’s criticism and Tyra’s like “You’ll regret that.” Maria goes next. Tyra asks what her classmates think of her being on the show. She talks about how she was teased when she was younger and started to model to lift up her esteem. She didn’t tell anyone because she feared they would think less of her but now they know and support her. Maria, being on this show and being a model are two different things. Darian poses with Rob and Johnny likes her picture. Kaci follows and can sing. Oh, hey, she can sing. Go, Kaci. She’s wearing a medal from her grandmother who recently passed. Kaci says grandmother got her started with modeling. Johnny and Rob tell her to watch her lights. Kaci tells her Facebook poser that she is better than her picture. Then Kelly starts to sing…

COMMERCIALS! (Thank you!)

LA! The girls love Jessie (and her butt). Johnny loves her dress and says Katy Perry could wear that. Tyra praises her butt. They look at her photo and Tyra says she should have been facing the wall. Backstage, Leila clashes with Kristin. Kristin says she’s been in a few brawls and she’ll never do it again so her face doesn’t get scratched up. She tells Tyra she’s mature. Not. She had the most likes on Facebook though Kelly doesn’t like her. She celebrates she has the most likes. That’s because you hadn’t spoken yet, bitch. Nastasia can apparently pop and lock. Yvonne is a beauty queen. Oh no, they’ve been blacklisted since Cassandra back in cycle 5. Yvonne has problems with Dad but is close to Mom. Rob likes her photo and Tyra likes her booty tooch. Facebook thinks she needs to work on her pose.

Kiara comes in next and wants to be role model for girls. To go from homeless to top model. She was abused and ran away. And she got a scholarship to college. The judges like her photo. She goes to talk to her grandmother. She then talks to Destiny, who probably understands her the best.

COMMERCIALS!

Tyra comes back to talk about the prizes. Oh, hey, no more Vogue Italia. Or CoverGirl? Did I miss CoverGirl? There are 13 girls this cycle. They are (in order of call out): Kristin, Nastasia, Laura, Allyssa, Destiny, Kiara, Leila, Darian, Maria, Jessie, Brittany, Yvonne, and…

COMMERCIALS!

So, who is the 13th contestant? It is…Victoria. She thanks Tyra. Sorry, you other 17 girls. But hey, free trip to LA, right? Tyra goes to comfort Kaci and Briana. And the other girls. I’m really glad this is the last I have to put up with Jasmine’s meowing. I would’ve killed someone. Myself, her, Tyra…I don’t know. The girls go to explore their house. And the different rooms—athletic, geeky, pink, etc.

So, that’s the start of Cycle 19! Still not feeling this whole “Fans get a say” thing. For one, I don’t know if we’re getting it as it happened or if the show was still pre-taped. And when I went to the website, I was spoiled about something. I won’t reveal it here because I’m mad I found out. And it makes it more a popularity contest than before. There are a lot of aspects that go into how we make our decisions: personality, behavior on set, how they act during the photoshoot, etc. We can’t basis everything on a picture!

Oh well. We’ll see what this season brings. It is in the “Death Slot” after all.

Next time: Victoria freaks out! Dancing? What?

Quote of the Episode:

“You can be just pretty. It’s worked the past 19 years of my life”—Kristin.