MEN!

Last week: Marjorie got lost in Amsterdam and nearly had a nervous breakdown! Tyra took the photos! Elina was sent home! Four girls remain—HOLY CRAP NEXT WEEK’S THE FINAL!

Sorry…So who will come so close yet fall so far? Find out!

Samantha celebrates her picture and plots her way to being America’s Next Top Model (not in MY book, Sammy). Analeigh and Marjorie talk about being in the bottom two and we see what Tyra told my favorite Frenchwoman to lose the nerves. Marjorie confesses she has to.

TYRA POST! “A model who knows how to sell makes the most cents.”

Marjorie and Analeigh talk as sad music plays. Marjorie confesses that her nerves give her the edge and this sad music is making me start to prepare myself for Marjorie’s departure. The models meet Paulina who teaches them how to sell junk. They practice on fish—at least it isn’t me. I get sick when I smell fish. Marjorie works the fish but falls on “romantic” on the phone. McKey gets praise for being focused on poses, Marjorie is good at emotions, Analeigh is a good actress and Sam is good at being funny.

TYRA POST! “Your delivery better be on the Mark.” They think commercial—that’s NEXT week, girls. I’m thinking Mark is the male model promised last week. McKey and Sam talk about making it to the top three. But this is a pretty strong top four—no matter how much I hate Sam.

Amsterdam! Marjorie talks about being positive. She’s absolutely funny in confessional. They go to Amsterdam Worldwide where Paulina meets them. Richard Gorodecky is the creative director of this top ad agency. Looks like they are doing a commercial—with that male model! The girls will not be talking, just smooching Mark Vanderloo—a major male supermodel. Sam is rendered speechless and gibbers in her confessional. It’s a challenge and the girls will be given a shopping spree at a major denim place. A challenge win you can USE in daily life. (Seriously, who is going to go around in $20,000 worth of jewels?)

Sam is first up on the treadmill. She flirts with Mark from the treadmill—I like the “Oh my god!” I can see Sam as an actress. Mark gives her thumbs up. Analeigh acts all coy before running off to kiss Mark. “He’s a good kisser,” Analeigh tells the others and Sam agrees. McKey gives him a little wave from the treadmill before kissing him. “Nice to meet you,” McKey says before running out of the room, adding some humor. Marjorie looks like she’s debating whether to kiss him or not and then goes in for the kiss. Marjorie thanks the bottom two for a kick. Everyone notices the change in Marjorie.

Sam: Adorable, but little over the edge. Calculating and hammy. Analeigh: Cute and sweet, good performance. McKey: Flirtation, good. Kissing, not good. Marjorie: Awkward and scary, but original and believable. The winner is: Marjorie! YAY! She gets a friend and chooses Analeigh—SHOCKER! I saw a cute photo collage of the two. They are still friends. The girls go and Marjorie split the prize evenly. They have fun on their shopping spree.

Windmills! TYRA POST! “Tomorrow you will be going Dutch but you will still have to give 100%” They wonder about the phrase “going Dutch”—you know, where you all split the bill?

Anyway, Marjorie invites the boat drivers over. Thank God they noticed how HOT those guys were. I’d love to just ogle Analeigh’s driver over and over. They bring wine which only the guys and Marjorie drink. Marjorie is apparently a happy drunk. They play charades before Analeigh, Marjorie and a boy play drunken dress-up. McKey and someone else wrestle while Sam entertains another with cards and magic tricks (learned from the Misfit of Magic himself?). Then they play truth and dare. Marjorie makes out with a driver.

Whitney’s a Cover Girl! And treats a surprisingly empty New York as her own personal catwalk! Do your little turn on the catwalk!

The other girls are concerned for a drunk Marjorie, now in a hot tub with a much drunker guy. Even the other guys agree with the girls who try to kick him out. After McKey threatens him, he leaves. Analeigh puts Marjorie to bed, who was grateful everyone else was sober.

The girls go to meet Jay in front of a windmill, which will be their backdrop. He introduces their photographer Barrie who greets the girls—what are they doing with Analeigh’s hair? Mr. Jay is impressed with Analeigh even before she starts jumping. Marjorie freezes up and I wonder how hung over she is. Even Mr. Jay notices it and then gives her a pep talk for panel. Samantha goofs off and says she hates being serious. She goes out in her clogs. Mr. Jay tells her to mind her legs, Barrie tells her to watch her face. They realize the clogs are hurting her, which is showing in her face. Mr. Jay is worried. He gives her a pep talk. “Dude, I sucked, really bad,” Samantha confesses. She goes and cries while Sutan tries to cheer her up. I wish I had Sutan to cheer me up. He looks like he’s really good at it. McKey goes out and knows she has to work it. And she does. She does some climbing. Mr. Jay loves her as much as Analeigh. That’s a wrap!

Amsterdam! Sam is still feeling down—and they all used to jump on Marjorie for this? Well, Marjorie usually rocked and Sam fell flat, but still. And Marjorie goes for the wine. She says she has to look relaxed—going drunk isn’t going to help you, honey!

Did I miss the “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges…”? Cause we’re in PANEL! There are prizes, there are judges, Ms. J’s bling, and the guest judge is Ann Shoket (Editor-in-Chief of Seventeen magazine). Tyra blathers on about avant-garde and windmills. McKey is called first. She looks more “unfrozen cavewoman” than “avant-garde.” She does have long legs. Marjorie is next and applauded for winning the challenge. The picture is just standing down or as someone said: an UFO beamed her down. Tyra says she feels Marjorie is pulling inside to fight the nerves. Sam still can’t dress for panel, but now all she has to do is take off a sweater. She gets praised for her lips but Tyra notes her film was bad. Then quotes Mr. Jay. Sam tries not to cry. Analeigh finishes it up. And it’s the jumping one. The judges love it. Ann loves Analeigh.

Top Models in Action! Nigel tells us about Kim from Cycle 5. She’s with Elite magazines and works for MTV news. And is blonde.

The judges deliberate. With the top three in question, it’s time to take off the gloves. Analeigh seems to be loved. Tyra is worried about Sam—this week’s photo, her appearance at panel. Marjorie is editorial. The judges realize that the nerves=Marjorie charms. The judges love McKey’s legs and eyes. What is Tyra doing? Even Ann is wondering that, you can tell.

ELIMINATION! The first name and the person safe: Analeigh (YAY!). Followed by: McKey. Marjorie and Sam end up in the bottom two. This is hard. Both take great pictures, but Sam has the personality. Marjorie has the editorial ability, Sam is the more commercial. Marjorie looks like a model, Sam doesn’t. Who goes? Did Ann and Paulina coordinate before going into judging? Oh, sorry. So, who goes? Marjorie. Aww man.

Tyra tells Marjorie to find a way to calm the nerves without losing what makes Marjorie Marjorie. She and Analeigh cry as they hug. And Marjorie has a gorgeous portfolio—we’re going to see her on Top Models in Action in Cycle 13 or 14.

I’m not just mad that Marjorie is going home but…last week while checking some names on Wikipedia, some idiot posted the final eliminations and winner. Marjorie was posted as eliminated tonight. And now that I was accidentally spoiled. And I HATE spoilers. So now, I don’t want the girl the idiot said wins just because I don’t want the idiot to be correct.

Next week: TOP THREE! Cover Girl commercials, runways and a winner!

Who do you want to win? Samantha? McKey? Analeigh? Who did you call the winner back in the early episodes that are no longer there? Or did you figure on of these three would win? Do you hate spoilers as much as me?

Go-Sees: Now Filled With More Angst Than the Make Overs

Last week: Amsterdam! Red-light district! No one fell overboard! Sheena was eliminated!

We’re down to the final five! Who will be sent packing and who will be in the final four? I hope its Marjorie, Elina, McKey and Analeigh.

I wanna be on TOP!

It’s Amsterdam! The top five party and Analeigh celebrates that she’s improving. She thinks the other girls don’t think she’s competition. Hey, girls, SHE’S COMPETITION! Meanwhile, Elina wonders why the judges she is stiff while Marjorie confesses that Elina is stuck. Sam celebrates she’s still here. I mourn it. Marjorie is still Debbie Downer and can’t understand why everyone is so happy. She’s apparently the house pessimist.

TYRA MAIL! You have to be more than good looking if you want the first booking. The girls realize it is time for GO-SEES! This is always so much fun. Go-sees rank just below makeovers on my favorite episodes. The girls go to Touché Models and are given boats to get around Amsterdam. They have till 5 PM—Be there or be square. And we don’t want a repeat of Brittany from Cycle 8.

Let’s watch models ride boats…Hello, Analeigh’s driver is HOT. Marjorie is nervous. Surprise, surprise. I love her dearly, but the girl needs to take a Prozac. Sam arrives and kisses the designer thrice ‘cause that’s the Dutch way. Sam looks good but doesn’t impress the designer. Next: McKey, who makes a good impression on the designer. She tells McKey to want to make everyone want the dress but is impressed. Marjorie is lost. And so is Sam, who makes fun of Amsterdam’s street names. Apparently, getting lost is the theme of this go-see. This is the reason I love go-sees. Marjorie tries to ask for help and no one can help her.

Analeigh finally gets somewhere and meets a designer who sounds like Nigel. Seriously. The Dutch Nigel likes Analeigh. Elina gets to a designer who is not happy she is sweating. He doesn’t like her. Marjorie is still having troubles and is close to a nervous breakdown.

Back to Amsterdam! Marjorie is still near her nervous breakdown. She knows she can be eliminated for failing at the go-sees. She finally gets to the designer Sam first saw. She’s so relieved she forgets everything. Elina is waiting outside as Marjorie admits she’s having a horrible time. Elina’s tattoos are a deal-breaker for the designer which Elina says she took personally because they are her form of self-expression. McKey continues to get praised. SHOW ANALEIGH! Thank you, show. She watches Elina model a poofy purple dress and actually gets praise. However Analeigh gets praise as well. Marjorie goes to the Nigel Sound-a-like, who doesn’t sound thrilled. She’s out on the street laughing and crying. She pounds her driver’s fist as she’s the first to return.

Analeigh gets back, Elina looks drunk getting out of her boat. Sam’s fourth but McKey is still out there. It looks like it might be another Natasha and Brittany. She runs in just a few minutes after five. And the girls celebrate. She is disqualified and was well-liked. In confession, she talks out the left side of her mouth. Sam is too commercial. Elina is good in runway, too many tattoos. Marjorie was nervous and gets tips. Analeigh maybe trying to hard but is liked. All the designers donated items for the winner—ANALEIGH! Her prizes will be at home. I hope they didn’t dump in on the lawn like in the past.

Oh no, it’s on the table. Her prize totals $18,000. Elina and McKey are upset.

Tyra Mail. “You’ve never been exposed like this before, but you’ll be amazed after.” Nude shot? Would Tyra do a nude shot? Everyone is concerned about Marjorie. Analeigh tells her she is top competition. Marjorie doesn’t understand this, worries it’s a hoax. Analeigh makes her promise not to bring the disappointment to the shoot.

Amsterdam. The girls load the bus. Sam hopes that if it’s nude, it’s couture. Jay does Christian’s make-up. It looks like he’s joining the circus. Tyra tells the girl they will do a natural shot and then a glam shot. Marjorie is nervous to be shot by Tyra. She still does black and white. The natural shot includes the clothes they wore to the studio. Sam’s first. Tyra looks for the shots an agency would take. She also gets “Oliver Twist.” Tyra thinks Sam works better with clothing and makeup than natural. Mr. Jay and Tyra make fun of Ms. J. Tyra and Mr. Jay talk about the nerves. Christian gives Marjorie a trim and gets glamed out.

Analeigh goes out, gets hair fixed. However, Tyra thinks Analeigh needs make up. I love Analeigh’s hair do. Tyra tells Elina she can’t have the nails she does. Also, Elina would be natural and relaxed until Tyra picked up the camera, going back to posey. Tyra tries to show what she wants from Elina, but Mr. Jay is worried about what she’s doing to his way-too-silver hair. McKey is next and Tyra makes them go Clockwork Orange on her make-up. Tyra calls a wrap.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only four will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.” Marjorie is excited—but she hopes she doesn’t get eliminated. Well, it’s a step in the right direction.

PANEL! There are prizes, judges, Ms. J’s bling, and the guest judge: Mr. Jay! I love it when he’s on the panel because he knows all the girls and their history. Sam is up first. Sam booked two jobs. Apparently, Tyra did a shoot similar to this for the New York Times Magazine. Nigel likes Sam’s natural shot, Ms. J loves Sam’s glam shot. Analeigh is next. She’s applauded for winning the challenge. She booked all her designers. Her glam shot is much better than her natural shot. Marjorie didn’t book either designers. Marjorie’s test shot is the chosen natural shot. It looks like someone’s Facebook picture. Her glam picture is world’s better and Tyra wants the woman in the shot to be in front of her. Ms. J has to fix the outfit and Tyra says she booked two jobs.

The judges are surprised to learn Elina is eighteen. They make her scream. It’s a horror-film scream. I sense a new career! McKey booked all her jobs but was late. Wa-wa. I like her red dress. Paulina praises McKey for how far she’s come. The girls are sent out for deliberation with some bad Tyra puns.

Top Models in Action. Mollie Sue! Oh wow, I forgot about rocker girl Mollie Sue. She is based in Paris (lucky bitch) and works the international scene. Wait, did I miss Whitney’s My Life as a Cover Girl?

Amster—Is Paulina wearing a disco ball? ELIMINATION! The first name called and the face everyone gets to stare at: Samantha. DAMMIT! Followed by: McKey and Analeigh. The bottom two: Marjorie and Elina. This is tough. Marjorie’s never been in the bottom two but the judges have been trying to get her to calm down all cycle. Meanwhile, Elina’s been there for a few weeks in a row while the judges feel she can’t let go. Marjorie looks resigned. Don’t give up hope! Because you’re staying! Just get some confidence. Good-bye, Elina. Go be crazy. She hugs everyone and leaves.

Elina is gorgeous. She’ll make it.

Next week: Male models! Alcohol! A repeat of Shandi from Cycle 2?

So, still pulling for Analeigh? Marjorie? McKey? Anyone else as surprised Sam’s still in the running?