OUAT: There is Suffering Too Terrible to Name

That’s right. I’m using Hamilton lyrics. And if you know Hamilton, you know those lyrics are from one of the most heart-breaking songs in the show.

You have been warned.

Last time on “Once:” Hades rescued Zelena from Rumple and Pan and they shared True Love’s Kiss. He took everyone’s names off the tombstones but Hook was still unable to leave the Underworld. Hades told them of a nectar Hook could eat and it would allow him to leave. Emma and Hook headed down to where the tree was while the others waited.

After convincing Robin to let Zelena take his daughter with Hades, he then stood with her and Henry as Henry wrote pages for the denizens of the Underworld. Cruella and the Blind Witch trapped them in the library and the heroes realized Hades was really behind it.

Further down, Emma weighed her heart but it appeared she and Hook did not share True Love. But when each chose the other over saving themselves, a door opened and their love was confirmed to be true. They discovered, though, that the ambrosia tree was cut down and realized Hades did it.

In the past, Emma met a bails bond person named Cleo, who tried to take Emma back to Phoenix. Emma discovered that there might be information about her and her parents so Cleo agreed to take her to the courthouse. Unsatisfied with what she found, Emma broke back in and Cleo had to come after her. They ended up running from the cops and Cleo was fatally wounded in the process. Emma ran off and changed her life, becoming a bails bond person. She also gave some closure to the daughter Cleo gave up for adoption.

As the portal to Storybrooke opened, Emma and Hook came to grips with the fact he could not return home. They had a bittersweet goodbye before Emma returned to help the others bust out of the library. They all made it into the portal as Rumple sent his father to the River o’ Souls, having returned Robin’s heart without Pan knowing.

Brace yourself. This is going to be painful.

And ranty.

OUAT: A Scottish Adventure

Last time on “Once:” Hook pursued Emma to get some answers and she finally let him in. Unfortunately, his answers were that Emma was doing everything because she turned Hook into a Dark One while in Camelot in order to save his life. So she accelerated Zelena’s pregnancy, causing her to give birth. She then kidnapped the witch and was going to put all the darkness into her before killing her. But Zelena was freed and Hook was not pleased to be a Dark One.

Uh oh.

And now for something completely different…

We open in Camelot, where Zelena and Arthur return to the palace. He seems mad that Zelena poofed them out of there even though he asked her to. This guy is just crazy. Zelena pointed out that she saved him because he wasn’t going to make it against the heroes. They need to think of something else. Arthur has an idea.

(Aww, is someone sulking?)

OUAT: Twice the Darkness and a Pinch of Cute

Last time on “OUAT:” We learned about the origins of Merlin and the Dark One. Merlin drank from the Holy Grail, which gave him magic and immortality. He helped a village thrive when a young woman named Nimue asked him for help. She fell in love with him instead. He created a sword in order to get rid of his immortality but he needs one more thing. So he and Nimue go on a quest when she found the man who destroyed her village. She tried to get vengeance but it seemed she died. Except she didn’t—she had drank from the Holy Grail and became immortal. She killed the man by crushing his heart and became the Dark One.

Merlin and Emma went to get the flame but they have to summon Nimue, who has it inside of her. Nimue though encouraged Emma to give into the darkness but Emma proved stronger. She got the flame and was one step closer to being rid of the darkness. Merlin though disappeared, summoned because Arthur had Zelena bind him to Excalibur. She had betrayed the others after helping them into the palace.

In Storybrooke, Emma reforged Excalibur as the past Dark Ones celebrated.

Everyone is in trouble now.

OUAT: *Sobs. Uncontrollably*

Last time on “Once:” The heroes busted Lancelot and Merida out of prison. Impressed by Belle’s knowledge of magic, Merida kidnapped her and took her to Dun Broch with her. She told Belle that she refused to marry one of the clan leaders and so they took her brothers from her. But she was determined to get them back. She took Belle to the witch’s cottage and they used a spell to see that the clans were going to put her brothers to death to punish her. She asked Belle to make a spell, which turns out to be the one that turned Queen Elinor into a bear.

Merida then revealed that their land came under attack and she went to fight alongside her father. He was caught by a soldier and the only way to save him was to shoot an arrow at the soldier. But she missed and she believed that’s why the clans didn’t trust her to lead. She and Belle went to rescue her brothers, Belle switching the potion out. Merida had to rely on her own skills and managed to save her brothers, earning the clans’ respect. Yay, Merida!

In Storybrooke, Emma sicced Merida on Belle. She hoped putting his wife in danger would force Gold to be a hero. When he didn’t do so fast enough—and just as he tried to flee Storybrooke—Emma ordered Merida to take the potion to become a bear. She chased Belle into the woods and Gold saved her, turning Merida back into a person. He then went to Emma’s secret lair and pulled out Excalibur.

The heroes asked Arthur to talk to Merlin but he tried to destroy the toadstool. They realized he was shady but not too smart. The toadstool was safe and they got Henry to summon Merlin, only to get his voicemail. They were more confused than ever.

What now?

OUAT: Beauty and the Brave

Last time on “Once:” In Camelot, Emma used a dreamcatcher to figure out how to get Merlin out of the tree. Regina had to relive Daniel’s death to help the process but her lost love was not strong enough. Instead, Henry’s tear after Violet told him she just wanted to be friends worked and Merlin was freed. Arthur tried to stop them but Merlin gave him a smack down once freed. He undid the spell on Snowing before offering to get the darkness out of Emma.

In Storybrooke, everyone kept trusting Arthur and Guinevere because they don’t know about how shady the king is and the spell his poor queen is under. They had a fair to cheer everyone up while some of the heroes snuck into Emma’s house while she was out helping Henry rescue Violet’s horse. They discovered that Emma has Excalibur, that it was related to the dagger and that Gold had been tied up in the secret lair. Regina also discovered a dreamcatcher and brought it home with her. She and Robin watched the memory, learning that Emma took Violet’s heart in Camelot and ordered her to break Henry’s so they could get a tear. Henry overheard and was shattered. Regina let Emma have it.

Meanwhile, Merida was under Emma’s control and began trying to turn Gold into a hero.

Good luck with that.

OUAT: In Which Someone Tries to Outshade Blue

Last time on “Once:” Charming and Arthur went on a quest to find a toadstool that could help them talk to Merlin while he’s stuck in the tree. Charming and Arthur bond over shared experiences and a near-death experience in a bog filled with undead warriors. Even though they lost the toadstool, Arthur invited Charming to join the Round Table and to take the Siege Perilous, a great honor. As he did that, Snow discovered Lancelot was still alive and he warned her to not trust Arthur.

Also, Regina threatened Zelena but promised to make sure her child with Robin is loved and cared for.

In Storybrooke, Arthur asks David for his help in finding a magic bean that will help everyone get back to Camelot. David manages to discover that Arthur’s squire Grif took it. Except he everything but swears there was no bean. In the process, David finds the toadstool again and gives it back to Regina.

But we then learned that Arthur was shady, just like Lancelot said. He had set everything up to earn David’s trust and then encouraged Grif to drink poison. He admitted to wanting to set up a new Camelot in Storybrooke and can’t risk anyone finding out he’s playing the heroes. Meanwhile, Hook and Emma had a talk wherein he broke her heart but it was also a trick so Emma could get the last ingredient needed to revive Gold, who she planned to turn into a hero. Hook asked Robin for help getting behind the NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL door and Belle tried to figure out where her husband went.

Take a deep breath and let it go. Ready? Let’s begin.

OUAT: Two Bros on an Adventure

Last time on “OUAT:” Everyone tried to figure out what happened in Camelot while they discovered Arthur and his subjects had landed in Storybrooke. Hook tried True Love’s Kiss on Emma but it didn’t work, indicating she doesn’t want to be free of the Dark One. Emma taunted Regina, saying she’ll never break Emma’s curse because there’s no Savior. Henry told Regina she will save them but Regina doubted herself, especially after a Fury takes off with Robin. She learned she hadn’t paid the price of magic so she sacrificed herself for Robin’s life. Mary Margaret, David, Arthur and Leroy joined her and the Fury disappears, leaving Robin alone. Regina finally believed she could be the Savior.

In Camelot, Arthur revealed that Merlin is trapped in a tree. He said that one of their visitors is the Savior foretold to get Merlin out. Regina kept Emma from stepping forward and claimed the title to make sure Arthur didn’t learn that Emma was the Dark One. Arthur threw a ball in their honor and so we got Snowing, Outlaw Queen and Captain Swan dances! Henry flirted with a girl named Violet and everything was going well until Sir Percival tried to kill Regina. Robin jumped in and was stabbed in the process. When Regina’s magic failed to heal him, she asked Emma to do it. Despite the risk, she saved Robin and said she would pay the price the Dark One apparently is required to set for using magic. She tried True Love’s kiss with Killian but it seemed she liked the magic a bit too much.

In the end, we learned that Emma has Excalibur hidden in the secret room in her house.

dun dun dun

OUAT: I Could’ve Danced All Night

Last time on “Once:” Our heroes went searching for Emma after she was taken away by the cloud of dark magic. The Apprentice gave them a wand to use but someone with dark magic needed to wield it. Regina has become good so they have to turn to Zelena. She continued to victimize Robin so Regina ix-nayed that idea but Hook wrangled Henry into going behind Regina’s back. Zelena busted out and tried to use the wand to go back to Oz. Regina tricked her and used Emma’s baby blanket to transport a bunch of them in Granny’s.

In the Enchanted Forest, Emma learned being the Dark One came with its own annoying tutorial. This one happened to take the form of Rumpelstiltskin, believing it to be the form most familiar to Emma. He spent the time encouraging her to use her magic and embrace the darkness. Emma, though, was determined to make it to Camelot. Along the way, she met up with Merida and the two journeyed together until Merida overheard Emma fighting the Dark One about killing Merida.

Granny’s arrived just in time so they could stop Emma from crushing Merida’s heart. The gang promised to help Emma and Merida goes off to solve her problem. As they returned to Granny’s, King Arthur showed up to take them to Camelot. They entered the kingdom…and then ended up back in Storybrooke with the last six weeks erased.

Emma has become the Dark One and they need to piece together what happened in Camelot to help her.

OUAT: I Wanna See You Be Brave

(I really hope I don’t regret using that one so early)

Last time on “OUAT:” It was a story all about how everyone’s life got twisted turned upside down…Don’t expect me to continue rhyming. I failed that in preschool. So Isaac and Rumpelstiltskin rewrote the book, leaving Henry alone to save everyone. He ended up in the new Enchanted Forest where Snow was evil, Charming her dark puppet, Regina a bandit on the run from the queen, Hook a coward who worked for Blackbeard, Rumple a hero, Belle his wife, Baby Neal their child, Emma locked up in a tower and Zelena as sweet as apple pie, engaged to Robin Hood…who was more or less the same.

Henry and Hook rescued Emma but he lost his life while protecting them from Evil!Snow and Puppet!Charming. They convinced Bandit!Regina to crash Good!Zelena and Robin’s wedding but Isaac had already convinced Hero!Rumple to stop them. Bandit!Regina opted to save Henry but Robin abandoned Good!Zelena seconds after marrying her to stay by Bandit!Regina’s side as she died. Henry became the new author and saved the day!

Back home in the right world, Isaac was apprehended as everyone celebrated surviving yet another…curse? Yeah, we’ll go with curse. But Belle declared that Rumple was about to become the Dark One completely so everyone went to help him. The Apprentice removed the darkness but it would not be contained. It escaped into the night and when it tried to take Regina, Emma sacrificed herself to it and became the new Dark One.

Hang on tight, y’all and listen to Bette Davis here: