OUAT: David and Goliath

Last time on “Once:” Emma became the deputy sheriff as an old mine shaft collapsed. Regina looked ready to kill Graham but had to focus on assuring the people of Storybrooke that something will be done with the mine…and then assuring her son that she wasn’t hiding anything. Except she totally was, but he didn’t realize that. Regina demanded that Archie step up his therapy and squash all the fairy tale notions from her son. He was reluctant but she threatened to destroy his life.

So Archie did so and an upset Henry decided to explore the mine by himself. Archie went in after him as Emma searched around the mine. Another collapse trapped Archie and Henry in the mine, forcing Regina and Emma to work together to save their son. Emma did so and Archie confronted Regina, threatening her so he could continue treating Henry the way he saw fit.

In the Enchanted Forest, we learned more about Jiminy Cricket. He wasn’t always a cricket and was a human man trapped by his conmen of parents. He met a young boy who shows him some kindness but he ruined everything when he accidentally gave the boy’s parents a potion meant for his parents. The parents are turned into demonic marionettes and Blue turned a guilty Jiminy into a cricket so he could protect the young boy, Gepetto.

All the while, David and Mary Margaret were undeniably attracted to each other. But he still has a wife.

That, my friends, is a conundrum.

ANTM: Hair for Days

Last time “ANTM:” The 21 contestants discovered who was staying and who was going. The top 14 returned to their house before being paired up for photoshoots. At home, Mikey showed his true colors to Courtney and that friendship flamed out. Devin was crazy, Bello continued to hate him and Hadassah was just annoying. At panel, Devin rose to the top while Delanie and Stefano fell into the bottom. In the end, Delanie was sent home and Stefano given a second chance to prove he’s not just an accessory. Thirteen models remain, who will be eliminated tonight?

Find out!

Devin goes back to the house to celebrate his best shot. Everyone gathers into the Tyra Suite to see Tyra’s video. She gives him a tytytip about his strengths and weaknesses. Meanwhile, Bello still hates Devin.

There’s Team DMA—Devin, Mikey, and Ashley. Devin says Ashley and Mikey like each other. Ashley confirms it…as does them getting pretty cuddly in the confessional…and the tub.

TYRA MAIL! “A hero never gives up.” Hadassash thinks it means acting. She says she can’t worry about what everyone thinks of her. You might want to care a bit. Hadassah revealed she was in a school play as Sandy in Grease. There’s something about Devin being a scarecrow, so she dressed as one with Bello of course playing along as Dorothy. Devin reveals he doesn’t like Hadassah and he confronts her. He says she doesn’t have any friends and that she acts like she’s better than anybody. She says she never announced it because she would never say that…even if it was true. You just proved Devin’s point. Brava. Devin says she’s a pageant girl and not a model as we cut to…CREDITS!

Wanna be on top?

ANTM: No Neck Monster

Last time on Top Model: The top 22 finalists moved into their house, designed by the Property Brothers. Hadassah did nothing to endear herself to the others by calling a house meeting and explaining everything that she didn’t like. The next day, they had their first photoshoot but Alexa decided to call quits before it. Kelly even begged her to stay!

After the photoshoot, the judges whittled down the group to the 14 finalists. So the 21 remaining hopefuls were brought to a shipyard where they were told that they would walk a high-flying catwalk. Those who were chosen would make it across safely and the seven not chosen would be “dropped” (lowered down). Who made it? Who was dropped? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

We return to the shipyard where Alexis Borges repeats the challenge. He then tells the models that he’ll be watching so pretty much don’t screw this up. But they all seem to be freaking out about being suspended over the ground and frankly, who could blame them? Devin meanwhile goes on about how needs this show to make a name for himself.

Debatable.

OUAT: I’ve Got No Strings

Last time on “Once”: Emma met a pregnant teenager named Ashley who wanted to keep her baby despite everyone telling her she wasn’t suited for it. Emma tells her she can, no doubt also working through some of her issues about giving up Henry. Ashley assaults Gold and he asks Emma to track her down. Along the way, Emma meets Ashley’s ex-boyfriend/baby daddy and learns his father has arranged for Gold to give the baby away. Furious, she’s even more determined to make sure Ashley gets to keep her baby. She makes a deal with Gold to ensure it happens and Ashley gets to keep her little Alexandra as she reunites with her boyfriend.

In the Enchanted Forest, Ashley is apparently Cinderella. After Rumpelstiltskin kills her fairy godmother for her wand, Ella makes a deal with him to go to the ball. She fails to read the fine print and is horrified to learn he wants her firstborn child. That’s…kinda his thing, though. Anyway, when she gets pregnant she tells her prince the truth and they work with Charming to capture Rumple. Ella tricks him into using a magical pen and in revenge, he takes away her prince.

Harsh.

We open on…a puppet show. Or rather a marionette. As a couple entertains a crowd, a redheaded child makes his way through the people and picks their pockets. No one catches him and…wait…doesn’t that look like Pinocchio? Is this when he’s running with the wrong crowd?

(I'm not crazy, right?)

ANTM: Delayed!

I probably should've mentioned this last week and I'm surprised I didn't. But I've been on vacation, so I haven't been able to watch this week's episode. Once I do, I'll post the recap.

Thanks for your patience!

OUAT: Are You Sure That What You Wish is What You Want?

Last time on “Once”: Henry convinces Mary Margaret to read to John Doe, the hospital’s coma patient. When she does, he wakes up and ends up running off. Mary Margaret helps Emma and Graham find John Doe in the woods. She gives him mouth-to-mouth, saving him, and they return him to the hospital. There, Regina reveals that they’ve discovered John Doe is really David Nolan and she introduces his wife, Kathryn. Mary Margaret’s heart breaks as Emma grows suspicious over how convenient this all is. Regina manages to convince her otherwise, no doubt laughing all the way home about how she’s fooling the Savior.

In the enchanted forest, Snow and Charming meet when she robs the carriage he’s riding in with his fiancée, Prince Abigail (still hereafter known as Princess Can’t Be Bothered and the like). Snow makes off with some jewels, including a ring later revealed to have belonged to Charming’s mother. He chases after her and captures her, forcing her to bring him back to whoever she sold his jewels too. After a brief skirmish with the Black Guard, Snow brings him to the Troll Bridge. Things go south quickly and they have to defeat the trolls together. Though they part ways after, it’s clear the two are already starting to fall in love.

And judging by the longing look David gives Mary Margaret, those feelings still exist despite the curse. As a forlorn Mary Margaret considers this, Emma shows up to ask if the spare room is still available. It is and the two become roommates.

All together now: Aww!

ANTM: Strike a Pose

Last time on “ANTM:” Cycle 22, y’all! The 31 finalists hit Hollywood, posed for pictures and walked a runway. They met the judges, made friends, made enemies and then 22 of them survived the first cut. Who makes it to the final 14? Find out tonight!

Wanna be on top?

ANTM: Somewhere in the Middle

Cycle 22. Wow, you guys. Can you believe it? I know I can’t. I also realized I’ve been watching the show for ten years now—I started watching in fall 2005. It’s been a trip.

Well, let’s start this cycle and see what Tyra and co. have in store for us this go-round.

Wanna be on top?

I missed the first three minutes and apparently missed most of the guys entering. I enter with Nyle introducing himself…and Ramon, his interpreter. Nyle’s deaf and communicates using ASL. Well okay then. This should be interesting and I have a feeling I’m going to be jealous of him since he won’t be able to hear all the drama and ridiculousness contestants are known to spew.

OUAT: I Will Always Find You

Last time on “Once”: Emma decided to stay in Storybrooke, much to Regina’s consternation. So Regina does everything she can to make Emma’s life miserable—including having her arrested and evicted. But Henry keeps coming to her rescue—with Mary Margaret in tow. Emma decides she needs to stay to help her son and decides to go along with Operation Cobra—AKA Henry’s plan to defeat the Evil Queen and break her curse.

In the Enchanted Forest, Regina decides to cast the Dark Curse to take away Snow’s happy ending. She goes to Maleficent and pretty much assaults her only friend to get the Dark Curse back (she exchanged it for the sleeping curse) and then attempts to cast it. When it doesn’t work out, her servant suggests she go talk to the Dark One. She does so and he tells her that she has to crush the heart of the person she loves most. In exchange for this information, Regina owes Rumpelstiltskin a favor. Well, that can only end well, right? Anyway, turns out Regina’s servant is really her father and she crushes his heart, casting the curse.

This is supposed to be a family show, right?

OUAT: Crushing Hearts Since 2011

So, way back in 2011 I first watched Once Upon a Time. And I really, really meant to recap it since the first season. But life got in the way then and I didn’t start recapping until last year with season 3B.

My sister put me on her Netflix account (thanks KB!) and so I’ve been able to go back to watch Season 1 Once Upon a Time again. Since season 5 doesn’t start until September 27th, I’m going to recap an episode until it comes back. (Yes, I realize I probably should’ve started earlier. But oh well). Maybe I can catch up soon.

So, let’s all go back to the eh year of 2011 and recall how we started the strange yet incredible journey that is Once Upon a Time.

Way, way back in the pilot: Prince Charming awakens Snow White and they get married. The Evil Queen shows up to threaten their happily ever afters and destroy the couple. Snow becomes pregnant and as she gives birth, the Queen casts her spell. Purple clouds devour everything as Charming gets their daughter to a magical escape hatch, being fatally wounded in the process.

That daughter may or may not be Emma Swan, who on her 28th birthday is found by the son she gave up for adoption. He says he’s been adopted by the Evil Queen and he lives in a town where everyone is a fairy tale character but they don’t know it. Emma takes him home and she gets the feeling that something is wrong. Henry asks her to say, his mother (the Mayor) practically bullies Emma to leave and some guy named Gold is creepy.

As she goes to bed, the town clock that’s been broke forever starts to move.

dun dun DUN!