OUAT: David and Goliath

Last time on “Once:” Emma became the deputy sheriff as an old mine shaft collapsed. Regina looked ready to kill Graham but had to focus on assuring the people of Storybrooke that something will be done with the mine…and then assuring her son that she wasn’t hiding anything. Except she totally was, but he didn’t realize that. Regina demanded that Archie step up his therapy and squash all the fairy tale notions from her son. He was reluctant but she threatened to destroy his life.

So Archie did so and an upset Henry decided to explore the mine by himself. Archie went in after him as Emma searched around the mine. Another collapse trapped Archie and Henry in the mine, forcing Regina and Emma to work together to save their son. Emma did so and Archie confronted Regina, threatening her so he could continue treating Henry the way he saw fit.

In the Enchanted Forest, we learned more about Jiminy Cricket. He wasn’t always a cricket and was a human man trapped by his conmen of parents. He met a young boy who shows him some kindness but he ruined everything when he accidentally gave the boy’s parents a potion meant for his parents. The parents are turned into demonic marionettes and Blue turned a guilty Jiminy into a cricket so he could protect the young boy, Gepetto.

All the while, David and Mary Margaret were undeniably attracted to each other. But he still has a wife.

That, my friends, is a conundrum.


David and Kathryn stand outside their cute little blue house. It has a giant sign saying “The Nolans” so he should be able to find it should something else happen to him. She asks if he remembers about the first time they saw the house and reveals there used to be a windmill he hated. David notes she got rid of it.

They head inside where Kathryn’s organized a “Welcome Home David” party. I think that might be a little much but everyone seems cool with having to introduce themselves again. Whale is there and so are Emma and Henry, chilling on the stairs. Henry says he doesn’t have his fake memories because of his coma and they have to work to stop him from getting them. Emma continues to play along as David comes up, asking them where Mary Margaret is.

(Operation Cobra meetings need to work on secrecy)

Meanwhile, Kathryn is stressing out in the kitchen. Regina tells her to stop worrying and let others handle everything. She says the party is as much for her as it is for David. Kathryn thanks her and tells her she’s not used to having a friend. Regina says she’s not either and Kathryn tells her she has one now. Regina looks so touched.

(She really never has had a friend before)

David has disappeared though and Emma thinks she knows where he went.

I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.

Yes, he went to go find Mary Margaret. She’s putting up a bird feeder and has problems. David hops the fence and takes the feeder, helping her with it. He asks why she wasn’t at the party and she’s like, “I’m busy.”

(Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...)

He then asks her if she resigned from the hospital because of him. She pretty much confirms it. She reminds him that he’s married and they can’t happen. But he’s still drawn to her. She sends him home.

We cut to Charming fighting a monster. The monster takes a swipe and Charming is down! As the monster crows his victory, Charming rises up and tells the monster to make sure he’s dead next time. He then slices the monster, who falls down dead. Charming is victorious!

Oh, hai, Bradford Meade. Actually, it’s King George, Charming’s father. Except everyone is calling him Prince James, so I’m going to do so for reasons that’ll be obvious in a bit. King George shows off James to a visiting king, who is impressed. He asks if James can slay a dragon that’s been plaguing his kingdom and James agrees. So the king offers to give him a down payment. As a servant approaches to remove his glove, the king reminds him to be careful or he’ll end up like whoever Frederick is. The king waves his hand and James’ sword turns to gold. Yep, the visiting king is Midas. Hi, Midas!

(Nice bling)

Kings George and Midas go off to discuss matters further as the knights crowd around James, celebrating his victory. He brags and boasts…and then is run through. Seems he didn’t follow his own advice and didn’t make sure the monster was dead. The knights swarm the creature, but the damage is done.

Prince James is dead.

Um…Que?

(Well, now that's a problem) 

King George paces around his castle, worried that Midas will find out that James is dead and not give them the financial support they need. This is when we learn that King George is kind of a dick. He needs help and he needs it fast.

Cue Rumpelstiltskin!

(Of course he's involved)

Turns out James wasn’t George’s biological son. Rumpelstiltskin gave him the baby when George and his wife were unable to have one of their own. Now, George asks for him to bring James back so he can uphold his deal with Midas. Rumpelstiltkin says he can bring George someone who can do that and George is like, “Great! Make with the resurrection.”

But wait, it turns out magic can’t bring people back from the dead. (Actually, it seems magic follows the three rules Genie laid out for Aladdin). So King George wants to know how Rumple plans to bring his son back. Rumple reveals that Prince James had a twin brother. He’ll just give him that one.

Cut to…Charming?

(At least the wig isn’t as bad. This seems to take place after his encounter with Anna and Bo Peep, so I guess he got a hair cut).

David returns home and looks over more pictures with Kathryn. She asks if he wants to go to bed and he asks her in what sense. Kathryn says she’ll do whatever he’s comfortable with. David decides he’d rather stay up a bit later and you know he’s going to crash on the couch. Judging by Kathryn’s look, so does she.

(This is slightly awkward)

In the morning, Mary Margaret is just chilling at Granny’s when Regina shows up and tells her to stay away from David. Mary Margaret assures her she has no interest in messing with a married man. Regina is glad to hear it and I’m not sure if it’s because it’ll ruin Snow and Charming’s happy ending or because of her friendship with Kathryn.

So, let’s go back to Shepherd!Charming. His name is David and…oh, show:

His mother comes back from market and she is a beautiful woman named Ruth. It is obvious she has a good relationship with her son and that he loves her very much. Even when she’s trying to set him up with the daughter of someone at the market. David wants to marry for love and Ruth tries to convince him that he could grow to love her.

(Look at that proud mama)

Rumpelstiltskin decides to interrupt this mother-son moment because, you know, he’s the worst. His arrival forces Ruth to reveal to David that he had a twin brother but his parents gave him up so he could go be a prince. And because they got money to help care for the farm. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that his brother is dead and the king needs a replacement. King George will take care of Ruth and the farm so David agrees.

At Storybrooke Academy, Mary Margaret settles her class for the day as David shows up. Wow, they just let anyone walk in there. Regina may want to look at security at her son’s school. It’s severely lacking. 

Anyway, David tells Mary Margaret that he likes her and knows that she likes him too. But she points out that he’s married. David says he doesn’t feel connected to Kathryn, not the way he does toward her. He asks her to meet him under the toll bridge that night if she feels the same. Mary Margaret hurries him out as she considers his proposal. 

(He's adorable!)

Graham offers Emma a box of donuts and she rolls her eye at the cliché. But he needs her to work his night shift despite telling her she didn’t have to work nights. He volunteers at an animal shelter and there’s an event. So he bought her donuts in hopes of buttering her up. She agrees because he got a bear claw. 

(Who can say no to that face?)

Mary Margaret rushes in and tells Emma about David’s proposal. Emma is all for it, which surprises Mary Margaret. But if David wants to leave Kathryn and be with Mary Margaret, then Mary Margaret should take that chance. What other options does she have? Archie? Whale? My own head canon is that Archie is asexual and we all know Whale is a jerk.

David finds himself in a camp, in armor, hearing a dragon’s terrible cries coming from the mountain. If he’s scared, he doesn’t let on as he stands by King George and King Midas. Once the kings walk off, one of the knights comes up to David. He pretty much tells him to not get in the way and leave the dragon-slaying to the professionals. They’ll do the hard work and he’ll get all the glory. I’m sure they’re thrilled.

("Just don't do anything...stupid.")

They head up the mountain and the dragon attacks them. David is told to stay behind, that he has to go back alive to King George and King Midas. But as the soldiers get flambéed and attacked, David can’t stay out of it. So he manages to lure the dragon away and into a tight crevice, where he is able to behead the creature.

Point Charming.

He delivers the head to King Midas who turns it to gold. I guess they’re either going to pawn it or mount to the wall. I’m not sure with these two kings. 

(That would be some conversation piece)

He then says that David, er, James, has proven himself worthy of Midas’ greatest treasure—his daughter, Princess So Over It. He summons her and tells her that she is to marry Prince James. She’s about as thrilled about it as she is about everything else. David tries to get out of it but King George pretty much threatens him into accepting.

(I do love her dress)

Night comes to Storybrooke and David gets ready for his meeting with Mary Margaret. He checks the time against the clock before heading out. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret dresses up and waits for him by the troll bridge.

But David gets lost trying to navigate Storybrooke. He looks around and when he faces forward again, Regina is there. She asks if he needs anything and he says he’s meeting someone at the toll bridge. Regina realizes this means that he’s leaving Kathryn. He says it’s not fair to the both of them if he can’t remember her and has feelings for someone else. Regina seems to understand and gives him directions…that just so happens to bring him past Gold’s.

Uh oh.

David still looks lost so he walks into Gold’s shop. He calls out for help, passing the demonic marionettes that once were Gepetto’s parents. There are a few more knick knacks, including a crystal mobile made of unicorns. Aww, you guys.

He’s just about to leave when something catches his eye. Gold shows up behind the counter. He asks if David needs help and David says that the windmill in the corner was his. Or at least he thinks so. Gold asks him if he’s sure and as the windmill goes round and round, you know his cursed memories are coming back.

(Not good, not good, not good!)

Back in the Enchanted Forest, David rides home to his mother. She’s thrilled he’s alive and admires his new clothing. David tells her that he’s engaged to King Midas’ daughter and she protests. She apologizes for trying to set him up and that he was right—she agrees he needs to marry for love. But David tells her that he’s accepted and that Midas will continue to take care of her and the farm. The only problem is that he has to pretend to be James from now on. Ruth tearfully realizes that he’s come to say goodbye to her, not able to see her again.

She pulls off her ring and gives it to him. Ruth tells him to give it to the woman he plans to marry and that it’ll bring him true love. David takes it and says goodbye to his mother.

Group hug, Ruth!

Mary Margaret starts to believe she’s been stood up when David comes up to her. He tells her he got lost but he’s recovered some of his memories. She realizes that he’s going back to Kathryn. He says he knows that they were having problems but the right thing to do would be to try to fix them. Mary Margaret tells him that the right thing to do was not to lead her on. She refuses to touch him and she storms away, brokenhearted again.

(Girl can't catch a break)

She ends up at Granny’s and Whale is there too. He lets her vent to him and then they end up together.

Oh, Snow.

David shows back up at Kathryn’s. He tells her that he did hate that windmill and she realizes his memories are back. He says he knows they were having troubles but that he had had every intention of returning that night. He just didn’t intend on a 28 year coma. (Not that anyone knows that’s how long its been). Kathryn agrees to work it out and lets David back into the house.

(She forgives him)

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Prince “James” and Princess Whatever I Don’t Care approach their fathers. Midas makes the usual grand speech about a new chapter for their kingdoms. He says he’s going to stay behind to work out some things with King George but that the happy couple can head to their new home at his palace. Princess So Over It embraces her father while King George tells David he made the right decision. The royal carriage rumbles out of the palace and continues on until it comes to a fallen log in the road. High in the trees, Snow White waits.

Emma drives around Storybrooke, doing her rounds, when she spots someone jumping out of the mayor’s window. She stops the car and grabs her club, crouching to catch the supposed intruder. Graham takes a hit right to the gut and goes to the ground. She’s shocked and angry, asking him if this was volunteering. Graham tries to explain, promising he does volunteer at an animal shelter but that he didn’t think she’d do it if he said he needed the night off because the mayor was horny. Emma says that’s true and then asks if Henry is in the house. Graham says he’s asleep but Emma is still disgusted. She throws her gear at him and tells him she’s not working nights anymore. As he pleads with her to come back, Emma walks off.

Who thought David and his mother were absolutely adorable? And poor Mary Margaret. She just can’t win in this curse. David lets her down so she turns to Whale of all people. And Emma needs a stiff drink after that discovery.

Next week: Graham’s backstory and an ending that still draws some controversy in the fandom.

Screen caps from here.