Marshall’s Ultimate New Year’s Cemetery Tailgating Party

Happy New Year, everyone! Let’s start off 2012 right with a new “How I Met Your Mother.”

In our framing device, Marshall travels to Minnesota to watch the Vikings-Bears game at his dad’s grave. He even brought the grill, the cooler and the TV to do so. He tells his dad about New Year’s Eve in NYC.

A: Marshall and Lily decide to set up the nursery in their East Meadow house. As they do so, Marshall wonders why Lily hasn’t told her father she’s pregnant. As longtime viewers know, she doesn’t have the best relationship with him. But she decides to call him anyway. He’s in Chicago at a convention. Chris Elliot tries to convince some lady that his new game “Shoplifting” doesn’t promote crime so much as it celebrates it. He gets the call and his reaction is “Okay, great.” Lily is disappointed.

Meanwhile, Marshall wants to share his belief in the paranormal with his future son. Lily isn’t too thrilled with this idea. Her husband tries to convince her otherwise, reading from a book he ordered in the 80s. We see a clip straight from an episode of “Unsolved Mysteries,” about a woman who made a chicken salad sandwich while miles away, her daughter makes a tuna salad sandwich. Psychic connection? Lily doesn’t think so. Marshall just wants his child to believe in something bigger. “God?” Lily asks. No, he meant Bigfoot.

Marshall goes to comfort an upset Lily. She says she understands why Marshall wants to pass on his belief. It’s because his father passed it on to him. But her father didn’t pass anything on to her. He missed her high school graduation, stole her babysitting money and created a game called “Steal the Babysitting Money.” Marshall apologizes for putting his foot in his mouth. Lily forgives him, saying her father only taught her to believe in herself. Marshall says he believes in her. They hug.

We keep cutting back to the cemetery, where Marshall’s brothers have shown up. They want to watch the game with their dad as well. Each ignores the other brothers as Marshall continues his story.

B. Robin and Kal spend New Year’s Eve together. They watch Sandy Rivers’ New Year’s special, which Robin expresses gratitude at not having to produce. She does express a wish to go back on the air. Kal encourages her to do so, but she’s scared.

Anyway, Sandy had given the producer job to his latest conquest. But they have a fight on air and she storms off, upset. Robin then gets a call from Sandy asking her to come and help with his show. Kal gives her his blessing to go, telling her this is the opportunity she needs to advance her career.

So Robin heads down to Times Square to take over. Sandy is an emotional wreck. Robin tries to fix everything, but he leaves to find his lost lady love. So she orders them to run the montage of people who died in 2011 and to add Sandy—she’s going to find him and kill him.

She finds Sandy at his lady love’s apartment—they’ve made up. Until Sandy suggests Robin joins them in a three-way. They return to Times Square, Robin pushing a distraught Sandy through the crowd. He cries but Robin tries to give him a pep talk. She goes on about how she’s had a pretty bad year and needs it to end.

But Sandy disappears again. On the phone, Kal encourages Robin to do the show herself. And she does so, stepping in front of the camera. She addresses America, saying she needs a new year because it’s a new slate. She tells the viewers to use it. As she counts down to the New Year, Future!Ted tells her that the New Year’s show leads to Robin getting back on air as we see a graphic of Sandy and Robin. But he says that’s a later story.

At the cemetery, Marshall is interrupted by a man who wants to see the score of the game. He says his aunt, who they were burying, was a big Vikings fan. As well as a burger fan. With toasted buns. Marshall does so and continues with his story.

C: Ted and Barney decide to celebrate New Year’s at MacLaren’s. Unfortunately, so does everyone else. Doug the Bouncer sends them to the back of the line. They agree, remembering when Doug beat the crap out of them. When they get to the front, admission has doubled and they have to pay for the hat separately. Extra if they want a dry one. Fed up, Barney and Ted remember their “brilliant” plan from a few years ago: to open a bar. The perfect bar with no last calls and where they never raise the cover price.

Puzzles is (re)open for business!

And the crowd goes wild upstairs in Puzzles. Barney and Ted even have a sign that is an homage to the Cheers sign. They start to sing their own theme song, a takeoff of the Cheers theme. But the trouble starts when they both have different visions for Puzzles. Ted sees it more as a salon, where literature and arts are discussed. Barney sees it as a place for him to pick up girls and bang them in Ted’s room. Ted doesn’t like that idea.

And things go from bad to worse. People get drunk and rowdy. And they break things. Kal, who offers to be their bartender after Robin leaves and the people arrive, say they have to raise the cover. Ted reluctantly agrees. And the cover keeps going up. And up. Finally, they have to recruit Doug the Bouncer. He keeps everyone in check and makes everyone wear the hats. And then when it gets too much, he throws the revelers out. He asks the others why the hats didn’t work. Ted replies that it’s because they were wet. We never found out why.

Ted and Barney mourn the loss of Puzzles (again) while Kal finds Sandy drunk in the bathroom. He leaves him there.

Marshall concludes his story as an entire funeral party has descended upon his tailgate party. Everyone is eating and having a good time. When a man opens his beer on the headstone, Marshall nearly loses it. But the first man calls Marshall “Marvin,” his father’s name. The man corrects himself but says that Marshall just reminds him so much of his dad. Future!Ted says that caused Marshall to remember all those past tailgates with his dad. Marvin welcomed anybody who stopped by, saying the “more the merrier.” So Marshall tells everybody to enjoy themselves. He and his brothers gather around their father’s headstone and toast his memory.

Back in New York, Lily answers her door. Chris Elliot is standing there with a giant teddy bear. After he hung up, he jumped over the table yelling about how his little girl was having a baby. He drove all night long to be there with her, congratulating her. Lily hugs him.

And that’s our first episode of 2012. I think it was a strong one. And the continuity fairy was working hard. Doug the Bouncer and Puzzles? Amazing! I love how supportive Kal is of Robin. Too bad I can’t wait for their breakup as I’m certain she’s the bride Barney is preparing to walk down the aisle to. Sorry, Kal.