Ready, Set, EXPLODE!

Two cars race down a track. Red car pulls ahead of yellow as the crowd goes wild. Yellow pulls ahead of red, red unleashes his speed boost. Come on, someone hit the wall—you know people only watching car racing for the accidents. And it’s CSI:NY, someone has to go in flames. Even if it’s an “exhibition, not a race.” Red pulls over for a pit stop, as does Yellow. Red’s driver shares a look with a woman in black while Yellow‘s driver is revealed to be Danica Patrick. Red pulls out exchanges a glance with Danica, who…Now there’s the explosion! Can I call it or can I call it? The emergency crews break out the fire extinguisher to use on Red’s driver before the car completely explodes.

In comes, Mac to inspect the scene. Flack approaches—Mac apparently likes Red’s driver, Davi Santos. Santos may have been protected by his suit, but he may get taken down by smoke inhalation. Flack revealed that Santos was receiving death threats. And a replay of the explosion leads us to…

The Who!

New York! Hi, Lindsay, I missed you last week. She takes pictures as Mac interviews the guy who employs Davi (also known as Antonio Sabato, Jr). Stella takes the Crew Chief. Davi and the guy were supposed to retire the previous season, but Davi talked him into one more year. Crew Chief praises Davi and Liza Grey (Danica Patrick) for being great drivers—which is why it was more an exhibition than a race. Mac wants a closer look at the car but the owners are a bit hesitant to give it up.

Mac wins though, of course, as we see the car get loaded into the NYPD garage. Adam works with the Detectives Messers as Lindsay reveals she loves racing. Adam only does it on Playstation. Adam reveals there was a fuel leak—he found Petrol everywhere. Lindsay guesses the car itself was the bomb. Danny knows it’s time to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Meanwhile, the racing organization wants the races to go on and is threatening the city, who in turn is threatening Mac. Stella goes to check to see how Hawkes is doing with the threatening letters. He knows the same person wrote the same letters, but the paper and ink are all common. They note the progression of the letters as getting more and more serious. The computer matches the death threats to a letter sent to a Congressman. Josh Weaver is spit out.

Weaver says he can’t blow up a car. He just writes threatening letters. Weaver’s brother and his family was killed by a drunk driver, who got away scot-free and uninjured. He was also coming back from a race sponsored by the organization Davi and Danica race for. Weaver’s alibi is his anger management group. Weaver just wanted Davi off the road as a victory—hurt the organization by scaring it’s star.

Danny, Lindsay and Adam continue to patch up Humpty Dumpty. It’s a great montage—CSI is always good with these. Lindsay even uses my Humpty Dumpty joke, but they are missing a wire. The gasoline is bullet proof but the fuel line has been sabotaged. However, the tools used weren’t the right ones for the job. Two theories emerge: A. The person wanted to throw the detectives off (Danny) or B. They just didn’t know what they were doing (Adam.) But Danny finds a fingerprint.

New York! We go back to the racing track where Flack and Mac talk to part of Davi’s race team. He says he inspected the car and everything was fine. He didn’t tamper with it, even if he is the heir apparent to Davi’s spot. Flack asks about where the drivers go to the bathroom while Mac gets a message about an upcoming press conference regarding the exhibition. Flack and Mac check the truck, noting signs of forced entry. Mac finds a piece of coat snagged on the door. Flack is certain the car was the target as Mac orders all the tools to be bagged and tagged.

Hawkes find traces of oil with it’s special blend. It belonged to Danica’s car. The last time she and Sabato raced, he pushed her into the wall. He was fined, she was sent to the hospital. The exhibition was her first time back. Hawkes find footage of her getting out of the hospital where she threatened Sabato. Flack and Mac go to talk to her at a photo-shoot. Mac compliments her on her recovery after the accident. Flack asks her about her threats—she chalks it up as usual sporty dirty talk. Mac says they find a piece of her uniform—she says she just wanted a peek at the car. She noted that he had been going downhill since the accident and she wanted to see if his engine had been tweaked. She took pictures, which Mac confiscates.

Lindsay gets to go over them as Mac hangs up on someone. Stella says they are still processing the tools Mac bagged and tagged while running down Danica’s records. The media keeps hounding Mac since he advised the Mayor to postpone the race for 48 hours. Stella mentions that Sabato is out of surgery and asks about Mac’s racing obsession. He even admits to winning a soap box derby as a kid. Stella finds it adorable. He says it was a desire to go fast. But Sabato’s injuries are sobering. Stella gets a call telling her that Sabato is conscious.

Stella meets up with Crew Chief as they spot Sabato with his wife. He starts to code as the medical team begins to shock him. Tanya, the wife, mentions that the day was long overdue while Stella and Crew Chief look on in shock.

New York! Tanya is in shock. Stella consoles her—so Sabato didn’t make it. Tanya comments that he didn’t belong to her and that his murder was “poetic justice.” She said that dying was the only way for her husband to retire. She flashes back to him saying he couldn’t retire because of all the rumors of him losing his edge. He says he always comes home alive to her and smile. Tanya also noticed a change in Sabato after the accident.

Lindsay is still going over the pictures as Danny gives her some specs. Danny notices that the line is still intact and Lindsay says that clears Danica as she was giving an interview right after the pictures were taken—no time to tamper with anything. They go back to the car. Sabato has ended up on Sid’s table. Hawkes catalogues Sabato’s many, many injuries from racing. Shrapnel from Singapore 400, broken bones from Portugal 400 as well as Rio. Hawkes finds a second-degree burn on Sabato’s back, caused only by prolonged exposure to an open flame. Hawkes notes that it’s a miracle Sabato lived as long as he did, explaining Tanya’s statement.

Lindsay and Danny point out where a generator was and a new engine. It recycles energy. As the car turns, kinetic energy is stored and the driver presses a button located by the steering wheel. Instant turbo boost. Lindsay explains how the mystery yellow wire was used to turn the engine into a bomb. Sabato kept pressing his turbo boost and then went boom. Mac deduces it can only be a member of the pit crew.

Stella finds Tanya going to visit Crew Chief. She stays for a half hour, then returns to the 12th floor while he leaves. Mac zeros in on him as a suspect while Stella zeros in on an embrace shared between Tanya and Crew Chief.

New York! We zero in on a picture of Sabato and Crew Chief. Mac accuses him of murder. He asks Crew Chief about his relationship with Tanya. Stella has her in another room. Tanya says she went to Crew Chief’s room to get him to convince Sabato to retire. Crew Chief agreed and decided to sabotage the engine. He wanted to throw him off, make him realize he was off his game and finally retire. They just wanted to slow him down, not kill him. He insists it was supposed to short circuit and he didn’t do anything to turn the car into a ticking time bomb. Tanya cries about how their attempt to save Sabato led to his death. Mac thinks something is missing while Hawkes comes down to clear them. He finally finished processing the tools. The print on the wrench used to sabotage the fuel line matched the team owner. Flack brings him in as Mac interrogates him. Even the owner didn’t want Sabato to change his retirement plans. So, he sabotaged the car. He calls murder “looking out for his business.” He and Crew Chief are led out at the same time. Crew Chief tries to attack the owner while Tanya gives the owner the Look of Death.

New York! Mac and Stella are suited up. Danica lends them two cars to race. Mac remembers his soap box derby as he sits in the car. He and Stella rev up as Danica waves the green flag. They take off as we go to black.

I’ve had a snow day today as a blizzard hit New York City. It was great finish to a lazy, white day. If you were in the Tri-State area, be careful out there!

Advice of the Episode:

“Go out there, have fun, burn some rubber.”—Danica to Mac.

Rabbit or Duck? It’s the new Vampire vs. Werewolf!

Did you all see Barney Stinson at the Super Bowl, waving that sign? It was legendary and on top of that—the number was a working one. My fellow supervisor called it and said you got a recording of Barney saying he loved you. That’s How I Met Your Mother for you!

Future!Ted talks about watching the Super Bowl at his apartment with the gang, minus Barney. And if you missed the Super Bowl spot, there it is—the actual footage on Ted’s TV. The gang solves the mystery of the missing Barney while Robin calls dibs on his wings.

CREDITS!

At MacLaren’s, Barney asks who won the Super Bowl. The gang is surprised because they saw him—he interrupts to say he won. He has a cell phone that doesn’t stop ringing. The camera pans to reveal Ranjit, who Barney has employed as his personal driver now that all these girls are after Barney. He meets one such woman—a hot woman in a red sweater. Robin comes over to tell the gang she agreed to a date with Don, her slacking co-anchor…WHOM SHE HATES! (Remember this. This is big). Marshall resumes teasing her about how she will marry Don while Robin protests. Barney comes back to reveal his many texts, leading to an almost hysteria—until Mrs. Stinson calls. Ranjit tsks, saying he had an arranged marriage and is happy. Marshall says it’s old-fashioned to meet someone and fall in love, like Robin and Don. Robin states that Don just asked her over to his house with some of his buddies. The gang sadly tells Robin that she wasn’t asked out on a date. Robin denies this until Marshall asks if she wanted Don to ask her out. Robin reiterates that SHE HATES DON…She HATES him so much, she wants to rip his clothes off…She stalks off as Barney continues to receive texts. Ted says he’s done with the dating game. He asks Marshall and Lily to “arrange marriage” him.

Marshall and Lily are tickled pink. Ted thinks it’s a slam dunk because they picked each other so they have good taste. He agrees to a double date on Valentine’s Date. And if all goes well, he’ll marry the girl. And he’ll impress her—he’s going to wear his good blazer. Marshall is psyched and teases Robin about liking Don. She denies this again. SHE HATES HIM. Marshall talks about the complexities of love and hate. This prompts Ted to get his book of Book of Optical Illusions. At first glance, it looks like a rabbit but when you look close enough, it’s a duck. Marshall argues that the duck is the thing you hate but the rabbit is the thing you love. Ted argues that it’s the opposite and the women agree. That then starts the great Rabbit v. Duck arguments which involves a lot of fast forwarding until Marshall agrees that Ducks are better than Rabbits. Robin says that Don is her Rabbit. But then Ted uses the following logic: “Don…Donald…Donald Duck. And what doesn’t Donald Duck wear?” Lily: “Pants.” Ted: “That’s right, Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants.” So, Don is Robin’s Duck. Marshall gives his permission for: “Lawyered.”

Meanwhile, Barney is on a string of dates. Every time he is close to closing the deal, his phone goes off. And the call is always offering someone better. This goes on, back and forth between the Fortress of Barnitude and MacLaren’s until Barney meets a woman who can stretch her leg around her neck and open a beer with her toe. And that’s her bad leg. Barney’s phone goes off but now he realizes it is something he hates…And it appropriately turns into a white rabbit. He throws out the phone, but can still hear it. He leaves Gymnast to pick up the phone.

Valentine’s Day arrives and the Eriksons have forgotten to get their dear friend Ted a date. They rush around MacLaren’s, but it ends with “no’s” and Marshall getting maced. They hope that Ted forgot. He didn’t and tries to come up with a song about the groom, his favorite blazer and trying to rhyme something with blazer. Robin comes out in a really nice dress and asks Ted to come with her to Don’s. He agrees and says that if the date goes well, he’ll lie about having dinner resevs and “duck” out. Robin opens the door to reveal—an entirely nude Don with a strategically placed heart-shaped box. An alone, entirely nude Don with a strategically placed heart-shaped box. He’s surprised. Ted peaces out.

Back at Don’s, he tells Robin that he was doing the “Naked Man”—which he found at some guy’s blog (plug! Barney has a regular blog!). He says he was stupid to think it would work on Robin…Even though we know it totally does. He asks if Robin thinks he’s a playboy. And she sees rabbit ears and leaves. She starts to clean the apartment and tells Ted to have fun on his date.

He meets Marshall outside the restaurant and Marshall reveals how they found his girl. After going through a desperate list that included Blah-Blah (who has been committed), Barney gives them his phone in desperation. They set Ted up with one of the girls. Who is the Gymnast. Future!Ted tells us that Natalia was really great and she reveals she will be kicked out of the country as her visa has expired. So she needs to get married. The waiter comes over and asks “Rabbit or Duck?” Ted thinks hard and says “Rabbit” before running out. Barney runs in to ask for his phone. Lily says she hid it…

…In Ted’s piano. He picks up the phone and is hooked. He sets up a date just before he meets Marshall. We see the phone buzzing underneath the table before Ted says “Rabbit.” He meets a blonde at MacLaren’s, where Barney takes his phone back while Ted tries to keep it. Finally, Ranjit slaps some sense into them and Ted heads back upstairs. He and Robin share a beer on the couch and toast to having each other.

Tag: Don apologizes to Robin for his behavior. He reveals that he was married straight from college and just got divorced. He says he’s not used to being single and knows that he hasn’t been doing his best. He admires Robin and wants to be more professional. He offers to get her coffee and stands up to reveal…pants. Now, Robin sees a duck bill and curses.

Not as strong as the last episode, but a cute Valentine’s Day interlude. Though I wish they would decide—is Ted ready to settle down or does he want to play some more? Come on, show. Ted, his children and the audience aren’t getting any younger!

Also: Rabbit or Duck?

Quote of the Episode:

“What would your viewer think?” –Marshall to Robin.

No More Gimmicks?

The AP is reporting that Vogue’s Editor-at-Large, Andre Leon Talley, will be joining the judging table this cycle of America’s Next Top Model. Now, for those thinking this means that the table will once again have 4 regular judges and a guest judge, you’re wrong. Talley will be the third regular judge along side Tyra Banks and noted fashion photographer and all-round sexy Brit, Nigel Barker. That’s right, Ms. J has vacated the panel.

So, now who will done the ridiculous looking outfits at panel? Who will be wearing the sleeves so big take-off was possible? Who, I ask you, who?

Oh well. Good luck, Talley. I hope you’re snarky ‘cause I need “Quote of the Episode” material.

Vampires of New York City

Central Park. Winter. Looks like it was after that big snow storm last December. I was in the city when it started. By the time my sister and I went from Times Square to Whitehall, there was a nice coating on the ground and it was coming down fast. One woman braves the cold this time and takes pictures of the part in its white clothes. She gets attacked by a crow but recovers enough to take a picture. She is then knocked down and we see her camera take odd pictures before falling to the wayside. When she lands, she’s dead. The snow picks up again, covering our Snow Queen. Some poor parks department schmo comes by and finds her. He’s pretty unperturbed by it, but then again, if he works for the city, he’s probably seen it before. Flack, Mac and Hawkes show up and rule out burglary gone wrong. Hawkes thinks she bled out but there’s no blood pool. Mac brushes the snow next to her—there’s the blood pool. Hawkes finds a puncture wound, Flack finds the camera.

CUE THE WHO! *Note: They will be the halftime act this Super Bowl Sunday.*

We come back to Snow Queen, being carted away to meet the Awesome Sid. Hi, Sid! Hey, the dad from The Nanny’s going to show up in this! Anyway, Sid studies the puncture wound and he finds a mark that may be a part of the weapon. Snow Queen is still a Jane Doe, so I get to keep calling her Snow Queen for a bit longer! Sid found some dried blood that doesn’t seem to be from the victim.

Meanwhile, we watch a photograph develop as Danny has been locked in the dark room and given the task. Stella interrupts. Danny says he feels old and Stella hopes it isn’t from aches and pains. It’s because Adam didn’t know how to develop film. So, that’s why Danny did it. After slapping Adam. Stella and Danny zero in on a guy they think may be the boyfriend. They decide to use the photos to retrace Snow Queen’s steps. They may find her identity. Flack and Stella immediately start at a fountain…holy crap, this episode was written by Carmine Giovinazzo AKA Danny Messer! Oh wait, that would be his cousin, who has the same name. Confusing. Anyway, back to the crime…Flack finds a tube of chapstick. Stella and Flack continue on and stumble upon an apartment building. Maybe someone knows her there. In fact, the doorman does—her name is Estelle. I shall still call her Snow Queen. He didn’t think too much of Ice Queen not coming home, but figured she stayed with her boyfriend—Keith. Doorman also reveals that Snow Queen was British. He also reveals that Snow Queen also had a late night visitor. A male visitor. An older male visitor.

Mac gets to interrogate Keith. They met in Central Park, aww. He saw Estelle the day before. Mac asks why Keith and Ice Queen didn’t walk in the park the night prior like they do that. Keith says they argued a few days ago and Mac wonders if her late night, older male visitor had something to do with it. Keith says that it wasn’t that, but that Snow Queen was acting weird lately and he wanted to know why. Keith breaks down and thinks he could’ve protected her if he was with her.

New York City at night. It’s always so pretty. Of course, I’m biased. Hawkes tests the dried blood. It was from multiple donors. That’s a big fleck! One of the donors has a rap sheet: Billy James, assault and battery. We go to a tattoo parlor where some chick (?) is getting “Jackson” tattooed on her neck. Billy is surprised to hear that Snow Queen was dead. He has a scar on his wrist, like Snow Queen. He sucks at coming up with an alibi—he was working late, doesn’t remember the time. Flack and Hawkes confiscate his guns.

It’s Maxwell Sheffield and Finola Hughes! Hi, guys! They cry after identifying their daughter. Mr. Sheffield says they spoke to Snow Queen two days ago; she loved New York and she loved photography. We learn that Mr. Sheffield’s mother lived in New York, which is why Snow Queen moved here. They are broken up.

And that’s all we’ll see of Finola Hughes of this episode!

Lab zoom! Hawkes tests Billy’s guns on a pig. He compares the puncture marks to the ones found on Snow Queen. No matches. Stella comes in to reveal that Billy James may suck at alibi forming, but he was telling the truth. Sid waits for Mac in his office, surprising the detective. Sid was bugged by Snow Queen’s scar, it was familiar. It was from a cutting ceremony, part of a cult. Sid delivers his findings: Snow Queen may have been killed by a vampire.

Come on. Really?

Sid continues talking about vampires. Sanguine Vampires—it’s a religion, not just goth kids having fun. Wait, didn’t CSI: Mothership already do this a bajillion seasons ago? CARMINE’S COUSIN! Be original. Sid can use the world wide web and thinks Snow Queen was part of a blood exchange. Mac realizes that so was Billy James and Maxwell Sheffield. Just because he was in that Disney movie, “Mom’s Dating a Vampire”…Sid is fascinated, Mac wants to solve his case.

Flack is relieved that Snow Queen has a bed, not a coffin. Imagine if they were investigating Abby from NCIS? Hmm, Gary Sinise vs. Mark Harmon. Anyway, Danny wonders why people turned to vampirism and is probably making a note for when Lucy hits her teenage years. Danny is surprised to find a used role in the fridge. So, he develops it. Stella and he spot Billy and an unhappy Keith. There was an older guy there and Snow Queen was by him in one of the pictures. Perhaps he was Snow Queen’s late night, older male visitor. Stella spots something in the picture and hypothesizes it might be the murder weapon.

I’d like to point out it’s been a half hour and Lindsay hasn’t shown up yet. Where is she, show?

Anyway, Mac intercepts Mr. Sheffield at the Regent Hotel. He shows Maxwell some pictures but Mr. Sheffield insists he doesn’t know anyone. So Mac inspects his left arm. He wants to know more about the scar and his “faith.” Mr. Sheffield reveals the older man is named Joseph. They met at a haven many years back—a safe place for the vampires. Joseph is a master and was keeping an eye on Snow Queen, as a favor to Mr. Sheffield. He reveals that when he and SNow Queen talked, she did sound off. Worried. He talks about the scar coming from a small, silver object--

“An ankh!” Danny reveals. Stella backstories that it’s the Egyptian symbol for life and death. Fitting.

New York! In the snow! We zoom into a haven. Some woman is with Joseph, probably about to join the cult. DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID! He sterilizes her arm and I think this became a goth thriller. What have you been reading and/or watching, writer? And did Joseph just compare himself to a god? Anyway, he cuts her, the others look on vaguely interested. Flack and Danny storm the meeting. Flack leads Joseph out, making sure he won’t bite. Danny picks up the ankh/murder weapon.

Now it’s Joseph’s turn in the interrogation room with Mac. Joseph owns a blood bank. Irony? And why is the episode filled with Brits and everyone approving on vampirism either British or a goth? Someone’s been watching BBC America on Supernatural Saturday again, hasn’t he? Joseph says he only cared for Snow Queen and we see her joining the cult, a very erotic scene. When Joseph says he’s deeply disturbed by Snow Queen’s death, Mac says, “You are deeply disturbed. I’ll give you that much.” ZING!

Hawkes tells Stella that Danny found Snow Queen’s missing ear part in Joseph’s fridge. Eww. Hawkes goes to study the ankh. He runs all sorts of tests on the thing and comes back: with Snow Queen’s DNA amongst a million other donors. Snow Queen’s blood is still recent and the ankh matches the puncture wound on Snow Queen’s neck. Mac and Hawkes are like “Yes, we got him!” And then Danny comes in to reveal that the ear part indicates it wasn’t Joseph. Mac figures it means Joseph had some help.

Seriously, where is Lindsay? I guess this was one of Anna Belknap’s episodes off?

Clouds! Zoom down into New York. Someone pulls up our key players: Snow Queen, Joseph, Keith, Billy and Mr. Sheffield. Stella and Danny want to add Dracula. Mac does try to keep an open mind. Joseph claims that the ear part was planted and is threatening to sue. Mac stares at Hawkes’ neck, then his wrist. They found Keith’s DNA on the ankh, but no scare on his wrist. He was only in one picture and the chapstick could’ve fallen out while he was running out of the park.

The writer’s studied his crime drama formula: Suspect #1 leads to Suspect #2/Red Herring #1 leads to Suspect #3/Red Herring #2 back to Suspect #1/The Guilty Party.

So back to interrogation! Keith and Mac talk again. This time, Mac asks about the haven. We go back to Snow Queen’s initiation. Keith stares at Joseph’s intimate gestures, Snow Queen’s erotic reactions. Keith thinks Joseph stole her from him. He was disgusted by the Sanguine Vampires. Mac thinks he took out the frustration on Snow Queen, attacking her in the park. He bit her ear and set up Joseph. Keith insists he was trying to save her. He pleads ignorance. Mac doesn’t like it as an excuse.

Mac goes back to the park to talk with Mr. Sheffield. He gives him Snow Queen’s last pictures. Where did they put Fiona? Mr. Sheffield loves his daughter’s work and as Mac walks out of the park, he sees Snow Queen taking pictures as Keith gets his mug shot taken. When did this become Cold Case?

Next week: Danica Patrick?

It’s been a while since I’ve recapped CSI: NY—laptop woes and then I never just got around to it. But I’m back! This was a pretty good episode, even if it rips off CSI: Mothership and Lindsay was a bit lacking. Not even an explanation. But whoever did the visuals was great and really got the beauty of the city during the winter.

Quote of the Episode:

“I guess you guys don’t want NYPD tattooed on your arms, do you?” –Billy James to Flack and Hawkes.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame…

The year 2030: Future!Ted talks about how people deal with nerves. Barney imagines he’s being interviewed by famed sportscaster Jim Nance about his sport—seduction. This leads into Barney randomly pointing at a woman and running away as Robin walks in. Her date didn’t go so well, particularly since he’s obsessed with the Smurfs. Ted notes Barney’s already done. The next night, Barney goes after conquest #2 while Robin asks how she should deal with her date calling back. Ted says that as long as she doesn’t embarrass the guy in front of 26 students and 1 TA. Cut to: Ted’s first day of the new semester, where he is taking roll. He tells the class that they need to get some creativity as that their fake name is lame: Cook Poo. A young Oriental girl says “here” and continues to do so while Ted lectures about classic fake names. She eventually leaves in tears while Ted realizes it’s a real name. Back at MacLaren’s, the gang laughs.

Barney also imagines that when he’s not around, this is what the gang says:

Robin: “He was the best sex I ever had.”

Ted: “He’s the best friend I ever had.”

Lily: “He’s what I wish Marshall was.”

Marshall: “He’s what I wish I was.”

On the third night, Barney goes in for his kill while the others stay behind and watch. Lily and Marshall talk about how they are looking for another couple to date since they lost Barney and Robin. And Ted and STella. And Ted and Robin. And Ted and Victoria (who could still totally be the mom, right?). Which leads to our Exchange of the Episode (see below). Anyway, Lily and Marshall thought they had found the perfect couple when, after a story about the wife’s toothbrush, Marshall says the same thing happened to “our toothbrush.” Ted, Robin, and the couple are aghast to learn that they use the same toothbrush. I have to add: Eww.

Barney leaves, three for three. Ted notes that he’s on his way toward something…Marshall shushes him…Jim asks what that was. Barney replies, “I was heading for a perfect week.”

CREDITS!

Jim and Barney go over how perfect weeks end: Partner drops the ball (Ted spilling wine). A wrong suggestion. And distraction. On Day Four, Robin is still freaking out about not getting called back by her Gargamel-hating date. Ted is still upset that Cook didn’t return. The gang makes fun of her name again. Ted and Robin mock Lily and Marshall’s usage of one toothbrush. And they reveal they’ve been using one toothbrush since living with Ted. Ted is shocked, saying there was always just one toothbrush in the bathroom—his. He comes to the realization quickly and tries to clean his mouth with a napkin. I repeat: Eww.

On Day Five, they play the sports music while Ted munches on a hot dog and beer. Robin, Lily and Marshall join them. Marshall reveals that a big merger Barney was responsible for fell through and he was reamed out by the boss that day. Marshall reveals that Barney’s job is on the line and there was a big vote at the end of the week. Lily wants to go confront Barney about this but Ted blocks her. He goes in and helps Barney pick a girl to be Number 5. At the apartment, we learn that Day Six, he eventually picked up a hairdresser at a Staten Island’s Chili’s. I might know the one they’re talking about…Lily tells Barney that they know about his job. She then shouts “Perfect week” over and over until Barney leaves, hissing. Ted reveals that Cook is never coming back to class, Robin wishes her Smurf-loving date would call and Marshall is just reeling.

Jim interrupts to ask if Barney has ever used performance enhancing drugs. He says “no,” but has been offered. By poor Marshall who needed to run to the hospital.

On the Last Day, Lily cursed Barney. Just as he was about to close the deal, a member of the 2009 World Champion New York Yankees walks into MacLaren’s.

The gang is amazed that Nick Swisher walked into MacLaren’s. Robin doesn’t understand the appeal until Lily puts him into context using the Vancouver Canucks. “Barney’s screwed.” They comfort Barney before realizing that Barney’s perfect week was distracting them, Lily decides to go help Barney. Lily trips, intercepting Number Seven. Another girl though offers to get ice. So Marshall, Ted and Robin jump into Swisher’s booth and offer that Lily and Marshall share a toothbrush. Swisher finds that sweet, validating Marshall and Lily. I still think it’s gross. Robin pretends to understand baseball till Swisher admits he loves hockey. She offers: “I live right upstairs.”

Meanwhile, Barney scores Number Seven and everyone celebrates. The next day, Jim and Barney argue before Barney finds out that his job is safe. The gang celebrates at MacLaren’s, complete with hats that read “Seven in Seven Down.” Ted says that he’ll even tell his children about how Uncle Barney slept with seven women in seven days in a row. We cut to 2030: “I’m a bad dad, aren’t I?” I’m surprised the kids didn’t nod.

Tag: WENDY! Where have you been? Anyway, Wendy says there’s an order for Cook Poo while Ted is over the joke. He mocks the name and says it over. Poor Cook Poo is standing by the bar, ready to cry again.

Overall a good episode. I liked the sports analogies and was impressed they actually got a Yankee on the show. Too bad it wasn’t Texeira. I have his shirt!

Exchange of the Episode:

“Geez, Ted, when are you going to get your act together?”

“How did we end up here?”

--Marshall and Ted.