Blood Suckers

Last week: Top Model ripped off Cash Cab, with Toccarra hosting a fashion-inspired quiz show. The winners got their own go-see, with Simone winning. The losers took inventory. After a dance inspired shoot, Ren landed in the bottom two with Brenda. Ren asked to leave and Tyra obliged. Who will be eliminated tonight? Find out!

Wanna be on top?

Brenda complains about her dance and wonders about what new look Tyra is going to get her. She misses her long hair. Brenda is Jaeda 2.0! Sans the tears.

Tyra Mail! “When things don’t go your way, sometimes you need to improvise.” Someone suggests comedy club. I suggest stranding them in the Bronx and seeing if they can come home. Anslee reminds us she’s a mom, Simone reminds us she’s smart.

The girls go meet Ms. J, introducing the Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv group. The gang watches the show and Brenda gets pulled on to the stage. She fails at shock. Alasia gets delighted scuba-driving. Simone gets to ride a horse depressed. She’s outside her comfort zone. Anslee washes a Ferrari and is paranoid. She was too long. And no one laughed.

Everyone goes home to see Alasia’s best picture. Anslee doesn’t think she should be here and we see a flashback to her flipping out on Ren a few weeks ago.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you are really going to blow up.” Exploding models? YES PLEASE!

Sally Hershberger comes by to fix Brenda’s hair. She mentions shaving it. Brenda, that’s shock!

Sally pulls out the razor and Brenda looks like she’s ready to pass out. Sally calls it 80’s punk. Brenda doesn’t like it. Surprise, surprise.

The girls go to Times Square. Dania Ramirez talks to them on a large screen. They even subtitle her. Come on. Dania walks down the TKTS steps to give them their challenge. She blathers on about modeling in between the lines. Is it a commercial challenge already? Yes, it is. Oh, there will be a voice over but they have to stay true to themselves but appeal to the CoverGirl crowd. Dania reminds them that the winner gets a CoverGirl commercial and she will be seen by thousands of people—who shop in WalMart. But tonight, they will be seen by the thousands of tourists in Times Square. And all they really want to see is The Lion King.

Simone reminds us that she’s smart and modeling is hard. The crowd seems to like Tatianna’s commercial. Brenda finds it harder without her hair. Jessica seems to mess up but gives that “oops” smile. Dania tells them not to hold back. Anslee blames her poor performance on not being able to hear Dania. The winner is Tatianna. Dania felt like she knew her. She gets a CoverGirl shoot in Seventeen Magazine. Congrats, Tatianna.

At home, Anslee talks down to Alasia about how she was dealing with her food—whether or not to refrigerate it. Alasia cannot stand to be talked to as such but then hits below the belt. She asks Anslee how she is raising her daughter. Anslee erupts. Krista, of all people, plays peacemaker. As Alasia leaves, Anslee confesses that she will not take any shots at her mothering and that Alasia is barely a woman herself.

In the Top Model lounge, Bianca and Laura drool over the Times Square challenge.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow, beware of the No-Neck Monster.” Is this going to be like Super Smize? Jessica thinks it’s going to be snakes.

The girls go to a room where a bloodied guy is lying in a bathtub. The girls wonder if they are mistakenly at a crime scene when Mr. Jay appears behind them in his Matrix Halloween costume. He takes off his glasses and what the fuck is up with his make-up? Anyway, he tells them that they will be Vampires, CJ (the hapless guy in the tub) will be their victim. And they will be wearing contact lens that will make them blind. Krista is confused. Neo-Jay sends the girls back to hair and make-up.

A now cleaned-up, normalish looking Jay shows them the tub of blood they will be working in.

Angelea: Plays it like she and CJ were lovers.

Alasia: Mr. Jay calls her sensual. He was impressed.

Alexandra: Looks like it could be the cover of a Harlequin novel. Mr. Jay loves her.

Krista: Is told to use her dance skills.

Jessica: Starts off too sweet but switches to hot.

Brenda, meanwhile, can’t get the contact lens in. Anslee has to help her. She starts to have a panic attack. Anslee calls her a baby. Mr. Jay comes in to give her a pep talk. But the male model calms her down.

Brenda: Goes for the lover angle as well. Mr. Jay is impressed.

Tatianna: Has no problem with the blood. The photographer and Jay love her but are a little squeamish.

Raina: Once again, rocks it. Seriously, Raina is way too talented for this competition.

Anslee: Is the one who is called “Romance Cover.” But he starts to like her shots.

Simone: The photographer is bored. Tells her to make it stronger. Mr. Jay tells her to take it extreme. Once the photographer tells her to just feel it, she starts to excel.

Brenda asks if anyone else freaked out about the contact lens. They are interrupted by the Skull and Crossbones. Seriously. I want one model to walk the plank at least once. Please, show?

Shut up, Anslee.

You too, Brenda.

I wonder if my cold is making me less tolerable of these two.

NEW YORK! The girls enter panel…Tyra, what are you wearing NOW? Anyway, there are prizes, there are judges. Nigel, Alasia’s Number 1 Fan and our guest judge is Dania Ramirez from the challenge. Challenge winner Tatianna is up first. Praise all around. Jessica follows. They tell her “less is more,” outfit wise. Tyra loves Jessica’s photo, Nigel and Andre not so much. Alasia is next. Nigel says that she is telling a story with her eyes. Andre loves her legs. Dania says she’s sexy. They wonder about black girls and tubs, Tyra making fun of it. The panel isn’t thrilled with Simone. Tyra tells her to push it. Both Nigel and Tyra wished Angelea threw her head back more—show more neck. Krista follows. Nigel says she looks like she’s levitating, Tyra says the face is wrong. The judges love Raina’s shot. They say she shows a fighter and Raina says she was angry at being bit. The judges say that got it.

Alexandra is next and Andre says he feels “Vampire Romance.” Dania likes her shot. Tyra and Nigel think she has a signature pose but she needs to vary. Everyone loves Brenda’s new hairstyle and she pretends she likes it too. Andre likes the top part of the shot, not the bottom. Anslee is last. Dania says she sees more personality than during the challenge. Anslee says that’s cause she couldn’t hear Dania. The music screeches to a stop. The photo fails to wow as well and Anslee blames her direction. Nigel isn’t pleased.

The judges begin deliberation. They love Tatianna. Andre thinks Jessica is boring, Tyra likes her. Dania doesn’t like Brenda’s picture. Andre only likes her hands. Tyra calls her Soccer Mom with a Cool Hair Cut. Nigel doesn’t like Anslee’s excuses. Tyra likes the male model. They love Raina. I do too. They aren’t pleased with Simone. Tyra thinks she might have to be broken to be made into a model.

ELIMINATION! The girl called first, with the best picture that the girls get to stare at for the next few days is: Alasia. Anslee looks ready to kill someone. Alasia is joined by Raina, Tatianna, Brenda, Alexandra, Angelea, Jessica, and Krista. Anslee and Simone are in the bottom two. Anslee: Amazing bone structure, but last photoshoots were poor. And the judges don’t like excuses. Simone: Strong potential. But she’s not pushing. She’s stuck inside. So who stays? Anslee. Sorry, Simone, but you got pegged as the “Smart Girl.” The Smart Girl never wins! Anslee gets her pictures and places the blame on herself. Tyra tells Simone to study and test.

Simone says she will follow Tyra’s advice. Of course she will.

America’s Next Top Model:

Alasia

Alexandra

Angelea

Anslee

Brenda

Gabrielle

Jessica

Krista

Naduah

Raina

Ren

Simone

Tatianna

Next week: Jessica loves Nigel. Anslee is fighting between modeling and motherhood.

Not much more I can say. I’m just over Anslee. And Raina better win.

Moment of the Episode:

Jessica’s “oops” moment at the end of her CoverGirl commercial.

Vampires of New York City

Central Park. Winter. Looks like it was after that big snow storm last December. I was in the city when it started. By the time my sister and I went from Times Square to Whitehall, there was a nice coating on the ground and it was coming down fast. One woman braves the cold this time and takes pictures of the part in its white clothes. She gets attacked by a crow but recovers enough to take a picture. She is then knocked down and we see her camera take odd pictures before falling to the wayside. When she lands, she’s dead. The snow picks up again, covering our Snow Queen. Some poor parks department schmo comes by and finds her. He’s pretty unperturbed by it, but then again, if he works for the city, he’s probably seen it before. Flack, Mac and Hawkes show up and rule out burglary gone wrong. Hawkes thinks she bled out but there’s no blood pool. Mac brushes the snow next to her—there’s the blood pool. Hawkes finds a puncture wound, Flack finds the camera.

CUE THE WHO! *Note: They will be the halftime act this Super Bowl Sunday.*

We come back to Snow Queen, being carted away to meet the Awesome Sid. Hi, Sid! Hey, the dad from The Nanny’s going to show up in this! Anyway, Sid studies the puncture wound and he finds a mark that may be a part of the weapon. Snow Queen is still a Jane Doe, so I get to keep calling her Snow Queen for a bit longer! Sid found some dried blood that doesn’t seem to be from the victim.

Meanwhile, we watch a photograph develop as Danny has been locked in the dark room and given the task. Stella interrupts. Danny says he feels old and Stella hopes it isn’t from aches and pains. It’s because Adam didn’t know how to develop film. So, that’s why Danny did it. After slapping Adam. Stella and Danny zero in on a guy they think may be the boyfriend. They decide to use the photos to retrace Snow Queen’s steps. They may find her identity. Flack and Stella immediately start at a fountain…holy crap, this episode was written by Carmine Giovinazzo AKA Danny Messer! Oh wait, that would be his cousin, who has the same name. Confusing. Anyway, back to the crime…Flack finds a tube of chapstick. Stella and Flack continue on and stumble upon an apartment building. Maybe someone knows her there. In fact, the doorman does—her name is Estelle. I shall still call her Snow Queen. He didn’t think too much of Ice Queen not coming home, but figured she stayed with her boyfriend—Keith. Doorman also reveals that Snow Queen was British. He also reveals that Snow Queen also had a late night visitor. A male visitor. An older male visitor.

Mac gets to interrogate Keith. They met in Central Park, aww. He saw Estelle the day before. Mac asks why Keith and Ice Queen didn’t walk in the park the night prior like they do that. Keith says they argued a few days ago and Mac wonders if her late night, older male visitor had something to do with it. Keith says that it wasn’t that, but that Snow Queen was acting weird lately and he wanted to know why. Keith breaks down and thinks he could’ve protected her if he was with her.

New York City at night. It’s always so pretty. Of course, I’m biased. Hawkes tests the dried blood. It was from multiple donors. That’s a big fleck! One of the donors has a rap sheet: Billy James, assault and battery. We go to a tattoo parlor where some chick (?) is getting “Jackson” tattooed on her neck. Billy is surprised to hear that Snow Queen was dead. He has a scar on his wrist, like Snow Queen. He sucks at coming up with an alibi—he was working late, doesn’t remember the time. Flack and Hawkes confiscate his guns.

It’s Maxwell Sheffield and Finola Hughes! Hi, guys! They cry after identifying their daughter. Mr. Sheffield says they spoke to Snow Queen two days ago; she loved New York and she loved photography. We learn that Mr. Sheffield’s mother lived in New York, which is why Snow Queen moved here. They are broken up.

And that’s all we’ll see of Finola Hughes of this episode!

Lab zoom! Hawkes tests Billy’s guns on a pig. He compares the puncture marks to the ones found on Snow Queen. No matches. Stella comes in to reveal that Billy James may suck at alibi forming, but he was telling the truth. Sid waits for Mac in his office, surprising the detective. Sid was bugged by Snow Queen’s scar, it was familiar. It was from a cutting ceremony, part of a cult. Sid delivers his findings: Snow Queen may have been killed by a vampire.

Come on. Really?

Sid continues talking about vampires. Sanguine Vampires—it’s a religion, not just goth kids having fun. Wait, didn’t CSI: Mothership already do this a bajillion seasons ago? CARMINE’S COUSIN! Be original. Sid can use the world wide web and thinks Snow Queen was part of a blood exchange. Mac realizes that so was Billy James and Maxwell Sheffield. Just because he was in that Disney movie, “Mom’s Dating a Vampire”…Sid is fascinated, Mac wants to solve his case.

Flack is relieved that Snow Queen has a bed, not a coffin. Imagine if they were investigating Abby from NCIS? Hmm, Gary Sinise vs. Mark Harmon. Anyway, Danny wonders why people turned to vampirism and is probably making a note for when Lucy hits her teenage years. Danny is surprised to find a used role in the fridge. So, he develops it. Stella and he spot Billy and an unhappy Keith. There was an older guy there and Snow Queen was by him in one of the pictures. Perhaps he was Snow Queen’s late night, older male visitor. Stella spots something in the picture and hypothesizes it might be the murder weapon.

I’d like to point out it’s been a half hour and Lindsay hasn’t shown up yet. Where is she, show?

Anyway, Mac intercepts Mr. Sheffield at the Regent Hotel. He shows Maxwell some pictures but Mr. Sheffield insists he doesn’t know anyone. So Mac inspects his left arm. He wants to know more about the scar and his “faith.” Mr. Sheffield reveals the older man is named Joseph. They met at a haven many years back—a safe place for the vampires. Joseph is a master and was keeping an eye on Snow Queen, as a favor to Mr. Sheffield. He reveals that when he and SNow Queen talked, she did sound off. Worried. He talks about the scar coming from a small, silver object--

“An ankh!” Danny reveals. Stella backstories that it’s the Egyptian symbol for life and death. Fitting.

New York! In the snow! We zoom into a haven. Some woman is with Joseph, probably about to join the cult. DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID! He sterilizes her arm and I think this became a goth thriller. What have you been reading and/or watching, writer? And did Joseph just compare himself to a god? Anyway, he cuts her, the others look on vaguely interested. Flack and Danny storm the meeting. Flack leads Joseph out, making sure he won’t bite. Danny picks up the ankh/murder weapon.

Now it’s Joseph’s turn in the interrogation room with Mac. Joseph owns a blood bank. Irony? And why is the episode filled with Brits and everyone approving on vampirism either British or a goth? Someone’s been watching BBC America on Supernatural Saturday again, hasn’t he? Joseph says he only cared for Snow Queen and we see her joining the cult, a very erotic scene. When Joseph says he’s deeply disturbed by Snow Queen’s death, Mac says, “You are deeply disturbed. I’ll give you that much.” ZING!

Hawkes tells Stella that Danny found Snow Queen’s missing ear part in Joseph’s fridge. Eww. Hawkes goes to study the ankh. He runs all sorts of tests on the thing and comes back: with Snow Queen’s DNA amongst a million other donors. Snow Queen’s blood is still recent and the ankh matches the puncture wound on Snow Queen’s neck. Mac and Hawkes are like “Yes, we got him!” And then Danny comes in to reveal that the ear part indicates it wasn’t Joseph. Mac figures it means Joseph had some help.

Seriously, where is Lindsay? I guess this was one of Anna Belknap’s episodes off?

Clouds! Zoom down into New York. Someone pulls up our key players: Snow Queen, Joseph, Keith, Billy and Mr. Sheffield. Stella and Danny want to add Dracula. Mac does try to keep an open mind. Joseph claims that the ear part was planted and is threatening to sue. Mac stares at Hawkes’ neck, then his wrist. They found Keith’s DNA on the ankh, but no scare on his wrist. He was only in one picture and the chapstick could’ve fallen out while he was running out of the park.

The writer’s studied his crime drama formula: Suspect #1 leads to Suspect #2/Red Herring #1 leads to Suspect #3/Red Herring #2 back to Suspect #1/The Guilty Party.

So back to interrogation! Keith and Mac talk again. This time, Mac asks about the haven. We go back to Snow Queen’s initiation. Keith stares at Joseph’s intimate gestures, Snow Queen’s erotic reactions. Keith thinks Joseph stole her from him. He was disgusted by the Sanguine Vampires. Mac thinks he took out the frustration on Snow Queen, attacking her in the park. He bit her ear and set up Joseph. Keith insists he was trying to save her. He pleads ignorance. Mac doesn’t like it as an excuse.

Mac goes back to the park to talk with Mr. Sheffield. He gives him Snow Queen’s last pictures. Where did they put Fiona? Mr. Sheffield loves his daughter’s work and as Mac walks out of the park, he sees Snow Queen taking pictures as Keith gets his mug shot taken. When did this become Cold Case?

Next week: Danica Patrick?

It’s been a while since I’ve recapped CSI: NY—laptop woes and then I never just got around to it. But I’m back! This was a pretty good episode, even if it rips off CSI: Mothership and Lindsay was a bit lacking. Not even an explanation. But whoever did the visuals was great and really got the beauty of the city during the winter.

Quote of the Episode:

“I guess you guys don’t want NYPD tattooed on your arms, do you?” –Billy James to Flack and Hawkes.